Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is too close with his sister!

Salam

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I am a 22 year old Muslim mother from Palestine, my husband is from Jordan.  We got married about 4 years ago. At first I was in love with him. My husband from day one loved me but was always secretive. He was my first love the first man I ever talked to, I really didn't know how men were. We lived in Jordan the first 2 years that we were married and I would always find my husband on the phone and after the phone calls he would change towards me. I would lie to myself and say no hes not mad at me. He would be on the phone for hrs. I would get mad because I would ask him who are you talking to? and he wouldn't tell me. Then I knew it was his older sister that lived in America. Telling him lies about me, saying that I talked about his family to my family. Which never happened.

So when we came to live in America. She would always come over and beep for him to come outside (not even come inside the house) and of course he would go running to her. She would wake him up every morning  just to talk or Allah (swt) knows what they were talking about. She would always want him just for her. This went on for about a year or two. Then it was the same but I just forgot about it because me having 1 daughter at that time, I just stopped stressing myself for them.

One day the devil played with my head and I started looking through my husbands phone. It was him and his same older sister talking. 1-2 times daily and everyday. I would ask myself what can they be talking about. Also not just for 1 minute or 2. It would be for 10 minutes and more, I've seen for half hours;and hours. When he went out of course he calls her. She tells him what to do in his life. He's unhappy where he works and I tell him right now we need this job so stay, he tells his older sister that hes unhappy at his job and she jumps in and says I'll take you to get a job she wanted him to work as she liked. She gave him numbers to Dentist offices,Doctors offices, etc, everything you can think of. It made me feel like she wanted him to think that I wasn't the perfect wife by me not provided him numbers or etc of what he wanted. He opens all his heart to her. Shes very noisy, she has to know how much he makes at work, or if he gets raises or if he took me and my daughters out.

I was pregnant when I started to look through his phone I was so stressed because he was always on the phone with her. I'm very close with my sister but not with my brother, I love my brothers but I'm not noisy to ask them about their lives. She always call him and they talk about Palestinians and he tell me its his friends telling him this but I know its her. He told me that his friend made him an appointment and then I found out it was her that made it for him, he told me he went looking for a new job by himself and I found out it was with her. He tells me ALOT of lies and SubhanAllah The lies show and hes always lying for her.

She hates that hes nice to me. He gave me money once to go buy clothes and she kept asking me how much did he give you money. She calls him and always tells him that his family need money overseas. She doesn't want him to spend money on me or my girls. I'm a mother of two girls <3 and I can't have my husband tell his older sister everything that happens in my house..Also when hes on the phone with her he has to go outside to talk.

He never spends time with me. He never talks with me, he never jokes or smiles with me. But with his older sister he is always happy, he jokes with her almost on all his days off  I ask him nicely can we got out and he tells me yeah and then he takes me to his older sisters house. My life is revolved around his sister. I want to get a divorce and my sister keeps saying no but I fell out in love with him I'm just done with him. Let him go live with his sister and just leave me alone.

  So I just wanted to know, am I overreacting. Am I being childish?? My mom says forget it ignore her, I tell my mom that no I can't this is my life..an its already been 5 years..my sister says I'm stressing myself too much..but they're not in my shoes I really don't know what to do. Please brothers and sisters HELP

-munch


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42 Responses »

  1. ASA sister!
    Your are going through a lot! Mashallah! You are still with him after so many years and after all this. If he does not give you and his girls the attention, time, care, and love you three deserve...Then talk to him. Let him know how you feel. This is your family. He has to understand that yo guys have priority now! He has to act like the man of the house! His sister, is she married? Because it sounds like she is not. Thats why she has too much time in her hands to be dipping in your life! It seems like she is the wife, not the sister! Im sorry, but...are you SURE this girl is his sister and not someone else? It is just too weird, I can understand being close because they are related, but this is TOO close! And if you really mean what you say about not being in love with im anymore, than be honest to yourself, and to him. Tell him this. Please, dont make the same mistake many women do... I have to stay with him because of our kids. You dont. Search inside your heart and see what it is you really want, and need. But most importantly ask Allah swt to guide you and to give you and your daugthers the best! (May Allah swt forgive me if I said anything innapropiate)

    I wish you and your girls the best!!
    Your sister in Islam,
    AMIRA

  2. Munch,

    Have you ever sat down with your husband and talked to him about the things he does and how it bothers you? Maybe he isn't even aware of how you feel and how his behavior is affecting you emotionally. If you haven't talked to him, my advice would be to do so. Sometimes, we just need to open up and let our partners know what is bothering us so that they can take the steps necessary to work to make things better. Inshallah together, you can work towards better communication and a stronger marriage.

