My husband loves his best friend more than me
asalaam o alaikum
my husband gives me hard time. problem is that he has a very close friend. He likes him lot and tries to provide him every thing. All the time he thinking about him he says me to take care of him and cook food for him when I say no then he fight with me.
He tells a lie lot he likes to spend much time with him. He tries to send me to my parents home or my cousions home to find some time to spend with him. I dont understand what kind of relation is this.
whenever I say some thing he say my friend is more important than all relations. He says if you dont like then you will go. He says do not ask any thing about my friend. I will give u divorce.
plz tell me what can I do my brain is blasting.
Dear Hina, wa alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullah,
Your question raises more questions, and without answers it's hard for me to know what's going on.
One important question I have is, why are you hostile toward your husband's friend? Has he behaved improperly with you? Has he insulted you, or put his hands on you? Is he a bad influence on your husband? Does he bring alcohol or drugs to the house?
If any of these things are true then I understand your hostility toward him. But if not, then maybe you are being unreasonable. Everyone needs friends.
For example, I have a lifelong friend, I'll call him Jafar. He has been my friend since we were in secondary school many years ago. He's a good man, religious and humble, and he really stuck by me when I went through some difficult times. Friends like that are hard to find. Now suppose I get married and my wife is jealous of my friendships, and she says things like, "Don't bring him Jafar the house, if you bring him to dinner I won't cook. Why do you need to spend time with him?"
In that case I might tell my wife, "He's been my friend for thirty years and I'm not going to stop my friendship with him. If you don't like it then why don't you leave the house when he comes and go to your mother or sister's house for a few hours." Or maybe instead of bringing him to the house I would go out to dinner or a coffee shop, or the masjid, or something like that. But really, I would find it very awkward and strange not to be able to invite my best friend to my home.
Another question is, how many days per week does your husband see his friend? If it's one or two days then I see no problem. Three days is on the borderline. More than that is unreasonable for a family man.
So if the friend wants to come visit a couple of nights a week, let him. Be gracious to him, cook food as your husband asks you to. That way there is no need to fight, and no need to leave the house.
If you are kind and gracious with your husband's friend and your husband still insists that you leave the house and don't ask questions, then there is something strange going on and your husband is keeping a secret. Here are some possibilities that I see:
- Your husband and his friend are drinking or using drugs together.
- Your husband and his friend have a homosexual relationship of some kind.
There's no way for me to know. You must observe your husband's behavior after he has spent time with his friend, and be wary for any signs of strange behavior.
I know that I have given you more questions than answers. You will have to consider everything I have said here and try to determine whether you are the one who needs to change, or your husband, or both of you.
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