Comments on: He’s trying to divorce and abandon me for no good reason http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/hes-trying-to-divorce-and-abandon-me-for-no-good-reason-25-june-2010-ready/ Islamic marriage advice and family advice Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:34:27 +0000 hourly 1 By: brokenhearted http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/hes-trying-to-divorce-and-abandon-me-for-no-good-reason-25-june-2010-ready/comment-page-1/#comment-17338 brokenhearted Sat, 21 Aug 2010 21:33:23 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4539#comment-17338 I thnk he doesn't want to spell it out for you that he's done with u and u guys should go ur own separate ways cuz at one point he did care for u. But u need to understand that he took u out of the house and told u ur history!!!!! How can u still b wanting to b with him. Show him u have moved on and fnd a better suitable man for urself. U deserve better. I thnk he doesn't want to spell it out for you that he's done with u and u guys should go ur own separate ways cuz at one point he did care for u. But u need to understand that he took u out of the house and told u ur history!!!!! How can u still b wanting to b with him. Show him u have moved on and fnd a better suitable man for urself. U deserve better.

]]> By: Leyla http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/hes-trying-to-divorce-and-abandon-me-for-no-good-reason-25-june-2010-ready/comment-page-1/#comment-16471 Leyla Sun, 18 Jul 2010 12:15:24 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=4539#comment-16471 Salaam My Sister, I am sorry for this predicament you have found yourself in and for this pain you feel from your husband's ambivalent behaviour towards you. From what I have understood in your statement - you are already divorced from this man, you are living in separate accommodation and he is getting remarried to someone else and still visiting you for the physical relationship in return for economic sustenance. All of your history and all of the experiences to this date are of no use to the current reality and of any decisions you want to making moving forwards. By my definition you have become his concubine and you are having a hard time seeing this for what it is because you still relate to him as your husband, and he is acting as though this divorce is a pretence even though Islamically and legally you are divorced, with all paperwork and living arrangements currently testifying to this truth. He has offered you financial sustenance in return for your (what can now only be defined as) an extra marital relationship that he is having with you now, and Islamically unacceptable relationship that he is conducting with you. You too, are not recognising the facts of what is happening and still feel yourself to be married even though you are not. You can sense that your relationship will be dissolved as soon as his wife comes to visit you, and still you are fighting it in some way and still behaving and acting like his wife even though you have signed divorce papers and not become remarried and even though you are living in a separate home with the knowledge that his new wife is on her way to move in with him and live life as a married woman to him. My advice to you my sister is to recognise what is happening and stick firm to reality and truth which is that no man (no matter what your previous relationship was) can share your bed without being married to you - that is called Zina. And you must also hold fast to your integrity and sense of self worth by refusing to swap physical relations for economic sustenance from a man whose intention is to keep you as a concubine, secret from his life and with no access to the rights of a wife which are to walk with honour by your husband, in family and in society in a legitimate relationship. You have an important decision to make and an important reality to face. My advise to you is to stop sharing your bed with him as currently you are an unmarried couple, and to find some means to support yourself so that you are not dependent on him financially, and as a result of that, vulnerable to doing what he wants in order to be able to continue with your study and your life. If he seeks to honour you, do right by you and share your bed with you then he will have to remarry you and deal with whatever consequences come as a result by that, and stand up to his family and his new wife. You deserve a husband who will do right by you and honour you in every way, so do not reduce yourself to low levels and do not accept anything other than what is Islamically permissible. Peace, Leyla Editor, Islamic Answers Salaam My Sister,

I am sorry for this predicament you have found yourself in and for this pain you feel from your husband's ambivalent behaviour towards you.

From what I have understood in your statement - you are already divorced from this man, you are living in separate accommodation and he is getting remarried to someone else and still visiting you for the physical relationship in return for economic sustenance. All of your history and all of the experiences to this date are of no use to the current reality and of any decisions you want to making moving forwards.

By my definition you have become his concubine and you are having a hard time seeing this for what it is because you still relate to him as your husband, and he is acting as though this divorce is a pretence even though Islamically and legally you are divorced, with all paperwork and living arrangements currently testifying to this truth.

He has offered you financial sustenance in return for your (what can now only be defined as) an extra marital relationship that he is having with you now, and Islamically unacceptable relationship that he is conducting with you. You too, are not recognising the facts of what is happening and still feel yourself to be married even though you are not.

You can sense that your relationship will be dissolved as soon as his wife comes to visit you, and still you are fighting it in some way and still behaving and acting like his wife even though you have signed divorce papers and not become remarried and even though you are living in a separate home with the knowledge that his new wife is on her way to move in with him and live life as a married woman to him.

My advice to you my sister is to recognise what is happening and stick firm to reality and truth which is that no man (no matter what your previous relationship was) can share your bed without being married to you - that is called Zina. And you must also hold fast to your integrity and sense of self worth by refusing to swap physical relations for economic sustenance from a man whose intention is to keep you as a concubine, secret from his life and with no access to the rights of a wife which are to walk with honour by your husband, in family and in society in a legitimate relationship.

You have an important decision to make and an important reality to face. My advise to you is to stop sharing your bed with him as currently you are an unmarried couple, and to find some means to support yourself so that you are not dependent on him financially, and as a result of that, vulnerable to doing what he wants in order to be able to continue with your study and your life.

If he seeks to honour you, do right by you and share your bed with you then he will have to remarry you and deal with whatever consequences come as a result by that, and stand up to his family and his new wife.

You deserve a husband who will do right by you and honour you in every way, so do not reduce yourself to low levels and do not accept anything other than what is Islamically permissible.

Peace,

Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers

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