In need of Allah’s Help to get married
Assamoalikum ,
Now before I begin , I dont want to hear that i shouldnt pray for this particular girl but for a pious girl, ..I dont want that...Allah has given me the exclusive right that i can ask for anything as long as it is not sinful...please tell me how to make my dua more stronger and plz give me hopeI have a problem here.
I have been in crush (read not in a relationship) about a girl ever since i was doing my A levels..I was in engineering department and she was in business department.I was so much in crush with her that i wanted to talk to her but becuase of shyness I wasnt able to speak to her. I hoped she would be in some class of mine so that we could talk on some mutual subject (read only for studies).
Also her mother was my english teacher in O levels, she thot of me a nice student but i made a huge blunder when i shared my feelings about the girl with my classmate. The word spread like fire and the girl hated me and so did her mom.Ramazan came so did Laylatul Qadr, I asked Allah that we be together and we married (but i was only 17 years old)..then some things did happen, i was able to talk to her,only 4r a brief second.. she was a bit rude bt that was the happiest day of my life and I thanked Allah alot, alot when the finals of Math paper of A level came, she didnt bring her calculator along..so I gave her mine, she accepted it otherwise her whole year would have been ruined..she did thank me bt in a very low voice (she is very modest and shy girl)
I continuously prayed and hoped for Allah that we be wedded.. Then i forgot about her after my A levels..as i thot i would go to an engineering uni and she be in a business uni... The strangest thing happened I didnt get admission in any engg uni except 4r 1uni, bt by then it was too late.. I got admission into a well renowed business uni.. I decided to do BBA (bachelor in business admin).. and there i saw, she was there 2.. Now another thing.. not only was she in my uni, not only was she doing BBA(other courses offered r BPA, ECO,MASS COMM)..bt she was in my section 2.. I thanked Allah so much.. I still do and pray alot for her marriage with me. bt she still hates me and her mom does 2 alot.
Now i m 20.. and now i asking my mom for asking her mom for marriage after i complete my graduation bt my whole family is against it because she is from shia family and i m from sunni... bt i m ready to accept her whole heartly and i love her alot..Thats y I ask ALLAh alot and try to pray 10 nafal of prayer for my marriage with her.. also i try to do good deeds with the intention to please Allah so that he would accept my dua..Please could some one say i have hope.. I really have a lot of hope in Allah inspte of the fact that the girl and her mom hates me(her father is dead and brother is paralyesd)... and my family is against it... bt i still believe in ALLAH and i love HIM.
Please sir i really love her alot, i love everything about her even though we hardly talk. Only recently when i was driving to my university, i was fervently praying that we be wedded in future and she be for me only.So it was friday, and strangly our teacher made groups for an activity and we were in same group of 8 members..It was after a long time that she talked to me when she asked me to hand over her books.
That was it but i was so happy that i made 20 rakhas of shukr..but after that event, nothing substantial has occured..I am getting disappointed but still have hope in Allah. My father wont let me mary before i do my masters and i have worry that if i dont approach her quickly, she may have a nikah with another man because her father has died and brother is paralysed. I also cant approach her while she and I are doing bachelors because it would be very awkward to stay in the same class if she rejects me..
Please help and i love you for sake of Allah..I have asked a religious scholar regarding istikhara, and he said a positive istikhara regarding the girl came that she is a good girl but about the marriage, it was vague and it was necassary that i initiate talk with her but it is very difficult for me as i am very shy and intimidated by her. I also another elder female about 30 years who saw Prophet Mohammad twice about istikhara, and said positive...Please help me..I feel i will be totally lost if dont get her..Please dont tell me i should seek other girls .I will only search for new girls if she rejects me. Atleast i wont have the regret that i didnt even try.
yesterday my mom promised me that she will ask her hand..but says the condition is she will go only once and not try to pursue the girl..Please sir, I have been asking Allah for so long.He is my only hope, please give me some good news.Please dont tell me that I should look for other girls, I would be totally lost if i lose her to another man if i dont even try.I will be a bit better, that i tried but lost..But i really really want her, i love her to bits and thats why i am hoping in ALLAH a lot.
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"Now before I begin , I dont want to hear that I shouldn't pray for this particular girl but for a pious girl".
You know what is the right thing to do already but you don't want to hear it. Indeed, you do have the right to choose your life partner..but to "choose" and to "insist" are two different things. Your prayers should ask Allah to introduce you to the girl He wants for you.....because Allah knows what you know not. Besides, I think you are only 20....too young to be thinking of marriage.
Sometimes...2 very pious individuals fall in love but do not get married...why? because Allah knows maybe the love they will build for each other may cause them to forget Allah. Sometimes Allah may place us with a less pious individual...why? ...because He wants one to gain His blessings by improving the other.
A true prayer coming from an innocent heart is the strongest Dua....and the best one can do.
Just remember: Allah knows what you know not..don't insist and demand if you are not getting what you want. There is a reason behind everything! 🙂
No, this is is not ture. in islam 20 is not too young to get married
"I also another elder female about 30 years who saw Prophet Mohammad twice about istikhara, and said positive..."
Apologies but I don't understand what this means.
What I meant to say was that i know an elder female who has seen Prophet Mohammad..I asked her to do istikhara me regarding my marriage with this particular girl and the result turned out to be postive..
assalamualaikum read tahjud namaz and never underestimate power of dua nothing is impossible , Allah knows well what is good for us so never loose heart trust Allah .
jazakallah khair
Thankyou..I havent lost faith in Allah, please pray for me as every day is quiet tough as I have big expectations for the next day that today something is going to happen, Allah will help me today but i return empty handed..i get heart broken and disappointed but have never lost faith in Allah, He will surely help me.I know it
You should ask Allah to guide her to sunni islam because the shia aqeedah has major problems.
I cannot understand why anyone who loves their Lord would marry someone who belongs to a sect where they curse the companions of our beloved prophet and many many other aqeedah problems.
If she believes in islam as the Prophet taught us .. then alright. she is a potential candidate.
Marriage has to be based on Quran and sunnah. if the basic foundation is not your deen..what is it? Remember, love is never the foundation of marriage alone. It is deen and love/attraction and good character.
If love fades or dips in marriage and there is no deen/character compatibility, then people run into BIG PROBLEMS.
but to throw one's deen behind one's back for love...then I have this question to ask you: where is your Love of Allah most High?
