Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He divorced me via text message, is it valid?

divorce three times 150x136 %photo

My husband has cheated on me many times and I caught him many times having physical relations with other women. For that reason we were living seperately. One night he came to know that I knew everything he is doing on internet. He called me middle of night and in extreme anger he abused me and said I divorce you immediately. I closed my cell not to listen more and then he write me three times divorce in message with a big abuse. First I want to know did it happen?? Secondly I am a shia muslim and he is a sunni in this case how should I take this???

-Jess


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10 Responses »

  1. Jess,

    I am going to allow someone else with more knowledge on the issue of divorce to respond to your post as I do not have the answers you seek. However, from one woman to another...you don't need to put up with this man or any man for that matter cheating on you! What kind of man takes a wife only to sleep around like a whore? You are so much better than this and you can do so much better. Shia or Sunni, no woman has to put up with this behavior. Consider it a blessing that he wants divorce you. Many amazing and wonderful Muslim brothers are out there who can be faithful to their wives and good husbands too. I would strongly advise you see your doctor to make certain that this man has not given you a sexually transmitted disease too. Put your faith in Allah to guide you and seriously, see his text as a blessing from Allah. He does not deserve you plain and simple.

    Salam

  2. Salaam.
    Sorry to hear about what your husband has done. I agree that if you are not already divorced then you should if your husbands behaviour is not changing.
    I am afraid I do not know the answer to your question. This is a fiqh issue and we are not qualified here to answer it. I recommend you consult a qualified mufti to find out InshaAllah

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Assalamu alaykum,

    I think sheikhs around the world will say this divorce is valid as the husband has intended divorce and pronounced it by text message

    Also,in Islam 3 divorce annoucements cannot be at one time. So divorce is one divorce and you have to keep the iddah period for it.

    But to me, it seems childish and irresponsible behavior. I mean, she is your wife man, you have gone in to one another, how can you just cut it off by a mere text without even trying to talk, meeting in person, solve the problems in peace?

    My sincere du'aa to Allah is for your khair and happiness sister.

    Try to get things worked out by the permission of Allah. If you do not get peace between the two of you, get separated.

    1. O Prophet! When ye (men) put away women, put them away for their (legal) period and reckon the period, and keep your duty to Allah, your Lord. Expel them not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open
    immorality. Such are the limits (imposed by) Allah; and whoso transgresseth Allah's limits, he verily wrongeth his soul. Thou knowest not: it may be that Allah will afterward bring some new thing to pass.
    2. Then, when they have reached their term, take them back in kindness or part from them in kindness, and call to witness two just men among you, and keep your testimony upright for Allah. Whoso believeth in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act thus. And whosoever keepeth his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him,
    3. And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things.
    - Surah Talaaq.

    I pray to Allah that he reads this Surah and understands it's meaning and acts in the right way.

    Trust Allah, you and we all need to do this and trust Him with all our matters of life and aakhirah.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  4. Thank You Very much my Brother and sisters to advice me really appreciated....
    i was bearing his this attitude after the birth of my son. i even saw his pictures with other women and tried so much to workout this marriage....not only for my child but for myself coz i really loved him so much....i beared alot those things even i cant write here i cried i prayed i ask God for forgiveness coz i hurt my parents hearts and married to him..... i know that nobody can be happy in their lives after hurting thier parents.... even though my parents did my marriage properly and they were there with me and gave me their prayers and everything which every parents do. but i know in their hearts they never like my husband....
    i even ask my parents forgiveness many times whenever my husband hurt me....
    but the way he gave me divorce like i am some kind of trash and he spitted me on my face coz i always told him that if he wana leave me no problem but i dont want divorce in my life.... i will live my life with my son alone....
    it was a love marriage and after all what happend to me i dont believe on love this thing dont exist in this world.....
    but i want to share one thing with my muslims brothers and sisters that whenever i was with him i was away from my God and whenever he hurted me and left me for some time i became close to My God.....
    And after he gave me this Divorce i became so much closer to my God.....some days are there when i feel very low and weak but whenever i feel like this i start reciting quran and reciting God's name '' Ya Hayio Ya Qaumo'' (sorry for spelling mistake) and God help me out to comeout of this grief.....
    @ Munib
    i am in Iddah period as whatever my parents told me to do now i am doing that....
    But my Question is
    Why God made woman heart so weak that if she will love somebody she cant think anything else??she dont wana leave him(Husband) even he is not good with her.....Why every time Women have to suffer???

    i read many times that God Loves His people as 70 mothers love one child.....then How He can give us so much pain which is unbearable.....Why He dont stop us from doing a wrong thing from the begining as He knows which is good for us which is bad.....
    i dont know what i am writing but im trying to share my feelings to have some good advice to satisfy my thinking......
    May God will bless all women in the world and they will Never have the pain that i Got in my Life....May God Bless Everyone...

