Husband won’t allow me to wear niqab
Muslim niqabi woman walking in the street
Question:
AssalaamuAlaikum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakhetu.
I have been Muslim now MeshaAllah for 9 years. Married for 10 years to a wonderful man MeshaAllah.
We have a disagreement about my right to chose to wear the niqab.
I have felt this tugging at my heart for years, even bought a few almost 4 years ago to secretly try. I decided that I was not strong enough then to wear it SubhonAllah. However since then my. heart &knowledge for Islam has grown 10 fold. I completely feel ready to wear niqab InshaAllah.
When I approached my husband about it he said absolutely not. I have tried to soften his heart but he says now is not the time. I've cried over this too many times.
I made istikhara for the first time a year ago to show me please what to do. I had a dream of shopping while wearing a blue niqab. The very next day MeshaAllah I went completely by accident to a shop that sold niqabs & accessories exclusively.
Is it my right to wear niqab if I feel I am ready, or do I need special permissions from my husband? I feel so torn, I want to do more for Allah (SWT) & wear niqab for piety, but I also want to be the good wife and not make my husband mad. If I have conclusive evidence then he has said that he will allow me to wear it InshaAllah.
JazakAllahuKhiarn for the help
- Shahinda
Sister Noorah's Answer:
Dear Shahinda, Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
The decision to wear the niqaab is a very personal one, but it also affects those around you. There are legitimate scholars on both sides of the issue. Some say the niqaab is fard, required, and some say it is mustahaab, a praiseworthy thing to do but not required. So I'm sure that you could fairly easily find the daleel, the Islamic proof, for niqaab.
I think before you make the final decision, you should sit down with your husband and have an honest conversation of why he does not want you to wear niqaab. Some men have issues with it because they feel their wife will stand out more, or that their family will be critical, or that it may affect your time together when you go out, as doing simple things like eating are more complicated. He may feel that the political situation in your country is such that is dangerous to be identified as a "fundamentalist" Muslim. All these are valid concerns, but as you reply to them you must not become angry or defensive. Understand his point of view and respect it.
Study more about the niqaab. If you study and find that you feel it is not fard, but mustahaab, I would suggest you refrain from wearing it for now in order to preserve harmony in the home, as you would not be doing something sinful by not wearing it. If you determine for yourself that you consider it fard, then there is no choice and you have to wear it, for you cannot obey your husband if he is telling you to do something that goes against an Islamic requirement. I cannot make that decision for you as I am not a scholar.
Regardless of your decision, always be kind to your husband, even if you disagree with him. If you decide not to wear it, do not throw this decision up in his face. If you decide to wear it, try to find a kind Imaam in your area who can explain to him the benefits of niqaab. InshAllah, over time he will become reconciled to it if that is your decision. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
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Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
The decision to wear the niqaab is a very personal one, but it also affects those around you. There are legitimate scholars on both sides of the issue. Some say the niqaab is fard, required, and some say it is mustahaab, a praiseworthy thing to do but not required. So I'm sure that you could fairly easily find the daleel, the Islamic proof, for niqaab.
I think before you make the final decision, you should sit down with your husband and have an honest conversation of why he does not want you to wear niqaab. Some men have issues with it because they feel their wife will stand out more, or that their family will be critical, or that it may affect your time together when you go out, as doing simple things like eating are more complicated. He may feel that the political situation in your country is such that is dangerous to be identified as a "fundamentalist" Muslim. All these are valid concerns, but as you reply to them you must not become angry or defensive. Understand his point of view and respect it.
Study more about the niqaab. If you study and find that you feel it is not fard, but mustahaab, I would suggest you refrain from wearing it for now in order to preserve harmony in the home, as you would not be doing something sinful by not wearing it. If you determine for yourself that you consider it fard, then there is no choice and you have to wear it, for you cannot obey your husband if he is telling you to do something that goes against an Islamic requirement. I cannot make that decision for you as I am not a scholar.
