Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How often can husband and wife have sex?

couple hugging silhouette %photoHow many times can I have intercourse with my wife in a month according to Islam?


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62 Responses »

  1. As often as you like, I suppose. Although I don't know what the scholars say. But physical love in Islam

    was compared to Jihad by Rassul Allah. So I suppose if its sawab is equivalent to fighting on the

    battelfield, collect your sawabs , brother.

  2. 30 days per month, 29 if it's a leap year:)

    • Assalaamu alaikum,

      Considering the brother asked about 'intercourse' specifically, it would be in most cases not possible to have it 30 days a month so thats not really the best advice :).
      One musnt forget that once a month when the wife is on her menses, it is haraam for the husband to have intercourse with her until she's not clean.

      Other than having intercourse during menstruation and anal sex, a having and wife may enjoy each other however they wish, as much as they want to really. There is no restriction on the number as mentioned.

      Was salaam

    • LOL that's great...

  3. Farhad, there is no limit, as long as it does not interfere with your other duties in life, including your religious dutues such as salat and sawm.

    Also, be sure you respect the Islamic boundaries, such as no intercourse while the wife is menstruating.

    As long as these boundaries are respected, physical intimacy is one of the joys of marriage and there is no restriction on it.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. keep attention to the fact then after sex you need to do everytime the GHUSL :)!

    • I thought wudu is sufficient, but before performing any Salaah Ghusl is compulsory, correct me if I'm wrong.

      • No you are right about the Salaah fact, because Allah has made it for us EASY, why should we uncessesarily stress ourselves ?

        Salaah only Wudu is sufficient, but I know that after you have had intercourse with your wife/wetdream/or any way the semen has left your manly parts then you have to do Ghusl as this is then compulsary.

        I know that you want a hadith and proof for this, umm if any other brother or sister knows then please add it, otherwise ill look it up for you, as I am not sure anymore where it is.

        (the reason why should be because for salaah you have to be clean and after you have had intercourse that certain part is not exacly clean anymore, not only that your whole body, because your whole body is joined in the process.)

        sorry if I Wrote anything wrong, reply and I will respond brother. InshAllah

      • No u r not right,before every salat ghusl/bath is not compulsory.only wudu/ablution compulsory.If u r unholy,semen/sprum comes out,u engaged in sex/intercourse then bath/shower/ghusl is compulsory/faraz.

  5. It's right that after intercourse, ghusul junub is wajib. If you do it very often, it is strenuous:)

    Never forget it, though

  6. It is not very convinient to do ghusul every time you have sex...
    what if you have sex 3 times a day? you keep washing your hair?
    In today's society its extremely hard to manage your time and keep taking baths.. I dont understand why this had to be so hard

    • Maybe that's a sign in itself (ie. that you consider it "hard" to do ghusl especially with the invention of showers) that you've reached your limit?.......

      Allahu Alim

      • Salaam,

        Umm Salamah asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about doing ghusl from janaabah and menstruation, she said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have braided hair, do I have to do it every time I do ghusl from janaabah and menstruation?” He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, “Rather it is sufficient for you to pour water over your head three times, then pour water all over your body, and you will be taahir (pure).” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh.

        Umm Salamah asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about doing ghusl from janaabah and menstruation, she said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I have braided hair, do I have to do it every time I do ghusl from janaabah and menstruation?” He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her, “Rather it is sufficient for you to pour water over your head three times, then pour water all over your body, and you will be taahir (pure).” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh.

        Based on this, women who find it difficult to wash their heads when doing ghusl from janaabah should be told that it is sufficient for them to pour over their heads three times so that the water reaches all of the hair, without them having to undo their braids or change anything of the hairstyle that it would be difficult to change. They should also be told about the great reward that they will have from Allaah and the good consequences and pleasant life that they will enjoy forever in Paradise if they are patient in adhering to the rulings of sharee’ah.