    As far as your sister in law is concerned, she does what she does because it is your husband who allows it.. Talk with your husband and Inshallah together you both can look for a solution to some of the things that are going on that you find unacceptable.

    The best of luck to both of you
    Salam

  3. Salam

    Yeah his older sister is married with 5 kids. Me and my husband fight almost twice a week and yes I do sit him down and I try to talk to him :( everything is still the same

    • Wasalam, Sister Munch,

      I´ve just read the other post you had here, http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/should-i-go-abroad-with-the-children-so-my-husband-can-save-money/.

      Sister, pray your salat on time, listen to the Adhan, pray surah 113 and 114 before going to bed, learn ayat al Kursi and stop any negative thought when you perceive it.

      Your husband cares about you and don´t tell all the details of your life to his sister, she may be too possesive but you are his wife, try to gain him again and be nice to him, he may not smile or joke to you but when was the last time you smiled or joked with him. This is not a competition about which is the nicer or with whom he spend more time, if you want you can try to have him more involved in your life, five minutes today, five tomorrow, give him ideas when you say to go out, say, can we take the girls to the park I highly appreciate you help me with them, that he tells his sister, don´t bother, she asks about everything but he doesn´t answer everything, (you mentioned she asks you how much money he gave you for clothes, your husband knows about her jealousy and he is faithful to you and cares about you).

      He is lying because he knows how much his sister´s presence bothers you, I can see your face when she is mentioned around you. I agree with your mother, the day you don´t care so much about her the way you see the world will change, when we submit and stop fighting against situations like this, they are like an air balloon, when you least expect hast lost all the air and it is just an empty plastic balloon, it cannot move by itself.

      Believe in your husband, respect his efforts to please you, be for him, see in him the man you fell in love with, recover the essence of your marriage, give yourself the value you have as his wife, be grateful for all your blessings, focus on your relationship to Allah(swt), increase your devotion towards Allah(swt), make of your house a holy place where all of you find Peace.

      It is hard to work in a relationship but it deserves a try, he loves you, he works for you, try to work silently cultivating your Iman, Insha´Allah this way you will see how everything takes its right place

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    If you want divorce, go for it.

    Allah is the best of providers.

    There is no meaning in remaining in stress continuously and not getting the respect and love of a wife you should be getting.

    If his sister deserves so much time, you are also someone's sister, daughter who he has been entrusted with to be her husband providing her with her needs of life and the basics are livelihood and love.

    If you are not getting any of them, why stay with a man?

    Do not remain stuck, trust Allah and take the best decision.

    You know the Islamic way is if a husband and a wife desire amendment, they should get an arbitrer from both sides to speak and try to find a solution. If you did not do this before, do it now, insha Allah it may work, this is a way prescribed by Allah in the Qur'an.

    Also, read the Qur'an, keep strong mentally, so that you can take decisions in a healthy frame of mind.

    Leave all matters to Allah and ask Him for help, for Allah is Able to do all things.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • As salamu alaykum, brother Munib,

      The day you marry you should take into account this words: "....."Live with them (your wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If you dislike them it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed a great deal of good" (Quran 4:19).

      Divorce is one of the most stressful situations a person can go through in this lifetime, then the best while we are married, specially if we have children involved is to try our best to solve the problems, if the situation is so traumatic that is affecting our children and us in a deep way, we should seperate, but we should try our best, including counselling to try to save the marriage.

      Wasalam,

      María

      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • If you want divorce, go for it.

        Very insensitive and unreasonable comment

        Maria M , Great answer

        • Assalamu alaykum A Muslim man,

          Sister wrote: I want to get a divorce and my sister keeps saying no but I fell out in love with him I'm just done with him.

          I have given answer with full sensitivity broter. It depends from person to person how they percieve my words. I do not question you for saying these words to me.

          Also if you could go a little further in my post I wrote for a final Islamic way of solving this problem:

          You know the Islamic way is if a husband and a wife desire amendment, they should get an arbitrer from both sides to speak and try to find a solution. If you did not do this before, do it now, insha Allah it may work, this is a way prescribed by Allah in the Qur'an.

          I hope you see some senstivity now, Insha Allah. :) May Allah give you hidayah.

