He promised to marry me, we committed zinaa, and now he’s married another girl!
Betrayal by a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life.
Assalamualaikum,
I am really very depressed. Sometimes I feel like to die because I did sex. I loved a guy since school whose parents gave proposal for me last year. But my parents said no to the proposal which made me sad because I always had a feeling to marry him one day.
I met him at first along with my friends who didnt like him either. He used to text me and call me and even when sometimes I was not used to feel like talking to him. Eventually I told him that his parents gave a proposal for me which my parents rejected and I can't talk to him for that. He said he doesn't know about what his parents did and that he didn't want to lose a friend like me.
Then one day he call me at night to say good bye but we spoke till 2 am and I didnt know my mom was listening to us. I was telling him that we wont talk with each other anymore but he said please not to do it and he will tell his parents to stop it. I was told him not to do that because they want your happiness which they thought they could get from me which is why they gave proposal. My mom heard all our conversation and was really angry with me. I hurted like hell and I hate for myself for this.
Anyways, he made to meet him so called "last time" but that last time never came and he made to meet him almost every week saying that that will be our last meeting. I believed him and so I met him. One day he told me that he loves me a lot and when I refused several time he cried and told me about his family how they struggle and how much he loves me. he even said he loves me since school when I know that he never did because in school he used to be called the biggest flirt.
After 6 yrs when he came to meet and said all these, he drag me towards him and one day we had sex. I was so upset after that but whenever I used to talk with him he doen't sound like he regrets about it and in fact went on doing it again and again and when I told him several times that its haram he said he knows but we are going to get married! In fact I told him one of reason which my parents didn't agree because I cant get married before getting my master degree and which I told this to parents. He agreed to it and promised me that he will marry me after I get my master degree which is why I trusted him so much and went out with him because I thought we are eventually going to get married.
Now after a year, when i called last week after hearing from my mum talking about his marriage with a girl, I was shocked!!! since a week neither he called me nor I had time to call him because I was busy with my exams and family work. When I called him, he said that he was being forced by his parents to marry that girl. When we were together, I asked him once if his parents forces him to get married with some girl, what will he do? He told me that they can't do it because he is the only one son and they love me so much and will agree for our relationship. When I told him all these, he was like I can't do anything because my parents and family are forcing me and he can't tell them about me because his parents will die if he said about me.
I asked him what has happened all of a sudden? and why will your parents won't agree to marry me?! he said its because his parents got to know that my parents has told bad things about his parents and him because they gave a proposal for me. I told him that its impossible. They might reject because of some reason but that reason won't be so harsh that his parents have to cry and disown him if he tells about me.
I am so depressed now! I did lot of sins that I don't how to repent. I don't know why he did that to me?!
He was only thinking about him and his parents. thats good! but he didnt realised what will happen to me! he just got married on friday but when I asked him on the next day he said he didn't say yes!Was he playing with me or what was he doing?I am really very depressed by his stern behaviour. he didn't gave me to realise what was happening. when i called him for the last time and said that Islam doesn't allow any parents to force their children to get married to the person of their choice and they can just advice, he told me that they didn't force him! Now I am really confused. All these while he told me that they were forcing him and now he is telling me that they didn't force him! What is going on?!
Please tell me what to do? I want to forget him forever and want my life back to normal! I am really very depressed by this Biggest trauma in my life! I would also like to know did he made a good decision to marry a girl of his parents' choice(I dont think his parents forced him). He even said that he earn AED 11000 MashaAllah with which he cannot make me happy with. I said it is enough for me Alhamdulilah. I didn't know how much he was earning and i never asked him. It was he himself who said this and made one of the reason of getting me over. he also said that my parents want a prince and they think that they are the king of my country.I told him that he hurted me and tried convincing him so much but he was stern in his decision.
I don't know what has happened all of a sudden.The guy who used to promise me so many time that he will marry me after completing my studies is now telling all these.I told him even before we went out of what my parents want and he said that he has all characters of the person. he made me believe him so much that it was like a BIG TRAUMA for me when i heard that he is getting married with someone else! I was all heart-broken!I don't feel like eating and sleeping!whenever I go to sleep i remember all these what he did to me, I cry and feel like suiciding!I feel pain all over my body esp from my throat-chest till abdomen.I feel like someone is pressing me hard on those parts.I feel like I am going to die because of such feeling.
I want to forget him for whatever he did to me! I am afraid of the sins I have done and I am afraid that nobody will marry me! I even told him that what he is doing is wrong according to Islam. He must tell to his wife before getting married to her but he is like he regret! what does he mean by that? I told him that he has not only destroyed my life but also with people associated us like parents, brother, sisters and even his new wife! I told him that what goes around comes around! He confidently said I am prepared for it! Believe me it was such a shocking thing to hear it from him! I told him that I won't forgive him for what he did because day and night I am suffering because of him and I can't even help my mum in her daily household even though she is sick!
