I Committed Zinaa and the Guilt is Driving Me Crazy
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Assalamalakum,
I need some help and guidance. About a month ago I meet this girl at work. She is Pakistani. She moved from London to Manchester, and she has no family or friends here, so I decided that I would help her get settled down and help her make new friends. One night she called me over to her flat saying that someone had broken in, so naturally I went over. Once I got there she started saying she wants to have sex with me. At first I said no, it’s wrong but then she started to kiss me and I could not resist.
Since that awful day it has been playing in my mind over and over again. I don’t know what I should do; I know it is forbidden in Islam… what will happen to me? Will I be in hell for the rest of my afterlife? Or is there something I can do now that will help me?
Before this mistake I was planning to go Hajj this year but I decided not to go because what I did. Please can you help me as I don’t know what to do and I have contemplated taking my own life, because of my stupid action!
This problem is taking over my life, i cant sleep at night i am not eating properly. My family is starting to ask what’s wrong with me but I can’t tell them. I need some help and guidance and what will happen to me!
- Imran from UK
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Imran, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
I can see that you are experiencing a lot of anguish over this matter. I will divide my answer into two parts. In the first I will address the issues of suicide, guilt and zinaa. In the second part I will discuss the way to forgiveness in Islam.
PART ONE: GUILT
Suicide is NOT a Solution
Before anything else, you must put thoughts of suicide out of your mind. I’m sorry to say this, but I have little patience with people who talk about suicide. What kind of a solution do you think that is? It is not a solution, it’s just an expression of lack of faith. A Muslim does not think this way.
Allah says the Qur’an,
“Allah does not burden any soul with more than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.” (Sûrah al-Baqarah: 286)
Suicide in itself is a big sin, because you are giving up on Allah’s guidance, mercy and forgiveness, and you are usurping Allah’s right, that is to give and take life.
Suicide does not solve any problem. All you do is compound the problem by adding to your own burden of sin. Furthermore, you visit grief upon your family and friends.
There was one recent case of a woman who committed suicide; her sister was so upset by this that she in turn killed herself; and at that point the entire extended family, including uncles, aunts and cousins, was in turmoil and confusion. The family members began to pull apart and separate contact with each other to protect themselves from the effects of the family’s disintegration.
Would you want to do this to your family?
So I want you to dispense with this talk of suicide and do not even consider it in any way. There is always a better course of action and a way out.
Conscience and Guilt
Brother Imran, it’s good that you are aware of the serious consequences of your actions. I hope that you will continue to increase in imaan and taqwaa, and in your understanding and practice of the deen. Insha’Allah you will continue to mature as a human being and a Muslim.
The fact that you have a lot of guilt over this situation is a good sign. Our souls can speak to us in different ways, and one of the voices of the soul is guilt. It is your conscience at work, letting you know that you have done something wrong. It is a painful feeling, as it should be, because that pain is what prevents us from committing the sin again.
There is a hadith in Sahih Muslim that is narrated by An-Nawwâs (ra):
“I asked the Prophet of Allah about righteousness and sin, and he said: ‘Al-birru (righteousness and piety) is good character, and sin is that which disturbs your heart, about which you do not want people to know.’”
So the disturbance you are feeling in your heart is because you have committed a serious sin, and you are aware of it.
What Islam Says About Zinaa
For the record, let us clarify what Allah swt and His Messenger (saws) have to say about zinaa (fornication or adultery):
Islam has taken a firm and decisive stance against zinaa (fornication or adultery). Allah, the Almighty, commands in explicit and unequivocal words: “And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way.” (Al-Isra’: 32)
Thus, Islam not only prohibits zinaa, but also closes all the avenues and means leading to it. This is achieved by prohibiting every step and means leading to stimulating desires, opening ways for illicit sexual relations between men and women, and promoting indecency and obscenity.
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
“Adultery in Islam is one of the most heinous and deadliest of sins. Its enormity can be gauged from the fact that it has often been conjoined in the Qur’an with the gravest of all sins: shirk or associating partners with Allah.”
The enormity of this sin is no small measure due to its dire consequences affecting individuals, families, and societies. Among these are that it entails infidelity and erodes the trust and tranquility that are the foundations of a fulfilling family life; it dissipates one’s energies; it undermines peace at home; it corrodes the purity of one’s soul and hence destroys one’s faith; finally, it exposes the person to the wrath of Allah, thus resulting in eternal damnation.
It is no wonder then that Allah and His Messenger have sounded dire warnings against adultery in so many ways. To list only a few instances:
“(And the servants of the Beneficent) are those who do not invoke another god with Allah, and who do not commit fornication/adultery, for whoever does that shall receive the penalty; for him shall the torment be doubled on the day of resurrection, and therein he shall abide forever, disgraced, save him who repents and believes and does good works; those, Allah shall change their misdeeds into good works. And Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate.” (Al-Furqan: 68-70)
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Whoever guarantees me that he will guard his chastity, I will guarantee him Paradise.” (Al-Bukhari).
Here are two more ahadeeth about zinaa, and I want you to pay special attention to the last part of each hadith:
Abu Hurayrah reports that the Messenger of Allah said, “No one commits adultery while still remaining a believer, for faith is more precious unto Allah than such an evil act!” In another version, it is stated, “When a person commits adultery he casts away from his neck the bond that ties him to Islam; if, however, he repents, Allah will accept his repentance.“ (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud, An-Nisa’i and others).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Faith is like a shirt that Allah places on those He chooses; but whoever commits adultery his shirt will be taken off from him; if he were to repent sincerely, Allah will place it back on him.“ (Al-Bayhaqi)
PART TWO: FORGIVENESS:
If you read those two ahadeeth carefully, you will see that along with condemning the sin, the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) offers us a way out of sin and back to faith, which is to repent sincerely, what we call in Islam tawbah.
