Islamic marriage advice and family advice

HOW CAN I ERASE THE HATE TOWARDS SAUDIS FROM MY HEART?

I AM AN AMERICAN MUSLIMAH MARRIED TO A MAN FROM SAUDI ARABIA..  I AM NOT ACCUSTOMED TO THE WAY OF LIFE IN SAUDI. ARABIA,. BUT HAVE HEARD MANY DIFFERENT THINGS ABOUT THE PEOPLE AND THEIR CULTURE BEFORE I CAME HERE..  I HAVE BEEN HERE GOING ON 7 YEARS AND HAVE STARTED TO UNDERSTAND THE PEOPLE AND THEIR CULTURE WHICH IS NOT TO FAR FROM WHAT I AM ACCUSTOMED TO..  I WAS A VERY KIND, CARING AND LOVING PERSON BUT HAVE RECENTLY BECOME TO HATE SAUDI PEOPLE..  EVERY WHERE I GO THEY ARE VERY RUDE AND ARROGANT TO NOT JUST ME BUT ALSO OUR CHILDREN, WHO WERE BORN AND RAISED IN AMERICA..  MANY YEARS I HAVE IGNORED THE ABUSE THAT I HAVE RECEIVED THE ENTIRE TIME I HAVE BEEN HERE.

I AM NOT SAYING THAT ALL THE PEOPLE ARE BAD BUT TO BE HONEST I FIND THE MAJORITY OF THEM TO BE VERY RUDE AND ARROGANT..  MANY TIMES I HEAR THEM TELLING ME AND OTHERS, "THAT WE ARE NOT SAUDIS AND SAUDIS ARE BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD CAUSE THEY ARE TRUE MUSLIMS"..  I AM SORRY TO SAY BUT THAT IS VERY UNTRUE..  I HAVE TRIED MANY TIMES TO GET HELP WITH LEARNING MORE ABOUT ISLAM BUT ALL I GET FROM EVERY PLACE I GO TO, TO EVERY PERSON I TALK WITH IS, SORRY YOUR SLOWING THE GROUP DOWN AND WE CAN NO LONGER HAVE YOU IN OUR CLASS..  WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE MUSLIMS IN SAUDI THAT THEY DONT REALIZE THE REWARDS THEY WILL GET FOR HELPING NEW MUSLIMS UNDERSTAND ISLAM BETTER?

MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ATTACKED MANY TIMES AND EVEN HURT BY OTHER CHILDREN SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ARE AMERICANS..  TRUE WE ARE AMERICANS BUT WE ARE ALSO MUSLIMS, DOESNT THAT ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING HERE?.  I HAVE PUT UP WITH ABOUT ALL I CAN TAKE AND HAVE STARTED TO FIGHT BACK WHICH IS SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO..  BUT I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE PEOPLE THINKING THEY ARE BETTER BECAUSE THEY ARE SAUDI..  TREATING OTHERS POORLY BASED ON THEIR ORIGIN IS VERY WRONG..  YES, I KNOW THIS ALSO HAPPENS TO MANY ARABS WHO GO TO AMERICA AS WELL AND TRULY I AM SORRY FOR THEM TO GO THRU THAT AT ALL..  NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER TREATED ANY ONE SO POORLY.

I SEE ARAB KIDS SPITTING AND HITTING THE WORKERS IN THEIR COUNTRY WHO ARE NOT SAUDIS BUT FROM PAKISTAN, INDIA, EGYPT AND OTHER AREAS OF THE WORLD..  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE PEOPLE OF ISLAM?.  WHY IS THERE NO LOVE IN THIS COUNTRY FOR OTHERS OTHER THAN SAUDIS?.  CAUSE OF THESE BEHAVIORS I HAVE STARTED TO HATE THE SAUDI PEOPLE AND FIND MYSELF FIGHTING CONSTANTLY WITH THEM WHEN THEY ARE RUDE TO ME.. . I HAVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I JUST STAY HOME TO AVOID ANY CONFRONTATIONS BUT I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER..  IT SEEMS THAT ONLY THE RELIGIOUS SAUDIS ARE KIND AND CARING BUT THOSE ARE HARD TO FIND AND VERY RARE..  I DONT WISH TO GO THRU ANYMORE PAIN NOR MY CHILDREN FROM ARROGANT PEOPLE WHO ONLY WISH TO HURT OTHERS CAUSE IT MAKES THEM FEEL BIG..  PLEASE HELP ME TO ERASE THE HATE I HAVE IN MY HEART DUE TO ALL THE HATRED I HAVE BEEN THRU WHILE IN SAUDI ARABIA.. 

