Muslim Girl, Depressed and Alone, Hopes of Marriage Shattered
I'm 27 year old muslim girl living in the United States. I was abandoned by my family when I was just a baby and placed in an orphanage. When I was a little older I was adopted by a Christian family. I grew up very confused about who I was but decided as an adult that in my heart Islam was truly the right path for me to follow. However still to this day I am tormented with feelings of not belonging or fitting in anywhere.
My adoptive family now lives thousands of miles away and so I feel truly alone even living in a city of 8 million people... and I find it very hard to make sincere friends who will not try and abuse, corrupt or lead me astray as I have made many mistakes this way in my past when I was first put out on my own at 18 years old. Some days my feelings of loneliness and invisibility are so overwhelming I find it impossible to get out of bed in the morning or go to work.
All I want I to get married to a nice muslim man and have children with that person so I can have a family of my own. This seems next to impossible for me as most Arabic Muslim have their spouses picked through their families and someone like me with no family looking out for me would never be even considered as an option.
I did try dating in the past but that too is useless because no Muslim guy I have ever met will take a girl seriously if she dates and will just try to use me. In 9 years I met 2 men that I wanted to marry and was sincere in my intentions with. They both played me in the end. The first went on "vacation" and got married and lied to me about being married and I later found out how the family used to ridicule and joke about me behind my back which hurt so much. I was depressed for months. The second time the guy told me after two years of dating that he had a duty to his family to get married to a girl cousin from his same village and nobody else.
I am getting so close to 30 years old now and I feel completely hopeless and scared to think that I very well may be destined to spend my entire life alone with no family and no nothing. I know Allah knows best but I just dont understand why someone could be meant to walk through life alone? What is the meaning of my suffering? Is all this because I am being forced to pay for the sins of my parents which I cannot ever change? Please I am so depressed I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up I need advice for what to do with my situation.
shams alghayeb
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Salaams,
I can definitely relate to your experiences. Although I was not adopted, my parents were emotionally and physically negligent during the first 9 months of my life. I ended up going to live with my grandparents before I was a year old, but they were not very attentive to the special emotional needs I had due to the scars I had already endured. I grew up as an only child, socially isolated, not connected to any family. My grandparents were emotionally distant and my bio parents were not in contact with me as I grew up at all.
Like you, I thought marrying and having a family of my own would fill those deep needs in me. Like you, I can't remember a time feeling like I fit in anywhere or belonged to any people. I thought finding love or loving others would suffice. I left my grandparents when I was 18 on my own, trying to make my life what I dreamed it to be. But no matter what I did toward that end, the depression and ache of loneliness remained a constant. Sometimes it got so bad that I struggled with suicidal feelings.
What I'm here to tell you is that, after a very long, difficult and enlightening journey through growing up and seeking truth in Christianity and now finally finding it in Islam, is that Allah is truly the only Sufficer for needs so deep. The loneliness doesn't go away just because you find a husband. Even if he is the most wonderful, loving man, the needs you have will only be filled so much by your marriage with him. Children, likewise, are beings we have to give all of ourselves to. Although raising them is quite fulfilling, it won't fill that deep hole.
So my advice to you sister, after having beat my head on some of the same walls time and time again, is to do your best to stop trying to find the solution in someone or something that doesn't really have it. Some folks like us struggle the rest of our lives to work against those feelings of being dissociated and alone, and we have to turn to Allah again and again with our broken hearts to find peace.
I truly think it's hard for others who haven't had that unique experience of being torn from their family of origin at a very young age to really understand what the isolation feels like. They don't understand why no matter how many people you might get close to, it still doesn't feel "close enough". They don't understand why it seems like connecting with others often seems like a mystery with rules that were told to everyone but us. But, I do understand sister, and I know there are others who have been through the same thing that can relate as well.
My dua for you is that you meet a special man that can really understand what you've struggled with. That will care for you sincerely and patiently; and love you for who you are and everything that has made you unique and valuable. As painful as life may have been for you so far, please know that Allah has blessed you with a special kind of resilience that has carried you through things that others cannot even imagine, let alone have the strength to conquer. Allah is with you even when it doesn't feel like it, even when it feels like you've been abandoned again. He will always be with you no matter what you face, I guarantee it.
Keep turning to him, and don't give up. I believe Allah has a special love for orphans or the castaways because His most beloved nabi Muhammad SAWS was one himself. I really believe Allah will provide His nearness to you in a dynamic and meaningful way if you don't give up clinging to Him.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Subhana Allah What an amazing Answer sister ?
And you Emaan and trust in Allah is Incredible .. Allahu Akbar !!!
Just want to add to it, Every one feels loneliness,even those with a loving family like me.
This dunya is full of test and hardships, yes .. it becomes a test if we are patient and becomes a hardship when we are not patient.
Those who are single, their problem is to get married.
Those who are married, their spouses become their problem.
Those who have no kids, wanting kids is their problem.
Those who have kids, kids are their problem.
Those who don't have a job, finding a job is their problem.
Those who have a job, their job is a problem.
