My husband masturbates, can I divorce him?
I am both a newlywed and a recent convert. I am married to a muslim man who is 9 years older than myself. He has a long history of sexual frustration and finding his release in masturbation - cybersex, phone sex, images, videos, even from comic books and cartoon images.
Before we married, he would hesitate to ask for my hand because he wanted to talk with other women, maybe even get a chance to kiss them or receive oral sex from them. This he never actually managed, because he is unable to attract western, American women.
I agreed to marry him because I thought I had him promise me he would stop this behavior. Although he has stopped actively flirting with women online and mentally attacking my physical appearance and dress, he has not controlled his masturbation problem.
He will, when I am not at home, sleeping or just in a different room search for pornographic images online. I just came to learn that he has even masturbated to women's pictures on Facebook. This last fact is so oppressive that I find myself crying on a daily basis. Although I confronted him on the subject, he only admits that it is wrong to masturbate to facebook pictures because it is disrespectful to the women and it is sheer objectification.
He does not see it as a transgression to his wife. In fact, he feels entitled to his feelings of attraction because it is biology. He always tells me, "This and that are different and it is not a competition." He also argues that has he known how strongly I felt about the subject, he would not have done it, but I remember weeping countless times over the subject before we even married.
In fact, I now wear hijab, so how can he not see what my values are? I told him that I was thinking of divorce. He was upset and basically guilted me and bullied me into not taking any action, and swore to stop his habit. He also added that he is unable to stop anything "cold-turkey," and that it is my job to try and help him, not become angry with him because that is unislamic.
I am at a loss and do not know what to do? What should a good muslim wife do? I don't believe that he will ever stop, and he is unwilling to get professional help. This isn't something he does once in a while, but frequently, compulsively. I pray that my disgust and resentment will be taken away, but I can't see this man as a good husband. Do I have grounds for divorce? I feel that I was given an entirely different image before marriage, that I was promised that this behavior and sin would end. Please help me.
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