How to Control Thoughts about Marriage?
Assalamu 'alaikum, everyone.
I'm not new here. I've asked questions on this site before. The advice I received from others were really helpful and so I'm grateful to all those who advised me. The problems I used to suffer from in the past was my addiction to masturbation and pornography. Alhamdulillah, I've been able to stop both of these addictions and stayed away from them for the past few months. Since then I've been really practicing and I felt that my Iman was very high. I offer all my five daily prayers on time and don't miss a single one. Recently, I've been suffering from some problems and I need urgent help. Although I've been practicing, I feel that my addiction to masturbation will return very soon, and I'm really scared about that!
I want to get married to a pious and beautiful wife in future, Insha'Allah. The problem I've been having is very weird (others may not find it weird, but I do). My problem is that I often have fantasies about marriage. I fantasize about having a beautiful and pious wife whom I love and who also loves me, who admires and honors me, having sex with my wife, and so on. I don't know why but I find myself fantasizing about these things throughout the day, which is why I can't properly concentrate on the important tasks of my life. For instance, I start having these fantasies while I study. Moreover, I also sometimes have thoughts about problems in my future marriage. For example, I sometimes think about what I should do if my wife doesn't want to have sex with me. Sex is something which I really want to have and I hope my wife will give it to me after I get married. As I wrote in my previous posts, I have a hard time controlling my desires. Hence if I don't get sex in marriage, then I don't know what else I should do.
Whenever I start having these fantasies about marriage, my sexual desires slowly start to increase. I've successfully refrained from masturbation for the past few months. But one day, I felt that I needed an urgent "release" for my desires and so I masturbated. Afterwards, I felt really ashamed of myself and immediately repented to Allah later on. This incident actually happened on the same day I wrote this post.
My fantasies about marriage are making my life miserable. Now that I've masturbated after such a long time, I feel I'm going to do it again! I don't want to. How should I control my thoughts? Please help me. I'm only 17 years old currently, and it's not possible for me to get married soon (I want to marry either when I'm 25 years old or after that).
Jazakallahu Khairan.
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Assalamu 'alaikum brother
Brother I had the same problem addiction to masturbation and pornography. Im 17 years too... I tell you the pornography is shaytan and its all made up dont watch it ever!... as I read you have stopped watching these ugly nasty things mash'allah, and I also read that you have increased your Iman and you pray 5 times daily mash'allah brother. The problem you have now is the shaytan trying to trick you too watch these nasty things again too get you away from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala (May Allah protect us from shaytan and these bad whisperer from shaytan). the shaytan gonna do what ever its takes you too watch Pornography again (read carefully brother) you have to put trust in Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Shaytan will trick you to belive the thoughts are coming from you... but what shaytan do is he make up the same voice you have in your head and tell you too watch these nasty things do that and do that etc these bad things. Insh'allah you will get married when the right time comes but you have to trust Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala and make lots of dua and be strong dont let shaytan trick you. sorry for my bad English as its not my first or secound language.
May Allah (swt) guide you and all of us to the right path.
Dear brother
"The whispering of the devil if the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire, which later becomes a will. He then makes you forget all the consequences and bellittles the outcome of the sin, until you see nothing but the fulfillment of your lust. It is in the stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desire whenever you show any negligence" (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)
Those thoughts are actually from shaitan.He puts these thoughts in your mind and makes you think about sex etc by making you belive that having sex with wife is lawful so i am not doing any sin.But actually this is a sin and a sin leading to other bigger sins.
Please whenever thought of marriage or wife comes into your mind.Don't waste time on thinking over it.Just ignore it.I know its hard to but say tau'z, recite last two surah of Quran, there is a prophetic dua for wasawis, learn it.
"Allahumma j'al wasawisa qalbi khashyataka wa zikrika waj'al himmati wa hawaya feema tuhibbo wa tardha"
(If anyone who knows this dua can write it in Arabic please do it for him)
Whenever you have free time, use it in a fruitful activity like helping your siblings with their homework,reciting Quran etc.
Offer your all prayers in mosque.Try to be in wudhu(ablution) all the time.Try to remain clean(remove hair frequently).Wear clean clothes and wear non alcoholic perfume.
Stop listening to music.because music causes temptation.I really believe in this.There is also hadith saying that music is the spell of fornication.
This is so good to hear that you have done sincere repentance Masha Allah but please do not think that you will fall into sins again.You have to keep telling yourself that you will not do that again and seek help from Allah ta'ala every time when you feel like being trapped.
If you have plan of getting married eight years later then it is better to avoid thinking about marriage,wife etc.All these thoughts are from shaitan.He wants you to indulge in sin.He is trying to make you fool by this all drama of sex with wife.
Salaam
Brother it is normal when you are young to have such desires but as a muslim we should try to avoid them as much as possible. The best way to stop them is Fasting. Fast whenever you feel it is becoming difficult for you to control your desires. I am hundred percent sure it will bring ease, satisfaction and contentment
From the sunnah of the Prophet (peace be upon him):
Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said, "We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatsoever. So Allaah’s Messenger said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power." Bukhari:5066. The hadeeth orders men who are not able to marry to fast despite the hardship encountered in doing so, and not to masturbate despite the ease with which it can be done.
Thoughts and fantasies of marriage and having sex with your future spouse are healthy and normal. They are NOT from the devil!
It sounds like you know how to control yourself and will remain patient until marriage.
Of course, it is from the shayateen, once you develop a sexual urges after dreaming about sexual intimacys with the yet to come wife, you are definitely going to justifiably fulfil your sexual desire through masturbation.
you are not alone brother, we all have this same problem. My advice just do it but don't watch porn and complete your studies and get married.
Taking every step to prudently get rid of masturbation is far far better than doing it. Justifiably masturbating would drive him to start watching the filth also.
Assalamu 'Alaikum oara,hmatullah.
Vai,
fasting 2days in a wk along with 5times pray might be the complete solution of keeping shaytan away.
Wa assalam.
It is good, focus in good stead for this, many are fantising about sleeping with many prostitutes and trying out lots of girls before marriage. Your intent is in the right place.