IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Salam Aleykoum, 

It is the first time I'm posting on a forum to talk about my personal life. Recently, I had a lot of interest about this site because I read a lot of  "experiences" from a lot of people around the world. That's precisely why I'm posting here and not another website. I think that because most of the people here are muslims from around the world and understand the concept of "culture shock", you will be able to "understand" better my story and what I'm talking about.

First, I want to apologize about my english. I'm French and I actually learned english in Japan when I was talking with friends there.

I will try to be short on my story and just focus on what the problem is.

I'm a 22 year old French man  from a christian family who does not really practice religion. I converted myself to Islam 4 years ago, and since then I really have been practicing Islam everywhere, doing all of  the obligations (and more), and I have learned a lot about big and small knowledges. I feel really good in Islam and I will keep it forever if God wants.

I am so precise that I'm against culture and religion mixing. I do not mix religion and cultural stuff. I'm taking all of what I'm doing from Quran and sunnah.

Here is my story:

I was a virgin until I was 21 years old.

I was not finding a "good potential wife" in France (I'm talking about behavior) and I had- since I was 6 years old- let's call it "a dream" to marry to an asian woman later. So I went to Japan to get a wife, because let's be honest -I  was really pressured because of  my sexually high desires...and I knew that if I stayed in France that  pressure, time and girls would have 'eaten me' some day.

You've got to know that in Japan, it is really easy to get a girlfriend for foreigners; but I all declined the girls until I found a really nice one there.  At the beginning we met only in a Coffee shop, to do some Culture-Language exchanges, then after 4 months of meeting and talking everyday in the same coffee shop we became "more intimate", but without kissing or anything sexual.

Until one day I invited her to travel with me in Korea. And there I asked her to become my girfriend and to marry with me later. She agreed. Then I just lost my brain. I was so surprised that I was almost not controling myself. But she refused me all the time. I thought and I am still thinking that she had nice basic principles because she always refused me.

Then after 2 weeks I came back to France, and returned to japan after 4 months with the goal: Do not have sex with her, explain to her what is religion. It was my objective. But, I had sex with her (note: It is really amazing how my way of thinking changed when I was next to her, it's like I was forgetting every important thing to me. You have to know that, I'm someone who does not fail on my engagement,  especially religious ones).

So after that for a year, I was thinking that because of my good behavior (I was always just with her and had a good behavior)  she probably got interested about my religion but she didn't...until one day she told me: "I worry about you because you are too much attached to you religion".  So we had an open talk on religious stuff for 4 months, and I discovered that she was "brain washed" because Japanese school, society, and families don't tend toward religious things. I was for her the one who was brain washed. So after months I broke up, she was sad and me too. I told her that everything was my fault because I should have explained to her in details my way of thinking at the beginning. But I couldn't stay in that case with her because I really think that I was decreasing on the religion side: I mean, not praying on time (or not praying at all), no dua, not so much religious thought. Actually, as the Quran says, I was losing my religion because of our haram relationship.

So now you know the context, and I can ask you my question:

-My opinion: Religious love (to God) and partnership love are not the same. But Hallal partnership love and non Hallal love are one in the same. We are talking about humans relations. Everyone is able to believe because it is our duty. God made us all to venerate Him and to believe, that is something we have -all of us- (Humans) inside our mind. Now we have the chooice to believe or not.

Most of the Japanese do not think about religions stuff, it is something not important in the world for them. They don't know that some people really are attached to their religious beliefs.

#1 -  I really think that because I broke up because my beliefs while it was killing us changed something in her mind. Now she knows that some people are ready to give up everything because their religion. I think that, If Allah wants, some day she can ask to herself: "why?", and become muslim or at least believer (To believe that God does exist ). What do you think about this? ( I do think that it can happen even if we never see or contact each other, because i do think that everything can happen in life for anyone if God will).

#2 - Actually I broke up 5 months ago and I  still cannot heal myself enough. I know that I will find a better wife later because believers are better for believers than non-believers, but I just want to have some experiences  and comments about "love". Can a man love two times? I feel like I can be with someone else and be nice and just, but all my love feelings are directed to "my first love". I feel like I will never love another woman in the same way I did with her.

#3 - She contacted me few days ago by messages. I didn't want to talk with her, because it hurts, but I did and I was clear that our relation was finished and no more will happen between us. Some friends told me to cut the contact with her but I am still thinking about it. I'm the only muslim person she knows, I'm the only religious influence she has. I can't just let her alone like nothing happened. It is my duty to heal my mistake and at least be "the one who believe" in her social circle.

I do not ask if what I did is hallal or not but, I am asking you, you believers from around the world, your opinion on my story.

Thanks a lot for your answer.

May God help us.

Salam

Silver99