Those who live in the 3rd world countries
Sister if you really look at life everything that we get comes with a "problems included", the grass is never greener on the other side , Have trust in Allah, By his honor and majesty no evil comes from him,
You are 27, I had a sister who was 34, "not that good looking" according to people, poor, which caused me depression as to why she could not get married and then Allah sent her a man who loves her dearly and it made me think Subhana Allah(He even helps her with the laundry .... 🙂 ) ... the wait was worth it and Alhamdulillah she is expecting a baby which is due very soon .... Insha Allah and she is very happy with him.
Don't lose trust in Allah and don't think that I don't "get you", I am currently jobless(which makes me uneasy, but I know Allah would never want anything for me but good) I do, because I know what it feels to be" not wanted" , as I am such a person, no matter what I do, people never consider me their friend, but I just realized that Allah was protecting me from bad influences and I am grateful to Allah that they never tried to befriend me because if they had ... Ya Allah I do not want to imagine it.
Allah has a plan for me and you, and for everyone around us. To get the Apple on the top perch, you will have to climb the tree, only the people who are worthy of you will reach you not lazy foxes who want "easy-apples" which hang low at the bottom of the tree.
You are not responsible for what your parents did and what they did Allah will question them on the day of Judgement for that, I would advise you to self-reflect, try to connect with Allah not on a mechanical level but on an emotional level(if you do, then Alhamdulillah and make dua for this brother to reach that level), Try to reach out to the Muslim community where you live and there are thousand of revert brothers out there who are finding it difficult to get married, because of this stupid,useless culture thing,I don't understand why you need to find a potential spouse among the arab community, if you are arab, then I suggest that you change place where you look for a spouse, because if you don't want to break culture it could be hard for you
i like helpless slave's reply.
This is a late response but I was truly impressed with Amy's sincere/thoughtful words and personal story. I too have felt like an orphan many times in my life due to many difficult things.
Dearest shams alghayeb:
If you ever come back to this post please listen. It is completely true that this world can feel meaningless/empty. Islam (and other religions) teach us that alignment with the Creator is the one thing that gives us "peace". Living within this alignment gives peace of mind and peace of heart.
Dr. Tariq Ramadan has often said that people WILL let you down - be that your spouse, your children, your friends and so on. After so many years of my own sufferings, loneliness, challenges I do not rely on "people" as we are generally fickle. I do not expect them to be perfect. I try my best to be aligned with the Creator to guide me. It gives me a foundation where I know the things in my life are helping me to become stronger, to learn, to transcend, to progress. And sometimes I simply cry, and submit myself to the will of the Creator when there is little I can do. Out of this "acceptance" (when difficult things happen) I eventually find myself going in a new direction that typically has greater benefits to my life.
You are not in this dunya to ONLY make salat and read Quran. You are here for a purpose. You are here to learn as much as possible, stretch your capabilities, and contribute your unique skills to the larger community. You are one of Allah's beings and you are valuable.
The men that treated you in this manner are very low people, and I was horrified at the family making fun of you. Please do not be depressed because of the vile actions of such people. If they are that vile, you should be as far away as possible from them. Keep in mind also that people reap what they sow. Therefore those mens' marriages will likely have problems due to their own bad natures! Do not for a moment think that people who can so easily torture you will not have further rendezvous with shaitan. Give thanks to Allah that you have been spared and learned their true natures.
I want to remind you again how valuable you are. I sense you are a good person who is lacking a feeling of self worth. The problem with having suffered in life is that your memories can overwhelm you so you spend most of your time thinking negative thoughts. In Islam we are asked to be positive in our outlook. If you want a happy family and loving husband then imagine that every day, feel it, give thanks to Allah for it. Remember, what you focus on most you draw into your life. So this is a good time for you to cleanse your life of toxic (and empty/meaningless) people It's a good time to clean out all areas of your life that are not serving you and prepare everything for the good that Allah has in store for you.
I want to remind you again, that the vile people of this world should NOT have the privilege of affecting how you feel about yourself and your value to the Creator. THEIR opinions are NOT important. Your inner voice, your connection to Allah, and the people who become your SINCERE friends are the ones that matter. I think if I were you I would feel sorry for such families and men that can behave in such atrocious ways. It is pathetic and a sure sign that they are unhappy/insecure people.
If you are wondering WHY you attracted them? Very simple. You are off centre. You are vulnerable. You are focused on your negative memories and therefore in feeling lowly and insecure you attracted lowly and insecure people who tormented you. Forget marriage for now because you are still very young. Focus on healing your heart and mind. Focus on feeling Allah's presence in your life. Focus on pursuing the things that you feel are your inherent talents. Focus on clearing the bad from your life to allow the good to come. Focus on becoming a centered, happy, lovely woman with confidence in order to attract the right husband and happy family life. Just as good people are for good people, you must raise your self value and self confidence before you consider potential spouses. A loving, responsible, sensitive husband is not going to match up to a woman who is feeling like a miserable mess, and vice versa. And any potential spouse who is judging you based on your relatives or social standing is using dunya criteria, not deen criteria.