        Peace,

        Leyla
        Editor, Islamic Answers

    • "Me", I imagine you are posing a hypothetical, since I don't know of any married couple (except for newlyweds) that makes love three times a day every day. As you said, in today's society it's hard to manage your time. Most couples work, or at least one partner works, and often they have kids, which means the only free time they have for love making is at night after work and the kids are asleep. So how are you going to manage three times in one day? If you manage it on some rare occasion, then take three showers and be grateful for your excellent love life.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I would gladly wash my hair three times a day in exchange for three times a year!

      • Lol. Good point.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Dear brothers and sisters
            As Salaam Valekum
            As we are Ashraful Makhlukaat we have been given sexual feelings and parts only for the limited purpose of having children as per family budget marraige does not only mean physical sexual relationship BUT it is meeting of two bodies and minds and we are given this beautiful gift alond with the gift of living a good healthy spiritual islamic life if you look at the life of our saints for eg. Khwaja Garib Nawaz when has Hazrat married at or after age of 50 years as the pious saint realised that he is missing One Important Sunnah of Our Beloved Prophet Mohammad (Peace , blessings and Salaam upon Him) so please avoid watching vulgar photos, pictures , talks and degrade thinking and both husband and wife must respect and love each other as Islamic life requires Salaat, leaving for work after morning Salaah earn a Hallal income and take care of parents wife and children and if one keep on taking sex many times a day/weekor month how will he or she will have energy to perform Islamic duties and obligations sex is only a part in islamic life not the complete life as history is evident even the great warriors used to lift 80-100 kgs Sword in war and fight for days and months where they got so much strength of course by limited and control sex.

            Wa Salaam

  7. Myself and my husband do it up to 5 times in a night....wudu every time....ghusl before salaah. Alhamdulillah for my blessed life n marriage.

    • please fear Allaah, have modesty/shyness and preserve your honour and your husbands BY not telling the secrets of your marital intemacy.
      wallaahi it is a big sin.

      the prophet[saww] said that a person who visits his wife, her husband and cohabits with them, then tells the people during the day, "i have done such and such" is like a devil who meets another devil.....

      and the hadith in the saheehayn goes on.

      absolutely NO ONE SHOULD KNOW when YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND SLEEP TOGETHER, LET ALONE how many times.

      • Listen Bro, someone asked a question, She answered, Asking Question about Sex in Islam is not forbidden. Prophet Muhammad PBUH went as far as to tell us how to approach woman for sex, so who are you to forbid her?

  8. Salaam, this raises a question for me... I have heard that when doing wudhu and (not in the janaaba state )when you wipe wet hands over your head, the minimum requirement for the wudhu to be accepted is that the front of the scalp is wet. (In the situation where wudhu facilities are public and a sister cannot remove her hijab) I have also heard that wetting the whole scalp is sufficient in ghusl that you dont have to soak the hair. This didnt sound right to me though. Does anyone know if there is any validity to these? I have not found any authentication. Of course in these scenarios, it is better to be safe than sorry - but I have always wondered.

    Apologies for the random questions
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salaams Sara,

      You are right, it is permissible to just wipe the front part of the hair for wudu so you do not need to remove your entire hijaab. And, while performing ghusl, a woman can leave her hair braided as long as the water reaches the roots of the hair. There are hadiths to back these statements, I shall dig them up for you when I am working from my laptop inshaAllah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. I've been married 1.5 years and we do it 1 or 2times a month on average. Plus, we live alone! Is this abnormally infrequent? I am seriously beginning to think that something is seriously wrong (especially with my husband!). I'm worried and even more frustrated that even after telling him that he has not been fulfilling this need of mine, he hasn't done anything about it! Is this at all normal?

    • As-Salamu Alaykum sis,

      No, it is not normal. I'm in a the same situation. I've been married 4 years now,and things haven't changed. I've tried talking to him about it but he just makes excuses (cutting a long story short). I don't know how much longer I can take this. Wish I could write more on it but it's not appropriate here. Anyway just make Dua for yourself and me. InshaAllah things will get better. I wish men were more open... He just doesn't want to talk about it....

  10. I have been married since 4-5 years but my husband want daily sex... can any body tell me weather its good or bad from medical and islamic point of view...?
    sorry for irrelivent question....