Tawbah:
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states:
“If you had extra martial affairs… and then you repented sincerely for your heinous sin, then you will be forgiven.”
Allah says, “Didn’t they know that it is Allah who accepts repentance of His servants and forgives sins?” (At-Tawbah: 104).
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah accepts the repentance of a person as long as death has not reached his collar bone” (i.e., as long as it is not done in the last pangs of death ).
Sincere repentance, however, is not simply saying, “Lord, forgive me, I ask forgiveness of Allah.” Sincere repentance involves experiencing a profound sense of guilt for having disobeyed Allah. Secondly, one should totally refrain from approaching that sin as well as from such circumstances that led him/her to it; thirdly, one must be resolved never to repeat the same in the future, and finally, one must also do whatever he/she can to wipe out the past sins by engaging in good works as much as possible.
So to review again, tawbah has several elements:
- Feel a true sense of regret for disobeying Allah
- Stop committing the sin immediately.
- Resolve never to commit the sin again.
- Ask Allah’s forgivness.
- Try to make up for it by doing good deeds.
Once the above procedures are followed, we can look forward to Allah’s forgiveness for He is certainly All-Merciful and All-Forgiving.
Having said this, it is important to point out a person who has sinned in the past must continue to be vigilant, and remember that Allah Sees all that we do. The person should try to visualize Heaven and Hell as if they are in front of them. That is the way to control our carnal desires and achieve and Allah-consciousness.
So, brother, don’t feel that you are going to Hell or that you are doomed. All of us make mistakes and fall from grace. Of course, some mistakes are worse than other; but believe me, everyone in the world commits sins and makes mistakes. It is human nature. That’s why Allah is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem. Allah will forgive you. Just make your sincere tawbah and focus on strengthening your deen and becoming a better Muslim every day.
In my opinion it was a mistake to cancel your Hajj because of this, because Hajj is exactly what we need to get forgiveness and cleanse our souls. Instead of avoiding good deeds, you should be pursuing them and seeking them out.
But that’s ok, you have next year Insha’Allah. Just concentrate on strengthening your deen and asking Allah’s forgiveness, and prepare yourself for next’s year’s Hajj. And maybe I will see you there, Insha’Allah, since I am thinking about going next year as well.
This is basically the end of my answer, but I have added a few more ayaat and hadith about the concepts of forgiveness and replacing sins with bad deeds; those who are interested, please read on.
Further Information About Forgiveness in Islam
Allah Almighty says: “Say: ‘O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Az-Zumar: 53)
He Almighty also says: “Allah accepts the repentance of those who do evil in ignorance and repent soon afterwards; to them will Allah turn in mercy: For Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.” (An-Nisa’: 17)
Also, in Surat Al-An`am, verse 54, He Almighty also says: “When those come to thee who believe in Our signs, Say: ‘Peace be on you: Your Lord hath inscribed for Himself (the rule of) mercy: verily, if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented, and amend (his conduct), lo! He is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, in this regard:
If you committed evil but have repented sincerely, and changed your life around for better, then Allah has certainly promised to grant you mercy and forgiveness. It is one of the basic principles of belief in Islam that Allah is All-Relenting, All-Forgiving and All-Merciful.”
Here are a few verses which clearly convey this crucial concept:
“Do they not know that it is Allah Who accepts the repentance of His servants and receives (approves) their charity, and that Allah is the Relenting, the Compassionate?” (At-Tawbah: 104)
“Say: “O My servants who wronged against their souls, do not despair of Allah’s mercy! For Allah forgives all sins; for He is indeed Forgiving, Compassionate.’” (Az-Zumar: 53)
So do not put off repentance; take the necessary steps immediately, for no one can tell when the death will overtake us. The door of repentance is open so long as we are not in the throes of death, for the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah accepts the repentance of His servant so long as death has not reached his collar bone.” But since we have no way of knowing when death will overtake us, we must never be complacent or slack in hastening to taking steps towards repentance.
While speaking of repentance, I must rush to add, that it cannot be considered as valid unless one takes the following steps:
- Firstly, one must feel deep remorse for the sins one has committed.
- Secondly, one must refrain from it totally while also abstaining from all those leads or circumstances that led him to such a sin in the first place.
- Thirdly, he must be firmly resolved never to sin again, and immediately becoming occupied in whatever good deeds that he can in order to wipe out his past sins.
- Fourthly, all of the above involve sins involving the rights of Allah; if, however, your sins involve the rights of human beings, then you must also do whatever it takes to return or compensate or redress the grievances of the person you have wronged. Paying him his dues or compensating him in whatever ways possible becomes an essential condition of valid repentance.
Repentance, as stated above once accomplished, will undoubtedly wipe out one’s sins, and guarantee him a clean record. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “One who has repented of a sin (sincerely) is like one who has never sinned at all.”
Replacing Your Sins with Good Deeds
Allah says, “Verily good deeds wipe out bad deeds.” (Hud: 114). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Allah does not wash out bad deeds through bad deeds; rather He washes bad deeds only through good deeds.”
So repent sincerely and get yourself occupied with good works to the best of your ability. Once you have followed these steps your sin is blotted out. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “A person who has repented (sincerely) is like one who has never sinned.”
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
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Written by wael on December 30th, 2006 with
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