I hope this helps. I hope you see this. Otherwise anyone else out there - may it help someone who has been through these situations.
Allah bless you!
Definitely your advice is beneficial for not only the OP, but for us as well, MashaAllah.
The sooner we realize that the medicine/cure for our sorrows and pain is the connection with Allah, the better off we will all be in this world that is full of challenges of all sorts.
AsSalaamu Alaikum Dear Sister,
One option which is not common in western culture but very acceptable and normal in Islam is you can go to your local Imam and let him know your situation and that you would like to get married. He should be able to help you. You would be surprised. And if you live in a big city there should be many Mosques for you to choose from if you do not already frequent one in particular. Maybe you would prefer getting to know a sister and getting her input first.
If you are open, you might consider online Muslim matrimonial sites. Online "dating" (of course you are not dating, but looking for a husband) is something people turn their noses up at, but for American Muslims who lack the social fabric which makes marriage easier for Muslims of other cultures, it makes perfect sense to me. In your case it is a parental issue and not cultural, but it is all the same. You would have to be very careful of course. Do not move forward on this idea without the protection and guidance of a Wali or Wakiel, who you may also have to find at a/your mosque.
Insha'Allah you get married Sister. Getting married will give you many things you should have- But do remember that even in very good relationships the lonliness can be torment. It is a phenomenon that has amazed me for a good long time, until I came to the conclusion that lonliness is a Mercy from Allah swt. It is an internal yearning that can only be satisfied by love in/with/of Allah. That yearning drives us until we seek Allah, so it is a Mercy. That is just the way I think of it Sister. When lonliness is wounding my heart, I remember Allah with gratitude, and I continue remembrance in Salaat, and Quran- reading and listening (listening puts me at ease immediately so that I can move forward and pray and read).
May Allah give you peace and tranquility in your heart and life.
Your Sister
hana
ASSALAMALAIKUM-shams alghayeb
CHEERS FOR THE GREATEST BLESSING FROM ALLAH FOR COMING OUT OF THE POLYTHEISTIC RELIGION CHRISTIANITY INSPITE OF LIVING IN THAT ATMOSPHERE-
YOU ARE ONE AMONG MILLIONS WHO HAVE THE CHANCE TO GET ISLAM IN YOUR HEART AND SOUL AND THE WEALTH WHICH YOU HAVE IS UN IMAGINABLE-
MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF MUSLIMS ALSO HAVE FALLEN PREY TO THE WESTERN WORLD AND ARE LIVING AND DYING IN THAT STATE OF DRINKING,DRUGS AND MANY MANY EVILS-
SEEING YOU IT IS A REAL HAPPINESS YOU ARE CRAVING FOR A HALAL LIFE ACCEPTABLE TO ALLAH THAT IS NIKAH MARRIAGE AND HAVING A FAMILY-
IT IS JUST A TEST ALLAH IS DOING TO CHECK YR PATIENCE AND TRUST ON HIM-THERE IS NO HARM IF YOU ARE 27 OR 30 YEARS-
YOU ARE STILL YOUNG AND THE ONE ALLAH HAS MADE FOR YOU WILL COME YOU WILL GET MARRIED INSHALLAH AND ALSO HAVE CHILDREN DONT WORRY-
ITS JUST A METTER OF TIME -ONE SUGGESTION JUST START SEEKING KNOWLEDGE TILL HE COMES=
"Knowledge is a comforting friend in times of loneliness, it is the best companion during travels, and it is the inner friend who speaks to you in your privacy. Knowledge is the discerning proof of what is right and what is wrong, and it is the positive force that will help you surmount the trials of comfort, as well as those of hardships. Knowledge is your most powerful sword against your enemy, and finally, it is your most dignifying raiment in the company of your close companions."
"‘O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another. O My servants, all of you are astray except for those I have guided, so seek guidance of Me and I shall guide you. O My servants, all of you are hungry except for those I have fed, so seek food of Me and I shall feed you. O My servants, all of you are naked except for those I have clothed, so seek clothing of Me and I shall clothe you. O My servants, you sin by night and by day, and I forgive all sins, so seek forgiveness of Me and I shall forgive you. O My servants, you will not attain harming Me so as to harm Me, and you will not attain benefiting Me so as to benefit Me. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as pious as the most pious heart of any one man of you, that would not increase My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to be as wicked as the most wicked heart of any one man of you, that would not decrease My kingdom in anything. O My servants, were the first of you and the last of you, the human of you and the jinn of you to rise up in one place and make a request of Me, and were I to give everyone what he requested, that would not decrease what I have, any more than a needle decreases the sea if put into it.
O My servants, it is but your deeds that I reckon up for you and then recompense you for, so let him who finds good praise Allah and let him who finds other than that blame no one but himself.’"
READ THESE TO INCREASE YR KNOWLEDGE-THIS WILL HELP YOU COME CLOSER TO ALLAH-
http://islamicweb.com/?folder=bible The Last Prophet What all Christians and Jews MUST know about the Bible.
