How to ask responsibility from my boyfriend after we committed zina?
Assalamualaikum brother and sister
i am 25 years old , i have deep relationship with a men who has studying in doctoral degree and i am also studying in master degree. we both had know each other since 1 and half year ago but i did not interest in him also any guys because i do not want to be a couple while my study. my friend advice him to me that he is single (he is 36 years old) and in reaching a women to be a wife , he is a religious person, this is my future husband as i ask in my Doa from Allah i need him to lead me to be a good muslimah in the world till the judgement world. in last year my friend as his closed friend also advice me to him and he enter to my life and make i love him. actually i love his opinion , mind, view. as he a kindly person and not show off. after i agree to be in relation with him i also back to my parents for asking them to allow me and their opinions. alhamdulillah my parents and my big brother agree with me to know him. and they also allow me to marry with a guy from another country.
our relation go fast just 4-5 month we both had a deep relation but i had never allow him to do sexual intercourse. because i really hate sexual and i do not want to have it. i need to be a nice person avoid zina , i always told him i am a women and please do not destroy me if we do zina allah will angry because zina is a big sin i do not want to make a big sin .i am poor in religion but i always know the limit of islam what can we do and what we cannot do.
he forced me in sexual intercourse i had not allow him and always siad; please do not do it i am paining. he asked me to trust him . trust me !!! trust me.... , he succeed to did sexual intercourse. after that day i had paining and sick 5 days i told that i was sick and still paining . but he did not treat me as well , he just said go to hospital. then after we had sexual 3 weeks i had not period i told him : my menses not come yet . he said ; i am lie and cheating him. he said ; he used condom i cannot pregnant. and now i am not pregnancy. he hate me and he said "we could not be friend no more" .he has far away with me since February till now we do not contact because he has blocked me via what's app , facebook and anyway. i had asked him what will he do with me . will he marry me or cover me from my parent . his answered is he will decide after his graduate now he cannot decide any option.
my questions is
How can i ask him to cover/marry me . Because now we are far away , i still think he will run away easily . and he will not response in the thing what he done.
he had said me to marry with another guys as a rich man and young than him. he said because he is not good for me and my life.
i always ask the response from him , i cannot marry with another guys except him . i must marry him only. if not , i will not marry. every man will not be happy to marry with a women not vergin. and i also cannot cheat a man because i am not pure girl.
appreciate
Waalaikumussalam , Allah hafiz .
Fizzy
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As Salam O Alaikum
Sister, where are you from ? And into which field are you doing your Masters Degree? 😀
Going futher. As far as what i have understood from the way you have wrote after big time difficulty. I think before he dumps you, you should go far away from him Physically as well as Mentally. He has used you as a pawn. You should realise that. You have committed a blunder but you still have time to Repent. ALLAH is Merciful i am sure if you repent truly from your heart for all the misdeeds you did knowingly or forcibly HE will certainly forgive you. Insha ALLAH azzowajal.
Also if he has clearly mentioned to go and find a suitable groom that means he is not interested in marrying you anymore. You should stop thinking about this useless man and concentrate on your Masters Degree and foremost the Deen. That would ultimately solve your further problems which you think might arise. Remember - " EVERY SAINT HAS A PAST, & EVERY SINNER HAS A FUTURE ".
So dont lose hopes. Just ward off this man from your life, mind, heart and see how things fall back on right places. The more you show him that you crave for him, then more you will be heartbroken. So get out from this viscious circle and concentrate on mandatory things.
I wish you all the very best. Stay Blessed
Wa Salam !
its further not futher
OP: he forced me in sexual intercourse i had not allow him and always said; please do not do it i am paining. he asked me to trust him . trust me !!! trust me.... , he succeed to did sexual intercourse. after that day i had paining and sick 5 days i told that i was sick and still paining .......then after we had sexual 3 weeks i had not period i told him : my menses not come yet .....(he is 36 years old) and in reaching a women to be a wife , he is a religious person....... his answered is he will decide after his graduate now he cannot decide any option.