. DESPERATE FOR GUIDANCE, A SISTER IN ISLAM

22 Responses »

  1. Hi my sister, Im sorry your are going through all of this hard time. I am Saudi and I can tell you that Saudis are not the easiest people to live with. I dont know what should I tell you I will give you a tip. Saudis cant argue with you if you quated prophet Mohamed (God's blessings and peace be upon him). So if they said something that you know its wrong use this method and you will usualy make them stop.
    One last thig, people are diffrent in diffrent parts of Saudi Arabaia so, in what city do you live? people that live on the Eastren region are more freindly.

  2. As salam alaikum sister......

    I am sorry you got treated that way in saudi arabia........I am a muslim pakistani with parents from india and pakistan who was born and raised in saudi arabia for 18 years. Then i came to canada and became a canadian and am also an american green card holder.....

    From my experience living in saudi has been the harshest time of my life......its one that i am readily trying to forget ......those were painfull memories.......

    The saudi's need to understand the true meaning of RESPECT....and it seems arrogance is the only thing that they respect........thus the ignorant society....

    I understand that the baitullah is in KSA.....but the arrogance of saudi's i saw in front of the prophets mosque......when two guys pushed through 4 ladies walking right in front of the Prophets Mosque!!!! i will never forget....

    I like how ahmed deedat put it best.....
    Islam religion without people.....christianity...people without religion....

    Have patience sister.....Allah will see the all of them (the good and the bad) inshallah.......

  3. Assalaam Alaikum Sister,

    May Allah guide you in the right path.. " Ameen"
    I also wish a very prosperous Holy month of Ramadan.

    My Name is Nasir and I am from India but my brothers are employeed in Saudi Arabia. When I read your article and the behaviour of arabs towards you in Saudi Arabia, tears were just roling down from my eyes.

    Please don't get dishearted and have wrong assumption regarding the Arabs because Prophet Mohammed SAW (peace be upon him) belonged to the same civilization and do you think that It was easy for him to spread Islam through out the world?

    My brother also keeps on saying the behaviour of Saudi's that they are very rude and they treat Indian, Pakistani's, Egyptians as slaves and my brother was fasting in this month of Ramadan and had a serious problem with his health but the Sheikh didn't even considered his situation.. and was not even alowing him to relax.. which was very difficult for me to digest but still I pray and ask Allah to forgive them.

    The major problems with most of the Arabs are they are rich and are not aware about the rest of the world, When I conmpare Indian to few Arabs I feel that U can find better muslims in India who are religious and also want to spread the message of Allah inspite of living in a country where u will find majorities of non muslims.. and the best part is the non muslims also fairly respect our culture and religion.

    I dont know How to convey this message to all Arabs that they are not superior species of Adam. All are equal in front of Allah. I am very happy that you want to learn more about Islam so please make use of Internet and get as much as you can. TO be honest I think this is a kind of test from Allah.

    I feel pity on those who don't want to help you regarding the path of truth "ISLAM." but its a humble request not to blame all Arabs, try to reside in a location where u find people who are friendly.

  4. Salam alaikum sister, I once read in an excerpt from a book on Saudi society, that most Saudis consider it abeneath them' to throw out their household garbage. This sums up the general mentality of most Saudis, who are my brothers in Islam, but need an attitude adjustment. It is so ironic that I grew closer to Islam after moving to a non-muslim country (Canada), where people have hundred-fold more humanity that ordinary muslim states, especially the oil-rich Arab states. My bitter experiences in the middle east of peoples' utterly shallow and racist behavior created so much resentment that for a while I abandoned the idea of Islam. What tore at me the most was the general level of ignorance about the world. But I also realized that if Pakistanis were given a wad of cash overnight, then they too would behave no differently, perhaps even worse. So I have accepted it as the general state of the entire muslim world, which is why we are in the pitiful condition of today.