          Salaam,
          Your brother.

      • Assalamu alaykum Sister Maria :)

        Masha Allah what a nice verse, Insha Allah, I shall remember it when I get married as this verse is "specifically" directed as an instruction to males towards females.

        So had the sister's husband questioned us or another brother, we could have given this verse because that would be a "way" ahead to a brother.

        As you quoted only some part of the verse, Insha Allah we can see the whole verse as:

        19. O ye who believe! It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the women (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them that ye may take away a part of that which ye have given them, unless they be guilty of flagrant lewdness. But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good. - Surah 4, An Nisaa.

        This is Allah's direction to men on how to be towards women. Masha Allah, if your advice was for me, I take it and Insha Allah will remember it, if it was for sister "munch", then she is a not a man.

        For a woman who fears "ill treatment" from husband, Allah has given verses in the same Surah from 128 to 130. Insha Allah, you can read them in my new post to sister munch's comment.

        Salaam,
        Your brother.

        • Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,

          The verses where for you, I also considered your approach insensitive, to read: divorce go for it, has a great impact in the mind and in the heart, even when you don´t notice it, I read all your post, your instinct talked to divorce and your rational instinct talked about the islamicway to balance your first thought. This verses are useful for women too, remember that marriage is a teamwork where a woman and a man are the components of the team, if a woman reads these verses will understand the responsibility Allah(swt) has given the man related to them. Then here you have again teamwork, when a marriage divorce withouth trying their best to solve the situation, both of them lose.

          Wasalam,
          María
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Assalamu alaykum Sister Maria,

            Yes, from what the sister wrote about the "change" in her husband his behavior towards her and he repeated efforts to "ignore" his sister and her "constantly" coming in their life and then "fights two times a week" and then her comment " I did try to talk to him" and even the last ones " My problem is he wont change..its not me..!!! I am not loved and it makes me want to stay away from him."

            We can say for solutions when someone just wants to separate without thinking. Marriage can be saved when two people have the will to save it.

            Even Allah says he would make couples of one heart "if" they desire amendment.

            So it is 100% mutual to help a marriage survive nicely.

            And here sister Munch has tried in her ways and she is being constantly insulted and all my feelings are for her in the direction of "stopping" this emotional torment on herself and putting an end, as she herself wants divorce.

            Had she said I want to make amendment, I want to save my marriage, I would have never encouraged divorce, because there was a will to save marriage.

            Anyways, I went by her words and facts she has stated to us.

            I hope Allah makes life smoothe and peaceful for the sister and gives her good of dunya and aakhirah with or without this man, Insha Allah.

            Salaam,
            Your brother.

          • Walaykum as salam, Brother Munib,

            Read my reply to the sister and read her first post. She ie the one in her shoes, she asks for advice, I try my best for her best, but again she is the one on her shoes.

            All my Unconditional Respect,

            María
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • That is true sister!

  5. thank you all so much. My problem is he wont change..its not me..!!! I am not loved and it makes me want to stay away from him. I do joke laugh with him. He always tells me that he is sick of me...i dont do anything wrong..!!! When a man says that to his wife what does a wife do?

    • Assalamu alaykum,

      As I said in my first post, did you go with the Islamic way of trying peace and involving an arbitrer from each side helping you solve your problems?

      35. And if ye fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. - Surah An Nisaa.

      If a woman tried to achieve terms of peace, made efforts and could not achieve peace with husband and she thinks her Deen and Dunya can be better of without this man, she may seek separation from husband if she wills.

      There is no need for her to torment herself, but whatsoever she chooses to do, she should think well before taking any decision and should Trust Allah completely to help her with her decision.

      128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
      129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
      130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. - Surah An Nisaa.

      Insha Allah, your answer is in the above verses of the Qur'an and you should, Insha Allah read the Qur'an more and find solutions to problems in life.

      May Allah help you Insha Allah with a great help.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

    • As salamu alaykum, sister munch,

      More or less six months ago, you wrote the following: " My husband is an AMAZING man, I Love him. I thank ALLAH (SWT) for giving me such a beautiful husband and for my girls" Where has that man gone in six months?

      You are a very young woman, you need to have a life, you are too focused on inlaws and all that your husband does wrong, you are not happy, but the fact here is that you blame it on him, we all say things that we regret to say or that we not mean it in a moment of heat, but we try to cool down and improve, before were the money and the appartment, now is your inlaw and your husband, what will be next?