Problem is you were lying down naked with him and telling him don't do it, it is painful for you. Why you did not get up, dress and leave. You continued to have sex with him. He is 36 year old. Are you sure he is not married?
Don't waste any time on him. The guy may be religious but he did treat you like an animal.
Salaam Sister,
It may sound harsh but you have to know the reality. It seems like this guy has used you for his enjoyment and left you.
So forget about this bad guy and this bad experience and move on with your life. I know it's not easy to forget but ask Allah to make you forget these experience and replace it with some good experiences with a pious muslim man after marriage.
And please don't think of marrying this guy. He's not worth it. He spoiled your life and didn't treat you well. How can you spend your life with this guy ?
Don't worry about your purity. Ask Allah for forgiveness and ask Allah to find you a good pious husband. There are many non virgin women who have found good husbands.
So make lots of dua and Inshallah your life will become better.
He is a trash , dont marry him. regret to Allah swt nd start your life with a good eprson.
And plz dont say like you have lost virginity so you will marry him only. Be sensible, he is dangerous and can further destroy your life.
If your husabnd will be a good man , h will not care about your virginty, only losers care about virginity.
Sister Samiya ,
I find your text 'only losers care about virginity' quite anti-islamic. I dont believe that men who want there wives to be pure are losers, infact i believe the ones who have pre-marital relationships are the actual losers (unless they repent).
I pious man saves himself for marriage , wouldnt he want the same with his wife? he would definitely want a woman who has saved herself for marriage.
If a man still wants to marry a non-virgin , its his choice . The prophet once said to his companion who told him he married an old woman , he said why not marry a young woman like you so that you would play with her and she would play with you.
OP: in last year my friend as his closed friend also advice me to him and he enter to my life and make i love him. actually i love his opinion , mind, view. as he a kindly person and not show off. after i agree to be in relation with him i also back to my parents for asking them to allow me and their opinions. alhamdulillah my parents and my big brother agree with me to know him. and they also allow me to marry with a guy from another country.
What country is your sexual friend from? Who is this your close friend who advised you to be friend's with this guy. I wonder if your friend knew what this guy wanted from you.
Did your sexual friend and you discuss your future together as husband and wife?
How do you want him to cover you from your parents?
You say "every man will not be happy to marry with a women not vergin". Many men probably can't tell if a girl is virgin or not, just stop doing sex. If you are scared to death, you can go to a doctor who can do hymenoplasty to make you virgin again.
Lol ! That was way too much SVS bro. But upto the point. Too good. Stay Blessed
is this a chat room?
What do you mean he forced you to have sex with him , you didn't allow him???? Do you mean he actually raped you??? Hmm but than you wouldn't want to marry him if this was the case right? I don't really understand what you mean .....
If this was not the case and you actually did allow him and now regret and wants him to marry you, than I would advice you to leave him alone. He only used you for sex and he got what he wanted. He didn't intend to marry you in the first place otherwise he would straight go to your dad and ask him for your hand in marriage. He didn't respect you sister. But allhamdullilah he doesn't want to marry you now, be grateful for that. If you did marry him, he would destroy your life. He is not a good man and won't be a good husband. He treated you like garbage. Forget about him. Repent to Allah for your sin you know you shouldn't be meeting a non maharam man without your walli.that's why Islam forbids this. But now all you can do is repent to Allah and ask for forgiveness. Insh'Allah if you are sincere Allah will forgive you and you should move on with your life. You don't have to tell your future husband about your sin.
Sister I don't understandwhat you mean by saying he is a religious guy??? How is he religious and meets with non maharm girls and asks for sex??? Since when do religious people act this way?? What makes you say he is religious? ?? I have non Muslim, non religious people who don't meet with men and have sex , they have values and respect themselves.
