My husband wants to marry his ex hindu girlfriend who is still married to another man
I have been married for the past 11 years. Alhamdullillah, Allah has blessed me with two great kids. I love my husband a lot despite many of his short comings.
Before marrying me, he was in love with a hindu girl who was ready to convert and who had struggled for 5 years to marry him. My husband was in the US while she was to leave from India, join him and get married. Her parents found out and didn't let her go. She then agreed to marry a guy just to get out of the house and use him to go to US. After marriage, she continued going out with my husband in her husband's absence. Since my husband did not have money at that time to file for her divorce, the girl finally departed. She did the maximum damage she could to him by saying that she would never forget him and never regret loving him. Even after 1+ year of separation, when my husband called to convey the message that he was going to get married, she had cried so much.
All this left him wounded. In fact what she said and did after her marriage, made him think more about her and become adament not to let go of her.
He agreed to marry me after being convinced by everyone. I wouldn't say we have had a smooth sail in marriage, my life with him was very tough. I loved him unconditionally even when he subconsciously denied me my rights as a wife. I was always upset about the way life has been, but I never thought of divorcing him as I can never love anyone as much as I love him.
By Allah's grace, after about 9 years, he has realized my love for him. He has finally opened himself upto me and told me everything that he hid about his past.
He is currently away from me doing his masters degree in another city since 2008. His behaviour after a year of separation from me changed so much that he completely ignored kids and visiting his family. I even suspected him of cheating me. Then one day, not being able to put up with all this, I gave him permission to marry another woman as I thought it would be better for him to do what is halal than haram. Although I said this once, just like any other woman who is possessive about her husband, I took back my word.
He has been pestering me ever since then to allow him to marry his ex. He has now told me that he would never be able to forget her as she has suffered so much for him and wants her back in his life. Moreover their affair was also very physical. He says he doesnt want her to feel guilty for marrying another man while still in love with him and die as a nonbeliever and a woman who committed zinna. He also admits that he loves me dearly and will see to that I would never get upset in life ever again.
I dont know what to do. I am really confused. I really cant bear my husband thinking of another woman. Moreover, even if I give him permission to marry her, I am not sure if I am doing the right thing. I dont want him to sin by thinking of a woman who is not halal to him. As she is presently married with two kids, he says that once I grant him the permission he will ask her to divorce her husband, convert to islam and then marry him. Is this right on his part? I laid down a condition if I were to agree to his plans, that he ask this girl only once in my presence. Should she decline his wish, he should then promise that he will (try) and forget her.
If its not right, what can I do to make him forget her and realize his mistakes. I have also spoken to this girl who clearly said that she will not come into my life as she has two kids to think about. Should I trust this girl? By letting them talk with each other, two outcomes are possible. One, where she would refuse and he would forget her. Other, she converts and marries him. By letting them talk, will I be initiating them to sin?
My husband is now angry with me for contacting the girl. He thinks that I have betrayed him by making him open up and then going against him. Honestly, I didn't mean any harm. Although I thought I could live with him marrying a second wife, now I find it so hard to digest. He threw me away. He said I will never get to see him anymore and will not be coming for Eid. Someone please advice.
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