    • AA;
      You have to keep in mind that people have differences. Not just based on gender, but also on background, uprising, way of life, etc. They might not be compatible mentally, physically, intellectually, and of course sex is just another thing that a married couple differ from each other. Some like it more, some want it more, etc.
      My wife is more like “Sameen” where she does not want to give in to it! And that causes a lot of tension, stress, bad thoughts! Just like when a woman think her husband is getting it some where else, a man thinks his wife want someone else. And I know that is not the case, but that how Shytan works!
      But here is the thing: If a woman says no to her husband when he asks her for that, she will be punished by the Angels. Of course their might be issues/reasons to her saying no, but it is a HUGE responsibility on the woman part to keep him satisfied “some how”. Otherwise, the man might start to wander out side of the marriage and that is NO good and we all agree on. Again, it is not an excuse to the man to do so, but that’s why it is a huge responsibility on the woman. Of course if a woman have a high sex drive, which is usually something with men, then the man also has to comply because it is his duty and her right to enjoy him just like he wants to enjoy her.
      With that said, I agree that talking is the solution, maybe even seek medical help, marriage counseling, and most of all, prayer and patience. Keep in mind, life is but a test :)
      AA

  11. The more often they ask for it , the better it is for the marriage and it shows their purity and iman. If they demand

    it infrequently to the extent that their extra-marital activities become questionable, I think there is more

    to worry about.

  12. I’d actually feel blessed if my future husband wants to be intimate with me everyday! I personally think I’ll have a high sex drive so there’s no harm in having someone who’s similar in this regard, not to mention I’ll feel secure that he is satisfied by me :). But of course, I do hope that he is a good husband in other regards inshallah or else I’ll end up feeling used, Allah forbid :(

    • salaam 'Alaykum

      looksis, everyone of us has the natural animalistic desire which Allaah created in us, and we all have some thoughts of what we would like, such as how many wives, how we want them to look/behave/smell and what we want to do with them etc.
      but we keep those thoughts to ourselves for the sake of Hayaa shyness modesty.

      so therefore, arjuuk fadhlan please fear Allaah and be shy,preserve your honour and dont say things like "i have high s drive" or "i would like to do something with my husband everyday"

      it was very suprising for me that you wrote it.

    • Salaamu'Alaykum sister.

      we are all humans and have that animalistic desire that Allaah created in us, and we all have thoughts of how many wives we would like, how we would like them to look, behave, smell etc etc etc.
      however, we strictly keep these thoughts to ourselves for the sake of hayaa shyness, modesty etc.

      so arjuuk please fadhlan, dont ever write something like i have hight s** drive, or i would like to do such and such with my future husband, or i would like to do it how many times etc.

      please dont write this, especially since you're a woman.

      • I agree with Az-Zubayr.As a muslim you should learn to be modest as the prophet(saw) said: iman as seventy odd branches,the highest is the testimony and the lowest is to remove harm from the way,and also modesty is a branch of iman.

  13. *sigh* when will the day come that I can get married -_-

  14. AA;

    Also, regarding the Ghusol Vs. Wudu. After intercourse, even if no ejaculation occurs, even if the Male and Female body parts just touches, then you have to do ghusul before you can pray or touch Quran. But between intercourses within one session (Saturday morning, kids are out, whatever) if the couple have intercourse, take a nap, and then want to do again, it is recommended for the man (not sure about the woman) to wash his part up between one ejaculation and another.

    AA

  15. brother salaam 'alayk.

    with all due respect, wallaahi, this has got to be the most unnecessary question that someone must have posted here ever.

    there is absolutely no need for this question.

    with the exclusion of during mesntruation, there is absolutely no limit to the number of times you can cohabit with her.

    • AA.
      Brother, people have different sex srive! Maybe he has a disagreement with wife and they wsnt to underdtand! No question is bad question.
      AA

  16. Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe,

    Let me first of start by saying that your being very unconsiderate people come here to get help and answers not for critisism so if you got nothing better too say, well don't!

