Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Husband ignores me

Crying Muslim Woman

I honestly don't know where to start but I need advice. I have been married for 24 yrs and have 8 children . My husband usually live in a different country and I live in his country with the children. He usually visits every 10 months . My problem is he ignores me financially he supports us. He ignores me weeks and even months ,I can't figure out why and when I ask him there's no response .I have asked how can I help ?Did I do something wrong ?He doesn't even look at me I can pass him naked he would never raise his head .When we r intimate his eye r always closed .He has been threading me to remarry and I even told him if that's what u want go ahead .

I never fall short of my duties .His house is always spotless and his children is well taken care of .Clothes are always washed and ironed and shoes r always shined his food is always hot and fresh ready for him as soon as he walks in. And I'm always dressed makeup perfumed and ready for him when he walks in the house. I have always tried to please him and never raised my voice or cursed .

He has a spoken to other females and had sexual contact with other females with different races and I'm still quiet till today he has met new females and sent them Msgs that he would like to meet with them .He even sent a msg saying he's looking for a bride half his age .I have told him on different occasions if he doesn't want me to let me know so we can both live our lives me and my children r suffering . There's times where he will say how he made a big mistake having all these children .But he's the one that wanted the big family I never wanted to upset him so every time he asked me to get pregnant I did . Now I feel he doesn't want me or the children .We can never talk to him .i feel the hatred towards me and some of the children ..please help me I'm confused and tired .I have been looking into divorce but I would hate for 8 to have no father .

Ru Ei


Tagged as: , , , , , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. I am only guessing, but I think your husband is going through a psychological crisis charactarized by extreme insecurity, maybe even depression. Based on your account he seems to have developed doubts whether he botched up his life, whether he married the right woman, whether it was a good decision to have so many children, and so on. He seems even insecure about what he wants right now, including a divorce or not.
    The best advice I can give in this situation is to be patient, for there is a good chance that within a few months this crisis passes and he comes to his senses and realizes what a treasure his family is and stay with you. Try to avoid pushing him even further away, hard as it may seem.

  2. I Melvin Werts submitted a comment yesterday but cant find it today. Could you please give me follow up about this matter.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Ru Ei,

    I'm sad to read your story and agree with Crazybull that he could be going through some kind of psychological crisis such as a "mid-life" crisis. Still, it seems a shame that you are really only with him 2 months out of a year! It is really hard to maintain a relationship under those circumstances. How have things been with you lately? Any better?

    Please let us know. May Allah take away your difficulty and pain.

    Nor

    • 3laykoom il Salam ..My update is ..now he lives with the children and I.He opened a business with my money and was doing well but less than a year later he went back to his old ways ..I'm still very patient but most days I feel like I'm falling apart. I still look for Duas and Surat Quran to read for help . He still wants to remarry and asked for a females' hand in marriage but I guess she refused. He asked his mother to go with him to look at the bride his mother refused telling him she refuses to mess up a perfect family over his selfishness .

      • Why on Earth would you give your husband your money when he ignores you and wants to marry other women? Which...why is he thinking of marrying more women when he has no money to support them? He only has the right to more than one wife IF he can financially support all of his wives. HIMSELF, I mean. It's not the first wife's job to 'sponsor' her husband's second wife :/.

        • Unfortunately when we love someone we r willing to do anything to help out .I thought if I helped out financially he would b himself (the sweet intelligent kind man that I knew and married)I guess I was wrong.But now he has the money to remarry.

Leave a Response