I want to marry him but his grandmother is against it because I am Pakistani
There is no place for racism in Islam
Assalam O Alaikum,
Dear brothers and sisters in islam.
I am in a dilemma and wish to seek for help.
I have liked a guy, and he is of a Gujarati culture. i myself am Pakistani. He is from a very disciplined and Islamic background. Well i have known this person for 3 years. we wanted to settle down, after his first sibling got married. His parents were aware that he wants to marry me and so did his family. My siblings knew but not my parents. At his siblings wedding his grandmother somehow was told that her grandson wants to marry a Pakistani. She was very angry about this and had clearly told her grandson that he should forget about me, and she will not allow him to marry a Pakistani girl under any circumstances.
Now, I still want to marry this person. We are waiting for her to settle with matters. I have not judged their family in any way as it could be his grandmother has a valid reason. She is elder in age and her life experiences may have caused her to dislike Pakistani people. But still I feel that I should be given a chance at least. His parents will not agree unless their mother is happy. And even I want this too, without an elders blessings, without their happiness a marriage cannot have that same happiness and joy. I have stopped talking to this person and have left my troubles with Allah. I believe and trust his decision and feel that my patience will have some positive outcome. I am, I don't know I want this to happen, to break a cultural barrier. I feel this in a sense will unite the ummah. People even in Islam make stereotypes about their brothers and sisters in Islam and it isn't fair. A person should be recognized for their qualities, their manners and most importantly their deen.
Is there anything else i can do? Any dua that i could pray.
I appreciate you all for listening.
Jazakallah
2 - All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves".
serene7
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serene, As-salamu alaykum,
In my opinion, if the young man wants to marry you, he should come to your home and make a proposal. His proposal should be considered seriously by your family, and his character should be evaluated as a human being, not as a Gujarati, Pakistani or anything else.
Your grandmother's opinion is not relevant in this matter because it is based on racism. In Islam we must not be influenced by such sectarian attitudes, as you know very well.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaams,
Brother Wael, it seems it's his grandmother who is keeping him and his family from coming to her family and offering a proposal. It sounds like her family is supportive of their potential marriage.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Oh, you're right. I read it wrong. Well then it's really up to the young man, isn't it? He can proceed with a proposal, ignoring his grandmother's racist views. Or he can allow himself to be controlled or influenced by her.
I'm not sure what you can do about it, serene.
If the man is not willing to go against his grandmother's racist attitudes, then he doesn't deserve you anyway. He's not someone who will stand up for himself or for you, or who can be counted on to do the right thing.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salamu'alaikum,
Sister serene7, you have done the best possible thing - " I have stopped talking to this person and have left my troubles with Allah."
Alhamdulillah!
You are aware of the dislike Pakistanis and Indians for each other. Some Indians even hate the mention of Pakistanis. As a child living in India, whenever the mention of Pakistan was done, I thought it was something disgusting. This was because the environment around me, the people there.
I also remember that just for fun, the elders used to say to little girls "You will be married to a Pakistani" and the girls used to cry out loud. lol... They probably thought it was a punishment.
It is a mental block of many Indians have, that all Pakistanis are bad.
It is possible that the boy's grandmother has some kind of dislike for Pakistan/Pakistanis, which may or may not have a reason. And maybe this barrier was created in during or after 1947; Allah Knows Best.
Sister, it is very difficult to convince old people. But I think it will be great if you can visit the boy's mother occasionally, see his grandmother and ask her well-being, in an attempt to make her like you and maybe accept you as an exception 🙂 (considering that she is not convinced that Pakistanis can be good, too)
If it doesn't work, then perhaps you should continue with your trust in Allah Subhaanah and move ahead.
Allah Knows Best
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
If the family is supportive of the marriage they should go ahead, but it seems to me like they are more supportive of the old granny.
If a man needs his entire khanaad to hold his hand when he sends a proposal, what's he going to do if there is any conflict between his wife and family? The wife will spend her whole life trying to keep the entire family happy in case they make problems for her, because they have so much influence with the husband.
Unless he has the means convince his family by himself, this type of man is best avoided.
His grandmother is foolish for real. Pakistani, Bangladesh, Independant India were part of the same country called BRITISH INDIA. Plus the founder of pakistan was karachi gujarati aga khani ismaili Muhammad Ali Jinnah. So his grandmother is rejecting a Gujarati like herself. Some Indian and Pakistanis are dumb as hell thinking they are different people. Kind of like how Saudi will think he's different race than a Yemeni, when they both are Arabs.