      Bismillah! Sit down by yourself, count on your blessings, see what you want to do with your life, study, work whatever, but have a life and stop blaming and complaining about others. None of us is perfect, not even you, to have arguments in a couple here and there is normal, but many men don´t know how to handle the emotional stress, I believe your husband is trying to do his best and not to get annoyed with you he scapes from the situation, then you are opening the door to him to go to his sister, do you understand what I mean.

      You married very young and you are still very young to be with all this mess around, there is a beautiful relaxation you can practice when the children are sleeping, by yourself, this is a personal task, this will help you to reduce the tension and put some softness in your life, work on yourself and stop being so focus on the others, praying, taking care of the family and the house, won´t leave you too much time left to think. Pray, pray, pray, salat, salat, salat, relax, relax, relax.

      You can record the relaxation exercise and listen to it, sit, don´t lie down not to fall sleep, better if you are conscious through all the process.

      http://islamicsunrays.com/islamic-meditation-for-relaxation-and-spiritual-comfort/

      One more thing, learn to appreciate the good inside and around you, you are begining to live, you have two daughters that when you least expect, will be two women, time passes very fast, enjoy being with them, they are your blessings, and see all the qualities that six moths ago moved you to tell your husband was AMAZING, he still is amazing,, you just forgot about it.

      Stop reading about peoples problems and read beautiful stories to your children, learn and grow with them, they may have very interesting questions to make to you, smile with them, play with them, you have a whole universe in your own home, Alhamdulillah.

      May Allah(swt) open your senses to the Beauty and the Bounties of Life. Ameen.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam Munch,

      Your in a tough situation but ultimately, you are the one who has to deal with all of this every day. Have you ever put him on the spot and asked him why he can joke around and be happy around his sister yet he treats you with such contempt? As a mother myself, I love my daughter too much to got to sleep knowing that her life is miserable and she lives without the love of her husband. So...to you I would say, you are 22 years old with your whole life ahead of you. Although I would never advise anyone of divorce, sometimes it is for the better for both individuals. To be in a marriage and not have the love of your husband and his respect...I for one could not and would not live that way. Follow your heart and do what you must. You deserve to be happy and have a husband who cherishes you and appreciates the things you do for him. You also deserve to be loved...we all need that.

      May only the very best come about for you and your girls.

      Salam :)

  6. @ And of course, Allah has said in His Book : Peace is better.

    But if a couple is not able to acieve it, Allah has also stated separation as a cure.

    A Muslim has a way out of problems because Allah does not want him/her to remain "stuck" in to an unhealthy and unhappy marriage leading to a disturbed state of mind which would not allow proper living for His purpose - Worship of Allah.

    May Allah guide us all.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  7. salam Maria...I really didnt like your reply...you judge me by saying what i said..!!! brotherrMuniib of coarse I'm trying to save my marriage but in 5 years hes not changing..I smile i cook i dod everything a man wants. I'm soooo nice to him i dont just focus on inlaws maria..they are the ones focusing on me. i feel like all of you put better reply's to others and i get judged from Maria...thanks anyways

    • Wasalam sister Munch,

      I am sorry you felt judged, I didn´t judge you, I was reminding you the feelings you had six months ago. Why do you feel so uncomfortable about it?

      Sister, we cannot change others, we can change ourselves and accept others, when we change the way we see things the world have other colour, that is the message I tried to let you know. You have tools to improve your situation, use them and create the life you want by yourself.

      God(swt) Bless You.

      From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com

    • Just one more thing, you are very annoyed, someway this is good, something is moving, but you need to cool down, you feel very lonely in all this situation that nobody really understand you and that you are trying so hard to please him and nobody appreciates it or see it. Sister, when I mention to focus on yourself I was refering to this, you are getting emotionally exhausted, you need to change the patterns of pleasing everyone, because this will send you to explode one day, and this is not a way of living.

      Is there a way that you can have some time for yourself to relax, just to be, to do whatever pleases you not others?

      María

      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Salam Maria...you are right I am emotionally exhausted. I dont know what to do. I'm sorry that i got mad. When I do want to just get away for an hour, my husband will tell me take the girls or just take one. Should i try and except him they way he is even when my heart is telling me to not. When I do stand up for myself we argue then he calls me names then we stop talking for a few days. When we start talking again hes the same thing...him always on the phone with his older sister, I just don't know what to do. I lost my father last sunday on the 20th ( Allah Yirhamo)and my husband doesnt show me love or trys to be there for me. I'm so hurt and you words are so beautiful when you told me that I feel like noone understands because I do feel that way. Thank you sister :)

    • Sister, Assalamu alaykum,

      What do you want to do? Can you tell us your wish please?