Regardless of your decision, always be kind to your husband, even if you disagree with him. If you decide not to wear it, do not throw this decision up in his face. If you decide to wear it, try to find a kind Imaam in your area who can explain to him the benefits of niqaab. InshAllah, over time he will become reconciled to it if that is your decision. And Allah knows best.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
asalmu alaikum,
sis you wanna wear niqab? mashallah thats good. there is also no harm in not wearing it, i understand you strongly want to wear it, but i think you should put your husbands feeling in consideration. reason is he might not feel comfortable walking around with a women who is wearing a niqab or is afraid people will make silly remarks etc
you need to sit down and find out why he is soo against it, try to find some sort of agreement such as you could say when ever your with your friends or on your own you wanna wear the niqab and when ever your with your husband you wont wear the niqab so that way it works both ways this is just an example.
i understand your knowledge of islam has grown 10 folds but you dont need to show it by wearing a niqab, but instead show it through action. by pleasing your husband you will get a great reward and will be better for you.
ma salama
Salaam Shahinda,
I'm not an Islamic scholar, but I thought the Quran says women must cover all but their faces and hands. I know the Prophet Mohammed's PBUH wives wore niqab, but I understood this was a special requirement or level of piety because of their position. I mean, we cannot pray or perform Haj with niqab on, so I don't understand how it can be a fard anyway, to be honest. I don't mean to offend you, but why rock the boat? You've been happily married for 10 years to a good man, and you seem to be trying to be a very good Muslims masaa'Allah - but why insist on something like this if it's going to cause problems between you and your husband? Why not try to form a charity group with some other women if you feel the need to do more, or help the Muslim girls in your community in some way. Why not begin a Quran memorisation group with some Muslim women in your area - I attended one a few years ago and loved it, and learnt a lot too, especially the right way to read the Quran. Anyway - hope nothing I've said offends you - I know you're just trying to be a better Muslima.
Salaam
@ Ameerah:
You are right in quoting about the level of piety for the ummahatul momineen to wear the niqab and there is no debate in Islam about the validity of hijab,scarf or niqab. All scholars agree upon all modes of purdah,modesty. But, If the Quran states a higher level of piety being that of the ummal momineen, and if some women want to follow that role model, its purely out of taqwa,and closeness to Allah, not obligation. So please try to understand that fact. There are women who love being social as it is part of their nature, so its all good when they do all the social work that you have mentioned. But if there's a woman who has plenty of responsibilities at home and probably participates in social welfare too, she has a total right of dressing islamically however she feels comfortable. I have known, seen many men who find it hard to keep their gaze down infront of women, and most admit that even if a girl is wearing scarf, it does not stop us from at them, it is only niqab which forces us to lower our gaze.
I'm not saying niqab is mandatory, but for me it is, and when you will get married one day ,you may begin to like it as well, as no woman likes their man staring at other pretty ladies when she is around, and that is mostly possible only when women who move around cover themselves properly. Because men are comparative by nature, their eyes always compare the beauty of women around them, so although niqab is not an obligation, it is very desirable for us and the women around us because it has many merits and no demerits.one of the many benefits is liberation from dressing up and keeping up your face every time you go ,out, no to mention the immense protection it offers from the harmful sun rays, the west talks against niqab maybe because not only they cannot view the beauty of Muslim women, the cosmetic companies will suffer a huge loss as their sunscreen, sun protection products and so many more will just not be attractive or usable for customers if the western women realize the beauty of Islam.
DO think over it, as it is a liberation in so many ways, One can do whatever they want while wearing it. hope you understand.
Salaam, Mf,
Thanks for your post. Please do not misunderstand - I am not against niqab if that is agreeable to a woman, and also agreeable to her husband. If it is not fard, there is, in my opinion, no reason to cause problems between a happily married couple if the husband would prefer his wife not to wear it.
As for your statement : "I have known, seen many men who find it hard to keep their gaze down infront of women, and most admit that even if a girl is wearing scarf, it does not stop us from at them, it is only niqab which forces us to lower our gaze" - I find this to be a weak excuse used by men. Men are instructed to keep their gaze down and only look at halaal things. They should do this and not "blame" women for this. Do men "look" at women during Hajj? The wind may blow strongly and cause a woman's dress to outline her shape - is that an excuse for a man to look at her body? Modesty works both ways, and both men and women will be accountable to Allah SWT for this.
Anyway - in the end, it will be her decision, and I hope, if this is what she really wants. that her husband can be happy with it.
As for myself - I have been married for about 24 years, and wear hijab, but not niqab. If my husband looked at another woman, he would be in big trouble! Lol.
Please don't be offended - I appreciate your comment, and know you mean it in the best of ways, and hope you and your family have a Ramadan Kareem and an Eid Mubarak, insha'Allah.
Salaam.