Assalaamualaikam
If you seriously wish to approach this girl's family with a proposal, I would suggest that you do so. If she accepts, then alhamdulillah you can marry her, and if she does not then alhamdulillah you can move on knowing that Allah has something planned that will be better for you.
You mention that you think the girl and her mother hate you. While I do not know what is going on in their hearts and minds, I was in a similar situation as the girl, so it might be helpful to read what I felt?
When I was still at school (a mixed school although there was a behaviour code), a boy in my chemistry class told other people that he liked me and started to look at me in class. I felt very self-conscious that this was happening, embarrassed by the situation, and worried that people might think I was somehow reciprocating or encouraging his behaviour. As a result, I made extra efforts to lower my gaze and avoid any interaction with him - I didn't hate him or dislike him, as I didn't know him - I felt embarrassed and worried. However, I can see how my actions could have been seen by him as showing dislike.
My advice to you would be to pray istikhara yourself (it's a personal prayer - nobody can do it for you - there is helpful information in the links above) and if you wish to marry this girl, to approach her family. If she declines the proposal, accept her decision and trust Allah will have something better written for you.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
Thankyou sister for your advice..Sis, the thing is that regarding istikhara is that i am not doubtful between whom to choose...that is why i am praying salat, sometimes nafal and sometime salat hajat..Sis, she may be self conscious...but the thing is I dont have much time, her father is dead and her single bro is paralyses..she is already 1 year older than me...toh i really want to send her propsal rite away..bt my family which is now convinced of my sincere love for her...that at the moment, its not possible, it can only be done after graduation...I ask Allah daily that He helps me out...the only thing the dua has yet achieved is that my parents have promised that they will ask her family...May Allah help me and guide me
Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu brother,
I can understand what you are going through. I have also gone through a similar situation in my life and it was very painful one.
But later i realized that marriages are made in heaven and no matter how much i make duwa if that girl is not destined to be my wife she will never become my wife.
And always Money, wealth, prestige, woman, children etc these are worldy desires or needs. These can never give you true happiness.
I am sure that after marriage you will love her a lot and take good care of her but will she do the same to do???
If your not sure then why are you so mad about this girl.
Have paitence and remember what ever happens to a believer is to his own good.
I cant tell you about any duwa or way of making duwa becoz no matter how much du'a you make if shes not in your faith then you cant do anything about it. But maybe there is a better girl in your faith.
Just sit down, relax and think with a cool mind. I know that you really love her. But sometimes in life we have to have trust in Allah and be happy with what Allah gives us.
Hope this helps.
I pray to Allah that you make the best decision. Ameen.
Salam.
Aslaamulaykhum
"the girl hated me and so did her mom."
"i was able to talk to her,only 4r a brief second.. she was a bit rude bt that was the happiest day of my life"
Brother, from reading the above, you sound EXTREMELY desperate. You say she hates you? Why? You haven't done ANYTHING to her and yet she hates you for no reason and then when she speaks to you, she is rude and yet you are happy about it? I seriously suggest that you try to forget about her because, from your post, she sounds like a rude individual and you sound so desperate that when she spoke to you rudely, according to you "that was the happiest day of my life".
Brother, I am saying this for your benefit - just try to forget about her and avoid her. If she hates you just because word got around that you like her then imagine what she will be like if you two actually get married and you do something she won't like! Again, from your post, she doesn't sound like a nice person so I'd avoid her if I was you.
May Allah help you, inshallah
I totally agree with asim why spend your life with someone who has no good reason to hate at first?
I think she my be a preety girl as you seemed attracted by the wrong reasons to her as to why your being so desperate despite the way shes treating you.
if you really loved her for who she was her looks wouldn't make you so blind into how her personality is.
Mam you are absolutely right, but I dont think you are understanding my post here..I know the situation for me is impossible but nothing is impossible for Allah, and so even after passing of 4 years, when i m considering asking for her hand and now even my parents have agreed..what wrong with making dua...i just wanted to know how to make my dua more stronger...I didnt ask whether i was right or wrong..i just know Allah would help me..but i want to make more dua..
Hasan bro Allah has written something very good for u.if she hates u then why u want to marry her.I thnk u have to focus on ur career.and Trust Allah he has written a very good fairy tale for u inshaallah.
@Asim and @Kay786,
Don't blame the lady, she did correct, infact, she and her mother should have yelled at him for trying to hit on her and maybe complain to the officials. The lady and her mother hates him and was rude because he humiliated her infront of the whole class, keeping in mind that her mum is also a teacher in the same school or uni. This is what he said, "but i made a huge blunder when i shared my feelings about the girl with my classmate. The word spread like fire and the girl hated me and so did her mom"
Excuse me...Mind yoursef...who told you that i humilated her infront of the class...Have you read the post correctly, i did not humilate her and infact i dont even stalk her..I said I had a secret crush on her when i was young, and when i shared my feeling to my class mates....He spread the word...I did not, and after the event, I went underground...so that her reputation isnt tarnished and she doesnt become self conscious...you better watch what you write before blindly blaming some one...got that
Thats called humiliation. Indirect humiliation. Just like Imam Shafi said, "if you wish to admosnish someone for their worng doings, do it in private but if you do it in public then you humiliated that person.", similarly, you should have shared your feelings to your parents and so they can propose the proper way instead you shared your feelings to your classmates and so obviously kids take joke out of it, sometimes they tease her, sometimes they joke with her, sometimes make fun of her etc only Allah knows. and so it humiliates a person especially if one is religious and on top of that, her mother is a teacher and so imagine yourself in her mother's shoes and all of a sudden the class is talking about her daughter that someone loves her and the whole class or maybe campus knows. How does it feel ? Terrible indeed. but anyways, I have to take into consideration that you were young and oblivious to this.
However, I am not blaming you, I was just ponting out to the two brothers above , that the girl is not wrong. She has full right to be rude and whatnot. I support her. So whatever it is, if you have a chance then hope that your parents would accept her and her parents would accept you, other than this, control your feelings. Shia and sunni can be a sure obstacle to both families.
when you are blessed with the ability to love someone to such extremes my brother... should you waste it on His creations?
He certainly did not give u this emotion to trade it with humiliation.