ASAWRWB sister,
I feel your pain in this letter. I sincerely do. Sister you are not the only one that felt like this.. I know many sisters that got married in late twenties through late thirties.i got married in my late twenties 29 and alhumdulilah within three yrs of marriage i have five kids(2 twin sets and im pregnant) .. Sister i remember feeling so sad that i was educated and yet couldnt find a husband in my early fwenties so i worjed worked amd worked and then BAM! ALLAH swt sent me a gem. When we look for things we dont find them! Get busy! Live life! Men can sense desperation! Life is not only about marriage and kids! Believe me sis enjoy life and your singleness bcos when you do maery inshallah you will see that quiet time aa a distant memory with lil babies and you will cherish that time and aprreciate married life better! Im so glad and many other sisters are glad to have learned how to ve self sufficient and strong beforemarriage. I was even told bcos i webt thru fgm that i wouldnt have kids but ALLAH swt had other plans for me. Sister all im saying is that emotions like this are normal! Pray salah, do isthikara and dont be easily taken bcos you are lonely! Get busy! People will fail you but trust in ALLAH swt tobring you a partner when YOU are ready
Salam sister,
You are not alone. May Allah guide you, may He guide us all.
Our situations are different but I'm 28 divorced because my husband abused verbally and physically. My family abandoned me cause of shame. I am now living alone and just trying to be a good muslima. I wear hijab now, pray, and try to keep away from haram.
At times I feel lonely and empty and even hate the life I'm living but in the end I have so much to be thankful for because Allah saved me. I wish to get married too once again, have children and I yearn to be loved. Allah tests the ones He loves sister. Be strong, be patient, and pray. Make tawbah for your past sins and may Allah forgive you. Don't loose hope, sometimes we have to be patient in order for things to fall in place. What you want right now is probably what's not best for you at the moment, Allah has something great in store for you perhaps and you just need to focus on becoming a better Muslim. You will get what you want, ask Allah for His mercy, ask Allah for his guidance. Make dhikir as much as you can and stay away from haram. My heart goes out to you, my prayers are with you sister you are not alone you have Allah, He sees all and knows all. InshaAllah you will be ok.
“My Lord says, ‘If My slave comes nearer to me for a span, I go nearer to him for a cubit; and if he comes nearer to Me for a cubit, I go nearer to him for the span of outstretched arms; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.’
Keep your head up sister. You are a strong woman, don't let the shaitan get to you, strengthen you faith, your heart. Bless you sister and may Allah make it easy for you inshaAllah. Be grateful and thankful you are still alive, if this life is bad to you sister the next life will surely be much better by far. This is promised. I thank Allah for everything and am grateful, I pray when my time is up that He not take me until my good scale outweighs the bad for this life is only temporary and the hereafter is what we should all look forward too.
Take care if yourself
Salam
Sister T
May Allah make it easy for you and I want you to know that you are not alone. You just have to keep having faith in Allah and keep yourself away from dating and haraam activities. You know from experience that these are not successful and if you want someone who is genuine then you will have to do it the correct way. I pray to Allah that He will fill the sadness you have in your heart with someone who will love you unconditionally and be good in his deen and character. May Allah protect you from those type of men you have mentioned and may He keep a smile on your face.
I don't know if this will make you feel better but anything to give you a little peace in your heart. But just remember, if anything this world is so temporary do what you have to do and follow Allah's command (prayers, fasting, charity, hajj, etc.) and the first step you take in Jannah you will forget all about the pain and loneliness you feel right now. And by that time you will see the man of your dreams,the one you have been praying for, waiting to embrace you.
May Allah make this a reality for us all soon.
Salam sister,
Sister do you know you are so lucky. Allah has blessed you be a Muslim despite of being raised in a Christian family. This means Allah wants you to go to jannah and you know what jannah is right. There will no suffering or pain or boredom or lonliness in Heaven. But there will be only happiness and pleasure. People will eat and drink not because they are hungry or thirsty but just for pleasure. Also like how there will be Hurs for men there will be equivalent beautiful men for women.
And I have read in a ebook about Jannah that a pious muslim women who remains single throughout her life gets the option to Hand Pick among the most handsome men in Jannah as her partner for the rest of eternity.
On the other hand life is so short and temporary So why to worry so much about it. Rather why not try your best to follow islam so well that Allah is very pleased with you and grants you the best of the best in Jannah.
Focus on What is our purpose of life? Are you good deeds enough to take you to jannah?
This life is short and temporary and even the best things in this life is nothing as compared to things in Jannah, So then why to be so sad and cry for the temporary things Why not rather work for those beautiful things which will be Yours for eternity.
Also these sad thoughts of being alone, etc are put in our minds by Shaitan. He doesn’t want us to be thankful to Allah and have patience. Because he knows that people who have those will go to jannah.
Also even if your single still you can be happy and at peace if your faith is strong.
Verily in the remembrance of Allah hearts feel at rest.
(13:28)
Also life can end anytime No one knows how long they will live….
So why waste time thinking about what you don’t have in this life….
