Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How can I find Allah’s forgiveness – I ruined my children’s lives?

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbah

I am from bangladesh married for 15 years to a handicap man. Parents got me married to him with my consent, but only after marriage I got to know his nature. He was stingy, never came forward to help others, always wanted others to take care of him but never cared much for his wife and kids. But he would pray regularly. Initially I found it difficult to cope up but later compromised. Struggled a lot and I also had to work to support my family financially.

Things were going well, I went astray when I came across a married man who was a friend of ours. He used to help me out seeing me doing things all alone. He used to care my children so much which they never got from their father. I lost my track and got into a wrong relation with him. He was also married.

I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I also tried to make him understand that this would ruin our kids' lives. But he never understood.

Situations became worse and I was sent to my parents' house with my children. My husband never cared to know what my kids were doing all these five years.

I was still in touch with that man, but I had been trying to make him understand what we were doing was against the will of Allah and we cannot achieve anything but hurting our parents and family members. He would agree to all I said but continue to meet me.

Finally when I said I would not go against my parents and spoil my kids' life, he revealed all about my meeting and conversation to my family and my husbands family and a year ago I was divorced.

I feel very guilty for having brought disgrace to my parents and spoilt my kids' life.

I have been seeking Allahs mercy and repenting to Him.

I pray regularly. I frequently offer tahajjjuth also. I feel as if Allah will not forgive me at all and my repentance is not enough.

What else should I do to please Allah? Will Allah forgive me? I have asked sorry to all those whom I have hurt including my husband, in laws and others related to me.

But I still feel very guilty and very much depressed.

Please guide me.

turning to Allah


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10 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister

    What is As-Sirāt(Bridge over hell)?I believe it is an analogy to "the path of life we live from birth to death. Some people who live rightly throughout their life and follow the path as suggested by Islam will live their life without any regrets and soul pain and will cross As-Sirāt(or path of life) easily with the will of Allah.

    You have chosen the wrong path and in analogy has slipped down from As-Sirāt(or path of life) and now hanging down while grabbing its edges(your prayer for forgiveness).

    Now you have to climb up the bridge and continue your path carefully avoiding tripping down again. This is how you may accomplish this

    1. Seek the apology of your ex-husband first(By letter or through some third party) and everyone who has been hurt with your stupidity . If they do not forgive you, then your pray to Allah for His forgiveness may be enough(Allah knows best) because you at-least made an effort.

    2. If you have children or not you need to get back in social circle. For this part you need to look for a job and new partner in life. Forget the guy who has destroyed your life.

    We all pray for your success and getting back safely over As-Sirāt(or path of life).

    • That Satan convincing you that it's hard for Allah to forgive you... .look Allah the creator when he most forgiving this is the most completest. Sense every one makes mistakes ..but at least ur learned men who r nt ur mahrammm.....stay away from ...as if ur husband mistreating u .....seee wht happened .

      Look also the man who did good look wht a snake he turned into ....

      Know inshallah there no reason why u cnt marry again......be a second wife third wife ....

      Or first wife. Inshallah try ur best every human makes mistakes but we cme to Allah . This life is short ....if ur husband dnt wanna seee ur kids he's bad dad . His issue may Allah guide him and guide u and us alll

      • Dear dg

        I strongly apologize to my sister as i did not read the post carefully and i missed the part of her post

        "I have asked sorry to all those whom I have hurt including my husband, in laws and others related to me."

        Thankyou for correcting my mistake

        In the light of that fact our dear sister should not regret anymore or feel depressed according to following Hadith

        Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

        I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Allah the Almighty has said: ‘O Son of Adam, as long as you invoke Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O Son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and you then asked forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you. O Son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the Earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it [too].’

        ” It was related by at-Tirmidhi, who said that it was a hasan hadeeth.

        Arabic/English book reference : Book 1, Hadith 442

        Our dear sister has suffered punishment(divorce) and has also seek forgiveness of both Allah
        and the people offended by her as recommended by following Hadith. She should feel free now

        Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."

        Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 2449
        In-book reference : Book 46, Hadith 10
        USC-MSA web (English) reference : Vol. 3, Book 43, Hadith 629

        I believe that she has already climbed back on the bridge and should continue her journey of life(or Bridge As-Sirat ) with a relaxed and renewed mind.

        • Dear brother/sister
          thanks fir the reply. I have someone to care for me and help me out of this situation of mine.
          You are are very much right. I lost my path that led me to this consequence.
          I am true to Allah and insha Alllah will be till my end.
          But the guilty feeling of my past kills me. I ask for my forgiveness to Allah always. But i still feel i need to do a lot more to please him.
          I am trying my best to forget the past and start my life in a good manner for the sake of my kids, but on the other hand the hatred and frustation of my family members is creating a set back. It is not allowing me to move forward. Their words make me feel guilty and i feel i am a trouble to everyone and there no meaning living
          please suggest something to overcome it

          • Dear Sister

            Show your family members this Hadith to silence them.

            Anas (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

            I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “Allah the Almighty has said: ‘O Son of Adam, as long as you invoke Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O Son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and you then asked forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you. O Son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the Earth, and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it [too].’

            ” It was related by at-Tirmidhi, who said that it was a hasan hadeeth.

            Arabic/English book reference : Book 1, Hadith 442

            And for your guilty feeling you certainly need to do one more thing and that thing is to forget about the past as it is a clean slate now because of your prayer for forgiveness from Allah, your acceptance of wrong-doing and your act of apology to the people hurt by your stupidity.

          • Assalamualaikum brother,
            My father is a very pious man and inspite of it if words are coming like this from him then it is only his frustration. My words may nit be accepted by them now.
            But Allah knows my intentions better than any one else. I only pray to Alllah for patience to tolerate their words.
            I remain silent. But at times when someine hurts my child then i lose my temper. Shall try my be to change it as well.
            Remember me in your duaa.
            Jazakallahu khair.

      • Yes dg. You have understood that i have to maintain my distance with non mahram. I only want to think of moulding my childrens future in the path of islam. Thanks for your comments
        also please suggest what other ibaadath i need to do to please Allah and seek his forgiveness. What ever i do i feel is not enough to seek Allahs forgiveness

  2. Repent for your sins sincerely and focus towards Islam . You can't bring back what is lost now so better to move on in a positive direction
    .Take care of your kids well and learn and teach islam to them . Keep repenting for your sins ..Join some good islamic schools or classes .

  3. Dear illogical.
    Your reply is short but has a lot lot messages in it. I am looking for sources for islamic classes insha Allah i will join very soon.
    Dear all,
    Please remembrr me in your duaa for Allah's guidance

  4. Dear dg
    Sorry for the typing error. I meant to say that " I have learnt to maintain the distance with non mahram"

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