Mam, i love her and i want to marry her...what is wrong with that...i am not asking for a girlfriend and any other wordly pleasure
Please dont get me wrong. I dont want to sound rude but desire for a pretty woman is a wordly pleasure. Even if you want her for marriage.
Hope you understand.
"Beautified for men is the love of things they covet; WOMEN, children, much of gold and silver (wealth), branded beautiful horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present world's life; but Allah has the excellent return (Paradise) with Him” (Surah Aal ‘Imran, 14)
SIr...Islam has not denied pursuing wordly desires if they are within certain limits...Also, i am asking Allah for His help.If i am asking for Allah help and not relying on anyone..Nothing can go wrong, infact I feel I am no longer the driver of this problem, but it is Allah...This situation is impossible but for Allah , it is easy peazy...Allah would help me..I am asking for marriage with a girl,which even the Prophet Mohammad recommended..So by saying...i shouldnt pursue her because of wordly pleasure..I am sorry but dont get offended..i dont agreee with u..No hard feelingss
Allah has blessed u with a gift so great, not many people possess.if its not just infatuation and true love then u are not ordinary. i would have envied u if i didnt feel blessed with this emotion myself.
Love Allah my brother.. and then see how ur divine beloved will love u back. An emotion so powerful.. can any other human ever understand its depth or reciprocate with anything even close to it?
iam afraid that ur mortal beloved may cause u a damage so great that it might shread ur heart and leave u numb forever. unable to love again anyone, anything. Ever.
think about it.
Subhan Allah,
This is so true what apple green is saying. If you love Allah the way you are loving this girl then Allah will surely love you back.
You will feel that this is the best thing which has ever happened to you in your entire life. Your heart and mind will be at peace. This feeling is so beautiful i don't have words to explain it.
Isnt it brother kamran? we can only hope and pray that he understands and saves himself in time. All we can do is pray Hasan, pray and wait. btw if u understand urdu then probably u must have heard or read this poem b4. i just got it today as a forward and it just changed me.
Hai nafs ke haathon tu majboor kitna
Sab jaan ke bhi hai la-shaoor kitna
jis chehre ko hai ek din mitti mein mil jaana
Us chehre pe hai tujhe guroor kitna.
Ek sajde ke inkaar ne iblees ko shaitaan bana diya
Tu khud jaan le tera hai qasoor kitna
Jin ki sunnat pe chalna tujhe gawara nahi
Tere waste roye wo Huzoor (s.a.w) kitna.
Tu ne chakhi hai fuqat gunaahon ki lazzat, aye musalmaan
Tu kya jaane, zikr e ilaahi mein hai suroor kitna.
Allama iqbal.
Sir you are absolutely right...I have great faith in Allah, that is why i didnt lose hope in HIM...if it had been some other ordinary average guy, he would have left dua...But i didnt lose hope...There has been times when i stopped dua because the continous disappointments made my mind crazy..but eventually I returned back to Allah to ask for more help..i am now even more determined as Holy Prophet said that Allah is shy and feels shy if HE is unable to give anything if his slave asks for anything...and i have been asking Allah with all my might..
Yes i will get disheartend if she rejects my proposal..I may not even get normal for a while..But then what could i lose..atleast i would have tried to take her..Then i would just look upon the sky and thank Allah that if HE didnt make that girl my bride, there may be some wisdom that i wouldnt be able to understand...but at the moment, as the Holy Prophet recommended...have full faith in Allah in your dua
Dear brother Hassan i felt sorry of you, please Love your self, based on your Istikarah i think she is not the one that Allah create for you, all that matters that you story , My heart said , "She is not the one for you" I advise you coz i have a few experienced after making istikarah, istikarah is Miracle brother ! that problem difficulties is the Answer of your istikarah brother, Allah make her far from you, see surah yassin 36:36 , why you worried about life partner? Dear brother don't follow your emotions , one day Insha Allah you will see how the pure and sincere love come from Allah to your heart on your real life partner , Trust me , change your DOA , oyu should ask Allah guide you to your life partner that has been create , I am 32 years old and still single 🙂 I am so cool and relax here , coz I trust Allah , I do always make Tahajjud, was keeping Allah to send me my life partner for a long years
I hope you change your Dua , Time is Gold, don't fight with Qadar, those who fight with Qadar will be suffer , say Alhamdulillah if she is not the one for you ,coz there is your pretty ANGEL waiting for you , listen to most of our brother and sisters email here, we are helping you... please forget this person brother
Asslamualaikom.... 🙂
Assalamu Alaykum Wa - Rahmatullahi Wa- Barakatuhu,
My dear sister Apple Green,
Please translate the urdu poem in English,
I have understood little, Because I am a tamil speaking muslim, But I know little urdu, Please sister I need it,
In sha Allah, Hope for your translation soon
May ALLAH give the heart to love him alone more and more , And guide us to the right path
Fee Amanillah
Lovely Shayri poem
I was going through ur mail.it was 2013 now it's 2016.whts ur status of issue now?was tht resolved?i wish I could get the replay
VERY TRUE.
Dear brother Hasan,
Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu,
I will try to explain you with an example.
Suppose there is a girl named Y who really loves you and tells you that she wants to marry you. But since you love the girl (whom you want to marry) you will tell her that you already love someone else and that’s why you cannot marry her. Or may be you will just tell NO because you don’t want her others to know that you like some one else.
Now the girl will make lots and lots of du'a so that you will get married to her. And suppose if her du'as get accepted and you get married to her. Will you be happy with this marriage?
No, right because you already love someone else.
May be the type of husband the girl (whom you want to marry) desires is very different from you. Or may be she already loves some one else but is hiding it from all and that’s why she never told you.
Every one dreams of having such and such qualities in their life partner and maybe she doesn’t see those in you.
May she want a more handsome guy then you or a very rich guy, etc?
Please don't get upset. We know your intentions are not bad. But you cannot force her to love you. If she doesn't love you and you should just let go of her. If you really love her and care for her then just let her go because your did behavior is hurting her and that’s why she’s angry with you.
I am sure everyone in their life must have come across some one or another whom they love but they don't love them back.
There are many girls in this world. I am sure you will find a better girl if Allah wills.
Just forget that girl and have a look around.
Hope you understand.
Salam.