Learn more about Islam, try to perfect your deen, your character, please Allah swt.
http://islamiconlineuniversity.com/opencampus/
Go to this link here you can do diploma course on Islamic studies.
If Allah gets pleased with you he will reward you both in this world and hereafter. Whenever you feel lonely remember Allah, read Quran, You will feel better.
Hope this helps.
Salam.
PS: Something to ponder about...
THESE POWERFUL VERSES PULLED EVERYONE INCLUDING THE STAUNCHEST OF DISBELIEVERS DOWN TO PROSTRATION:
"The APPROACHING DAY has DRAWN NEARER!!!
أَزِفَتِ الآزِفَةُ
and NONE but Allah can avert it!!
لَيسَ لَها مِن دونِ اللَّـهِ كاشِفَةٌ
WILL YOU, then, wonder at this Quran??? and
أَفَمِن هـٰذَا الحَديثِ تَعجَبونَ
(WILL YOU, then) laugh at it and WEEP NOT??? and
وَأَنتُم سامِدونَ
(WILL YOU, then) WASTE YOUR LIFETIME simply in PASTIME and AMUSEMENTS???
وَأَنتُم سامِدونَ
SO PROSTRATE YOURSELVES BEFORE ALLAH, AND SERVE HIM!!!"
فَاسجُدوا لِلَّـهِ وَاعبُدوا
[Quran │ An-Najm 53:57-62]*
Surah Najm is the first Surah of the Qur'an, which the Holy Prophet ﷺ had publicly recited before an assembly of the Quraish in which BOTH the believers and the disbelievers were present.
At the end, when he recited the verse requiring the performance of a Sajdah and fell down in prostration, THE WHOLE ASSEMBLY FELL DOWN IN PROSTRATION with him, and even those chiefs of the polytheists who were in the forefront of the opposition to the Holy Prophet ﷺ COULD NOT RESIST FALLING DOWN IN PROSTRATION!!!
Ibn Mas'ud (may Allah be pleased with him) says that he saw only one man, Umayyah bin Khalaf, from among the disbelievers, who did not fall down in prostration but took a little dust and rubbing it on his forehead said that that was enough for him. Later, as Ibn Mas'ud relates, he saw this man die in the state of disbelief.
[Sahih Bukhari │ v6/ b60/ 385-386]
Ibn `Abbas said: "The Prophet prostrated upon reciting An-Najm and the Muslims, idolators, Jinns and mankind who were present prostrated along with him."
[Tafsir Ibn Kathir │ 53:62]
Subhana Allah ... I did not know that about Surah Najm.
The words are POWERFUL.
Ya Rabb!!! Forgive us from the chastisement of the fire
sister, i feel your pain, and i fullysuppot the advice gven by sister haba.
i think its better you go to your near by large mosque and explain your issues to the imam. tell him you would need a wali or wakeel. he could choose to stand as your wali, or atleast he joins you with a pious elderly man to serve the porpose.
also tell him that you are considering getting married and you will want him to help you reach out to a pious muslim brother that is also looking to get married. inshaAllah, he would help you reach out to a pious brother that is ready for marrige.
and sister, dont be too selective. its good you have your criteria for choosing a suitable partner, but dont be overly selective, i mean dont be racist. do not consider tribe or skin colour among your criteria for choosing a partner.
mohd
and beside, our lives in this world is short, soon all of us are going to die. the live of this world is just a quick passing enjoying. wallah, this world does not worth striving for, at least the beleivers know this fact.
whatever you possess in this world shall finish, either your possessions vanish away from you whilst you are still in this world, or death would seperate you from your would possesions.
we only have two options, and that is paradise or hell fire. eternal enjoyment that is beyond our imagination and comprehension in jannah/paradise, or unimaginble torments, sufferness, grievance in jahamman/hell fire that is beyond comprehension.
so the wise people strive for there afterlife, because the life there is eternal, and there is no end. the wise ones do not burder if they mis anything in this world, because they know this worthless worldly life do not belong to them.
sister, try to be among the wise ones, try to be a pious muslima, try to draw yourself closer to Allah. now how you go close to Allah? try offering your five times daily compulsory sallat prayers. this is where it starts, there is no way you can go close to Allah without you observing those compulsory prayers.
once you took the shahada, which is the first covenant/bond between you and Allah, then you have to proove true the covenant you took with your creator, and that is by worshiping HIM alone - by observing the 5 times daily prayers. and if you dont do this, you are not fulfiling the covernant you took with your creator, and the covenant would be worthless.
after observing the five times daily compulsory prayers, then you do all the things Allah has ordained for you, and then refrain from what Allah has forbiden for you. this is how you would become a pious muslima.
occupy yourself with ibadat and order good things, and do not so much disturb your self with thinking of marriage.
and pray to Allah to help you with a pious muslim bother that you can get married to.
mohd
assalamulaykum
may allah grant you sabr.
there sia good marriage website called
singlemuslim.com
try that inshallah
this is a good article to read
http://www.hamzatzortzis.com/essays-articles/philosophy-theology/a-response-to-the-problem-of-evil/
I do not know what I say after reading your post.. I decide I want to marry with her for just my Allah (swt) and for saving her life in the word.. I'm gett ready for this without any greedy.. if that girl wants to marry with me If thats wanna live with me .. I promise to her and my Allah (swt) I will never cheat her inshallah.. I'm a Muslim 30yrs old good looking and smart person.. sincere honest and a noble person to a noble family.. mail me whenever you ready for my proposal.. judgement is important. so judge me before marrying...