    It was only through the Grace of Allah (swt) that I realized the teachings of Islam were different from today's muslim culture. Be patient sister, there isn't a single person who hasn't visited Saudi and doesn't share the same opinion. As the old saying goes, what goes around"¦"¦comes around

  5. peace be upon upon you sister.I'm married also to a saudi same you but i did not experince what you have.Do not generalized about Saudi people to me they are very good .You are staying in a bad neighborhood so change it.Actually,i learned to become aware of islam and learned about the beauty of this religion when I stay here in Saudi.People are good depends how you behave about them,do not look islam on people but look what islam teach because we are all subjected to test in our life.I suggest you to study with us in a islamic Dawah center,you can find satisfaction by studying your religion as well as what can you do to others ,you can find many friends there to to be with.

  6. Dear sister,

    Full disclosure: I am a Saudi/American female. I can relate.

    The problem is Saudi society is torn between its digression to pre-Islamic thought (ironically) and the modern, progressive need for change.

    For example: recently in the news, a 38-year-old ENT was beaten and kept from going to work because a co-worker came and proposed to her father (yes, totally un-Islamic). In the tribe she belonged to, it is customary for the father to take her salary, and marry her off to someone in the tribe.

    Progress is not something antithetical to Islam, rather it is something antithetical to the tribal mentality prevalent in Saudi Arabia.

    Of course, that doesn't mean that there are no slices of Saudi society that are progressive. Change comes very slowly, and there are activists working on supporting the weak and implementing change, but the political landscape is turbulent enough already that change can upend the status quo for those in power.

    So, take heart, this really doesn't have anything to do with you being American: If you live in Riyadh, chances are you will hear racist language directed at Jeddawis. If you live in the Eastern Province, chances are the Shia in your community are treated with scorn and contempt.

    In the end, there is a malaise that has firmly gripped Saudi society, and the only way that it will change is if people go back to the application of the Quran and Sunnah in their lives, to the humanity and spirit emanating from Allah's teachings, towards tolerance and acceptance that people don't have to agree with you all the time....in the end, Muslims according to the Quran should not discriminate between people based on the color of their skin, or the language they communicate with, or.....

    But you know that, so my advice is to try to build a community of your own, or else you will become extremely depressed. Seek out others that you can communicate with. If you live in Jeddah, let me know and we can talk. I also feel somewhat isolated here, though I was raised here most of my life, and I am of "pure" Saudi origin, whatever that means (That is just funny: most Saudis are originally from Yemen...and Hejazis are a mix, so who the hell cares what your lineage is?).

  7. First of all I am sorry to hear that you have had a bad experience in Saudi Arabia. I am a Canadian and have left a very comfortable job to come and work here in Saudi Arabia. My experience is totally different from yours. I find Saudi people very friendly and accomodating. In my view there is a general desire to follow the tenets of Islam to be an example to other muslims. Honestly speaking in my eight months' stay I havent come accross any such abuse or miconduct that is unfortunately experienced by you.
    My sincere advice is to recognize the cultural differences as they are between the Saudi and US societies. It is also very important to recognise that changing faith requires a huge adjustment. At times when we do accept a new faith some behavioral changes are difficult for us to adapt and remain in our subconcious mind challanging our level of tolerence towards to news environment. An American colleague who became muslim and married to a Labanese man loved going to beach. After accepting Islam she couldnt go to beach the way she used to. This resulted in frustation which was getting expressed in many other ways. Her counselling sessions identified these issues and were addressed for her to deal with the hatred that she started developing towards Arabs. Please remember that hate hurts the person who is hating not the person who is hated. It is a sever negative and unhealthy emotion. Hating anyone based on their race color and creed is anyway not a civilised behavior and certainly not a good American behavior. A common American has a lot of sense of fairness. I feel you need to excersice that and stop becoming a racist yourself. May Allah give you positive thoughts and emotions and excellent experience of people around you. Ameen.

  8. Assalamu Alaykum.

    I'm Saudi and I'm a Muslim thank god. I have never treated foreigners anyway bad in my life. The thing I hate about my self is that whenever I go anywhere in the world, or whenever people find out that I'm a Saudi, they start to treat me badly as if they wan't me to payback what other Saudis do (especially Arab brothers). You got to understand that not all of us are satisfied with the situation of foreigners over here.

