Islamic marriage advice and family advice

He left my friend, and started being with me

this-hot-date-is-halal

My friend was dating a guy who is a common friend with me. Later he was tortured by her and her family, so he left her and a few days later he got into a relationship with me. He told me he properly broke up with her, but she thinks he did it behind her back. However, the girl wasn't mentally stable at that time and we read in the same section in a medical college.

She fainted crying when she heard this was going on between us, and still gets hurt seeing us together. I tried breaking up with him, but no one lets me do that. The guy thinks I saved him from her torture. She isn't liked by her old friends because of her selfishness and psycho nature, but I've been friends with her and I still am.

What should I do? I'm guilty and the guy and I are in love with each other. I was a bright student but now I'm sinking. Is this Allah's punishment?  What do I do now?

-Iritra


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9 Responses »

  1. OP: I was a bright student but now I'm sinking. Is this Allah's punishment? What do I do now?

    No one can stop you from ending this relationship. This dating will sooner or later lead to haram things.
    This guy may go to another girl after he has used you and tell her you are psycho and properly broke up with you.

    How can you claim be friends with that girl, whose b/f you stole?

  2. Honestly I think that you should break up with the guy because if you are in a relationship with him it will only lead to harram and on the day of judgement when you stand in front of Allah I swear he will not help you nor care about you so is it worth being with him? Leave him for the sake of Allah then you will please Allah sis and Allah will reward you. And your friend, honestly if you cared for her you would break up with that guy.This is not a punishment from Allah but rather a test to show which you will choose, to leave the guy for the sake of Allah and get the pleasure of Allah or stay with him and that could lead to harram.May Allah guide you and give you the strength to choose that which pleases him
    Allah knows best

  3. Omg!!
    Dont you even know the meaning of friendship?
    The first rule of friendship is you dont cross the line!
    In islam these things are forbiden and for a reason; try conecting with Allah and leave these sins we were born muslims for a reason!
    We are not apart of a religin that allows dating!
    we dont do harm dating!
    And how can the ex girlfriend be a psycho she is doing a medical degree?
    darling there are bigger problems in the islamic world than your issue;
    Like i said try conecting with Allah; once you have truley conected with him there will be no need for this harm stuff in your life.

    • I do know someone who is kinda psycho, mentally unstable and somewhat crazy and still finished her medical degree.

      • Katkuta: I do know someone who is kinda psycho, mentally unstable and somewhat crazy and still finished her medical degree

        A person like that can be dangerous to her patients. I am sure her teachers or co-students must have noticed her crazy behavior.

        • Well those kind of people can act very "normal" . It's just how they act or behave when there is some problem, or they feel insecure or trying to get attention etc. That can be crazy and psycho and really not normal.

      • Assalaamualaikam

        Mental health problems are no different from physical health problems in that having one doesn't mean that person is dangerous or cannot succeed in a career.

        With appropriate support and treatment, a person with a significant health problem can still work in a demanding field such as medicine or law, without their health problem causing major issues (some adjustments may need to be made, but this isn't a barrier).

        For example, someone with a mobility problem (eg. needing to use a wheelchair) may need physical adaptations to the workplace - that doesn't mean that person cannot be good at their job. Someone with severe depression, or bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, may need a more flexible approach to time off, so they can use their sick leave allowance with fewer barriers, and regular contact with occupational health, so that if they become unwell it can inshaAllah be picked up quickly - in order for them to receive help and to check if they need to take time off.

        In many countries, people with mental health problems find that they face discrimination and additional hurdles when they try to find employment - but this shouldn't be the case, and in a growing number of countries legislation is being put in place to help these people.

        1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem at some point during our life, so it is important for us all to be aware that this does not make a person "psycho" or dangerous. People with mental health problems are simply people with health problems (it just happens that their health problem affects the mind).

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Any relationship with this boy is haraam and you should end it repent to Allah swt. Forget about what your friend did what the boy did and just focus on putting yourself on the right path and and if your friend is muslim guide her as well. On a ethical note you should apologise to your friend. No matter what the issue was with her and the guy it was their personal thing and you should not have gotten involved in this web. Nevertheless what has happened from now on correct yourself and move on.

  5. Assalaamualaikam

    Premarital, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are not permissible in Islam. It's as simple as that. If this guy likes you and wants to be with you, he can bring a proposal to your family through halal means - then, if you and your family want to, inshaAllah you can marry and have a halal relationship. You need to be clear in your mind, though, that your relationship as it is now is not Islamically acceptable - the two of you need to stop haram contact and repent for the transgressions that have occurred.

    I think you need to take a look at what has led you into this situation - how did you end up in an environment where people hook up and break up so readily, move on from one partner to another...? This is not what Islam teaches us. Islam teaches that we must respect each other, and not treat our brothers and sisters unkindly or unfairly. Make sure that you avoid such environments in the future, by surrounding yourself with practising sisters, strengthening your deen, and observing appropriate limits with non-mahram men.

    My personal feeling is that you owe this other girl an apology. If you look at things from her perspective, one of her friends has started going out with the guy she liked, just after he broke up with her. It's understandable that she might have concerns that your relationships with him might have overlapped, so try not to judge her too harshly.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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