      If you are undecided about something, yet tell us what comes first to your mind, what do you want to do now?

    • Wasalam, sister Munch,

      I am sorry for your loss, I am with you in your pain, I can understand much better now how all the struggles you are going through now.
      وَبَشِّرِ ٱلصَّـٰبِرِينَ (١٥٥) ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَـٰبَتۡهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ۬ قَالُوٓاْ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيۡهِ رَٲجِعُونَ (١٥٦) أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ عَلَيۡہِمۡ صَلَوَٲتٌ۬ مِّن رَّبِّهِمۡ وَرَحۡمَةٌ۬‌ۖ وَأُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ هُمُ ٱلۡمُهۡتَدُونَ 

      “Give glad tidings to those who patiently endure, who say when afflicted with a calamity: “To Allah we belong and to Him we return.” They are those on whom (descend) blessings and mercy from their Lord, and they are the ones who receive guidance.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 155-157]

      I understand, you are caught everywhere, don´t worry this is not a problem, remember the relaxing exercise I told you from IslamicSunrays, you can do it at home, and about the exercise, you can do normal gymnastic exercises at home, those that we learnt at school, that would be enough and the best is that you can have the girls around with you, don´t try much 10 minutes in the morning would be enough for now until the girls grow up a bit.

      When you have your daily shower try to massage your belly smoothly following the needles of the clock, this will be very good for you, give thanks to all your body, legs, arms, shoulders, back, neck, head, this gratitude will be returned by your body.

      These are little bits to dedicate to yourself but they will make a difference at the end of the day.

      Going deeper in your deen, just praying your salat, you will create a magnetic field around you that will ease the suffering you are experience, maybe at the begining you will feel everything has turned worse, but be patience, knowing Allah(swt) is watching and you will see results, Insha´Allah,your Heart will find the Peace you long for and you will be able to have a clear vision of what is the next step to take.

      When you feel lot of interference from your inlaw, learn ayat al Kursi and recite it mentally or "audhu billahi minash shaytani rajim", and when your husband is mean, don´t fight back( if you feel hot, do wudu, sit or lie down, remember that this is just fire, this will help, Insha´Allah), let him listen to himself, treat him as you want him to treat you and ignore when he is talking on the cell phone, if you do this you will find answers sooner than you expect but don´t do it waiting for it, do it just for your relationship to Allah(swt).

      Related to him, I am going to explain you this in a way you may understand what I mean, Person 1 has a problem and involve Person 2 in his problem, person 2 doesn´t feel identified with the problem but it feels involved in the problem, then has at least two choices, stay involved or try to detached. When you follow the steps I told you, you are consciously dettaching yourself from the situation, this means, little by little, Person 1 will be alone with his problem and Person 2 will be outside of that problem with a new vision of the situation. When this happens Person 2 will be strong enough to know that what has been tested here is our surrendering to Allah(swt), the trust on Allah(swt), that unshakeable faith that makes us say: My Lord whatever you have for me, I am here for you, I am your slave. At this time, Insha´Allah, you will emanate Peace and noone will move your roots, and you will know what to do at the right time. It can happens a hurricane at your side, but if Allah(swt) wants to save you, it won´t touch you, do you understand what I am trying to tell you?

      This will take time, but don´t be in a hurry, every breath we take is an opportunity to continue our work to be closer to Him(swt) and to solve our tests, Alhamdulillah.

      While you are sleeping the girls you can recite mentally surah 112,113 and 114 and ayat al kursi, after a week you will notice a difference in your life.

      Take care of yourself, you have a few tips you can follow, I hope they help you, insha´Allah. If you cannot understand anything just let me know, I will be for you, insha´Allah.

      I have you in my Heart and in my prayers my sweet sister.

      From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Salam brother brotherrMuniib,

    I really don't know what I want to do but my heart is telling me to fight for my marriage so I'm going to try to..his family can't win.

    Salam María M,

    Your words are beautiful Mash'Allah. I do understand your reply and thank you so much. He's always on his phone so I'm going to ignore him alot but as long as it keeps me healthy with not thinking as much I don't care. I want to be happy and if I forget about him and his sister I feel like I will be :) I want to pray and Insh'Allah I will..!!!