  9. I'm from Iraq ( Kurdistan) now I live in USA for 20 years. I went back to visit 2 times I honestly have to say must of them were very good people and must were very stick up thinking there to good to talk to you, there rude selfish is just wrong how rude must Muslims are. Honestly i love my country more then anything and Muslim people too but I loveeeee USA so much better the freedom the people are wonderful they all go by laws, I just love the life here even though nothing can take the place of your country but I know where you coming from.

  10. So sorry to hear about your experience, and I have been on the receiving end from Saudis causing me to avoid them too. And the worst thing is, I hate avoiding people due to where they are from, it is against my character and personality. I live in London, and even here Saudis think they are better than anyone else. It is just so below me. They need to learn humility and stop living in a deluded world.
    However, I did meet a lovely gentleman from Saudi Arabia when I was at the airport in Dubai, and I sat down and spoke to him about this, he was so polite he even thanked me for speaking to him about this as it is somewhat a misconception. So I guess there are good and bad in everyone

  11. Maybe the are arrogant with someone who are not from an Arabic tribe , but not all of them
    that came from their history cuz they are grand son of sahabah
    and they are very rude with other even with themselves
    but they have a thing who are not all muslims do it, they always ready to give their life for defending another Muslim. in any country where muslim are being attacked you will find saudi fighting for them
    in Afghanistan 1979-1990 there are 2845 saudi killed there
    Bosnia-Kosovo -Somalia - kashmier - Chechnya - dagistan

    i studied in Islamic university in madina for 4 years i know them

    we must love each other as muslim and brothers

  12. My sister,

    peace be upon you.
    I'm Abdullah and I'm from Saudi Arabia eastern region .
    you problem is general and it's everywhere even in America some of the american hates us like hell. you must know and accepted that it's everywhere not here in Saudi Arabia and you must know it's not the majority but it seems that you live in a bad neighbourhood. even me as saudi happened to me when I was a kid I was in a school which most of the student has a bad behaviour and didn't treat well sometimes they hit me but when I changed the school to another school neighbourhood I found everything is totally different the people there treat me like a brother to them. The moral is you must know this is not the majority is't just your neighbourhood . try to go to another neighbourhood or something you will see everything is different.

    regards.

    • Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters
      BismillahirRamanirRahim
      K have read the comments MashaAllah have seen a lot of Saudis and their Slaves probably from Asia (am an Asian myself)defending the saudi behavior of racism.
      Sister I shall just make in a few simple words - Saudis are extremely racist, if u r to b treated good in Saudi you should either have the looks or the language with a suitable(read rich country) passport.
      And I am amazed at how conveniently these people tell us that racism is there in every country and yet they fail to mention that those very countries have strict rules to tackle racism.
      I am currently in Saudi and have winessed, they treat foreigners esp. Indians pakistanis and bangladeshi brothers with utter disrespect how they feel its their right to humiliate them.
      They don't deserve to call themselves muslims. I am out of Saudi this year and InshaAllah never in my life will I ever visit this country again.
      Your hatred for them is justified. May Allah help you.ameen.
      Ohh I almost forgot to tell you about how farce their daawah centres are.
      Ofcourse there are good Saudis but a very few...

  13. I lived in Saudi and they are normal people.They are friendly,social and kind.

    The thing is Saudi Arabia has so much foreigners and they are hated for security and economically reasons. Many Saudis tell me that majority of the crimes are done by expats and that they also steal their jobs because they paid half of what Saudi usually paid or less and because of that the Saudi went jobless and the expats start feeling jealous of the Saudis with them who do the same jobs and pay more.

    This the reason why there is hatred. And South Asian aren't honest. They think Saudi is a khalifat not a country for its people. Many of them think that they have right to share Saudi wealth with them. They are highly envious people. And they are ungrateful of what Saudi did for them. Many of them live there for more than 20 years and complain. I wonder why didn't they do home ?

    The responsible of that hate and racism are the ones who fill the country with all of this uneducated expats just for paying them less.

    I lived there and they were so nice to me. They respect educated and professional people who respect them. Like any people in the world.