Won't Allah punish him for what he did with me? Will Allah punish only me?I don't want anything to happen to me and my family because of my sin!I want to repent completely! Please tell me how do I avoid me and my family to go any of his family's occasion because we are family friends.How can I stop my parents to talk about him because it irritates me and also how can i stop them to go any of their occasions? Please Help! PLEASE!
Please reply me soon :'(
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Sister, Asalaamualaikum,
I am sorry for the difficult situation you are in. It is clear that you are feeling very heartbroken, betrayed, angry, bitter and regretful for committing zina. This person has clearly done wrong by you. Allah will reward, punish or forgive us all for the good/bad we have done. So do not worry about this man being punished; it is still early days and if you cannot find within yourself to forgive him yet, then do not wish bad on him either. Just leave him to Allah. I think that would be better for you. You just focus on yourself, your emotional and physical health and well being, your deen and your relationship with Allah.
Ultimately you know you are in this difficult situation because you overstepped the limits set by Allah by becoming involved with this man and committing zina with him. So Sister, try to turn your focus from anger and betrayal towards becoming closer to Allah. What you feel is a punishment for yourself seems to me to be more of a blessing for you. Allah has removed this man from your life and hence stopped you from committing further sin with him. He(swt) could have left you to continue sinning, but He didnt, so thank Allah for His Mercy on you. Take comfort in Allah and His promise of forgiveness.
Take away any thoughts of wanting to die. No sin is greater that Allah's Mercy and if you repent sincerely, of course He will forgive you. All you have to do is turn back to Him in all sincerity and do tawbah.
Allah (swt) says in Surah 57 Al Hadid: Ayah 28: "O ye that believe! Fear Allah and believe in His messenger, and He will bestow on you a double portion of His Mercy: He will provide for you a Light by which ye shall walk (straight in your path), and He will forgive you (your past): For Allah ...is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful:
and in Surah Furqan: Ayah 70. "......those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds, for those, Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Ayah 71. And whosoever repents and does righteous good deeds, then verily, he repents towards Allah with true repentance.
This man has clearly moved on. His unclear statements about not being forced into marriage and not having said 'yes' to the girl etc etc, only reinforce that this man will continue to play around with you if you allow him to. So I would strongly advise you to refrain from contacting him any further. He does not need to tell his wife about his past and it would be quite innappropriate for you to suggest otherwise. Leave him to deal with his marriage from now on. If you involve yourself with him further, you will only be incurring more sin since he is married now.
You are going through a difficult time, so if you do sabr and turn towards Allah 'now' - this will inshaAllah draw you closer to Him(swt). It must be difficult hearing about this man, but instead of trying to stop your parents from talking about him and attending his wedding; it would be better for you to remove yourself from the situation. If they talk of him, go out of the room. You cannot stop your family from attending the wedding, but you can make an excuse for not being able to attend the wedding yourself. If you want to draw nearer to Allah, use these situations to practice sabr - sabr is loved by Allah. Thank Allah again for He(swt) is giving you situations in which you can excercise sabr is you so wish.
Remind yourself, that if you follow Allah's way, you will be successful inshaAllah.
May Allah be with you.
SisterZ
Salam,
Thank you so much so much for your advice. I am really grateful to you. I haven't spoken to him since i knew he got engaged and deleted him from my account and his number from my mobile. I cried and still crying asking for forgiveness from Allah. I couldn't believe what has happened but whatever has happened has happened for good.
As I couldn't stop my parents from going to the wedding but I didn't go. After they went, I couldn't stop crying and ask Allah to help me. All of sudden I felt like calling my dad and told him everything (except for the illicit things). He became shocked and said that the guy doesn't deserve me. My dad even said if he would have come to our house for a proposal then he would accepted instead of suiciding! I cried to my dad and asked for forgiveness. After my mum and brother came from wedding they said that both he and his mum asked about me where was I and showed me pictures where he looked really happy.
I still cry every night and day even though I know nothing will change even if cry but I just can't stop crying.What should I do?
Sometimes I feel like killing myself because I think I won't be having any future.I always wanted to give myself to my husband but when he came and said in the name of Allah and his mom that he won't leave me, I trusted him and gave everything!!!I have nothing to give to my husband! I HATE MYSELF!I feel so empty!
Since I coudln't stand his name whenever my family talks about him, I go to the other room immediately. When I asked my dad to ask mum to stop talking about him ad his family, my dad said he will try. He did talk to her but there is no use as she wasn't aware of why he asked her to stop talking.
Eventually I had to tell her the guy insulted me and my parents by saying that my parents told something bad about him and his mom which he got to know from 3 sources. He told one of name my mum's friend and the rest two he didn't say. For few days, my mum was quite. Then one day when that aunt called her, my mum said everything to her and she called the guy and asked. The guy said it not true and said that I told all these to him. He infact used some of my sentences to lie. Such as when he shouted and said that my parents told him and his mum, I told him that first of all my dad lives mostly in y country to take care of his business and whenever he come here, he comes for some work. Why will he say something bad about you people? This was my sentence. Now when that aunt asked him whether he said anything about my dad. He replied that he didn't say anything about my dad nor my dad said anything about him or his mum as he stay most of the time outside! This is my sentence which he used!!! I can't believe it. He even said so many things to the aunt which I told him but didn't a thing of what he said to me or why i said all these to him! Many things he made up like he said the last we spoke was 2 or 3 months back! When the last time we spoke was on May end! I dont understand why is he doing all these with me. the aunt even spoke to his mum and asked whether she cried on something. She said she never cried and my parents didn't say anything that she should cry about. There was his sister who even said that when me and that guy used to speak she was there sometimes and said that I told him all these!!! ( I have heard from many people including my friends who knows her that his sister lies a lot and created lot of problems for many families.)
When the aunt told all these tommy mum, she became angry at me. She was not even listening to me and said that I was responsible for everything. I was crying that night when my dad saw me and I told him this. He said to wait and see and pray to Allah to ask for help. He asked me not to lose any hope. Insha Allah everything will be alright.
Suppose if this was suppose to be my sentence then what was his reason of leaving me??? I am shocked and depressed...I dont know what to do! Why is he doing all these with me? He lied about many things to me to have relationship with me and now he lied to me to leave me. And had accused me of something which I didn't do. I am praying all the time and reading Quran also.
Please tell me what should I do? How should I go about this situation?
PLEASE HELP :'(
Sorry for the typo. "Such as when he shouted and said that my parents told bad things about him and his mum, I told him that first of all my dad lives mostly in my country to take care of his business and whenever he come here, he comes for some work."
One more I forgot to include is that, as far as telling to his wife is concerned, one of my friend told me that we should say it to the person before getting married to him/her. With my lack of knowledge of Islam, I mistakenly told him this but as I know about it now, I am feeling bad that I shouldn't have said about it. 🙁
What should I do now?
Assalamu Alaykum Wa -Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu,
Masha Allah, I always read your Advices sister, May ALLAH reward you for helping other muslims,
Really I love you sister,
May ALLAH forgive all of us and guide us to the right path Ameen!
Fee Amanillah, Wa salaam
Asalam alakums
I accepted islam 2 year alhumduallah and you are blessed to have islam in your heart
Sister what you have done is a big sin! You should repent and ask allah for forgivness meaninfully. Men and women should never be alone together of talk as the third is shaytan. Strive to be closer to allah read quran and associate with ritous people. On the day of judgment everyones deeds bad good small or big will not be hidden from allah subhannahta allah. Everyone will be judged based on thier deeds no one elses. Again ask for forgivness as allah forgives all sin except for associating partners with him. Strive to be modest in your dress and in your acts. Stop talking to men and talking to them on the phone as it is haram and only leads to temption and sins. What man would want to marry a women who shows off her beuty and talks to men without being married to them. WSister i love you for the sake of allah. Allah is the most merciful but his punishment is severe. Allah hides sins of his slaves so ask repentence from your lord strive to learn about the religion of islam and how the prophet pbuh lived his live and allah will give you a ritous husband hide yoursins and inshallah giude us all to the straight path.
Walakaum asalam
Salam,
Thank you so much sister for you reply. Its nice to hear that you have converted and love Islam. I know I have done the biggest mistake in my life and i am repenting still. I am also reading Quran and praying 5 times Alham dulilah. I never thought that such event will come into my life but I am thankful to Allah that he removed me from such an evil person. I never thought to having sex with anyone other than my own husband. I wish I could know his intention long back. But I thank Allah over and over again that he removed me from being involved in more to this in the future.
Thank you so much again and please pray for me and I will pray for you too Insha Allah.
Salam;
Wish things will get better for you, I hope Allah will grant you many patience and peace and take you out of your difficult situation very soon. Insha allah 🙂
you know what, i dont want you to feel sad. At all. And i dont want you to feel scared. You are repentful, and that will be seen and appreciated. You were naive and believed this man, as many of us women have believed me who have played with us, lied to us, ruined us and left us alone in the cold. But you are not to blame....this happened as a result of your innocence and your good heart....do not be afraid. He is a weak person, either so weak that he lied to you all this time or so weak that he could not defend your love. Either way you are better without him and im so sorry for your pain.
dear sister,
Jus trust allah and thank him for saving your life from committing more sins...
remove the idea of suicide, coz for whom you are trying to do it doesnot even deserves your tears..
soon u will realise why allah did this and you will be so thankful to him....
have faith on allah and make your bond stronger with allah through regular prayers...
if you commit suicide then u r jus making that fellow whom u loved once more happy...
be happy... love urself, ur parents who love to see u happy, live llife for ur parents who love u so much...
jus imagine for a while wat will be your parents state if you commit a sin called suicide... they will completely break and go into a trauma...
i hope this reply would help you come out of your depression and instead of depreesed you would like to call urself lucky an relieved... may allah bless u with all his choicest blessing .. aameen sumammen.