How can I control my carnal urges?
Fed-up of Masturbation
My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, Assalamu 'Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu! May Allah keep you all in the best of health.
I have a very personal problem which I would like to get rid of. Please help me by giving me some useful information. I am a Muslim boy of 15. My problem is that I often masturbate. Often I get the urge to masturbate and reach sexual climax. This has been going on since the last one year or so. I would like to give a background about how this all started.
One night, my parents were out of the house in order to attend a wedding. After having dinner, I went to my room and closed the door and sat on the computer. I went to YouTube.com in order to see some public lectures of Dr. Zakir Naik. To be honest, I am a very big fan of Dr. Zakir Naik and find his lectures very inspiring. Anyways, I was seeing one of his lectures, when YouTube.com suggested me to see a pornographic video. At first, I ignored it and continued watching the lecture. After watching the lecture for about fifteen minutes, I was getting the urge to see that pornographic video. I think I fell into the trap of Shaitan and he was 'whispering' to me, telling me to watch that pornographic video.
Well, I gave into Shaitan's intimations and clicked on that video. I locked the door of my room and started watching. The video showed a man and a women having sex. They spoke in French, a language I don't know how to speak. So I could not understand what they were saying. But then came a part when both the man and the women started undressing themselves and later, they had sex. While they were having sex, a song in French was being played in the background. Actually, the video did not show their private parts or anything like that. However, you could understand that they were having sex.
That very same night, I masturbated, for the first time in my life. My parents said that they would be coming late. I slept alone in my room. Anyways, when it was time to sleep, I locked the door of my room. Everyone thought I was sleeping. But at that time, I probably committed the most disgusting sin of my life. I don't know why, but I found myself undressing. After becoming naked, I lied down on my bed under a bed sheet. I reached orgasm and ejaculated! That was the most pleasurable time I ever had in my life.
So that's how it all started. Since then, I kept on masturbating and now it has turned into a habit. I do pray five times a day and try to keep my relationship with Allah strong. However, often I masturbate in bed when it is time to sleep. And I ejaculate every time.
The only cause of my masturbation was that pornographic video on YouTube.com. I know that I am committing a sin and I want to change this. But I just can't control myself. Now I get the urge to masturbate every single day! I try to control my urge, but I can't... Sometimes, I am able to stay without masturbating for two days maximum. Then again, I get the urge and start masturbating, until I reach sexual climax.
Please help me! I don't want my life to continue this way! I want to get rid of this disgusting habit, but I can't find a way to do so. Please, please, please, please, please, give me advice and tips on how I can control my carnal urges and stop masturbating.
Jazak'Allahu Khairan!
- Shafat.
Editor's Note: - Some graphic details have been removed.
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I think many wonderful pieces of advice ranging from psychological to physical to fiqh point of view has been given in this website regarding masturbation. So, I would give my advice inshallah from a different angle.
One of friends, who performed hajj with me last year, recently has been diagnosed with a pancreatic cancer. It was a devastating news for me.
Previously, my own uncle (my mom's brother) died within six months after being diagnosed with a liver cancer. He was 30 when he died.
These incidents tremendously changed about how I used to think.
I used to think like everyone else. "I simply cannot control my desire....I tryyyyyyyyyyyy and faaaaaaaaaail."
Then the experience with cancer shook me inside out. I asked myself, "The sins that I am committing now, would I have been able to commit those same sins if I had been tested with cancer?"
The answer was NO. A BIG NO This means, committing those sins when Allah had blessed me with good health was a tremendous form of ungratefulness.
Trust me brother, there are no greater blessings in this world except for eeman and faith in Allah and HIs Messenger (S).
And when we commit sins, we abuse these two greatest blessings.
And one more piece of advice regarding masturbation: I do not want to go to the debate if it is doubtful or haraam. In my humble opinion, the whole process of doing it is simply so disgusting that one cannot simply imagine of doing it and being watched by Allah simultaneously.
And the moment you forget that Allah is watching you, you deprive yourself from the mercy of Allah. Do you want to deprive yourself from the mercy of Allah?
Ma Sha Allah stranger, you have given an excellent answer to the issue of masturbation. May Allah Reward you for it. And May Allah Save the youth from the disgusting habit of masturbation.
