My Husband Cheated While I am Pregnant - Should I Forgive Him?
October 30, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Thank you for your website. It is a great help to many Muslims out there.
I have just found out my husband has cheated on me while I am now pregnant. He admitted it and he told me he was sorry and begged for forgivness and said he would repent to Allah and try to make me forgive him till the day he dies.
He told me all the details of what happened and although there was no actual sexual intercourse he did commit zena by nudity and oral sex.
I took time to think and told him I forgive him because I still do love him and also for my baby.
Is this the right action for a Muslim woman? Should I have not forgiven him or does Islam tell the woman to forgive?
Please advise me as I am now scared I made the wrong decision.
Thank you.
- Sister L. from New Zealand
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Sister L., As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
As you know, zinaa (fornication or adultery) is a major sin in Islam. It destroys families and tears apart the fabric of the society. It breaks the hearts of husbands and wives and causes a lack of trust and a disillusionment with one’s partner that is often permanent.
I sympathize with you and with the pain you must be experiencing. The fact that you are pregnant makes this especially trying, since this is a time when a woman needs love and support from her husband, not stress.
I cannot tell you what to do in this situation. You must follow your own heart. But I can point out some issues to consider:
1. You said that he has already made tawbah (repentance) to Allah. I will assume that his repentance is sincere. If this is the case, then it’s up to Allah to judge him and his sin. We all make mistakes in life - some worse than others, admittedly. But we all require forgiveness at some point in our lives.
2. Islam values forgiveness and mercy. If you truly believe that he will not repeat these actions, and if (aside from this incident) he is a loving and kind husband, then I feel that forgiving him is the best thing for you, your baby and your family.
3. In order for that to work, you must be able to truly forgive, and not to hold a grudge or to constantly attack him with his past behavior.
4. With all that said, I am not suggesting that you should be a doormat to be stepped on. If you give him a second chance, he must live up to it. If he cheats on you again, or carries on inappopriate behavior with women, then it’s over. There should be no third chances. Otherwise you just become a victim to be taken advantage of endlessly.
If any readers have experienced this, or have further advice, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
Written by wael on October 29th, 2006 with
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