Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I had anal intercourse with my husband while I was drunk

alcoholic drinks, wine, liquor

AOA

i went to a birthday party of one of my friend, everyone was drinking there including my husband. i have never tried alcohol before so i didn't knew how it taste like.

my friend got me orange juice which wasn't orange juice i found out next morning. and after that they keep getting me that. i have few glasses and got really badly drunk.

then we went home and me and my husband had intercourse and i found out next morning that we had anal intercourse as well last night. it bothering me a lot and im so ashamed that i cant ask anyone.

i Google it and found this out:

"Anal sex is haraam. You will be punished. Nikah can only be broken if you give divorce."

Also I read:

AbuDawud Book 005, Hadith Number 2157.
------------------------------
Narated By AbuHurayrah : The Prophet (pbuh) said: "He who has intercourse with his wife through her anus is accursed."

But still it's bothering me and i want anyone to give me the right answer for the mistake i had made even i was not in my senses.

Will this break my nikkha to my husband?

- angel.s


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18 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM -ANGELS-
    Repentance is an act, which purifies the soul and brings the servant closer to His Lord. It puts the heart at rest from guilt. It protects one from falling prey to his desires and lusts and increases his faith.

    AS PER YOUR STATEMENT IT IS SIMPLE MATTER[INTOXICATED BY DECIEVING]YOU SAY BUT THE BITTER TASTE OF SOFT DRINK[IF LIQUOR ISADDED] MAKES A PERSON STOP THEN AND THERE YOU CONTINUED DRINKING IS SURPRISING.

    THE SIN OF ANAL SEX IS GREAT WHICH EVER WAY WE THINK IT IS THE SIN OF THE PEOPLE OF LOT FOR WHICH THE CITY WAS TURNED US SIDE DOWN AND THAT WAS THE GREATEST CALAMITY IN HISTORY AFTER THE NOAHS EVENT-

    THAT IS GREAT SIN AND UNFORGIVABLE SO IT IS CALLED ACCURSED BU ALLAH-

    COMING TO THE REAL ATMOSPHERE THAT IS THE DECIEVING BY MIXING LIQUOR IN
    A SOFT DRINK AND MAKING YOU DRINK AND THEN IN THE INTOXICATION
    STATE IT HAS BEEN DONE-
    Everyone commits sin and does wrong, but Allah is always willing to forgive and He always gives them a chance to repent and seek His forgiveness. A believer should never forget the fact that Allah is so forgiving. If Allah had willed, He could have held everyone accountable for his or her sins, but He has decreed that He shall allow His servants to seek His forgiveness and that He shall in fact forgive who and what He wills. In fact, Allah commands that His servants seek His forgiveness:

    And seek Allahs forgiveness. Certainly, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
    (Surat al-Muzzammil 73:20)

    HERE IF THIS IS A TRUE FACT THEN YOU ARE NOT UNDER THE CURSE -

    THE SIN AND CURSE GOES TO THE ACCOUNT TO YOUR HUSBAND WHO TRIED ON
    YOU WITH HIS INTENTION OF DOING THIS SEXUAL ACT WHICH WAS PRE-PLANNED.

    NOW YOU HAVE ASK FORGIVENESS FROM ALLAH AND AND SEE THAT YOU DONT DO IT AGAIN
    AND BE CAREFUL IN TAKING ANY SOFT DRINK FROM ANYONE OR DRINK IT IF SERVED IN A
    GLASS PARTICULARLY YOUR HUSBAND OFFERS ANYTHING IN FUTURE-

    The Prophet (sallallahu alaiyhi wa sallam) said, The like of these two qualities do not unite in the
    heart of a servant except that Allah gives him what he hopes for and protects him from what he feared.

    Will they not repent to Allah and ask His forgiveness? For Allah is the Forgiving, the Merciful. (Surat al-Maaidah 5:74) And who can forgive sins except Allah? (Surah Ali Imran 3:135)

    HOPE YOU WILL SINCERELY ASK FORGIVENESS AND MAKE YOUR HUSBAND ALSO REPENT AS THIS DISEASE OF ANAL SEX ONCE IT IS NOT AVAILABLE AT HOME HE MIGHT TRY SOME WHERE ELSE IN HIS FRIENDS CIRCLE SEEING THE PARTY WHICH BROUGHT YOU TO THIS SIN-IT SHOWS IT IS COMMON IN THAT GROUP-

    REGARDS

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Just for reference: not all liquor is bitter. There are some that are sweet and using orange juice is a typical way of deceiving people, especially women.