    Her question isn't stupid it just shows she is on the way of Islam and trying to please Allah soebhaan wataa'Allaah by making sure she isnt doing anything which is haram.

    That already tells much about her personality and intentions. Too which yours aren't clear.

    So for next time try to help your fellow brother or sister or plainly just shut up, because words can hurt too and trust me when I say we will be accounted for what we used to say and do.

    I hope we can all learn by this and just so everyone knows. No question is dumb, only the people answering it can sometimes be. But you should know that on the quest for knowledge ask and you will be given bcause without questions there aren't any answers.

    Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe.

  17. I just want to know if it's normal for me to feel unsatisfied if my husband don't ask me to make love everyday? I have a feeling of doubt everytime he's not in the mode to make love. Is it fair for a wife to just wait whenever the husband likes even if she likes, and be submissive to her husband's desire even if she doesn't like? Is it fine for the husband to say "I'm tired" after he's done (reach the climax) while the wife is not yet done?

    Sorry to asked such questions. Just want to save our marriage.
    Hopefully I don't offend anybody.
    If anybody doesn't like my questions please....just don't say anything because it won't help. Thanks for understanding my situation.

    • Your questions are not offensive, but you need to log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • AA;

      First of all, please post separately that other people posts.
      Second: I would say start y talking to him, hinting to him, without offending him. Marriage is for both to enjoy and I think talkign about it is the first step.

      Allah knows best. If I am right, it is from Allah, if wrong, it is from me.

      May Allah guide us all to the right path and shower us with his mercy and blessing.

      AA

      Just a Man

    • @ Elnora

      I know this is old question, but I felt it's important to answer.

      No, Islamically it is not acceptable for the husband to reach orgasm and ignore the orgasm of his wife. It is considered a violation of the wife's rights. Though he may be tired from the day's events and you may have a great sex drive, there's things he can do other than intercourse to satisfy you if he feels unready for copulation. For example he can stimulate you with his hands or mouth.

      Show him how you like to be touched and pleased. There is not shame in this, but just approach it with kindness and gentleness.

      Also, if you just want him to ask you as a means of affirming that he loves you without the necessary need to actually have sex, just remind him that you need verbal "love reminders." Kissing and petting may help you to ensure that your sexual needs are being met.

      It is Islamically recommended that the woman declare her readiness for sex to her husband, so when you need it, please feel free to ask him. This is considered a very good act.

      If your husband is ejaculating too soon, he may need to exercise more control over his groin muscles to prevent this or could see a doctor for a prescription for Viagra or Cialis to remain erect for longer periods in order to please you.

      • As-salamu alaykum ProfessorX. I've just edited this comment of yours slightly, as I have done with some other comments you posted, and I deleted one comment entirely. I would prefer that comments on sexual issues not be too explicit and do not describe sex acts and positions in detail. It's just not appropriate for this site. We can offer general advice on these matters, but we are not a sexual counseling service per se, and we need to keep to a certain standard of Islamic modesty.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Thank you for the edit and reminder. Sorry I posted my reply late, as I do not always subscribe to the posts.

  18. my husband have sex with me daily very much times. but i dont get released can anyone help me how to do it

    • is ghusul obligatory...wen u are sexually arose and liquid pour out slightly

      • Yes.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Asalaam alaykum,

          SisterZ, the issue is more complex, as it depends. If it is merely the sexual secretion without intercourse, thereby meaning no orgasm or sexual entry, then ghusal is not obligatory, but wudu is. However, the clothes and body should be cleaned with pure water if they become stained by this secretion known as the sexual lubricating fluid that facilitates comfortable copulation.

          However, when there is orgasm signified by ejaculation in males and slackness of the body afterwards in males and females, then ghusal is obligatory. Here is a guide:

          Before discussing the way of Ghusal let me tell you in which conditions it becomes due.

          Man:

          After Ehtelam, Night Fall, Nocturnal Ejaculation, When he sees semen on his cloths after awakening
          Ejaculation of semen by hand practice, masturbation etc.

