Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How to get Married in Islam without brother, father or uncle

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Is that true if you are a non muslim girl wanting to marry a muslim man, you do not need anyone to go with you to the Mosque to get married? I am a Muslim girl and I am with a Muslim man. My parents dont agree so we live together. No one will marry us without a brother, father, or uncle. I dont have any of those who supports me. SO does that mean I have to live in harram since no one wants to make it halal? I can use other witnesses so whats the big deal? It is against Islam anyways to be forced to marry someone you dont want. So now that I am with someone why cant anyone marry us? Especially if I am 29 yrs old.

What is Nika or Niqa by the way?

-malikaah


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12 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Nika is the word in arabic for uniting in marriage or the wedding ceremony itself.

    Sister, I am concerned about the logic you are following in your question. You indicated that you are living with a man in a haraam fashion strictly because your parents are not supportive of the marriage, and you are trying to validate your choice by now getting married...yet no one will marry you because the imams in your area want you to have a male member of your family to act as your wali (representative).

    While you are correct that you don't technically need a blood relative to act as your wali, and any male who you trust and who is willing can serve this function, it is the only thing you are right about. You are treading on thin ice first by choosing to continue a relationship with someone your parents did not approve of. Did you take the time to sit down with your parents to find out why they felt this way, and listen with an open heart to their concerns before making your choice to spend your life with someone?

    Instead, you chose to sin by moving in with this man. I can't say with certainty, but I wonder if the reason you are having difficulty finding someone who will marry you and he is because you are living in sin right now? Perhaps you should repent and backtrack a little: move back home with your parents, discuss their concerns, and try again to move toward marriage in the correct manner. Maybe then you will find someone not only more willing to marry you, but perhaps one of your male kin will be more willing to be your wali as well.

    As long as you remain stubborn in doing it "your" way, a way which happens also to be haraam, I wouldn't expect much (if anything) to go smoothly. You might eventually find a way to get married to this man, but there's no telling what kind of blessings from Allah on your marriage you may have forsaken in the process.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalaam alaykum....

      I have a similar story.. U see I met a muslim man online.. He teaches Quran and ended up teaching me... After a while we fell in love.. My fathrr made up lies about this man.. Causing him trouble.. I still want to marry this brother.. And my mom wants me to marry him too. Insha Allah... I dont know how to go about this.. Being my mom is pegan.. And my father a Muslim.. I am also sixteen.. So that makes it more difficult.. Plz help.. Insha Allah

  2. Assalam O Alaikum sister Malikaah,
    I second what sister Amy said except that; anyone can be your wali. It has to be an Imam but before that as sister Amy said, you need to provide us with more info about your situation. Why your parents are against this proposal of yours; do they have any valid reasons/concerns or is it a cultural issue? Remember! if their reasons are valid (Islamic) then no one and I repeat no one can act as your wali. Only time, any other person (an Imam) can act as a wali is when they are not giving you away without any valid reasons under Islamic Shariah and you have tried your best. Whatever it is but one thing is for sure that you are committing a grave sin by being in a haram relationship with this man even if it is not physical. So, please pay attention to what sister Amy wrote above and cut off all the ties with this brother until you both get married. Turn to Allah (swt) and repent for your sins, start your prayers, recite Holy Quran daily and join the sisters in Jumah prayers in your nearest mosque; try to take part in their other activities so that they can help you mend your ways.
    Please perform Istakhara before you marry this brother to see whether you are right/compatible for each other or not.

    PLEASE PROVIDE US WITH SOME MORE INFO SO THAT EVERYONE CAN ADVISE YOU WITH THE BEST OPTIONS.

    Wasalam,
    Your brother in Islam,
    Muhammad1982.

    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  3. Salaams,

    I had not heard that it had to be an imam for a wali (although this would negate what she's being told as well as I'm sure that her relatives are not all imams), I know certainly there are many muslim (or perhaps christian/jewish) women who don't know an imam to be their wali, but still managed to marry anyway. Just the same, the most important points are still being made.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Wasalam sister Amy,
      Off course her parents or guardians don't have to be Imam to be her Wali and it's a different matter altogether for non-Muslim woman. In sister's particular case as she is Muslim the order follows as Father, if he isn't available or doesn't agree than brother, or uncle or grandfather etc etc. The reason I said that she needs to take Imam as wali is only if her parents are not agreeing to this marriage without any religious grounds. That is what I read and Allah knows best. I don't know how it will work for a Muslim woman who don't know any imam. I don't know why an imam won't agree to be a wali unless there were any issues with that marriage however, a Muslim woman should try to approach an imam first and it's not a case of knowing or not knowing. Perhaps, other readers with more knowledge and understanding on this particular issue can share their views to help her further inshaallah.

      Wasalam,
      Muhammad1982,

      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  4. I love a girl and she does so. We want to get married. One of her sister and one of her brother supports us but her parents does not. We are feeling fear about if we cannot control ourselves from physical contact. So we want to get married. We want this to do secretly. What should we do?

    • Mamun, there is no secret marriage in Islam. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to advise you Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. I like a girl and i want to wait until im well established before marriage. How do i keep a halal relationship with her so she doesnt get married to someone else?

    • ammar, you could approach her family now and propose marriage. If they agree, you can set a future date for the marriage, for example a year from now. However, if you don't think you'll be ready for many years, then it's not fair or reasonable to ask someone to wait that long for you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salam Alaik Sister!

    I would like to answer your question in the simplest way I could... Meaning of a Wali is Advocate or a friend. It can be any man you trust. A male friend, a colleague, a cousin, the Imam (Qazi) himself....

    On the other hand Zena (Premarital sex or fornication) or living with a Non-Mehram is strictly forbidden in Islam...

    There is nothing in Allah's way (Islam) which could stop you from getting married to the partner that you want to be with. Neither can your family or any one else force you in to doing what you do not want. Under the umbrella of Islam which means following the right path. Within the Islamic boundaries every Human being is a Free soul and has every right to live his/her life freely.

    A Wali is to protect the women not confine her.

  7. Salaam ,
    I have a question I need some advice, I met this guy 3 years ago and told my familiy wanted to do nikah , my family accepted him and his family accepted me, his father is seriously poorly so I only want to do a small nikah immediate family, my father caused a lot. Of problems. And is still continuing to do so, whilst the nikah wa being planned my mum and dad split ip and I had to leave to stay with my mum , it. Been a month now and my dad hasn't contacts me once or payed for the gifts for family or fiancé , I have payed
    Myself. Now I am concerned as I have no wali but my dad did accept him when he me him.. Cam I continue the nikah without my dad as he isn't interested and tells lies which is making it hard for me to even. Want him there. What shall I do?

  8. (Editor's note: your comment has been removed. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.)

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