Salaams,
I agree with Sister Ameenah. Though I personally don't agree with the niqab and see it as extremely uncomfortable and restrictive. Islam is neither extreme nor liberal, but is balanced and nothing is in place to impose difficulty. Hijab is not only wearing a scarf on one's head but wearing loose fitting clothes that do not show the outline of the body. Thus hijab is sufficient.
Why is the onus on women because men can't adhere to the rules and lower their gaze? Why on the sight of a woman, can he not respect her as a sister in Islam and not transgress the limits? A look is just a look, but the second glance is zina of the eyes.
If a woman wants to wear a niqab, then it's her choice, but as brother Ahmed said, as it is not fard and her husband opposes it, she ought to respect that. Just as in the example where a wife wishing to conduct voluntary fasting is required to seek her husbands permission beforehand.
I find that, as a woman myself wearing hijab, women in niqab display a sense of superiority as if I am somewhat deficient in attire.
The comments by Mf re sunscreen are silly, as does the material of a niqab have UV protection?
Men lower your gaze
Regards all
Hopeful
Salams
In general, I think the woman should decide for herself how she wants to get dressed and what she
wants to wear. I have always opposed the niqab, but meanwhile, I think it is useful in certain
situations.
Sometimes, when I go to a wedding with separation of the sexes, and I'm wearing a lot of
make-up, I'm wearing the niqab, too; I think it is my freedom as a female to apply as much make-
up as I wish without men staring at me or worse, distracting them with my presence.
Although the men have to lower their gazes, the females aren't innocent in terms of distraction.
They have a responsibility. We have to be honest here: If I go to an engagement party or to a
wedding, and my face is open, I will always feel flattered by the men looking at me, every human
being needs atttention. But the responsible woman says: In that particular situation, I am a fitnah
and should think of the feelings of the other people around me.
Islam caters for the needs of the male and female. In real Islam, weddings and engagement parties
will always be segregated and embellishing oneself is the freedom of every Muslim woman
out there. Men have to lower their gazes, without a doubt, but when I go on a journey , I have to
lock my home first to protect it from burglary instead of saying: Stealing is bad and immoral,
nobody out there is allowed to do that, that's why I go on holiday without locking the door.....
As a matter of precaution, with large amounts of make-up, covering the face is ok depending on the
situation and environment.
I have no problem if somebody disagrees with me, but why should women be forced to walk around
without make-up to prevent brothers from looking? Islam has given women the same rights of
using make-up, adornments etc...... and we have the right to live that out
Salaam
Let us not kid ourselves - a woman could be wearing a niqab and a full length jalibiya, and still act flirtatiously with men. A man could have a full beard and know the Quran by heart and pray all his prayers, and still be flirtatious with women. The true hijab is the hijab of our behaviour. Yes, we are instructed to adhere to a certain dress code in the Quran and the hadeeth, but we all know this goes much further - the tone of our voices, the glances, the smiles and the laughter can all either work with or against this. Any woman knows quite well how to stop at once any unwelcome attention if she wants to, and the same applies to men with regards to attention from women. To broadcast this impression of Muslim men being weak and unable to stop their lust for strange women even while walking in the street, is to me a very insulting view of a Muslim man - he who should, by the grace of Islam itself, be more noble and more respectful of women and more above this way of behaviour. We need to conduct ourselves in a respectable manner while wearing the prescribed dress code, and insha'Allah, people, both Muslims and non Muslims, will respect both Muslim men and women, and we will then be a role model for Islam.
Well sister Shahida, i am happily married man and married to a wonderfull sister who has been wearing Niqab for two years before we meet. After we got married we had a baby boy and i found it hard to cope with the complains from her telling me that people are insulting her, budging and struggles to go out often. That is been doing my head i couldn't go out to work because i was worried about her and couldn't sleep for a while and i was scared to tell her how i felt but after a while we spoke about it and finally she took it off but we nearlly lost our relationship in that process. I can understand you want to get to Allah (s.w) but you have to respect about his feeling and do the right think and do agree most of the comments about the brother saying that :
they feel their wife will stand out more, or that their family will be critical, or that it may affect your time together when you go out, as doing simple things like eating are more complicated. He may feel that the political situation in your country is such that is dangerous to be identified as a "fundamentalist" Muslim. All these are valid concerns, but as you reply to them you must not become angry or defensive. Understand his point of view and respect it.
Recently got married and before I did I told my wife no niqab after we get married and we are happy