If you look for a husband, find someone with good character, not only religion.
sick wt ur english still will pray fa u sis
She probably knows her English is not good. She came here for advise not for criticism.
Also, being good or bad in english is not a condition to make dua.
Thank Allah for the blessing you have where you know better English than her.
😀
Well you too have hell lots of Grammatical errors while phrasing the words. Like "fa" .. What is "fa" ?
Stop criticizing sister !
its about problem. what English has to do with it
Hold on!!! Force you to did the sexual activity??? It's a "RAPE" then... And you still have ridiculous thought to be His wife? Seriously?? Well I'm just wondering.. He is a rapist MashaAllah. Well, I don't think there are more advices that i can give rather than this following options : 1. Taubah and be honest with your future partner. 2. Get the vaginoplasty. 3. Make a police report then do the DNA test if you are lucky enough to get his "liquid" sample then you will have the bullets to blackmail him... Well, no matter what's the decision you take, May Allah lead you to the right path. Btw, I'm so curious. What kind of mastery level that you follow at the moment? Wassalam...
Belle: OP says, just 4-5 month we both had a deep relation but i had never allow him to do sexual intercourse........please do not do it i am paining. he asked me to trust him . trust me !!! trust me.... , he succeed to did sexual intercourse. after that day i had paining and sick 5 days i told that i was sick and still paining
I don't know how this can be rape. According to her she said "please do not do it i am paining". She is feeling pain because he is already trying to go in. She went back and continued to have sex with him.
What liquid sample you want her to get and how it can help her?
No where she mentioned he used force. She did say no but did not do any thing to stop him.
Dear Sis,
Aslam o Alaikum,
I am really sorry to hear whatever happened. I can wholly understand your pain. You are in a situation where you can't understand whether he forced you, raped you or you allowed him etc... Cuz you are going through a pain of dumping, breakup, rejection, breaking heart etc...
Sis there is one solution for this time is that first make yourself understand that HE WAS NOT GOOD FOR YOU... Kill your feelings for him cuz it's just gonna hurt you more nothing else. Sis he just used you and you were so much into him that you allowed him to use you. Deep inside you, you know what happened. If this thing has happened to a friend, what would you suggest that friend? Suggest that to yourself. You know that you have to leave him. Don't go after him. What will you get? You love him but he doesn't. If he was into you, if he had feelings, he would have never ever said that go find another man. Cuz a man is capable enough to take a stand for his girl, he can't tolerate another man in her life and here he said to go...
So bring yourself out of this immediately. It will take time but trust me you have to take yourself out. Help yourself, ALLAH will help you.. Ask ALLAH and pray and repent cuz you committed a grave sin...
Think about grave. Are you ready to face the grave punishment for someone who used you like a tissue paper and dumped you and you even allowed him to do so... No you should not cry or face anything for him... Feel guilty that for your sin and repent. I have the same experience. You can search my post.So trust me and move on.
Do following things:
1. Focus on studies or job. Just keep your mind busy.
2. Surround yourself with friends and family.
3. Have some gatherings, outings with them.
4. Block him from everywhere. No matter how much you miss him, just keep yourslef away from him.
5. Don't text or call him. DONOT CONTACT HIM.
6. Pray.
7. Offer 5 times Salat on time.
8. Pray Tahajuud
9. Ask alot of forgiveness.
One more thing. If he ever comes back to you, don't think he changed or felt guilty. He is just coming back cuz he is bored or need some entertainment for his sexual drive. So, don't give him another chance.
Stay Blessed and pray for all of us.
Do you know you curse yourself when we commit such ongoing evils.....when a Muslim in this world commits a sin the environment gets effected the animals get effected..the actions go up and decisions are made according to the magnitude of the sin...and so you the punishment comes down...This why the world is got so much disasters diseases etc. ..do you understand now.......My wife is a sunni scholor so this is not made up ....Good luk n do what is right according to the are prophet and the the school of thought that you follow..
so what happened are you periods or not .... you are pregnancy or not.