Aryan, I'm sure your intentions are good but we do not allow matchmaking or marriage proposals on our website, sorry.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Please be VERY careful with that website, singlemuslim.com. There are many, many men from the gulf and other countries seeking immigration to the west, or men who are in immigration limbo in the U.S. or U.K. and need to get married to a Citizen in order to secure their residency. Given your past experiences, you are very vulnerable so I would not recommend that you use this site. Because of the anonymity they will also spin some tall tales about their education, families and prior marriages. I speak from experience, sister. Please be careful with that site. Best to rely on friends and muslim contacts who can refer you to people they know.
In the meantime, remember that you are only 27 and there are many years ahead before you are out of your childbearing years. It is too early to fret about your single status. There is a lot you can do to fill your time and gain satisfaction from other life endeavours, including work, school, volunteering, hobbies, sports etc. I know its really hard to walk through life alone, but it is not impossible even if it is unpleasant -- if it was impossible then Allah SWT would not have put you in this situation.
I'm sorry to hear that.... But I gotta say this, I'm a young muslim woman and married. Marriage isn't what it seems like, I got so depressed ever since I got married and feel so alone than ever. Please find something else that makes you happy like a hobby or more friends. I think about suicide all the time which is unhealthy, and wish that I never got married. Life unmarried was happy for me.
Salama, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but that's not because marriage is a bad institution, it's because you have a bad marriage. A good marriage can be a source of support and love.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Sister,
Marriage is a car and the drivers are the husband and the wife. Because the husband or the wife is driving the car bad, this doesn't mean, that the car is bad.
There must be problems in your marriage. Why do you think about suicide? There must be a reason...
Perhaps of your spare time?
How long are you married?
You both have childs?
Arranged or love marriage?
Were you forced to marry some one you did not like? What do you think is making you depressed?
What made you happy when you were single? Are you a perfectionist?
Salam Sister,
You are loved by God and this is the first important fact of all. You have found the right path. And these guys who deceveid you... may Allah dann them from repentance till they ask you for forgiveness. Feel happy Sister, these guys have just cheated on their self. I think they seem to have a lot of Hassanat to share with you. I wish they would backbite about me. In hereafter we will need that very much. Who is the really cheated one... you or these guys?
I cannot understand how people can cheat, deceive, lie, or backbite someone. Sister believe me, Allah will give these guys punishment in here and in hereafter. If you can forgive them you can do, but I personally would not be able... I would wait for hereafter, there's payday. Then these hypocrites get their punishment. I hope they have enough Good Deeds when they face you and they will sure due this is a wrongdoing. Please look to the article tailon law, but don't read the comments because they will disturb you. They should not think that repentance alone will help them.....
Sister insallah you will find the best husband of the world and he will care for you.
Salam,
Sister you shoud not forget, that god loves you and cares for you. Even if the whole world hates you, god will love you. Just recall God...
Aslamu aleikum
Mashallah you have a beautyful heart, InshAllah may Allah subhana awata allah guide you
Through this dunia, everything that we enduaring in this dunia is a test, subhanallah Allah
Subhana awata allah wants to see who is there who remembers him subhanallah .I have read
your massage in this website and it is touching subhanallah, i myself i am an
Orphan i know what you feel inside but walahi i swear that praying to your creator and crying
All your problems to al rahman al raheem subhanallah you will be at pease and tranquility. I had
Depression i used to think what was my pursose in this world i used to question Allah! subhanallah.
But never got me anywhere but more problems. Salah, fasting being humble is all you need anytime
You feel down take wudu and ask your creator for anything and you will get it inshAllah
dear ami..assalamu alikum..m ipressd by ur post..!
i was in love wit one guy.nd nw deir parents rejctd me they a not ready to do our mariage..reason s m not gud looking. m trying to come out of this.but i coudnt..feeling lonely.and m very dipressd..nw not getting othr good proposals also..everyone wants young n beautiful girl..plz give me suggestion to come out frm this..i knw Allah has plan fr me..but nw m not able to bear the pain..
I am so moved by the stories of both the sisters that tears started rolling down my cheeks out of the pain i felt.
i wish i could ever meet you and marry you both...i will give so much love that both of you will forget your sufferings....InshaaALLAH
I am unmarried too.
just to tell some sisters that the wishfor marrying more than one is inbuilt in man..
Ofcourse the fear of ALLAH helps one to do justice.
May ALLAH bestow alot of happiness and joy and smiles on both of you.
Aameen
@ Muhammad : " i wish i could ever meet you and marry you both...i will give so much love that both of you will forget your sufferings....InshaaALLAH
I am unmarried too."
I don't think it is appropriate to advertise your availability in this website. Instead of marrying all the suffering women in the world, just steadfast in your religion, lower your gaze and makes dua for those women.
I feel the same way you do. I have no family or sisters or brothers or mom or dad or uncle or grandma or cousin I'm all alone in the world with health issues. I'm only 32 but I feel depressed and alone and ask everyday what is the point of life? I'm very poor and suffer from pain physically everyday that I do wish God puts me out of my misery sometimes.i know that sounds wrong and ungrateful but I just can't take being in pain everyday physically. Suffering. I work my ass off and god knows no one has ever helped me financially . I am very independent strong woman but I don't know how much longer I'll last. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I go to school and just can't relate to anyone there- they have families and friends. I don't. I am a very troubled confused woman. My parents didn't teach me about starting a family and god only knows if a man would ever take me serious since I have no family or any help paying for the wedding.
@Sr. K .that was a harsh and bossy coment ...
didn't my statement " i wish i could be..." shows my unavailability ??..then why you forged upon me the otherwise ???
i am a man and i know more how many women i can marry than you should be concerned about !!...
Of course i can't marry all muslim women in distress.
To whom uncovered sister's video is being played in the forum for which i have to lower my gaze ???.
It is realy Sad that how some muslims try to demoralize and harm the dignity of their fellow muslims.
Salaam to all
I'm late to this post. If the original poster is still around with the same problem, there is another perspective---to treat depression with alternative and complementary medicine---it's also important for a muslim to seek treatment or cure for any ailment.
The woes related to marriage are not of women alone. At times men are placed in such situation too. For instance i'm in mid 30's and i've not been able to get married till now.
Practical solution is to put trust in ALLAH and go on ahead without getting bogged down by the impediments.
Zahir
Salam,
I been watching this post since I was in the same age like Shams and I return here every time i feel down. Its interesting to still find new comments here ..
I hope that lady already have a husband and kids and a family or at least a fiancee and that shes happy now. I pray for you.
Im in your same situation, now im 29, living in Europe, dont know if thats the reason I cant find any one. I also had hard times in my life and still have.. my ups and downs like everyone else, just being alone now seems my only problem that makes me feel the way you do
Marriage is rizk from Allah, just like every thing else, like children and money and everything.. Belivee that Allah has something good hidden for you, and only He knows the right time when to give it to you. Everyting has its time, life is about episodes, w kol she b wa2tu 7elw, kol ta2khira fiha khera w inshaalah Allah yerz2ik bel zawj el saleh eli y7afez 3aleki, most important is to find the righteous husband who will take care of you and keep you and fear Allah in you cuz thats the real goal.. not just getting married
I wish you all the good luck and to find the man that deserves you very soon (if you dont have him already) w Allah yekrmik w yes3ed albik ariban w albna kulna
Best regards
Hello Diana,
Are you still in the same situation?
am irfan I'm very poor and suffer from pain physically everyday that I do wish God puts me out of my misery sometimes.i know that sounds wrong and ungrateful but I just can't take being in pain everyday physically. Suffering. I work my ass off and god knows no one has ever helped me financially . I am very independent strong woman but I don't know how much longer I'll last. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I go to school and just can't relate to anyone there- they have families and friends. I don't. I am a very troubled confused woman. My parents didn't teach me about starting a family and god only knows if a man would ever take me serious since I have no family or any help paying for the wedding.
irfan, as-salamu alaykum. The physical pain you experience is an expiation for your sins, if you are patient. So you may be surprised on Yawm al-Qiyama to find how all your sins have been forgiven, Insha'Allah. Be patient and keep on working. As far as the wedding costs, a sincere man will not care about that. Do your best, sister. Your independence and strength will pay off one day. If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.
Update: I just noticed that in your other deleted comments you claimed to be a man looking for a girl from the USA. So I think you are playing some kind of games.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamualaikum sister. i think we are the same boat. add me on ***** so we can talk . im religious muslim going through an illness and never married or dated before. same age like u. May Allah swt bring us ease in worshipping him. this is a calamity and a test we need to pass with patience my dear sister as Allah has given us the solution to our problems.
We do not allow the exchange of private contact information on this website.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) is His S lave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to grant you mercy and guidance from Himself, and not to let your heart deviate after He has guided you to faith.
As regards your question, the answer is that you should look for righteous companionship that will help you to perform acts of obedience and keep company with you so that you will not feel lonely. Allaah says to His Prophet (what means): {And keep yourself patient [by being] with those who call upon their Lord in the morning and the evening, seeking His countenance. And let not your eyes pass beyond them, desiring adornments of the worldly life, and do not obey one whose heart We have made heedless of Our remembrance and who follows his desire and whose affair is ever [in] neglect.}[Quran 18:28]
I advise you to read the biography of the Prophets and their stories wherein you will find comfort. If the Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) always had his Companions with him, there are some Prophets who were deserted by the closest people to them, like the Prophet Ayyoob (Job) may Allaah exalt his mention; Allaah says (what means): {And [mention] Job, when he called to his Lord, “Indeed, adversity has touched me, and You are the most merciful of the merciful.” So We responded to him and removed what afflicted him of adversity. And We gave him [back] his family and the like thereof with them as mercy from Us and a reminder for the worshippers [of Allaah].}[Quran 21:83-84]
Besides, you should know that it is Allaah's way to try and test people in this worldly life, and some people succeed in these tests and others fail. Allaah says (what means): {Do the people think that they will be left to say, We believe and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allaah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars.}[Quran 29:2-3]
The trials may be with something good or with something bad. Allaah says (what means): {And We test you with evil and with good as trial.}[Quran 21:35] So try to be among those who succeed in this test, and we ask Allaah to make you steadfast in the truth. You should be comforted by the guidance which Allaah granted you as you are following the truth – Allaah willing.
Dear sister, the depression and loneliness that you experience will be removed by remembering Allaah reflecting on the blessings that Allaah has bestowed on you, both outwardly and inwardly. When a person remembers the blessings of Allaah upon him, he will find out that his afflictions are nothing compared to the blessings. Many people become irritated and discomforted from poverty and sickness and forget that they are submerged in the blessings of Allaah. They enjoy the blessing of life; the blessing of sight - and would otherwise have been blind and led by people unable to find their way in the streets; the blessing of hearing - and would otherwise have been deaf not knowing what people talking next to them say; the blessing of reason, as one could have been insane and thus detested even by the closest people to him and made fun of by children; the blessing of the tongue - as he could have been dumb not being able to express himself; and the blessings of air, water, food, a house and so on; and before everything, the blessing of being guided to Islam. Allaah says (what means): {Do you not see that Allaah has made subject to you whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth and amply bestowed upon you His favors, [both] apparent and unapparent?}[Quran 31:20]
Hence, if you remember all these blessings, everything will be easy for you and you will consider the afflictions that have befallen you to be easy, and you will not feel lonely with the remembrance of Allaah.
The cause of depression is mostly due to the weakness of faith in the Foreordainment and Decree of Allaah. If a person’s belief in them is strong, he will not feel despair or frustration, because how come a believer is depressed while he reads the verse in which Allaah says (what means): {Allaah will bring about, after hardship, ease [i.e. relief].}[Quran 65:7] Allaah also says (what means): {For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.}[Quran 94:5-6] The word hardship is placed between two eases; so one hardship will not overcome two eases.
Our advice to you is to ask for forgiveness as much as possible, as the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Whoever persists in asking for forgiveness, Allaah will grant him relief from every worry, and a way out from every hardship, and will grant him provision from (sources) he could never imagine.” [Abu Daawood and Ibn Maajah]
Also, you can supplicate with the supplication mentioned in the Hadeeth narrated by Abu Sa'eed Al-Khudri may Allaah be pleased with him who said: “The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) entered the Masjid one day and found a man from the Ansaar called Abu Umaamah. The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said to him: “Abu Umaamah, what’s the matter with you? Why are you sitting in the Masjid at a time other than the time of prayer?” Abu Umaamah may Allaah be pleased with him replied: “It is worries and debts that made me sit here.” The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said to him: "Shall I not teach you some words if you say them Allaah will take away the worries from you and help you repay your debts." Abu Umaamah said: “Please do, O Prophet of Allaah.” The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Say when you get up in the morning and when you go to sleep, 'O Allaah, I take refuge in You from worry and grief, and I take refuge in You from weakness and laziness, and I take refuge in You from cowardice and miserliness, and I take refuge in You from the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men." Abu Umaamah may Allaah be pleased with him said: 'I did so (said the supplication) and Allaah took my worries away and helped me repay my debts.” [Abu Daawood]
On the other hand, the sign which shows that Allaah loves a person, and that He is pleased with him, is when Allaah allows him to be obedient to Him and guides him to the way of righteousness. Indeed, all of the affairs of a believer are good for him. Suhayb may Allaah be pleased with him narrated that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "Wonderful indeed is the affair of a believer, there is good in all his affairs, and this is only for the believer. If something good happens to him and he is grateful, then this is good for him, and if a calamity befalls him and he is patient, then this is also good for him.” [Muslim] Hence, we advise you to be patient, as the outcome of patience is goodness in this life and in Hereafter.
A believer may want the difficulty and hardship to quickly vanish but he should not doubt the promise of Allaah even if it is delayed. In his interpretation the Most High's saying (what means): {Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allaah ?" Unquestionably, the help of Allaah is near.}[Quran 2:214], Al-Aloosi said: "They were severely disturbed with all types of misfortunes until the Messenger and those who believed with him said ... in other words, they were overcome by afflictions to an extent that the Messenger, who was the most knowledgeable person of what is befitting of Allaah and what Allaah's wisdom requires, and the believers, who follow his steps and who were guided by his guidance and light, were compelled to say "When will the Help of Allaah come?" hoping that this help would come sooner as they thought that the period of hardship was too long, and not because of doubt." [Rooh Al-Ma'aani]