Sir i completly agree with you on this statement..It is completely possible that she may love some other person or if she doesnt love anyone...but Allah deems some other guy more favorable for her than me...and so because Allah can see future...HE may grant that guy to her..In either case, i repeat again..Allah will not accept my dua as HE is not just my Allah but also of that girl..HE will not make her make my wife if according to HIS wisdom, i may not prove to be a good husband to her..So Allah will not do injustice to any party...
If i am rejected..then that would a huge blow to me...but then what can i do, I can only be happy for her and wish her a good future..On my side, still I would have Allah on my side..I would be heartbroken and crushed..but Allah would take care of me
Brother the bottom line is you will never know until u ask. Tell her your feelings and if she accepts then send your mum round for her hand in marriage. Either she will say yes. Then Allhamdullilah or she says no. Then forget about her and move on. Plenty more fish in the sea!
Sister, i appreciate your advice...The thing is she is an introvert person..She doesnt like to share secrets with anyone and has very less friends..Probably due to the fact that she is facing absence of her father, and the parlaysis of her brother..So also i am hesitant to even talk on normal studies let alone asking for proposal.I have succeeded in persuading my mom that she is the girl i want to marry.I want to do magni with her, but my father wont allow and i m very afraid of my father and i respect his wishes..Bt on the other hand, i may lose her as she may go with another man if i dont ask her on time..That is why i have been asking Allah fervently...I trust Allah, i will get disheartened if i fail to get her but will be even more broken if i lose her without trying..I m in a huge predicament..My mother also says that if she rejects proposal if i ask her b4 graduation, then it will be very difficult for both of us to be in the same classroom..Allah help me
Brother,
I understand your predicament. But doing nothing will acheive nothing! The girl and her mother think that you are a bad person because of what happened before. So firstly I think your mum should meet with her mother and explain that you are not a bad guy and that it was a misunderstanding in class that created all these rumours and that you are deeply shameful and upset about what happened. This needs to be cleared up first.
Then your mother should express her intention that she wishes for a religous daughter in law and so does her son and phrase the girl. Your mother should say that you want to get married after graduation are they agreeable to it or are they intending to get her married before. These questions need to be asked. Finally if they are not planning to look for someone for her now then her mum should not discuss this proposal with her daughter so you guys will not feel uncomftroble in class.
Also your mother should express that you are in love with her character and religous commitment and wish to help take care of her family and brother (I am guessing you are willing being a good boy and all.).
Then at least you have tried. If it doesnt work out then take it as a sign from Allah that she is not for you.
alsalamu alaikum!
People are making this complicated.. i just want to tell you one thing(perhaps it may make the situation more complicated!!!).
listen brother am sure you know this but no matter how much we make plans for our selves, just know that Allah has plans for us that may not go the same as what we plan..so dont worry just wait and see what happens...
since you said you dont want to tell her now because she might reject you, then just wait, but i know you might reply and tell me that if you wait she might get married, then again this is Allahs plan and he has plans for all of us.
all i can tell is that since you might want to wait then i strongly suggest you fast so you can be more patient.
btw i thought your essay or long question was really cute and funny!
and may Allah guide us all in the right path.
Sir/madam, by reading your last comment, my heart suddenly felt so tender and i wanted to cry that u found my story cute and funny. Most of the people in whom i confided my secret thought of me as a dim witt..When i read your comment, your comments were so sweet and encouraging that i suddenly thought of Allah, who is even more nice and loving in nature..He knows how my love for her is sincere,and how much i am waiting for Allah help..He wont let me down that much i know..If u found my story nice, then I dont know what Allah would be thinking about me...I want to shout it aloud...I LOVE YOU ALLAH SO MUCH <3...:D..:-)..
Sir/madam, i know that i will have to wait alot since i cant ask her now, neither do my parents encourage to ask for rishta now, there reason being that i dont have any bachelor degree, when i do get it after some years...then they will go...Also..again as u said..if i wait too long, she may go for another boy...At the very last, i would completely agree with u ...One plan is being made by me and the other plan is being made by Allah, no matter what i do, only that plan would executed that Allah likes best..I have trust in Allah that He wont let me down..First i to refused to believe that Allah wont accept my dua, and was quiet obstinate that I dont want any other reward which Allah may give if He refuses my dua..Now after much time has passed since when i have started making dua, i am still very hopeful that Allah would make that girl my life partner..but if that doesnt happen, I would be very disheartned, crushed, my eyes would be bubbling, i would be very disturbed, but I would never say anything that may hurt Allah..I may complain to Allah alone because Allah is my Lord..But if the reverse happens, my degree of happiness and ecstacy would only be felt by Allah and me...Please pray for me in 1 prayer..Please pray for me that Allah gives me this girl,and if our couple is not beeficial in sight of Allah, then ask Allah to make our future as couple and that Allah pours His blessings because nothing is too tough for Allah...He just says Be and it is..:D
marry me though.lol. I am in search of a man. Just kidding. We are in the same situation but i leave everything in the almighty cause i know that he knows who's best for me. No matter how i tried to push my self to that man i love i can't insist it cause there is already someone who is predestined for me.
Assalam-o-Alaikum I am 28 Years old girl. I wanted to get married, but cannot say this to my parents.They donot want me to get marriage for the next 1 or 2 years.Which duaa I should read?
Salam sister,
I would suggest you to have patience for the next 1 or 2 years and right now focus on your career/studies because you will only get married when Allah wills and not when you want.
Honestly i also wanted to get married but i cannot find the right girl and so right now i am focusing on my career.
And dont be in a hurry to get married otherwise you will end up with someone wrong.
Regarding du'a there is a section on this website which deals with it.
Hope this helps.
Salam.
Assalam-o-Aalikum
Brother! Yes defiantly it is not possible without the will of Allah….but sometimes it seems me very odd, in family gathering when people ask why she is still single…blah blah… And a thought come to me, Why it is to me.........
Assalamu aleykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuhu sister,
Trust me sister you are not the only one who goes thru this. Even i go through this people at my work, friends, etc ask me why are you not getting married?
What i say is that i am focusing on my career right now....
I am not telling you to lie but think a excuse to avoid such questions...
But i don't understand why your parents don't want you to get married in the next couple of years?
Are you their only financial support?
Also is there any specific person you want to get married to, who is also willing to marry you?
I tell you about one of my close friends...He and his family were searching for a girl to get married for almost 3 years. Finally they found one who was a girl of a distant relative or same community i guess...