    • Wasalam,
      God bless you, my sweet sister munch. I feel the strength in your Heart through your words, you are being guided by Allah(swt), Masha´Allah. Know that at the time of salat we all meet, sisters and brothers, all over the world, our brother Munib says all over the Universe, sounds better to me, we are not alone, you will feel the support of the unconditional Love and Respect we all feel for each other, and more important than all, our main Strength, our Lord.

      Reading, listening, reciting the Quran and the Names of Allah synchronizes our cells to a more elevated vibration, that help and guide us in our day by day.

      If you need us, count on us. From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      From Heart to Heart,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamu alaykum,

        Sister Maria, about universe I had mentioned to you was when I pray salaat and surah Al Fatihaa begins - Alhamdu lillaahi rabbil a'lameen, I see with the eyes of my heart, the various scenes of Allah's creation. The worlds of the Lord of the worlds. The sea world, the animal world, the celestial world etc. Something revealed and emphasized by the verse:

        44. The seven heavens and the earth and all that is therein praise Him, and there is not a thing but hymneth his praise; but ye understand not their praise. Lo! He is ever Clement, Forgiving. - Surah Al Israa.

        Sister Munch,

        Our mind and body are badly affected by stress, though we may not notice it, but they do suffer.

        The strength of a believer is iimaan, leaving all matters to Allah, the Unseen.

        When we do that, we lose much of our stress, we off load the burdens we carry, which we know have no solutions with us but with Allah only, hence, destressing ourself by leaving all matters to Allah will Insha Allah, helps us grow in wisdom, knowledge and stature.

        Salaam,
        Your brother.

        • Walaykum as salam, brother Munib,

          These were your beautiful words about salat and al-Fatihah:

          "One thing about salaat which recently came in to my mind a few days back was that Allah says in the Qur'an repeatedly : On that Day He would call you, and you would emerge from the earth and all would be gathered to Him.

          Masha Allah, when adhaan is heard, we hear Allah's call and we move out from our different offices, shops, homes, from different directions and come to the Masjid and are gathered and arrange ourselves in rows standing before The Beneficent. Is is not a small trailer and reminder of our gathering before Allah on that Day?

          Khushu in salaat, humility / humbleness in prayer is brought so well by the Qur'an. I did not read any books or lectures on it, but when I read the Qur'an and go for salaat, and when Surah Fatiah is recited or I recite it in heart, imagine the world a bit different from Sister Maria, she sees brothers and sisters praying around the world. I see the world, universe, the huge vast creation of Allah, and above it Allah's mercy,the galaxies, huge, and packed with stars and spacial object, their powerlessness and submission before Allah, how Allah is encompassing whole "mankind" and how the cities, billions of people in the world are moving around, vehicles, flights, ships moving around, animals moving around in forests and streets and the birds in sky and the seas kept filled in the rotating earth and how well all this preserved by Allah and He is encompassing all things in Mercy and knowledge. Automatically the huge scenes of the vast creation of Allah and His universal power arouse a fear of Allah, and make me stand in Awe of Him and makes the whole experience such a refreshing one that I feel dissociation from the world and feel the Mighty Presence of Allah's knowledge and power over His creation."

          This is the post where it was published: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/marry-a-man-feel-for-another/

          My beloved sister Munch, in this post in the comment I made, you have two links to learn deeper about salat, when you can take a look, I am sure you will enjoy to read them and will bring Peace to your Heart, insha´Allah.

          Wasalam,
          María
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  10. Assalamu alaykum Sister Munch,

    Subhaan Allah,

    See the result of your thinking what to do, how quickly Alhamdulillaah you have a way to go :)?

    May Allah help you with what you have decided and make your married life happy.

    Concentrate on salaat and reading of the Qur'an.

    And yes sister, stay calm, keep sabr, don't be too complaining, Insha Allah when your husband enjoys your company more, Insha Allah, slowly he may give you all the time and respect you deserve.

    There is no harm in making peace and saving the marriage, as Allah says " Peace is better".

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  11. sister munch, that is not a good excuse to EVER to divorce your husband, perhaps you are just an annoying wife who makes his hair go grey.

    dont think about divorce sister.

    I ASK ALLAAH TO GIVE ME SUCH A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SISTERS/BROTHER WHEN I GROW UP to the point that their spouses would feel jealous.ameen.