    Hate will hurt U only.

    • The Saudis I have known were also generous and gentle people. But it's wrong of you to generalize about South Asians and expats. The Saudis do not bring the South Asians into the country out of the kindness of their hearts. They do it because they need them to do the difficult, laborious work that the Saudis do not want to do themselves.

      If a country is willing to import a labor force, they should treat them fairly and kindly, not leave them living in crowded conditions with no air conditioning, sometimes withholding their pay or paying them below minimum wage, and treating them like third class citizens. Discrimination toward the guest workers is real.

      Every issue has two sides.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • That is why many Saudis and rest of the world also hate South Asians and economic immigrants as well.Its Their ungrateful attitude.

        Saudis do bring many people from Poor and oppressed Muslim countries from the Kindest of their heart.

        They took Palestinians, Burmese Muslims, Syrians,Yemenis, Lebanese etc while their countries were at wars and poverty and provide them Jobs. security and good life. Saudi people and rulers are among the most people who donate to the poor people.

        Saudis and Arabs used to do all of the Jobs before the Asians invaded the ME in the 70s and turn it into place seemlier to South Asia than an Arab countries. They are literally Everywhere !!!!

        Any Saudi company who want to import workers then they should provide them a good housing.. The ones who live in the situation you mentioned are the illegal ones who came to Saudi by buying visas. They should provide house for themselves but they don't want to spend any money that why they indeed in poor housing they themselves choose it so they will not pay more money.

        Saudis also suffer from withholding but they have tongue to speak and demand their rights.
        What do you mean by paying them below minimum ? They already know everything when they signed the contract. They are their because they are cheaper. There is no point of giving them high salary, they already have Saudis if they want to pay high salaries.

        Anyway, my Point that I have heard. seen and read the hate that many Asians have toward Saudis and other Arabs and the reason isn't racism just like what they believe but the reason is they were brought without the common people welcoming and they engage in many crimes and make people unemployed and they disrespect them and stick their noses in their polices and internal affairs. This is the reason why many Saudis and Arabs in the Gulf have bad opinion of South Asians. And they are outnumbered natives here as well.. Can you mention any country in the world where there is this amount of foreigners and there is No Nazi like group other than Gulf countries?

        • Hana kindly tell us where your originally from and where you are living? I am curious to know if you are Saudi. I don't agree with all the things you are saying. You keep saying that the poor South Asians should not be ungrateful because Saudis are giving them cheap labor job. It's not about that. It's about their treatment- not getting respect, paying them so low they can't afford to live a decent life or feed themselves because they have to send money back home to their family. The Non-Muslim countries follow so much Sunnah etiquettes- giving people of all faith and color equal right and respect, humanity, no superiority. Saudis are far from that and and still have a barbaric mentality. They don't represent Islam...I am sorry to say this.

          • I am Egyptian and was born in Saudi and lived there as well.

            I am Arab so I know them very well and know what Asians do there. You just corrupted everything you touch and have bad working ethics and no skills. You have so much of support from KSA and other Arab countries and all you want is the nationality, when you don't get it you will show your ugliest and most hateful face. Why do you hate your own countries " which by the way" you ruin it with you morals and corruption ? Why most of you have no national pride and love for homeland and don't do any effort to develop it ? You only want to immigrate and when you reach other countries you bring the same manners in your home countries,.

            I don't agree on what you said also and this hateful biased Article. If you like Non Muslim countries then go and live there and follow their rule because your countries in Asia are official the worst in modern day slavery,rape, corruption, racism, religious hate, cast system and child labors.

            Treated by whom? The labors don't get respect in most countries of the world including their own countries. South Asia has the biggest modern day slavery and workers abuse. Many of the supervisors are actually Indian and they as usually discriminate against each other. And if there is much discrimination, why is Gulf countries look like a South Asian countries because all of this mass immigration form your people? Do they come to enjoy the bad treatment in KSA and Arab countries ?

            I disagree about saying they aren't treated well because its not true. They are mostly unskilled and uneducated. And there are Saudis as well who do labor jobs especially in small cities where there are no expats and they all treated good. That why they staid and they have the choice to leave if they want to but they didn't.

