Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Forced marriage – please help

Forced Marriage and Islam

Forced Marriage and Islam

I have been in a forced marriage all my life. I am 19 and I am studying at uni and my mum wants me to marry my cousin. He is not practising whilst i am and he has anger problems.

I kept telling my mum I dont want to marry him but she beats me up and curses me and tells Allah to take me away and that i dont be happy in my life. She told me that i am dead to her and not to call her mum. 🙁 i am soo sad because she is not talking to me because I am not agreeing to the marriage. But i dont ever want to agree .

She said she will send me to Bangladesh and will force me to marry him because she wont be able to face anyone if i dont. I tried reaching out to everyone but noone seems to help even my family member i just get beaten up.
What shall i do?
Will I ever be happy?

jnazmin


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5 Responses »

  1. You choose who you want to marry for starters .Forcing someone into a marriage is illegal and is considered a crime. Its either you warn your mum that what she is doing is wrong or give the police or any kind of authorities a ring to let them know what is going on for your own safety and protection . Am sure you don't want to go back to Bangladesh to get married to someone you don't even love, if the authorities know this they will protect you.I mean your family isn't doing much to help you and they are beating you up which is also considered as abuse. You are 19 and still at uni am 19 too and still at uni and I am far from thinking about getting married you have a lot of things to look up too before getting married like travel the world and stuff have fun and once you get married and have a child its very hard to do all those things, until the child is older and probably by that time you're retired and stuff. Please what ever you do not get married because your mum wants you to, get married because you want to get married because your mum wont be the one in the relationship and besides she probably married who she wanted to and wasn't forced too. even if she was forced to she has no right what so ever to force you into marriage

    all the best, will keep you in my prayers

  2. I am not Bengali, so I don't want to tread on this too hard. I will say. An essential element of an Islamic marriage is consent. It is haram for someone to force you to marry someone you do not want to be married to. If you are in the West, and I am sure even in many Muslim countries, this is illegal. If you are of age, then you have to sign papers. Signing papers under duress makes the contract invalid. Please find the Islamic sources that show forced marriage is illegal and show them to your mom. If she rejects them, the Quran says you are not to follow your parents in haram. Find a Bengali Imam and see what he says.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    Forced marriage has no place in Islam. The consent of both parties is essential for a nikah.

    I'm not sure where you are in the world at the moment, but if you are in the UK, the UK Government has specialist resources available to help people in your situation - you can look at the website at http://www.gov.uk/forced-marriage. There are steps that can be taken to protect you from further harm and to prevent people forcibly taking you out of the country.

    You have the right to choose who you marry. You also have the right to be safe from violence and abuse - you might want to speak with your GP or university tutor about what is happening, as they have a duty of care to help you be safe.

    Have faith in Allah and keep living by Islamic values. Forced marriage is not Islamic, so don't feel you have to do this - stand up for the rights given to you as a Muslimah.

    You will be in my duas.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Salaam Sister, I feel so sorry for you and i pray that Allah rewards you immensely for your bravery (i always pray that I'm oppressed and not the oppressor, if that makes any sense) I would speak to the government body in the link above and if not just go to the police. Its not the best option but SubhaAllah your mum/family have lost the plot.

    Stay Strong and don't give up on your happiness

    A Hakeem

  5. Assalamualaikam,

    Im sorry to hear you are going through this. I went through the same experience so i know exactly how you feel. Islamically you cant be forced to marry. Often parents use emotional or physical abuse to get what they want. But this is wrong you cant let your mum force you to marry someone you dont want. Dony make a decision you will regret for the rest of your life. You will have to tell her you'll tell the police if she forces you and inshallah she will back down. But sister I have to warn you even after you back down most likely you will get more abuse. Is there no one like a khala or mamu that you could ask to speak to your mum. please contact me if you would like any support with this issue.

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