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Subhanallah may Allah reward you for. Very sound piece of advice
May Allah the Almighty bless you and your family abundantly . your answer was worth consideration . may Allah the all wise save you from the floods of lust and desire which are sweeping the whole earth today . the sunna is like a ark of Noah whoever boards in it is safe whoever refuses it is lost and drowned.
Salaam
As Salamualaikum,
Apart from the above, read the following post:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/evidence-masturbation-is-haram/
Brother, you gave into the whispering of Shaitaan and this is common with everyone. When you were alone in your room, you were not actually alone, Shaitaan was with you, telling you about the evils of life and showing the pleasure you can find in them.
But always remember this Hadith:
Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "When Allah created Paradise, He told Jibreel, "Go look at it". So he went and looked at it, then he came back and said, "By Your Glory, no-one will hear of it but he will enter it". So He surrounded it with hardships and said, "Go and look at it". So he went and looked at it, then came back and said, "By Your Glory, I fear that no-one will enter it".
When Allah (Subhaanah) created Hell, He told Jibreel, "Go and look at it." Jibreel went and looked at it, and when he came back he said, "By Your Glory, I fear that no-one who hears of it will enter it". So He surrounded it with desires, and said, "Go and look at it." Jibreel went and looked at it, and when he came back, he said, "By Your Glory, I fear that there will be no-one left who does not enter it". (at-Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, and an-Nasaa'ee) [Jaami al-Usool, 10/250, #8068.] at-Tirmidhi described it as sahih hasan].
Do not let this habit turn into an uncontrollable addiction, after which, you will not even worry about prayers in their time.
One more thing which could help you in stopping masturbation is prayer in itself. You can not pray after having masturbated, until you have performed Ghusl. This could help you delay the act and control yourself. Even fasts for that matter, as masturbation invalidates fasts.
Also when you think about doing this act, imagine what 'stranger' has said above. And think about it, if your parents were about to know about it or see it, will they be pleased?
Also avoid spending the night alone, because Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said:
"Do not spend the night alone"
Musnad Ahmad 6919.
And remember this Hadith:
"Whoever seeks chastity Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks help from none but Allaah, He will help him, and whoever is patient He will make it easy for him, and no one has ever been given anything better than patience." Bukhari:1469. 12)
This Hadith is excellent in this matter and any other:
Wabisah bin Ma'bad, radiyallahu 'anhu, said: I came to the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, and he said: "You have come to ask about righteousness ?" " Yes," I answered. He said: "Consult your heart. Righteousness is that about which the soul feels tranquil and the heart feels tranquil, and sin is what creates restlessness in the soul and moves to and fro in the breast, even though people give you their opinion (in your favour) and continue to do so." [A good hadith transmitted from the Musnads of the two Imams, Ahmad bin Hanbal and Al-Darimi]
Human nature like that. We like good and dislike bad. But we are fooled by the Shaitaan sometimes, and we commit sins.
Needless to say, the most important of all is that you turn to Allah's Worship, improve your Eemaan by seeking knowledge, improve your Taqwa by remembring Him more and more. In sha Allah, you'll see that the desire is reducede.
Always be aware that Allah Is Watching you and can hear every word you say. He Can see you better than anyone else can see you. He Knows what you hide in your heart and what you reveal.
Also, be in the company of the scholars and the people who would remind you about Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and the Aakhirah when you'll have to stand before The Lord and answer His Questions.