          Woman:

          Penetration of penis inside vagina no matter ejaculation happens or not
          Penetration by finger inside vagina especially during sexual arousal, no matter fingering is done by husband or by herself
          After menses over, After perpurum ( period of 40 days after delivery)
          Bad dreaming, when she find her self wet on awakening
          Method of Balneation (Ghusal):

          1. Nyat for Ghusal
          2. Cleaning of the body so that impurity would be washed out
          3. Three times gargles with water ( Not allowed in fasting)

          From: http://www.islamawareness.net/Ghusl/fatwa_oral.html

          As far as Taharah (purification) from male secretions is concerned, Ghusl is obligatory only in two cases: ejaculation of sperm and sexual intercourse. Any other thing that does not end in ejaculation of sperm or having sex does not require Ghusl. If one releases Madhy (pre-seminal fluid or ejection), then Wudu’ is only obligatory. In case of sexual intercourse, Ghusl is obligatory even if one does not ejaculate sperm.

          As for oral sex, it is only permitted as a way of stimulation and foreplay. Scholars say that it is Makrooh to do it with the intention of ejaculating in wife’s mouth. This is based on the jurists’ views regarding the impurity of sperm and Madhy. Anyway, if a husband does have oral sex with his wife, and ejaculates sperm, then Ghusl is obligatory; however, if he only releases Madhy then Wudu’ is only required, and the wife has to wash the Madhy away because it is Najis.

          Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, answers:

          “There is a difference of opinion among the founders of the Four Schools of Jurisprudence regarding whether Mani (semen) is Najas (impure) or not. While both Imams Abu Hanifah and Malik consider it Najas, both Imams Shafi`i and Ahmad do not consider it as such. These differences notwithstanding, all of them insist on washing it away if it is wet, and if dry, scrubbing or erasing it from body, cloth or any other surface it may have come into contact with.

          When we inquire into the cause behind the above differences of opinion, we can readily see that it stems from the different ways the Imams interpreted the various traditions of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, as well as from the analogies they based their views on. The traditions from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, do not insist that we must wash semen away in all cases, but clearly state that we should do so if it is wet. The traditions also suggest that it is sufficient to scrub it away if it has dried up. Thus, the Imams asked the question: Are we to compare semen to bodily secretions such as breast milk and spittle, which are considered pure, or are we to consider it analogous to feces and urine, both of which are undoubtedly considered Najas (impure)?

          As far as the “oral sex” question is concerned, we had deliberately avoided the phrase “oral sex” to avoid confusion with “oral stimulation”. Further, we must clearly indicate that any deliberate act of sexual intercourse must be done in the place created for it (i.e., the vagina), while oral stimulation itself is permissible. If, however, during the course of oral stimulation, ejaculation takes place, one must wash it away if it gets in one’s clothing or mouth. We must further add that no Muslim should ever consider consuming it in any way.

          As far as Madhy (pre-seminal fluid) in males as well as its lubricating equivalent in females is concerned, it is considered Najas (impure) in all of the accepted Schools of Fiqh (Jurisprudence) and, therefore, one must definitely wash it away.”
          Penetration in the vagina by the penis, no matter ejaculation happens or not.
          4. Three times ascending water in the nose (Be careful in fasting)
          5. Performing Whole Wazoo (Abdest)
          6. Running water though out the body in such a way that not a pinpoint area would be left with water. ( Women can open optionally their hairs and then run water over the head, however; they can perform ghusal without opening the hairs if they wish)
          7. Recite the dua for performing Ghusal

          Question:

          I was going through female ejaculation on google and some researches indicate and scientists say that sometimes when women are sexually excited or aroused the fluid ie. semen or female ejaculate can be secreted even without orgasm or sexual pleasure.Then do women have to perform ghusl every time they are sexually excited or aroused even if there is no orgasm or sexual pleasure?But i think it can also happen to men when they are sexually excited or aroused and they can discharge semen without orgasm or sexual pleasure.It will make life difficult for women since female ejaculate is very difficult to differenciate from other female discharges and is not so easy as in the case of male ejaculate and other discharges from men.Please clarify since it is related to tahaarah and affects Salah and other forms of Ibaadat.I am very depressed due to waswasas and it is making my life difficult. jazakAllah.