      What gives me the greatest cause for concern is that her husband takes her to haraam gatherings where he gives her forbidden drinks, let's other people do so to her and is allowing her to be victimized by them. Who is to say that she couldn't have been sexually victimized by another person(s) at that party? That's what is truly worrying about her husband's actions. This shows how much he is out of the bounds of Islam. This sister truly need to assess how vulnerable she is in this marriage. As it is also evident that the sexual act was without consent.

      Sister, you have serious trust issues in your marriage and the iman of your husband seems non-existent. You need to ask yourself is this the type of life that you really want? Think carefully about this and realize that you need to return to Allah (swt) for forgiveness, protection and guidance. Insha'allah, your can call your husband will do the same. However, you should not delay in leaving this lifestyle behind.

      • i went to a birthday party of one of my friend, everyone was drinking there including my husband. i have never tried alcohol before so i didn't knew how it taste like.

        my friend got me orange juice which wasn't orange juice i found out next morning. and after that they keep getting me that. i have few glasses and got really badly drunk.

        then we went home and me and my husband had intercourse and i found out next morning that we had anal intercourse as w

        Professor X

        I like the way how you blamed everything on the husband. There is nothing in the text which says that her husband was the one who took her to that party .

        You are jumping on conclusions. Perhaps the husband is also regretful of the actions and wants to repent . Maybe ,it was his first time also . It is really hard to say that his faith is non-existent .That is a very bold statement . You should be careful with using these sort words.

        • Asalaam alaikum,

          The wife clearly said he was drinking with others. So let's suppose that everyone was drinking Orange juice for a minute. How many adults drink Orange juice outside of breakfast? Ever had it with dinner, let alone cake? That's supposing that there wasn't one adult there who wouldn't question drinking an acidic drink in the evening. We would also have to assume that no one saw the liquor bottles, either. Nor would there be beer or stronger liquor. This means someone had the knowledge to mix them up.

          It doesn't matter whether the wife got there on her own or with her husband, as soon as he saw that haram actions and consumption was present, he should have gotten out of there with her. I find it difficult to believe that men want to be leaders of their families, but exercise poor judgement not only with their environments, but with their friends. Men are to be guardians over their wives and even if he was duped into ingesting alcohol, he still showed poor judgement. Lest we should forget, the duties of husbands are actually greater than for wives. Do you suppose you know better than Allah (swt) in this matter?

          Also, according to the shariah, when the woman is insane, she is not guilty of the questionable sex act, but the man has blame, because he knew enough to commit the act. Do you proclaim to know more than the shariah?

          • And thus, it is evident that the people were intending to get her intoxicated. How are such poor friends chosen? The husband knows enough to befriend these people to enjoy their company, but doesn't exercise judgemment of their character beforehand?

            Let me ask a hypothetical question then: would you trust just anyone with your wife's safety, modesty and chastity? That's the duty of the husband.

          • A paragraph written just on assuming things . Allegations without enough evidence .
            Contains elements of poor judgement from your part . Please don't try to take this situation in the direction you wanted. Sorry, but I am not that hasty to judge a person without enough evidence. Assuming things is not my habit .

            Also, according to the shariah, when the woman is insane, she is not guilty of the questionable sex act, but the man has blame, because he knew enough to commit the act. Do you proclaim to know more than the shariah?

            Please quote authentic references from Bukhari or Muslim when you talk about Islam ..

          • Asalaam alaikum,

            So when the poster says her husband was "drinking," you take that to mean that he wasn't drinking alcohol or that he was drinking alcohol without full knowledge?

            Of course, you would also belie the fact that directly after she makes this statement, she refers to the fact she doesn't know what alcohol taste like?

            Try this exercise: Everyone was drinking. I never had milk and didn't know what it tastes like.

            Everyone was drinking. I never had cola and didn't know what it tastes like.

            Everyone was eating. I never had cupcakes and I didn't know what they tasted like.

            Everyone was looking. I never saw penguins and had no idea what they looked like.

            Do you understand that the assumptions of the drinking I gave were for your benefit, because you would have to make those assumptions to draw your conclusion? You would have to assume he wasn't aware of what he was drinking, that he had been duped and there was every reason to wholeheartedly trust the friends.

            Yet, while you proclaim you don't assume anything, you assume that the wife got to the party on her own?

        • An Islamic husbands responsibility is to protect his wife's well being ,as soon as he saw what kind of party it was he should have taken his wife away and he put her in danger islamically by committing anal sex on her,I don't want to hear that he missed and it slipped,ok that act is only an intentional act

  2. ASSALAMALAIKUM -
    I FORGEOT TO MENTION THIS-
    IT IS CORRECT-MR Professor X
    What gives me the greatest cause for concern is that her husband takes her to haraam gatherings-

    1ST AND FOREMOST IS THIS POINT WHEN THE GOING IS IT SELF WRONG AS PER ISLAMIC POINT VIEW THEN WE MUST 1ST RECTIFY OUR IMAAN BY DISCONNECTING THESE TYPE FRIENDS CIRCLE WHICH IS THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL THE EVILS-

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  3. angel, to answer your last question, it does not break your nikah. You are still married. However, as others have said, there are serious questions about your husband's behavior, and the environments he is exposing you to.