    • Umm Az Zubayr,

      What a strange desire you have.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • i was just saying that some people get jealous for some pathetic reasons.
        a brother talking/enjoying his relationship with his siter?.

        women nowadays really need to get a grip and controll their feelings like the mothers of believers.

        i hear things like so called muslim women nowadays ask their husbands to do things like swear he will not go near the beautifull huur al 'ayn injannah our of jealousy.
        one woman even asked her husband to put his hand on the qur'aan to make him promise he will only be with her alone in jannah, WHICH IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

        • Salam Umm-Az-Zubayr,

          I agree with you whole wholeheartedly that a woman should not be jealous of her husbands sister, however...this is not what this sister is saying. Her husband would rather laugh, spend time with and enjoy the company of his sister over his wife. I don't know of a single woman that would find that behavior acceptable at all. This man is not giving his wife the respect she is due nor treating her as a husband should...with love and respect period.

          Inshallah this man wakes up before he loses all that Allah has given him. A wife is to be treasured by her husband. A wife is to be treated with respect and love. She is to be given the time of day and not talked down to as if she is nothing in his life. Yet, this man runs off to his sisters and gives her the respect he can not afford his own wife! Yallah teef!

          Salam

        • Umm-Az-Zubayr...trust me my brother its not jealousy. I wish I was the jealous type sometimes. He puts his sister before me. I told him more than once if you want your sister go to her and leave me alone...I just want to live a happy life with my girls. He says "I wont divorce you just because of the girls" he told me if I give him the girls, than yes he will divorce me.!! okay so don't tell me I'm jealous

  12. Salam brotherrMuniib...thank you SO much my brother. Salam María M thank you habibiti I Insh'Allah want to get closer to Allah :)

    Salam Umm-Az-Zubayr,

    First of all you don't know me to call me annoying. Second of all my husband stays away from me, w/o me doing anything wrong. He's aloud to make me stay home when he wants, I'm supposed to dress how he wants me to, not buy expensive gifts ( which I am not like that) I'm supposed to respect his family when he talks bad about my family, curse at me when he wants to, sits with me once month,etc...and YOU TELL ME I PUT GRAYS IN HIS HAIR??? please don't reply a comment like that again. When a man puts his mother ahead of his wife I see No wrong in it but when a man puts his sister before his wife's needs yeah then a wife thinks of a divorce. Salam your sister :)

  13. I am a sort of Christian Woman I am a Mormon but i too have this problem with my husband and his older sister who never married and has a child out of wedlock. It has increased since the death of his mother. I understand the feeling as soon after he gets off the phone with her he starts a fight with me. I don't even have to ask who he is talking to I can tell. I have been married for 19 years We have 4 children together In the old testament there is a verus I hope there is something like that for you. I post it on the front door or the bathroom mirror to remind him of his duty to me and our children that we are the family he choose to create ( Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.) It works for me he will be good but as most women know that sometimes you have to remind the man who is his wife why he chose you and do not pick on his sister or point out her faults it makes things worst trust me. Try to think of the good your husband is try to reconnect with him.

    To the editor I was hurt today by his sister so I googled and this web site came up it is so nice to see that the problems are the same no matter what the religion I hope you don't mind. I hope I did not offend and I wouldn't be offended if you don't post this.

  14. Assalamalaikum munch,

    I hope that you get to read my message. I am also married with a beautiful daughter. I'm going through the exact same thing where my husband spends far too much time on the phone to his sister. He always calls her after we've had an argument. He tells her every little detail about our lives and he does not appreciate me one bit. He has said unbelievably hurtful things to me regarding my previous failed marriage. I look after my daughter, I work full time, I saved up for a house and put a deposit down. I am the bread winner of the family, he is from abroad and had everything on a plate and I've literally had to teach him everything and still doing so. When we had our daughter his behaviour towards me changed. I'm sure when he gets his passport it'll change even more. I just think women out there who have husbands that appreciate them are the luckiest women in the world. My husband thinks of his mum and siblings first and me and my daughter come last. When we were getting a house his one and only concern was where we would put the dining table to feed guests. Not how we're going to enjoy settling in, how we'll need to budget etc etc. Anyway I think I'm just letting out everything but yeh. Marriage certainly ain't easy but you gota keep trying to make it work. InshaAllah I will. Especially since I have been divorced before, people will say I'm at fault if it happens a 2nd time.

    Sister in distress but living for her daughter

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