            How can't they feed themselves? They already have meals provided to them by the company. Any company that import workers should provide them housing and food. The one with low salaries aren't allowed to bring their families. The transportation also provided by the company so there aren't much they have to spend their money on. Saudi isn't responsible for their family but their countries are. They already know the salaries so they should stop complaining and find another country to work in. Its not Saudi problem that their families suffer but their government problem. Instead of sending their money to Swiss accounts, they should invest in their own people.

            I think that most of the hate and lies isn't for humanitarian reasons, otherwise they would hate themselves and their countries for being so ruthless and without labor rights but its because of envious and the thinking that many Asian Muslims have which is that Saudi is a Khalyfat and its for Charity and the oil is for all of the Muslims.. Instead of having such a mind, develop your own countries so you will not have to go seek employment abroad.

            And yes, Anyone whose country can't provide him a Jobs should feel grateful to any country that give him this privilege.

            I am actually against imported labors. The work should be done by Arabs. Arab countries help so much in reducing unemployment and poverty rate in Asian countries. I don't think Asian people would do the same for Arabs.

            In Egypt there are many factories and companies owned by Indian investors and they are very bad in management and very racist against poor Egyptian and only respect the rich and powerful ones. Even in Gulf countries they always discriminate against Arab and Filipino poor stuff and give them bad evaluation and try to kick them out and bring Their countrymen from India and Pakistan " try to Indianze and pakistnaize the company"

            I am against all of this Asians in Arab countries and the Jobs should be for Arabs only,

            You don't represent Islam as well.... Islam Islam Islam you so obsessed with religion that why other Muslims look don't upon you. We want a secular Arab world. And the West you are speaking about is secular and not religious. If you don't like Saudi good, move out.. Many Arabs want this jobs instead of you. Go build your countries and be like the west since you like them so much. You Asian are the most Anti western people and now you feel the west is good and equal LOL...

            The West was never equal. The discrimination there based on religion, color and race is real. They made a mistake by opining their countries and look now what did they got.. Terrorism and refugee crises. Perhaps its a punishment for what they did in the past. Who knows !

            No barbaric but your ungrateful envious mentality.

  14. Wow your writing shows so much hate and discrimination towards South Asian and yet you are saying South Asians are racists. Hypocrite. You are generalizing a population.

    "You don't represent Islam as well.... Islam Islam Islam you so obsessed with religion that why other Muslims look down upon you. We want a secular Arab world...If you don't like Saudi good, move out.. Many Arabs want this jobs instead of you.

    You are saying many Muslims looking down upon South Asians. Who is that only country...its Arab countries. LOL!...may Arabs want this job, what job....the labor job?? Just admit that Saudis and most Arabs look down on people because they think they are superior. Go refer to the post created. A revert Muslim sadly expressing her bad treatment all because she is non Arab.

    Sister take a chill pill. You are showing so much arrogance and you are not acting Islamic, no compassion...instead creating more HATE.

    • Where is the hate? Truth hurt doesn't it ?

      Anyone who lived in the Gulf know that this countries have started to lose its Arabic identity because of the wave of South Asian immigrates there.

      And anyone who live there will know that most of the crimes there are done by South
      Asians who don't respect other people hospitality.

      Well South Asians are discriminated against in almost every part of the world including their own countries.
      Look what do you do in the UK, you want to apply Sharia there !
      South Asian are mostly racists and illiterates. And they are very religious "in bad way" and stoke their noses in other people countries. Why don't you start applying Sharia and Islamic value in your societies where women are raped and minorities are treated badly and corruption is everywhere? Why don't you work on the cast system you have there and racism toward ethnic group? Almost every South Asian I know hold prejudice and hate toward other group of South Asians.

      Saudi is full of converted people who lived there all of their life and no one said anything to them.Its clearly she is the one who have problem with Saudi not the other way around. If you go to a country to live there then learn the language.Many Non Arabs learned it and it was very easy for them to live in Arab country.

      Yes, there are many Arabs who ready to take the labor Jobs and they should be haired instead of Asians. Asians should fix their own countries. Look what they just did in Saudi Arabia:

      http://saudigazette.com.sa/article/518957

      No manners, No Islamic manners, No respect for the hosting country, Nothing just ungrateful bad mannered thieves.

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