    Others have implied that your husband planned this event, but there's no proof of that in what you have said. Still, it does show extremely poor judgment on his part, and a serious lack of faith.

    Secondly, these "friends" of yours are not friends at all. They deceived you and got you drunk, probably just for a laugh. These are sick people and you should not be associating with them.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Brother Wael

      While I agree it shows a lack of judgement on her husband's part, we don't know for sure that it shows a lack of faith. Her husband may be regretting this as much or more. it's hard to tell based on the question. Inshallah he has realized the gravity of his errors just as she has.

      American Muslim
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. All sins are forgivable, Allah's mercy encompasses all things. All you need to do is repent, don't give into shaytan's lies and whispers that prevent you from repenting.

    This shows how one thing leads to another and why we need obey shari'a as it cuts off the paths to evil.

    You go to a haram gathering, take a drink you don't know is alcohol, get drunk and you end up committing even more haram by having anal sex.

    The good thing is Allah knows your intentions, this will teach you a lesson NEVER to disobey the prophet peace be upon him's commands.

    1.) make wudhu
    2.) pray 2 rakah
    3.) after you finish raise your hands and make du'a sincerely repenting to Him, Allah.
    4.) swear to Allah that you will never a get drunk again
    5.) you had anal sex while you were drunk, make du'a to Allah for forgiveness and explain to Allah in all honesty your condition, deeds are accountable to those aware who intend them, if you were inebriated then Allah knows your intentions, still repent to Allah sincerely and swear you will never intentionally have anal sex.
    6.) never again go to a mixed, alcohol infested haram gathering like this again
    7.) tell your husband never to take you to a gathering like that again and teach him that it is forbidden in Islam to go to things like this wa`Allaho`a`lim
    8.) make sure you are praying all of your salah and do qadha for the prayers you missed during that event.

    Try and read more Qur`an generally sister, I am very sorry you going through that, just see how Allah disgraced you through these things and see how dignified you are with Islam compared to the embarrassment of the acts of kufr that shaytan spreads may Allah safeguard us from him.

  5. I agree with professor x advise
    Sister you need to stay away from these people they are no friends and alcohol is not allowed in Islam it is haraam. Be careful and this isn't your fault what’s more disturbing is your husband has no shame and no care of your welfare I am just shocked reading your reply for once I don’t know what to say except ask allah's forgiveness and no this does not break your nikkah.

  6. People are so judgmental! Mistakes happen, Allah forgives! And her sin was unintentional!

  7. ASOA brothers and sisters, even when I am writing this my heart beats increased and I get stressed and feel as if I have lost the chance to ask for forgiveness from Allah swt. I feel ashamed and can't even describe how to express my repellence. May Allah forgive me for saying this, but as a human I and my wife too made shameful mistakes by engaging in anal s on a quite a few occasions, I always knew that there different opinions among so scholars, some giving tafseer of prophet pbuh interpreting it that it's not haram but macroh, to summarise I'm not tryig to say I was fully happy with I used to do and after those acts I always felt very bad in myself and said to my wife that we should not do this act again, but I had made committed the same sin again on many occasions in the past as my wife was in full consent with this act that I now fully realise how sinful act it is. From thisoment onwards I have asked for wholeheartedly forgiveness from Allah swt and I will also tell my wife to do the same and ask for forgiveness following a dedicated prayer for this purpose only.

    I understand and do believe no doubt Allah swt is merciful but I am deeply stressed and more than worried to read from your threads that those who commit this sin are curssed and will not be forgiven. I would really be most thankful to any Muslim scholar or one with enough knowledge on this subject as to whether we have lost our chance to ask for forgiveness, perhaps I could be more assured if the answer for my repetence was referred to any related verses of Holly Quran or Hadith of our beloved prophet bpuh.

    May Allah forgive me and my wife. Today I have intended to change the way I will be living the rest of my life.

  8. Assalamualaykum brothers and sisters...

    ALLAH swt knows better what is in everyones heart and their intentions so lets not blame anyone, my ALLAH swt is GAFOORUR RAHIM and he will forgive all of us...

    Its Haram so Ask ALLAH for forgiveness and my ALLAH will forgive thats a 101% assurity .....ALLAH swt loves us equivalent to 70 mother and i am so sure that he will forgive all of us ...

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