Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband and his family are greedy

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Greed...

Assalam-o-Alaikum!

I have had a love marriage 2 months ago but my husband proved to be an extremely weak man. Although he had told me many times that his family got ready to bring his proposal after considering all material benefits but he always assured me that he was not like them.

I knew him for 4 years. To some extent I believed that he was greedy too for my money and car. But still I could never expect him to treat me cruelly or demand the things from me so openly and shamelessly. I had some faith in him that he loved me and will protect me from his family.

His family wanted me to give him/them all my wealth soon after marriage and he didn't stop them from putting undue demands on me. Rather he himself argued with me over material issues very openly. He put all the responsibility of making a house on me because I am working in Saudi Arabia.

I teach in a university here and earn a very good salary. He and his family asked me to give him my car immediately and he also asked me to give him 40 thousand rupees every month when he comes here with me. When I refused they asked him to send me back to my parents on 12th day of marriage and he did the same.

He had taken an oath on Quran just 1 day before in front of my mother and sister that he would not do any wrong to me or demand anything from me nor he would let his family do the same. But within 24 hours he did exactly the opposite. He is not ashamed until now. Only once he admitted his fault but only after one day he started showing the same stubbornness that he or his family didn't do anything wrong to me.

He is all the time trying to prove that his family is very noble and they gave us a lot of gifts and my family is not of their standard. Whereas Allah knows that the reality is just opposite. My father still wants that if they realise their mistakes and seek forgiveness from us and also promise/give some guaranty that they will not repeat the same with me in future, we should reconcile with them to save this marriage.

Kindly guide me what should I do to make him realise his mistake. Should I hope that he will become righteous and I will live a happy life with him or should I just break up with him and move on with my life?

- amelia


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11 Responses »

  1. It's your husband's duty to give YOU money and to financially support YOU - it seems like you know this and that what your husband and his family are doing is wrong. Ultimately, it's up to you whether or not you like/want/accept to be milked for your wealth, which they have no right to do, and be told you're below their standard. I know if it was me, I would not have given them even a penny :). I just hate greedy, selfish and demanding people like that, I'd rather throw my money in the garbage or give them to strangers than to give them to them. I personally would not tolerate being lied to like your husband has lied to you, nor allow my in-laws to blackmail me and verbally abuse me in to giving them my wealth. I would not wait for them to send me back to my parents, I would leave on my own decision. I'm pretty sure these people are all talk and no action, because they have seen through you and seen how you're easy to manipulate. If you show them you're actually not to be messed with and have your islamic rights taken away from you, I'm sure they will come crawling back to you. I have seen it before :).

  2. Bismillahir rahmanir raheem , I understand your concern being in your shoe . I am also here teaching in the university of king abdulaziz jeddah in computer science department .

    First and foremost mistake of urs was the love marriage secondly now get him straight warn him to shun these habit for the sake of allah else you will shun all communication with him. If you want I will intervene my sheikh in this

    Because remember as tirmidhi reports that the one who love for allah,hate for allah , give for allah ,take for allah has completed there faith .

    Looking forward for your reply

    • Who is your Shaikh in Jeddah?

    • @Nabeel I may be wrong but I dont like your intention and love marriage is not haram ( by love marriage marrying someone you like, in fact Islam says marry one which who feel attracted to, it is understood one will be following all the guidelines )

    • Amelia I will be blunt here get rid off this man immediately, he is not even a man who can't stand for something right even in his own house, whatever a wife earns is her own and she can spend it the way she likes ( in halal way that is understood) forcing and blackmailing for money man who can get any low then this don't expect your wife to respect you after this for sure, if I was Amelia and was made to suffer this way I would have removed this man's whole apparatus in the night you bet I would have done this, Amelia you should consider filing harassment and dowry charges again your in laws and if you don't want to go to law for the sake of society at least get rid of this man from your life you will God willing find someone much better than him.

  3. Salam Amelia,

    As someone who lived in Saudi Arabia for fourteen years, I ask you to be very careful with your money. You have left your family, your homeland and everything you know so that you might make a better life for yourself. Your husband has an obligation to care for you, not the other way around. If you choose to give him money, that is up to you and only you. I have seen many Indonesian woman work hard for many years and send money home to their husbands to build beautiful homes. In return, many of these men turned around and thanked their wives by taking another wife to live in that beautiful home the wife in Saudi worked very hard for.

