Having gay thoughts for 10 years and don’t know how to stop?
Assalam wa Alaikom,
I am a 21 year old Male Muslim and ever since I was 11 I have been having gay thoughts. The reason I got these gay thoughts was through my high school years as it was a same gender school.
Alhamdullilah, I have not done any gay actions with another male but I have this tremendous desire to do so. For the past 10 years I have been masturbating on gay thoughts (usually these gay fantasies include people I know like my close friends although none of them are gay in anyway) as well with different gender thoughts (i.e. thoughts of being with a female) but I came to realize now that my gay thoughts are much stronger.
I have tried to stop twice by reading Quran, praying to Allah, to repent, thinking of having a beautiful woman in my life and to distract myself whenever I get these gay thoughts in my mind.
Unfortunately, for two times I was able to stop; I would stop for a month and then I would go back on having these gay thoughts as eventually it gets to me. I fantasies of being gay with my friends that I can not stop, but the thing is that they are not gay in anyway, one of them (my best friend) is also helping me overcome this problem.
Would having sex with a women help me overcome this problem? I do not know how to stop I am afraid by the time I would get married (around 4 years) I would still have these attractions and unable to be with a women and end up never repenting. Please help me overcome this disease.
May Allah be with you
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