          Answer:
          There is a difference between orgasmic ejaculation and discharge or lubrication of the vagina under normal conditions due to excitement. The former is seminal discharge known as maniyy which comes in sudden spurts following deep pleasure or orgasm. The latter, however, is simply more like a leakage or lubrication. It is known as madhy.
          In the case of maniyy one should perform a complete ritual bath (ghusl), while in the case of lubrication or discharge when excited, one needs to wash the genitals and perform wudhu or minor ablution before praying. A question was put to the Prophet about what to do in the case of madhy or discharges that may arise due to sexual desire or arousal. He replied. "One should wash the genitals and perform wudhu."

      • It depends on what that fluid that poures out is, when a man gets aroused whether by sporting with his woman, or he fantasizes or touches himself etc, he emittes what is called pre-ejaculatory fluid, called mathy and for this, then you don't need to shower, you only need to wash your genitals, and then make wudhu as usual.

        'Alî Ibn Abî Tâlib [May Allâh be pleased with him] used to emit this type of fluid alot and in excess amount when he was with his wife, so he wanted to ask the prophet[saww] what to do to cleanse himself, but since he was married to the daughter of the prophet[saww] herself [May Allâh be pleased with her], he felt shy to approach the prophet[saww] concerning his daughter, so he asked al-Miqdâd Ibn al-Aswad [May Allâh be pleased with him] to approach the prophet[saww], and he [saww] told al-Miqdâd to wash the liquid away and to make wudhu and pray in such state

        • Astagfirullah, keep your secrets to yourself. I am ashamed that you are talking about sperm and ejaculation and nasty things like these! (/sarcasm for the slow ones)

          • "Wow", your sarcastic attitude is not helpful. If you have something helpful to say, please do.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. You can have sex when ever you like, foreplay such as kissing is allowed aswell, but you it is haraam to have sex with a women while she is on her menses and it is also haraam when you have anal sex, remeber to do ghusl after as well.

  20. Salamu alaikum brothers and sisters in islam......
    I read that it is not permissible for a menstruating woman or a sexually impure person to stay inside the mosque.
    Umme Salamah(r.a) narrated that;"one day the prophet(pbuh) came to the mosque courtyard and shouted at the top of his voice that;"the mosque is off limit to a menstruating woman and a sexually impure person.
    However it is permissible for them to pass through the mosque or to go and take something that is in it and then leave.it is narrated that some Sahaba's doors open into the mosque(e.g Yazib ibn Habib) and they pass through it.
    Also Aisha(r.a) narrated that the prophet(pbuh) sent me to bring is cloth in the mosque.And i said i am menstruating.Then the prophet(pbuh) said is the menstruation in your hands.
    Also the prophet used to rest his head on the laps of his wives and recite the Qur'an while they were menstruating.It is however impermissible for a sexually impure person and a menstruating woman to touch the Quran or recite it.
    PLEASE BROTHERS AND SISTERS CORRECT ME IN ANYTHING IF I AM WRONG.
    *Allahu Alam*

    • In the West, the issue arises as to whether a place of worship was built as a masjid or a community center with a "prayer space." The latter would not preclude a menstruating woman from entering the building and staying inside, as I understand it, though by obligatory precaution, she should avoid the prayer space.

      • *Jazakum lahu kaira brother*

      • If a woman who is menstruating is even allowed to do tawaaf e kaaba when doing hajj, which is THE most holiest place, why can she not be in the prayer area of any other masjid in the world?

  21. Subhanollah

  22. AA Brother Wael.
    It might be a good idea to close this post. I think we been over more than the intended issue and there is alot of comments mashallah.

    Just my opinion :)

    May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.

    If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.

    AA

  23. What is the correct way of performing ghusl. I spend like 15mins doing ghusl
    and waste a lot of water.

  24. This post is now closed to further comments as we have newer posts which need answering. Jzk to all those who offered helpful advice.

    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor