Can I keep him as my boyfriend if we are not doing haraam
Assalamualaykum
I am at the University and since 2 years a friend and I have fallen in love with each other.
We have planned to get married in 5 years because at present we are still studiyng, the guy does not have a job and our parents will object for a marriage at this stage. This means our status is that of a boyfriend and girlfriend.
We are both honest and sincere towards each other. We do not neglect the pillars of Islam. In our eyes, we are perfect for each other. We know dating is wrong and without nikah, we cannot touch each other and so on.
We have taken a firm decision of not touching each other and to keep away from all the unlawful acts till we have not contracted the nikah. When we meet in University, we send salaam on each and engage in some talks. That's all.We do not even kiss each other on the cheeks. We joke and tease each other while talking,nothing more. We like to discuss about life. We talk about our family, relatives and friends.
I want to know if we can keep on this relationship going like this till we get married?
I know we are not allowed to talk with non-mahrams but since we are keeping away from all haraam things before nikah,can we keep this relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend?
We are very happy with each other and we really wish to get married to each other.
- Muslimah19
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Walaykumsalaam Sister,
I do not agree with long term engagements. I always think that if two people are happy with each other and want to marry, nikah should be done as soon as possible - and this is the Islamic way too. Prolonging such a relationship can only lead to fitnah, not matter how strong you are.
I appreciate your parents do not want you to marry yet, but if the reason behind their delay is just because they want you to complete your studies first, I think you should push your parents to marry you sooner. They are ignoring that you both study together and like each other. This could be a recipe for disaster.
A marriage can really be as simple as you make it but it can also be as lavish and costly as you want to make it. If you are both still studying, then live simple. Is it not possible for one set of parents to agree for you both to live in their house - the parent who has more space in the home? If you do your nikah now, you will be able to study while enjoying the companionship of your spouse, without the risk of falling into sin.
To answer your question simply, I do not think it is right for you to continue having a relationship where you meet and talk while you wait five years to get married. I see no logical reason why you cannot marry now. But I see potential problems with you continuing the way you are.
Do Istikhara, along with family members, try to convince your parents and make dua to Allah!
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Excellent advice .
Assalamu alaykum Sister,
Answers to your questions lie here:
Surah 23. Al-Muminun
1. Successful indeed are the believers
2. Who are humble in their prayers,
3. And who shun vain conversation,
When we meet in University, we send salaam on each and engage in some talks. That's all.We do not even kiss each other on the cheeks. We joke and tease each other while talking,nothing more. We like to discuss about life. We talk about our family, relatives and friends.
I want to know if we can keep on this relationship going like this till we get married?
4. And who are payers of the poor due;
5. And who guard their modesty
I know we are not allowed to talk with non-mahrams but since we are keeping away from all haraam things before nikah,can we keep this relationship of boyfriend and girlfriend?
6. Save from their wives or the (slaves) that their right hands possess, for then they are not blameworthy,
7. But whoso craveth beyond that, such are transgressors,
We are very happy with each other and we really wish to get married to each other.
8. And who are shepherds of thee pledge and their covenant,
9. And who pay heed to their prayers.
We have taken a firm decision of not touching each other and to keep away from all the unlawful acts till we have not contracted the nikah.
10. These are the heirs
11. Who will inherit Paradise: There they will abide.
Allah has shown you the way. You should abstain from vain conversations, you should turn to Allah for repentance due to any transgression in ignorance.
You may have "planned" and made "firm decisions", but a lot of our brothers and sisters who suffered the ill effects of "love" also had the same approach.
The advice is bitter but for your own khair sister, Insha Allah. If you take it, Insha Allah, you will save yourself from looking "shameful" to your own self in future and if you ignore it, Allah knows best, the consquences are quite visible on this website.
I wrote something to some other posts, if it interests you, may be you can have a look, Insha Allah:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/being-without-him-is-draining-my-strength-to-live/
May Allah guide you to the Straight Path, a clear road to walk upon, Insha Allah.
Salaam,
Your brother.
best answer.....100% agreed.
comment for brotherrMuniib look bro u r totally misunderstood SORRY to say but u r lay man in case of understanding English translation of Quran i suggest u to learn the real meaning of quran 1st then comment but i agree with the 1st comment from SisterZ <n BROTHERRMUNIIB our prophet Mohamad (p.u.b.h) used to talk to their wife n even smile so to talk is not prohibited but to talk nonsense is. So i think the 1st comment is truth.