This is what I can think of right now. May Allah Help you and others who face a similar situation.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
MashAllah...what a great thought and the Hadees quoted surely helped me a lot as I too
Was confronted with such problem.... please everyone pray for me that Allah gives me Hadayat and also to the entire Muslim Ummah
JazakAllah
Enough advice have been shared by the brothers (stranger & Muhammad waseem). Jizakallah khair and may Allah reward you for your kind words and time. Most of all, May Allah make easy for Shafat and everyone that goes through the same problem inn shaa' Allah. Aamiin
Assalamulaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatu,
I was not born into Islam, therefore I picked up very bad habits such as masturbation before Islam. I am currently addicted to masturbation, and I want to put an end to it. I no long masturbate only behind closed doors, but even in the office area when my dad is right across the room facing the other way. I recently reverted to Islam, and I have masturbated for five years before. It's now been 6 months since I converted. I still masturbate despite my attempts to stop. I received really awesome advice from my parents about how to stop masturbation, but it apparently isn't enough. In the five years that I have masturbated the longest I have gone without masturbating is 5 days. Those five days were due to an Islamic camp where I had 3 roommates. I have done major sins before Islam, and even though they were forgiven, I still feel like Allah (SWT) is angry with me. I make constant Du'a for him to help me, but I am always too lazy or frustrated to make ghusl. I make ghusl sometimes and find myself masturbating right after. It's very irritating. I try to make sincere prayers but I am discouraged because I feel like when I make ghusl I will masturbate right after as usual. I read some Quran, and I recently memorized surah Al-Lail, but even though I feel occasional peaks in my Iman, I still cannot stop. It is an addiction I feel is a lost cause. Shaitan has not won me yet, this muslim still has some fight left in him. Please help me. Has Allah given up on me? Has he already sentenced me to an eternity to Hellfire?
No he hasn't sentenced you for an eternity in hell. he has sent you in this world because he wanted to give oyu a chance to change and he made you a muslim cuz he knew your intention was pure. you just have to keep working for it. to try to avoid masturbation dont stay alone and repel the thought as soon as it enters your head. because that is all it is, a thought that shaitan whispers into your head. Allah will forgive you in'sha'Allah just keep striving he is well aware of what you intend to do.
Jazakallah Kairan Asfas
People who have amasturbation problem is because they watch or look at things that cause them to do that, I was a very big addict once but alhumdulilah I have found the correct way because life tested me really harshly but on top of that I would suggest everyone on this to download web protections such as mcafee or K9 (which works best) and block everything and insha'allah read quran and dont EVER forget ur prayers, hope one day insha'allah Allah guides us and we become the best of our capabilities. Salam
Dear brother,
I was born a muslim and i never knew about this masturbation n all until last year when i masturbated first time whilst reading porn.i did not know that it was a sin at that time but now i know.
DEAR BROTHER THIS IS A MAJOR SIN! AND THE WAY TO END IT TO REFRAIN FROM IT.GET THE MOBILE PHONE OUT OF YOUR WAY FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS USE A MOBILE WITHOUT INTERNET,REMOVE THE COMPUTER AND PUT IN A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING.THAT WOULD HELP WEAKEN THE URGE.SECONDLY TELL YOUR OARENTS TO PUT A PASSWORD ON THAT COMPUTER AND REMOVE THE WIFI IF YOU HAVE TO ,JUST ISOLATE YOURSELF from internet BECAUSE ELSE IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE OTHERWISE.
YOUR WANTING TO WATCH PORN WOULD SLOWLY FADE AWAY AND DO LISTEN TO LECTURES OF MUFTI.MENK AND NOUMAN.ALI.KHAN regarding porn or masturbation on youtube and help yourself i make dua for you my friend
The sad part is that i was in the state of janabat for years of masturbating now all these these years my quran reading memorizing and prayers never counted and i have forgotten 14 surahs this year now i have more bad sins then good who knows what will happened to me.
may somebody tell me how to do ghusl
Dear brother search it on youtube
TO ALI:
Hadith no: 248 Buhkari
Narrated / Authority of: Aisha
Whenever the Prophet took a bath after Janaba he started by washing his hands and then performed ablution like that for the prayer. After that he would put his fingers in water and move the roots of his hair with them, and then pour three handfuls of water over his head and then pour water all over his body.
