Guidance from Allah swt or mother’s Wishes?
Decisions.
Salam Alykum, i am am a young muslim man who got my girlfriend pregnant. in a rash decision and for fear that we would not be able to give the child the life it deserved, and the stigma and disgrace our families would suffer...we aborted the pregnancy. It was relatively early...6 weeks in.
As I have mentioned we regret this so much now and have since turned to Allah swt for his mercy and In Sha Allah vowed not to ever land ourselves in such a situation again. May Allah swt grant us both forgiveness.
in a bid to put things right and to prevent such an instance occurring again, I spoke to my family about getting married to her. I have not told my mother about the abortion as she would disown me and refuse to see my face ever again. I don't think I could live with myself in such a situation. I want to serve my mother for as long as I live and with the passing of my father a couple of years ago, I have grown too close to her to let her go.
My mother is not happy with me marrying my girlfriend, and her reasons are that she does not suit me in physical appearance, she is dark I am fair, she is short I am tall, she has a skin disorder and she is two years older than me.
My mum also believes that choosing someone you want to marry is wrong and after much discussion she has said that she will only allow me to marry my girlfriend if after marriage I move out of the house because she cannot accept my girlfriend as her daughter-in-law.
This is hurt me upset me very much but I tried to move away from the thought of marrying my girlfriend. However I cannot get this out of my head and the issue of the abortion makes me feel as if the only way I can make that sin forgiveable is to make my girlfriend my wife. To get some guidance from Allah swt, I performed istikhara on three separate occasions and I had three positive dreams after, as well as a growing feeling in my heart that I should pursue the marriage.
I then consulted a scholar of Islamic teachings and asked if it is right for me to pursue this even though my mum is so adamant against this. He advised me that i should attempt to tell her the truth of everything, but that in principle I should marry this girl regardless of the consequences and do everything in my power and ability to pacify and make a mend with my mum.
I am now stuck between the two. Do I follow the guidance I have been given in my istikhara ? Or do I ignore it and not marry this girl to keep my mum happy? Do I marry this girl and risk ruining my relationship with my mother and my hopes of reaching Jannah one day In Sha Allah ? Or do I leave this girl and her family to be disgraced in life?
this has been keeping me awake for many nights now and I am conscious I have to make a decision sooner rather than later.
please help me with some advice brothers and sisters.
JazakAllah
- insaan23
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AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother,
If you performed istikharah and then still have the growing feeling in your heart to proceed then follow the guidance of Allah.
Base on what you said, your mum has not given any good Islamic reasons to prevent you from marrying the girl. It only depends on what you like. You wouldn't have gone near her if you didn't like her look, and plus both of you have repented and are on the right path.
So if you can marry her without your mum, do so and then try to fix things between you and your mum.
Hope this helps inshaAllah.
I would say the same as brother Issah
Why are you with her if you didn't want to marry her in the first place? You can't just forget about the girl just because your mum doesn't approve of her for petty reasons. Do not marry the girl just for the sake of it, if you feel like you will be marrying her because you feel guilty of what happened then don't bother. If you've both repented then inshallah your both forgiven, god will bless her with a good man inshallah and you can go and do whatever your mother wants.
Brother,listen to the advice of the other comments. In addition, you said "Do I marry this girl and risk ruining my relationship with my mother and my hopes of reaching Jannah one day In Sha Allah." Paradise lies within your mothers feet but it doesn't mean you obey her on unIslamic terms. Are you going to marry based on the terms given by your mother or for yourself? You have made a mistake and asked for forgiveness. You are now playing with the same persons heart if you are going to marry her or not. Don't play with someone else heart if you are unsure about marrying him/her. This is going to be another mistake and you have to take the action for it. I'm not blaming you or accusing you at all brother but think of it like this; when you got your girlfriend pregnant, you didn't think about the consequences but now when you are trying to marry your girlfriend, you are thinking about them. If you truly love her and both of you are taking Allahs path, then your mother has no right to say no based on unIslamic terms. She will be upset because she didn't get her way but it doesn't mean you will go to Jahanam because you made her upset. I pray everything goes well for you brother and follow your heart and Islam 🙂
Assalamalaikum
If you have got positive Response from ALLAH SWT through istikhara about marrying that girl (your girlfriend)then YOU MUST MARRY THE GIRL.Mother is Not above ALLAH SWT.you must Listen to ALLAH's guidance and marry the girl and then if you pray to ALLAH SWT after listening to HIS guidance HE will IA settle your matter wirh your mother also totally inshaALLAH