My husband is emotionally abusing me, is he right to do this?
As-salaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmat Allah Barakatu.
I am suffering in my marriage. Here is the situation. My husband and I have both been married before. He had three children with his ex-wife and claims that he was forced into the marriage for specific reasons I cannot name here but are legitimate. What I don't understand is, if he was forced to marry a woman he didn't love then why did he have children with her? Regarding myself, I come from a split background. My father is a Muslim but my mother is not. They divorced while I was very young and I was not raised upon Islam. In fact I was not raised around my father and had very limited relations with him due to my mother. As such I was not always living correctly and made mistakes.
I was married to a Muslim when I was still a child and divorced not long after. Many years later I had children with a man outside of wedlock. He convinced me he was converting and I waited stupidly. He made every excuse not to marry yet and blindly I believed him. At the end I realized what a fool I was and that what we shared was not love. I did not love him, rather I just wanted my family to be unbroken. After we split we went our separate ways and there is absolutely nothing between us. He has someone new for over four years and I married my wonderful Muslim husband...or so I thought. In the beginning of our marriage everything was great, I told him of my past and how ashamed I am of it and he said it doesn't matter, he loves me. He led me to prayer, fasting, studying Qur'an etc. We had a child together and now a new one on the way. However the problem is like this.
While in the beginning he accepted me he now disdains me at times. I do not see my children from the previous relationship because of him. Their father would demand to have some contact with me and my husband says that he cannot accept my children. It completely contradicts what he said when we wed. Then we have his children over all the time, I teach them school, I cook for them and in essence lead them in Islamic life in our home, mind you the younger one is foul mouthed and a complete brat. Their mother publicly slandered me, lied about me to people I do not know and she removed her hijaab, drops the kids when she feels and I have turned into a slave for my husband and his kids.
When my husband and her were married they slept in separate rooms and the children became used to that. Now that they practically live with us he has taken it upon himself to sleep in their room every night even when they are not here. He has blamed our new pregnancy on me. And demands I have my tubes tied. He has gone on porn sites and blamed me saying that my past makes him disgusted with me. He insults me. He says that the only reason why I stay is because I have nowhere else to go and has said that he wished I could go back with my childrens' father. Mind you this does not stop him from having relations with me and at times he makes me feel so wonderful and loved and adored that in those moments I forget his bad actions. What is worse is he becomes angry and demands to know how many times I slept with the father of my children, in detail! I do not see that this is his right or business!
He does not work, stays home all day and on top of that I am enrolled in college as well as he so we can pay the bills, the only thing here is that I take BOTH his and my classes. I do all the homework and he has never even done a single thing for his school work but in the end he expects that financial aid check and student loan. Also, I had been enrolled over a year ago in a different college and due to an audit was not disbursed my financial aid. My husband blames me for not keeping on his car payment which was repossessed because the check didn't come and the truth is that the car was in his and his ex's name. She turned it in to receive payment and I get blamed and called a liar because he wants proof I was enrolled in college. Right now my second check for repayment is late and he says he doesn't believe me and demands to see the check. We received $5,000+ from this college year and he spent all of it in less than a month already. Approximately $200 was spent on me. I pawned my wedding jewelry to pay for gas for him and he still didn't get it out. He bout himself a new laptop, and other toys. The $200 for me was food, and a couple of wall hangings. Please don't get me wrong here, I love my husband. I appreciate his leading me to prayer, fasting and a moral life. I want our children brought up in a decent Muslim household including his children. But I feel so lonely and depressed. I haven't seen or heard from my own children in close to two years. I have no family or friends and no one to help me.
I submit to Allah SWT and pray my daily prayers. I just don't know what to do and I don't want a divorce.
Please tell me is this correct that I am treated this way?
9 Responses »
Leave a Response