    It seems that this man and his family are looking at you as if you are some family bank at their disposal. I can't tell you what to do as only you know what works best for you. However, from a personal point of view...I think your husband and his entire family showed their true colors immediately after he married you. It's obvious to anyone hearing your story that he and his family are more interested in milking you of the money that you and you alone have worked very hard for. They have absolutely no right whatsoever to demand as much as a penny from you sister let alone your car. Unbelievable. May Allah guide you sister.

    Salam

  4. Bismillahir rahmanir rahim
    salam sister,it seems to me that u r from india.as u talked about rupees and its a common for in-laws to demand money there about dowry(dehej)..althou in islam husband bears all cost of his wife and that is the meaning of nikah which simply means 'Transfer of responsibility'..explain that to him personally first n then if not solved bring ur parents and his parents(where u two will be present) to discuss about dehej matters.
    tell ur husband that Allah(swt) says' Seek your provision only by fair endeavour'[AL-QURAN 29:17,2:188]
    bring the topic that he took a oath touching the Quran that he will look after u and he broke it.why?tell him what Allah says about oaths..here is a article and explanation given nice of oaths taken on Quran n broke it or took it falselyon quran..please read it: http://www.islamhelpline.com/node/8361
    u can browse online for more results about breaking oaths which in quran n also open quran N hadith to kno more.
    ur husband thinks he and his family is noble.okay tell him that rasulLAH sallallahu alaihuassalam said one who treats his wife as princess has been raised in hands of a queen.and also men best in character is who is best to his wife..ask him was he best to u in manners when he sent u home,when he shows u and ur family in lower standard n his at higher standard.ask him that.
    fight for ur right sister n ur right is that u r the queen of his life and housew u r to be treated with love nad due respect..he should provide u financially not u.if he cannot y did he marry u in first place.dont jump to conclusion right away,u love him a lot try solving the problem if thart persist try agn n then move on. because today he wants one thing tomorrow he n his family's demand may rise n ur father bear it with silence if u dont voice ur opinion.take step but be kind n humble in speech with ur in laws

  5. Oh I wouldn't give him a penny and his family as well, if he loves you for your money that's not good sister because you working very hard for your money, I don't call that love marriage. You need to think twice about all this.

  6. Salam Sister!
    I understand your problem, you are not alone as many women are facing the same thing you are going through in south asia. Its shameful that we south asian muslims call ourselve muslims yet we have adopted non-muslim rituals like dowery(jahaiz) and other things like treating your wife as a second class human being ( just like hindu women, who are considered as man's property rather than an equal human) who does not have right to live with the rights that Islam gave her. There are many husbands here, who even turn their wifes to her parents to get money for them. And parents afraid of their daugher getting divorce, always keep a silent mode.
    Sister! its you who will have to try to change this man, be strong and believe in ALLAH(swt). Reminde this man that he loved you and that you married him only by trusting him that he will be the best human being for you. Ask him if someone do the same with her sister, what would be his feelings and that our Prophet (SAW) has asked us to be polite with even animals. And here this man is doing ill with a human being for which he will never be forgiven in front of ALLAH (SWT). Remind him that
    May Allah be with you.
    Ameen

  7. Sister, their blackmailing will only grow , what if you have a kid?
    Then they will know she cannot go anywhere and pressure you more.
    WOmen cant work all their lives esp after kids, what if you have to leave uur job and go live with them?
    will he stand for you ?you willl be in worse condition

    soon yor husband will change his attitude and blame u for not having kids and force you to leave ur job (only as a pretext) and in actuallity he wants u to keep the job only as long as you are paying him.
    he will emotional blackmail u in this way

  8. Dear sister, I was searching on net for same topic and read your case. I'm have same situation where have excellent work with international company and very good salary and life style. Got married in forty based on he was keep quran complete by heart. Then he start ask for my salary and after long fighting I gave him my car. I need to build house for my parent through bank and he take lead as to support. So many things gone that I felt inside he and his father are using me for gave them cash. I'm now in deep thinking if I continue with, with situation of my age and my need for kids, I doubt.

    P.S. he is very insist to have baby from me, he always reflect as he love me and I love him but without dignity I rather prefer walkout. Every 2 month we have argue and I'm ask for divorce but he refuse. He fund me with zero and I pay him every time to visit me in my current country. And take money with him to fix his car or build some of his house. He got other 3 wives.

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