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Jess,

      Not only women, there are men too who are unable to leave women so easily. We need to understand that it is not easy to love and leave. So once a person loves someone it is hard to leave him/ her.

      This is the reason why we find hard to leave someone we love even if they do hurtful things. Our parents do not leave us because they love us, even if we do wrong. Even Allah does not hate those who do wrong and turn to Him again in repentance.

      So you see, love is a superior feeling, which all people do not understand or value. Allah gives it to whom He wills. On the other hand, the hard hearted people find it easy to move on from one to another.

      Allah Himself says : Peace is better. But He also says, if this peace is not achieved, then "separation" and He would provide from His abundance. This is His promise in the Qur'an.

      He knows well that not all marriages will be " and they lived happily ever after", so He has given us certain rules to be applied at different stages of life, to ease our life and free ourselves from disturbances.

      128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
      129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
      130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing.
      - Surah An Nisaa.

      A woman who follows the words of Allah and trusts Him with her decision based on His words shall find Allah compensating her out of His abundance.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

      • 1st of all Munib, although it wasnt right for him to give her 3 talaaqs at 1 time,that doesnt make it only 1 talaaq! He gave 4 talaaqs,the way I understand it,so she's divorced,divorced,divorced. The 1st two was raj'i where he could take her back,when he gave the third it became a baa'in. It looks like he understood that too(that hes givin her 3 talaaqs).whty else write it out 3 times?He cant take her back in this case and they cannot get married again unless she gets married again.According to the Sunni law anyway.I dont know what happens now with 'halala' as the Shias refute halala rulings. . If a Sunni guy gets married to Ahle Kitaab and gives talaaq it falls. The question is whether the Shiah marriage was valid altogether. It depends on what her beliefs is. Please sister,before you take fatwas from people who dont know the Islamic law,go to a mufti who can explain it.

  5. Sister Jess,

    First of all I am very sorry for what happened to you & I pray that Allah will keep you save & heal your heart with time. I want to answer your question as to why we suffer so much, many of our sins are purified by pain & suffering. Always remember this:

    Abu Hurairah also reports that Allah's Messenger, peace be upon him, said: "For every misfortune, illness, anxiety, grief, or hurt that afflicts a Muslim -even the hurt caused by the pricking of a thorn - Allah removes some of his sins." Ibn Mas'ud said: "I visited the Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, while he had a fever. I exclaimed: 'O Messenger of Allah! You have a high fever! ' He said: 'My fever is as much as two among you [might have]. ' I asked: 'Is it because you have a double reward?' He replied: 'Yes, that is right. No Muslim is afflicted with any hurt, even if it is no more than the pricking of a thorn, but Allah wipes off his sins because of it and his sins fall away from him as leaves fall from a tree'."

    In order for us to go to Jannah we have to have our sins purified otherwise we are not able to get into Jannah. It is better to face a little pain & suffering, whether physical or emotional, in this life than to fall into Hell for many years to purify some of our sins. One day in Hell might be longer than your whole life in this world. I hope this makes you & anyone who are going through grief & pain of any kind, feel some sort of comfort. I always feel comfort thinking of this, when I am in pain I think to myself "My sins are being forgiven" & feel a little bit better. Never forget that this life is a test, always look at it by putting your emotions aside. Noone gets into Jannah without suffering for a bit, in this life, during death, in the grave, etc. Those who suffered the most in this life & who died for Allah might be the first ones entering the gates inshAllah. May we be among them. Alhamdulilah.

  6. Dear sister,

    There are so many conditions for a divorce.
    pregnant anger witnesses arbitration before divorcing
    We can not tell you , please go to a mufti.
    People here do not know what happend from a to z.

    w salaam

  7. Assalam Walaikum Sister,
    I don't know wether this was a true divorce of not, you should be asking a mufti. However, I was very sad to hear your story and want to let you know that you have my prayers to overcome this difficult situation. Allah help you and give you the strength to overcome this disaster for your son.

    I have had tragic situations in my life as well however I felt that becasue of that deep pain and sadness we come closer to Allah and maybe Allah has put you in this situation to bring you closer to him. Everything happens for a reason and MashaAllah, Alhumdullilah Allah has brought you to the right path and will continue to guide you. Allah does love us, much more than we can imagine, and maybe this was to save you from bigger tourcher in the afterlife. You're lucky!

    Allah Bless you and your family,

    Tayyaba

  8. sis i m also a girl, same this situation was happend with me .u cnt imagine and i cnt explane.

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