But later as in happens in most cases, the mother in law and wife had lot of arguments they never agreed on one thing, so the girl went back to her mothers home. My friend is still trying hard by talking to both his mother and his wife and both families but no one is ready to compromise...this thing is still going on...its almost 8-9 months now...
My friends father left his MOM when my friend was a small kid, so his mother has gone through a lot of hardship to raise him..So he doesn't want to leave his MOM alone and stay with his wife in another house...
So i feel my friend was in a better position when he was single..
Anyways hope this helps sister or give some encouragement...
Salam.
Assalam o Alaikum no there is no reason, I never show my interest in some, I mean there is nothing like that, and i donot financially support my family. A strange thing always happens, whenever someone told about any proposal it is discussed in my home, then nothing....no one came in our home, never ever my parents visited anyone home for this purpose. Yes I always think at end there willbe some thing good for me in it.....Most of the time girls suffer after marriage, their liberty ends, have to face lots of responsibilities, afrer nikkah she becomes "Bahoo" daughter in law, and shouldbe a perfact wife, daughter in law, sister in law etc..... Sorry to read about your friend's problem. May Allah solve his all problems. As Mother has her own place and wife' own...... being a girl what type of execuse I should give?
Salam sister,
You can give excuses like "May be Allah doesn't want me to get married right now." or something similar. (And this is the reality)
Don't take it on yourself try to put it on something else...i hope you understand what i am saying...
Try to be diplomatic in your reply to them...
And regarding your parents not showing any interest in you getting married You can give them indirect indications that you are interested in getting married...
Like for eg. You can say that Oh that girl is so lucky she got such a good husband and shes so happily married i wish i could also get something similar...OR
You can say after looking a pic of a cute baby that i wish i would also have a cute baby of my own like this some day soon...etc.
Don't be afraid OR feel shy to try these...
Hope this helps.
Salam
Salam Brother! Yes the thinking Allah doesnot want me to get married now, always give me a confidence, and definatly it willbe good for me.......But you know shaitan alwys try to detrack humanbeings...........
Yes such a indirect comments or statements are good but I cannot say this before my parents.......han commenting on someone good looking husband is nice option......Thank u so much, your words helped me alot to think positive, with a hope.
Ur Most welcome sister glad to know that my posts have helped you,
You know even I have to go through all this and since i am guy people ask me even more direct question like Why are you not getting married, What are you waiting for? Now is your age for marriage why are you delaying it? My age is same as yours.
I have always believed that whatever happens in our life happens for our own good. Although initially we don't see the good in it and later if you keep patience and belief in Allah then you will surely see that this was the right time for a certain thing to happen to you.
I heard a lecture of Dr. Bilal Phillips. He said that whatever happens to a believer happens for his own good. Although he doesn’t see the benefit at that moment but later he will realize that it happened for his own good. No matter what it is… If something bad happens to a believer and he shows patience then Allah rewards him both in this life as well as hereafter. And also if Allah takes away something from you in return Allah gives you something better then it.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER LIFE IS HARD, ALLAH TESTS US MANY TIMES BUT LIFE IS SHORT TOO, ITS NOT EVERLASTING...ALL THIS WILL END..AND MATERIAL THINGS IN LIFE ARE NOTHING AS COMPARED TO WHAT IS THERE IN HEAVEN..THIS LIFE IS NOTHING BUT A WAY TO EITHER ENTER HEAVEN OR HELL(EVERLASTING LIFE)...
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE PURPOSE OF OUR LIFE IS WORSHIP ALMIGHTY ALLAH.
And Allah knows best.
Salam.
Asalaamu Alaykum Wa- Rahmatullahi Wa- Barakatuhu,
Still today morning, I thought why my marriage is delaying, I am a 21 years old, Then I saw this post and wonderd that an elder sister and brother than me going through the same as my situation, and never lost hope in ALLAH.
Brother Khalid, your advice was useful to me also.
May ALLAH forgive all of us and guide us to the right path. Ameen!
Fee Aman Allah.
Was Salaam
AoA,
I've been reading this post and comments, mashaAllah lots of good people try to convince people to think positively. I have been in a relationship with a girl for last 4 years. Last 4 years because she told me to wait so that when her studies are over she could tell her mom. Her studies are over now and she told her mom and her mom said No. I am a well educated and employed in a good company and earn good money.
It is really hard for me to bear this loss, these last 4 years I dreamt of my marriage with her and everything, now I am trying hard to move on. Whether to wait more and maybe her mom agrees some day or move on, also these thoughts come to my mind if I move on and be with someone else and later again this girl comes again in my life I will get hurt. Quite depressed and have no clear thinking of what to do.
Please pray for me, I have trusted Almighty Allah and have left everything upto Him. I am not chasing anyone else, not searching, I just can't move on, I am praying all the time and asking Allah to help me.
Again, please pray for me.
Thankyou! 🙂
Hi there,
New to this forum so please do not attack me, Hassan right ?
You definitely have a point when you say you at least need to try to get the girl of your dreams otherwise you will regret not asking for the rest of your life. Brother yes you can pray to Allah Almighty and who knows you might even get her one day but you do have to be strong in the case you do not as Allah is the best planners. Please do not loose hope or faith in Allah but as they say hope for the best and prepare for the worst as this life is a series if tests, for what we do here echoes into eternity. There is not a definite answer to your question, pray from the heart and I pray your wish comes true too. There is no recipe for a dua that can be accepted by Allah , he even answers the prayers of non Muslims. You sound like a nice guy so do not let this one incident define you as a human being , I am sure the girl does not hate you , no one can carry a grudge for so long. Your young try and focus on studies , career and life in general. But your a romantic " it's better to have loved and lost then not to love at all" and I so hope your fairy tale comes true , just don't focus all your energies on it. One day you will look back on this time and laugh at the outcome.
For GSK85,
Trust me it gets better, I know right now it hurts and there is no medicine for a broken heart but with the help of Allah you will emerge a stronger person. Everyone goes thorough disappointments , you fall , you linger , you don't really have a plan but then you need to bring yourself back . Make a conscious effort on focusing on other things that interest you . Right now the skies seem cloudy but look at your progress already, you have left it to Allah (a good decision) and your discussing it here with people . When I was heart broken I could not get out of bed for like three months cause everything seemed useless . Have faith if she is meant to be with you no one can take it away but if not move on, plenty of great girls out there ready to whisked away by their knight in shinning armour. Be strong Be bold and May Allah guide you all.
Yours Truly
Tweety
Salam bro gsk,
You said, Quite depressed and have no clear thinking of what to do.
Just think that what happened with you is what Allah Willed. And i am sure you know that Allah knows what is better for us then we know ourselves.
Hope this helps.
Salam.
Yeah every one forgot to post or comment upon the problem i posted...carry on 🙁
Tweety72
May 23, 2013 • 12:02 am
Hi there,
New to this forum so please do not attack me, Hassan right ?
You definitely have a point when you say you at least need to try to get the girl of your dreams otherwise you will regret not asking for the rest of your life. Brother yes you can pray to Allah Almighty and who knows you might even get her one day but you do have to be strong in the case you do not as Allah is the best planners. Please do not loose hope or faith in Allah but as they say hope for the best and prepare for the worst as this life is a series if tests, for what we do here echoes into eternity. There is not a definite answer to your question, pray from the heart and I pray your wish comes true too. There is no recipe for a dua that can be accepted by Allah , he even answers the prayers of non Muslims. You sound like a nice guy so do not let this one incident define you as a human being , I am sure the girl does not hate you , no one can carry a grudge for so long. Your young try and focus on studies , career and life in general. But your a romantic " it's better to have loved and lost then not to love at all" and I so hope your fairy tale comes true , just don't focus all your energies on it. One day you will look back on this time and laugh at the outcome.
Its all over folks ...its all over...Hmm...i dont know how to break the news..bt my 4 years of struggling, crying, being heartbroken, praying each day and that too day and night has finally reached a conclusion..I dont know how to express this but i am utterly sad but somehow I still love Allah more...and I think i am able to bear the pressure and exasperation that has i have felt today..
So the story is, is that i took her pictures in my class..Now before every one start attacking me, I didnt share those pic with anyone and just had them so that i could see her becuz my vacations were coming, and i was getting whole lot of frustrated that 4 years have passed and my duas were still not being asked...So today b4 going to uni, as usual i couldnt go to sleep becuz she was in my dreams and somehow I had this gut feeling that Allah is going to help me get married to her.I was so in love with her..that i wrote on a piece of paper( DUA FINALLY FULFILLED, I and HER are going to get married)...this was ofcourse fantasy..I just loved and couldnt bear to be away from her..
So the next...I read Surah Yasin, and after that had a chat with Allah, and thanked him alot for becuz of Him, my parents were convinced that finally they can ask for her rishta...That was a great breakthrough from my side..bt nothing substantial from her side yet...as she still was in no talking terms...I got dressed and as usual while driving, i again asked Allah very lovingly that please He should grant my dua..The dua continued for 14 km drive,,
As soon as i reached my classroom,she passed and so did her friend..I had a firm belief that Allah would make her talk to me..Little did i know, that today my dreams would shatter...Her friend called me and said she wanted to talk to me...so I went and asked her what does she want..
She said( I know what you were doing in computer class)
I was liked now scared bt kept me cool, bt my insides were shaking, and just replied with WHAT
She again said...dont act, i saw with my own eyes of what u did...I again replied, i have no idea, and again said What...She then with a wave of arm just went off...
So just for damage control..i took pictures of every one in class who were studying infront of those 2 girls, so as to show that i take pics of everyone just for uni memories,and i also smiled alot, but in my heart, i was a bit uneasy, and when i reached home late,i couldnt eat and couldnt share with any one...Only Allah could listen to me...but in my heart , that finally my dream has shattered, beyond repairs..she never cared about my heart for her..i will never be able to ask for her again...Still in the end, i knw some might attack me and my only justification is that I loved her very much, that is why i took her picture...SO I still Love Allah very much despite of the experience slapping me quiet hard...I still have faith in him,and He is my best love...Thankyou all for your very nice comments and sharing..May Allah bless you and may Allah fulfill all your duas...Ameen
Salam Brother hasan,
I just i want to say one thing If you really love Allah like you claim to be Then why are you doing things which are not permitted by Allah. Which Allah told us not to do...
Is your love for Allah real???? i highly doubt.
because your actions say that you love your desires much more then anything else in the world.
And it seems that you love that girl much more then anything else in this world...much more then you love Allah.
And Allah knows best.
Apologies if i sound rude.
Salam
You are very right I agred with you
Need to talk with u hassan
shonu, we do not allow the exchange of private contact information. If you have advise for Hassan you can post it publicly.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yeah u sound very rude...and Holy Prophet never against of falling in love if ur intention is to get married...and i guess u dont know my intenion and my love for Allah...going thru a heart break without much discomfort or saddness, becuz i know Allah is with me..You had no right to judge me so quickly when u just havent seen me or knw me...so plz kindly keep ur judgement and assumptions to yourself..My contact with Allah is bw me and Allah, and only and Allah know how weak or strong it is ...You dont...
And by the way...i have forgotton about the girl...despite my 4 year struggle...becuz she was not worth it..i have made several duas...Allah will bring me better...so please dont do it again,
OK. Good.
This is my first post in this website and I am writing because once I had same experience like you. Once I fell in love with guy on telephone and we were very closed to each other. We never saw each other but still we were very much involved and planned about getting married, One day he insisted to see my picture and when I emailed him my pics, he refused to marry me. I was very disappointed and I did many wazifa and prayers that Allah change his heart and convince him to marry me. But nothing happened. I was very dishearted. Anyhow year passed and I was doing job. One day a guy joined my office and he had very gud nature. He gave very respect to females and was kind hearted person. I don't t know when he started liking me and he proposed me for marriage. In the beginning i was confused but in short I said ok after some while and now we are happily marred. He is really kind and nice person. One thing i forgot to mention is that my husband and that boy on telephone has same first name. My husband is not that person because I have seen that person pictures on mail. But my husband is very loving and caring and I love him very much. Now i realize that person on telephone was not for me because he doesnt deserve me. When that person left me I did so many wzifa that please Allah let Saqib to fall in true love with me. but nothing happened. Now i realized that Allah did listen to my prayers and He gave me another Saqib named person in replacement who really loves me , Allah didn't give me to a person who doesn't deserve me. He has given me the good replacement and now I am very happy with my life. The purpose of telling my life story is that never get disappointed from Allah. He has something special for you and girl your love was not worthy of your love. Sometimes we get so disappointed that we dont understand why Allah didn't listen to our prayers. But believe me He always listen and He will give you a much better companionship, That time don't forget to say thanks to Allah. Rest, Allah bless you and gives you patience and happiness. Allah bless you
Mam, first of all i m really grateful to you that you took out from your time to offer me some advice and honestly i am very glad that you were able to find a person who loves u regardless of ur faults..
Mam, my problem is now i m heartbroken, my heart is empty, and i am so confused that why me!!!...I waited for her for so many many years...I bore through so much heartache and pain when she wouldnt respond but I was so hopeful and took inspiration from youtube videos that i have to be patient to let Allah make his plans, it may takes more years..bt i was patient..bt to be honest, the more i prayed, the more i had expectation from Allah and the more pain and sadness i felt..I wasnt able to concentrate on my studies..I didnt let any girl enter my life, i was so faithful to her even though she didnt like me..I took her pictures because i loved from the deepest core of my heart..My university life which is utterly boring lit up whenever i would just see her, even the sight of her car or her ankle would make me feel giddy..On the last day of breakup, i again had the routine of praying to Allah alone in my room, i read surah yasin , and prayed for about 20 min...then while driving i did praying again...only to find that ...i m very depressed and heartbroken...bt i have trust in Allah ....what else can i say...i cant complain 🙁
can some other person present his her view point, I would be very grateful
Just a note to myself....i finally did 100 nafal prayer on this 21st night of ramazan...hoping that i might catch night of qadr....and prayed fervently that Allah grant my prayer that I get married to that girl and Allah bless that marriage..Allah Taalah, you just have to accept my dua now..I am praying my best...I know you will not let me down...:D...
Okay folks thankyou so much for your kind and gentle advices. from the depth of my heart, i thank you all so much that you patiently listened to my problem and perhaps this is going to be one of my last posts related to this issue.
This thing happened on 22 october...and i came here to jot down my feelings on this posts now. So on 22nd, my computer sir encouraged me to talk to her, I was dead scared to even approach her. He asked he she wont eat you, just message her that you require some help in studies. When i messaged her that (name can you please help me, i need your help in a test , its urgent)..So she didnt reply, my teacher encouraged me to talk to her directly. My legs were shaking, my mouth was dry , and i returned several times. Even the sight of her was so much pleasing to me that I was dead scared of talking to her. When finally i made my mind to go to her, little did i know that it would be the end of my love towards and my duas for marriage with her.
When i went to her, and i asked for help. She just very rudely demanded that i leave her. She told me to get out ..Now please keep in mind, that it was a computer lab, there were also many students who were witnessing this event. Probably 60 plus, and there were teachers also. My female class fellows were also beside her. I asked her that i also helped in when she desperately needed her help, she again said i dont want to help you, get out...And was quiet cold and well my shaking stopped and looked as if i have just been buried under a storm.
Then the computer sir said dont worry, it was just a rejection...No worries...then the matter didnt finish here..She messaged her mom and i dont know what stories she gave to her mom. Her mom called me and i picked up. She introduced herself and started yelling that if she ever see me even breathing air of her daughter, she will make sure that i get expelled from my university, i replied back firmly that she cant say that to me because i didnt say anything bad to her and just asked help in a test which was about to happen. then she replied (name, i am tired of your *!*!*!*!, u hear me , i will come to your university and go to higher administration), i said ( no problem, bismillah you must come, i am ready)...i knew she wouldnt come
I was quiet upset..She could have just kept the matter between her and I , she not only involved her mother but i was also quiet humiliated infront of many students..even after this event, i said Al hamdullah and thanked Allah for everything...When i reached home, my brother and father supported and loved me very much..In anger , i cursed her very much and sweared to her i will hate her for life and will never love of her again let alone think..I abused her in my heart and alone i wanted to reverse what happened..But the next day , i was fine because of my family support but she didnt came for 2 days...
Now today, i want to say , thankyou Allah for everything, she didnt deserve my honest love, i loved her from the deepest core of my heart, i prayed to Allah so much only Allah knows that..At times, i do think, where did all my duas go..Idont even look at her, although i sometimes feel sad that all my 4 years just went like that...but I still love Allah alot, without His help, i wouldnt have gotten over this feeling of dejection and rejection that most ppl go through
Hi broken heart
i have read all post here. However, i will like to find out what has happened in the end. Did the girl whom you loved married you?
I am sure if your love is true, love never fails. It is like a chick coming out from its shell. It will try and try until it comes out. It has to brother
Do you need any suggestions from me brother?
Hey Brother
I have been following your posts but never replied. MashAllah, I must say that you took the hit very well and it was only you true belief in Allah that you were able to sail through the storm.
I am currently in a similar situation and it just hurts so much. Please make dua that Allah puts HIs love before the love of any other in my and all the muslims living in the world. I can't start to explain how hollow i feel from inside. I keep on checking Facebook and others to see if she messaged, and not just every hour, i do that every few minutes. I feel i can't live with this. My whole life just revolves around just one person and that person barely makes an effort to communicate.
Please brothers and sisters on this forum, please make dua !
Assalamualikum !st of all dear brother em a girl of just 19 and i love a male of almost 24 he hates me a lot for no reason, but i love him more than anything in this world or anyone in the world, i offer my prayers and have strong believe on Allah He will surely bless me with the one i love. Allah said u should ask from me and must have believe that i will bless you keep your self determined and ask from Allah. The one who never denies.
Fiza, does it seem reasonable and healthy to love a man who hates you? Allah will not answer a prayer for something that is detrimental to you. You say you love him more than anything or anyone in the world, but a Muslim's duty is to love Allah first, and then to love Allah's Messenger, and to follow the guidelines of Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael
I think you have to think from Fiza angle. Only she knows how much she loves that person.
The other side of hatred is love. A mango will sweeten after it was sour.
InshaAllah the other person will change through time.
Fiza just ask Allah to give you patience.
All will end OK inshaAllah
I am confused here.
Who is Fiza?
The initial suggestion by me is to whom?
First of all dont fall in love. Read backwards is EVOL!!
Assalamu alaykum everyone
Hw are you Hasan? I read the posts abt you...did you get married now?
I Pray Allah to gve you happiness of both the worlds..ameen
Remember that Allah swt will not guide the wicked. He (SWT) wants the best for His servants. So would He put them with someone who will make them suffer, even if they make so much duah for that person? So seek a person of faith equal to you. Such a girl may have not been pleasing in Allah's eyes and He did not want her for His servant. Remember that Allah swt is All Knowing and Wise.
A, I edited your comment slightly. When giving advice, be kind. There's no need to insult people.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i am in the same problem i like a girl in my department. we both are doing BBA and she is 1 year junior than me and i like her and i told her and we talked like 3-4 times but she is a shy and decent girl she doesnt wants any relationships. i pray alot about my sins and do taubah and namaz. i am gonna graduate in 1 year and i want to marry this girl. i cant live without her. i will talk to my parents and they will have no issue regarding this. but i have three problems 1. how my family can approach her parents because they dont have any connection between them? is her family gonna accept me? i dont know if that girl likes me or is she gonna like me? i pray alot to ALLAH SWT. guys please help me regarding these problems.
Salaams,
You won't know how her family will feel about you until they are approached. You may need to get their information from her if you are serious about sending a proposal. Personally I wouldn't send one if you don't even know that she likes you first, so perhaps you should send a mutual friend or coworker to her to see if she is even interested in you like that before going any further.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
thank you for replying. her mom is same village as my family and i think she will like me. and about that girl i asked her that she likes me or not she was shy so she started smiling and blushing i asked her mamy times but she never told me. should i tell her that i want to marry her? or my family wants to meet her family?
kindly reply me. she saw me in her dream and she talked to me because i was angry at her and she said sorry to me and we talked. and i got happy that was the best day ever. i have a question. why she saw me in her dream? may be she likes me? or she thinks about me? can anyone help.
Assalamualaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barraqatuhu brothers and sisters
I am a 21 year old girl and persuing last sem of my degree at the moment...it is my classmate whom i am in love with and we love eachother a lot and were planning for marraige...and we confessed our feelings infront of our families and they agreed for it...now he is engaged to someone else(read his soul uncle's daughter) because his family members(read his mum,grandma and uncle)doesnot want him to get married to the outsider family girl because they believe that outsider family girls dont serve as good daughter-in-laws...they were ready to get us marry before but i dont know what went wrong with them suddenly...when he proposed me i performed namaz-e-ishtekhara and the result came out to be extremely good and i am really very much thankful to allah for this and the guy loves me even today...his grandma is aged and forced him to get engaged with his uncle's daughter eventhough knowing that we love eachother a lot and told him that this is her last wish...i trust allah more than anything else in the world and didnt blame anybody for this action(read a forceful engagement)...i believe that allah knows what we all know not and he is the all alone who makes us to b the perfect pairs out of the backbone of the guy...alhamdulilah i offer 5 time daily prayers and tahajjud and made a niyah to fast for 41 days...inshallah allah gives me wats the best...plz pray for me and help me for what should i do for next....
Roohi, you say you prayed Istikhara and "the result came out to be extremely good and i am really very much thankful to Allah for this"
Roohi - how is the result "extremely good"?? This boy became engaged to another woman. He has committed to marriage to another woman.
Your istikhara has been answered and Allah is telling you to move on. You asked Allah to help you make a decision, and the result is that Allah showed you that this boy will be marrying someone else.
You should find another person to marry because this one has been taken.
Boy and Girl love each other. Now Boy got engaged. Girl now wants boy.
There is no logic here. If the boy loves you why didn't he object to the engagement. It does not matter in any case.
You have to ask him why he allowed such thing to happen in the first place. If he is not brave then he should stay away from love.
Find out the reason first, before you commit deeply and fall for him completely.
Always remember LOVE read backwards is EVOL means EVIL.
But to love someone is a good feeling. Convince him that you love him so much and ensure his reciprocation.
All the best
Gazzali
Assalamoalikum all!
I am new here......
Just keep praying. I know Allah will give her to you if you love her enough. Allah is always there. He's just testing you, brother. Just include Allah in every aspect of your life and InshaAllah you will get the one you love bec Allah is merciful and only He understands your pain.
"I know Allah will give her to you if you love her enough."
Life doesn't work that way, and neither does dua'. Allah will answer a dua' with the thing that is good or best for you. It might not be what you are asking for. Not everyone gets the object of their desire.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Im in relationships with a cristian girls for 3 years and she was always asking get marry me i will be muslim and i had always said i can't marry you but now i want maryy her i change my mind .now she is trying to ignore me evwn i said i want to marry you she didn't accept so what should i do now pls anyone help me answer my regarding
Be careful of this situation. Either she is vengeful as you have ignored her previously. Or she has come to her senses that marriage is more than she thought of it earlier on. Most likely she got another " better" bf than u.
Better in a sense she can less hurdle to jump.
Move away! Or else she will hurt u.
Hasan,i'm hoping that you are fine and well.I have a guy at university that i really like.He's studied mechanical engineering ,has graduated from uni.I really like him and even spoke to him once.I realy like him but he issue is that my father is forcing me to marry someone in his family,that is marry me to one of my cousins.I don't want to marry them.i've liked this guy from
Mech. Engineering since 2nd year ,i even got him to speak to my mom once.Maybe it was awkward for him.
When i ask my father to speak to him he says don't talk to me about this.This guy is not your mehram and gets irritated if i repeat this to him again
How can we live life the halal way when our parents make it so difficult for us?
I only want to ask the man who initiated this post that did you get her brother with the power of your dua???
I hate wasting my time when it comes to looking for a spouse so I just try to be very cold towards any girl so that I won't have my time wasted on texting and other stuff. Will Allah give me a good spouse even if I don't make any effort at all because of this verse I keep seeing "what is meant for you will come even if it is between two mountains". I'm 20 so it's obviously much harder to stay away from zina at this age so I want to get married to protect myself and yes, I know all the rules and responsibilities about getting married, I completely understand what I'm getting myself into. I just need to know will Allah give a good wife because of the verse I keep seeing.
Read tahjud prayer and never underestimate the power of supplication, because nothing is impossible for Allah. Allah knows well what is good for us so never loose heart trust Allah . Dua only works for who makes it with sincerity and faith.
Say Alhamdulillah in every good and bad condition. And Allah Almighty will solve your any problem whether its marriage problem or other.