We both want to get married but his parents don’t agree.
I want someone to help me out with this. I am very tense and ashamed. I know I made mistakes and huge sins but I am already asking for forgiveness from Allah. I know this guy from past 5 years, the moment we first spoke he proposed me for an arranged marriage i.e. 5 years back and I talked with my mother and he talked with his dad. I asked my mother how does he look like because she knew what kind of person he was and I liked him a lot. My mother told me he is fat, huge and darkish brown which of course wasn't pleasant but his heart was pure and looks didn't matter. At our house, my mother told me let him come and at his side his father disagreed after knowing who my parents were. I don't know the reason and even he doesn't know.
Our families are different, my parents struggled a lot for us, even I remember my dad not having money for food and he won't eat and give us some how. My mom worked all her life just to provide us with education and basic necessities of life; I remember both my parents working day and night at different different places just for us . We lived in one room apartment, now after we have done half of our studies we are better than before and we are helping our parents. After 4-5 years my brothers will also be able to support my parents and inshallah things will be far much better. I love my parents and I can do anything for them. I have always seen my parents fighting and my dad still beats my mother, most of the time its my mother's mistake. My dad says the only reason I am with your mother is you; if you are not here I will never live with this woman. they have some family,some past issues and sexual matters that they can't sort out and we can't help them as we don't think its appropriate to tell them (of course we understand now what they fight for and we know the solutions as well ). At his (boy) side of course they are far more better than us as they have money , a huge villa , latest model cars, their own business, plus higher level jobs .
Now, after first rejection we stopped contacts and later few months he came back again and again his parents disagreed and then we again stopped talking and then again; it continued for 4 years. He kept telling his parents he wants to marry me and they kept refusing and they always tried to make him marry somewhere of their choice and things never went smooth with any of the proposals that his parents find. He came in my life; I changed, I was always upset from my mom dad fighting, I had no hope , I used to think men always beat their wives and its their right, they can. He told me what my religion says and I should always do search on it, I started to talk nice and I had lost hope and I tried to kill myself 2 times before when my parents fight and make things worse. Now when my parents would fight he would tell me what to do and it used to help me. I never used to have my hijaab and talking with guys was a normal thing, never prayed except ramadan but he changed me. Now, I put on hijaab and stopped contacts with other boys and concentrate on my prayers, I think I got more closer to ALLAH when he was with me.
Last year, we struggled very hard. I performed istikhara and so did he, we were so positive we both saw things which showed us signs, had positive feelings and many of our friends also came to know about us. I told my dad this time and he said if he comes with his parents I will say yes but if he cannot then you should forget him. He is a nice son, he never said a no to his parents for anything they wanted or asked, when it came to his marriage he thought its his right to at least marry of his own choice. What he tells me is that his parents were angry because I never said a no to them in entire life and now when I said your name they got angry and told me that I am disobeying them somehow and they hate me. That he stood in front of his parents because of me, one major reason is that they think I want their money and that is the reason I want to marry him. He told me that he can't listen to what his parents say and he knows that they are wrong thinking like this about you. I was hurt by all this but the man is really good, his Islamic believes are clear he can distinguish between right and wrong and he respect my parents a lot. But the only issue is with his parents they think negative of my family and none of the things which they think is right. He has tried a lot to convince them but they would bring up more negative things.
In this past year we committed huge sins which we never wanted to and we both are ashamed of our acts. We were still struggling for it and things went really bad when his parents caught some very inappropriate pictures of OUR huge sin (sorry I can't explain those pictures I am hell ashamed to write or even to say them). We had deleted all that stuff but one small memory chip was lost from his side and somehow he totally forgot about it; now, after 7-8 months they caught it. We both are going through huge pain and stress. I am unable to eat because if I do; I vomit, can't sleep because once I sleep then I wake up with a little noise, can't study; I just sit and I keep sitting with literally a blank mind. I go to the job and I forget in middle of the conversation what I was speaking to the client. I drive and I don't know where I go and after I come back to my senses I am on some other route then, I take right roads and then again I am gone and again I forget where I am going then I come back home late and have to lie to my parents. Today I am fasting may ALLAH give me strength and help me get out of this.
They were angry with him because they think I belong to a bad family now, they don't talk to him and tell him that you are not our son. To apologise he said that he will do whatever they ask, somehow they signal towards me and he said I will leave that girl if you forgive me. Somehow they allowed him to at least stay with them. This guy told me all the situation and told me that we should move on in life and I marry someone and make our parents happy may be we can attain heaven and forgiveness of ALLAH and as well as of our parents. But, if we still go against them, we might be happy in one room but our parents will curse us forever and we will surely destroy our hereafter and this world as well. Which I can't understand; his parents reject me only on basis that I am after their money or I do black magic stuff which is untrue.
I consulted with an imam 4 years back and he said the guy should fight because his parents never gave a solid reason. Now when I consulted him back he said again that we can marry because its our right and we will not be committing any sin. I am confuse with the things he tell me and that imam told me, I read that if we ask for pure forgiveness we both can marry and it will be valid. I told him why don't I go and apologise and ask them to let us marry, to which he said at the moment I am controlling them somehow not to come to your house. He said; why I want to bring that fire which is already in his house to my house because his parents said if he ever mention my name again, they will also show all that to my parents and will humiliate them and me. Every time I see my parents face I feel like crying and begging them for forgiveness. I cried in front of my mother she asked me about him and I just said his parents don't agree I can't tell her more, sometimes when she see tears in my eyes she gets so angry that she wants to go to their house and make them explain but I stop her that they will be humiliated. I can't do this to my parents. I feel like leaving my house I can't give them shame or I should commit suicide because I have no place on earth to live. I disappointed my parents who trusted me and loved me so much.
We committed huge sins and we are repenting but we also want to marry. We never met after all this happened, I like this guy and he likes me our intentions were never bad we always wanted to marry with his parents' consent at least. We were so good we make each other a better couple and a better Muslim; we decided that after our nikkah the first thing we would do is to perform ummrah. I would be best in my house and he will take care of my every need, if we have issues we will first talk rather than any other major fights, we will make our children better Muslims so that they don't do those sins which we did. We would understand them and so much, every night we would have tears in our eyes we were ashamed of our sins and wanted ALLAH to forgive us. We wanted a halal relationship but things went so bad, he says that, may be one day when his parents will no longer be here or when he will be independent he will marry me .
The only happiness I had in my life was him, my parents don't understand much of Islam, many of their concept are different from me, for e.g. Hijaab , family issues and much more. The only hope I had that may be one day my life will be better was all because of him now, he is also not here I don't know what to do? I am praying, when I read Qur'an I cry a lot I can't see words and I can't pronounce , I can't see my friends because they love me in a way which makes me cry. On other hand he doesn't have any friends because his parents never let him make friends . His parents think I was the one who is bad , in fact I always told this guy to go away but he kept coming back and back. Now, the situation in which we are is very difficult; so hard for us to get separate. If I go to police they will make us marry according to this country s LAW , but both our families will be humiliated and might never forgive us, and if they don't our this world will be destroyed.
I need someone to guide me; I want this guy. I am ashamed of my sins and I want his parents to come to my house and don't humiliate my family but ask my hand with respect. We want this world and hereafter, I know I am asking alot from ALLAH. Someone please guide me, we both are in very hard situation. I want the same me back who was happy , when I used to look at my parents I never felt sad but hoped that I will make them proud and what I did was not what I wanted. I want to know the circumstances in which we can marry and marriage remains valid and our parents unhappiness doesn't effect us in hereafter. I can't see any other guy in my life again; I can't imagine my husband (if he is a stranger) touching me, like I don't know how will I tell him what I want. I am too scared to marry someone I don't know, it took me 5 years to be sure I want this guy; how can I just go ahead and marry someone else? Here on this website; I see so many issues between husband and wives which really scare me, sometimes I decide not to marry anyone else.
Please help me out, I do have hope that one day everything will be fine but I am struggling a lot with myself in almost every matter and I need to calm myself but can't find anything. Please help me out and don't be harsh I am already suffering a lot; sorry for such a long post.
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