Asalamualikum,
I need advice of what i shall do. It's been more then 2 weeks now that i have been praying 5 times a day. Last weekend something like this happened, I came across a scene in which one women was kissing on the other womans cheek. It was a tv Season that i was watching online. Both the women did that in the later episodes too, it had nothing to do with the show but it turned me on (sorry if im using any inappropriate words)
I just started falling back to shaitan. It was very hard for me to pray 5 times a day knowing that i had committed the worst sins insight of Allah, Shaitan always distracted me with cheap thoughts yet i overcame them but i could overcome when those 2 women kissed on cheek. It lead me to sin ... Masturbation. After i performed the act i felt bad because that scene lead me to my past. I quickly googled my problem it lead me here, looking at the above advices recommended, i thought i should also give it a try maybe someone can help me. I wanna turn back to Allah no doubt i Love Allah but the thing i believe i can't face is a woman. All my life i have ignored the girls in my class public kept my head down. I can't even talk to a girl or a woman face to face. I can't stare at them more then 3 seconds. I completely wanna turn permanently to Allah. This is today's fact. I don't know if i can pray to Allah, i remember when i prayed the Fajr prayer (the day i started my praying 5 times a day) I cried alot alot alot till my eyes were blurred. I kept begging to Forgive me for my past. I Just wanna turn back to Allah and i never wanna see 2 women along each other. In public my head is down so it's okay but on the internet.... i really am sad for what i did. I don't know if people who read this how they would react or may think i'm an idiot. This is my first time im writing this. Please be at ease with me. if i dont make sense please leave a comment i may try to explain better no wonder all that M thing occurred less then half hour ago before i wrote this.
I know how its like suffering from porn or masterbation addiction . they are same in nature both needs nudity and climax to satisfy but for a temporary time . I had many friends who were used to practice it . some of them recovered some are still struggling . when a person watch porn at the first time he gets a blast of hormones and chemicals in his head those chemicals are dopamine serotonin oxytocin and epinephrine... These are the same drugs which are released by our brain while using hard drugs. And with the very beginning of watching pornography or doing masterbation you brain starts to rewire and reprogram and sets an alarm for getting a new dose of those Chemicals . your brain is hijacked you can abstain for some days but honestly speaking you cannot control it for a much longer time because the thing which could control this problem (your brain) is already hijacked . your very own brain is working against your will , it simply rebels for the sake of pleasure . the practices of masterbation is disastrous it eats your physic your spirituality and your way of thinking . many of the internet buddies may have said to you that it does nothing wrong but be aware they themselves are the slaves of this bad habit its like asking a drug addict is drugs good or bad he
of course will say good .
Your behavior is slowly becoming intolerant and alien .
I am not scaring you but it is a hardcore warning which you cannot find anywhere.
To this giant problem needs giant solution and sacrifice
No tiny changes or ways gonna help you .
1st the best and most effective way to get rid off this problem is to surrender
Disclose it to your parents directly
So they can keep a check on you and can help you to fight it .
I know its very hard but the problem is also very hard to solve.
It will help you a lot , accept before them that you made a mistake and need their help they are your parents they will help you more than any .
2nd thing is get tied in a wedlock as soon as possible . the wife of a man is like a fortress it saves you from evil. That is a best way to get rid off .
3rd thing is to go out to spend some weeks in a month with dayees who do dawa . and while doing dawa your prayers are often answered so pray and ask for help . spend all 24*7 with them at least once in a week .
4rth thing is to keep your libido low by keeping fast and eating less
5th join a gym concentrate on physic .
6th is to see a phychaitrist or phycologist nearby and disclose everything without feeling shame he will definitely help you.
If you follow all these ways in shalla you will come out of this . these things need courage and dedication to follow . no pain no gain . no sacrifice no reward.
Save your life masterbation needs attention it is a hidden cancer or more than that.
Salaam and pray for me also.
A.o.a
Mr.shahid aap PR Allah ka karm ho thanks a lot
Assalam u Alaikum wa Rahmatullah_I wa Barakatuhu.
I'm from Pakistan.
As brother Muhammad Waseem mentioned that Salah isn't acceptable if ghusl isn't performed after masturbation.
I've been through the same situation as the brother asked. But I didn't knew that ghusl is important after masturbation, to perform Salah. IF I don't perform ghusl, w/o knowing it, is my Salah acceptable. Moreover, it is a request from me to all the readers to pray for me.
Jazakallah_Khairan.
dear whenever you feel temptation go pray 2 rakah Salah Insha Allah in a week Shaitan will leave you alone because Shaitan dont want Muslim to pray Salah and make sajjidah so pray Salah every time he wisper in ur heart within week you will be ok