I did talk with her very closely over phone, should I marry her now?
Assalamualaikum,
I am a Muslim and I am 26. I am an air-force pilot. I grow up in a practicing Muslim family. I was very honest, gentle polite and pious from my childhood. The more I grew up more I started understanding that I am too emotional. That's the only weakness I have.
Therefore I decided that I need to get married soon just to remain away from Zina; when I was 21 after commissioning in the Air Force. I started asking Allah for help, I said nafal salah, nafal fasting so that I get my destined girl soon. But I proved myself very impatient soon. I started chatting with girls in facebook. I had a friend. Suddenly one day I talked with her over phone and we had phone sex at night. I was astonished! I asked for Allah's forgiveness. After few days same thing happened again. So suddenly this PHONE Sex event came inside me. I stopped talking to that girl. After a few days I found a stranger girl from an engineering university from my state in facebook. We started chatting; I found herself the most suitable character for me. She was very gentle, pious, good human being. She recites Quran regularly, observes hizab. I liked her piety.
Just after one week's facebook we started talking over phone. After another one week we started phone sex; though both of us were against it. I am 6ft5, she is 5ft 4 almost one feet difference. I met her after more two weeks. I didn't like her outlook. As I was not satisfied with her beauty and we were engaged with illicit talking (certainly I loved her then) that's why I called off my relationship with her just after one and half month of relationship.
I started missing her after few other months. Again I contacted her and started talking with her. She is very caring about me. But we couldn't refrain us from this close conversation. We wanted to get married soon as we were in a haram relationship. We met 10/12 times but we didn't even kiss each other. Now problem comes out. I found that I am still confused about her height and outlook. Even though I talked to my mom and asked to accept her. She refused it strictly stating family adjustment and her look.
For these reasons we used to talk again used to stop our talk. In last one year relationship we started and stopped talking for 10/15 times. I cannot forget her again I cannot go against my mom and I am confused also. i.e. she doesnt look as most beautiful girl to me. I wanted a pious lady in my life so that she can lead me to the path of Jannah, as I am a normal muslim. I loved her for her piety but what we did was wrong.
Now I want to come to an end of it. I want to marry her or want to leave her forever so that she can find one who will not doubt her beauty. I know I am thinking materialistic very much. but I am really in trouble.
I tried to get a result from istikhara. I saw dream positive but my mental confusion remains.
Now I am confused about following matters:
1. Is there anything really called Love? i.e. are we in love? or relationship based on Phone conversation is not a love?
2. If I love her then why I am confused? Does height really matters?
3. If I love her piety than why don't I surrender passion for beauty?
4. She loves me from heart there is no doubt in it. I want to see her happy in her life. coz I also love her. Now one major thing that pulls me back while I think of leaving her is: she says she cannot forget me, she cannot accept any other man as her husband and she thinks she cannot forget our close relationship what we had over phone. so this also make me feel I cannot leave her.
5. I am really confused. Many suggested me to leave her as I am confused but I could not accept that decision.
Many more words I need to write here but actually that will not look good. so I am concluding. I want the forgiveness of Allah. I want both of us to be happy whether we are together or separated. I want to be a real practicing Muslim. She will never be able to forget me and she cannot marry someone else, is this statement is true?
What should I do now?
Towhid
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Salaam,
simply put, "height" matters- not to me, but to you- so yes.
she deserves someone who can cherish her fully in his heart.
If you decide to leave her, tell her you do not love her, and you
have not shown her respect, but tell her that there is someone
in this life and world who will.
This is how you make things right in my opinion.
Salaam, Hana
She can forget you. She just doesn't believe she is worthy of love, yet.
Stop using her!!! Why do you continue to communicate with her if you don't think she is beautiful enougn for you and are reluctant to marry her. This isn't fair on her! End things respectfully with her and repent for your sins. Let her move on from you and may she find someone who respects her and loves her for who she is and may Allah guide you.
Assalamualaikum,
Sister Bucks I have been very curious about your situation, can you please give me an update.
To the editors, my apologies about this post I just been wondering about Bucks situation since a long time now please do not mind, I wont post such questions on other peoples post again just wish to know sis Bucks situation.
JazaKAllah Khair
Salaam, Jzk for the interest. Well it's been tough - ive been taking to him as little as possible but the conversations have been pleasant yet superficial. I have yet to file for divorce - I guess I still have little hope that he will change, and I am ready to forgive him, but when I think logically Im not sure if i should risk pursuing the relationship as he is a compulsive liar and cheated on me, even if we do get back together whose to say he wont repeat the same behaviour. Also he still hasn't shown much remorse and it's stil me putting the effort in, he's simply responding at his convenience.
I know the marriege will legally go on unless I end it myself, he js in no hurry to divorce or reconcile, he is simply carrying on like we weere never married and his fsmily don't have any interest either. These are all red flags, and signs of weak minded people of poor etiquette. It's difficult. How about yourslef, how are things going for you ?
Sounds like u love her..
If u didn't u wouldn't care to just leave her.
But u need to decide what u want..
Don't forget that beauty isn't permanent.
Sure u might find a tall beautiful lady to marry
But will she have her beaty for ever?
Will she care for u this much?
Internal beaty is what u should care about as that will last tru time
It sounds like she deserves someone better
N high? really?
High just like age means nothing
OP: She was very gentle, pious, good human being. She recites Quran regularly, observes hizab. I liked her piety.
.......Just after one week's facebook we started talking over phone. After another one week we started phone sex; though both of us were against it. I am 6ft5, she is 5ft 4 almost one feet difference. I met her after more two weeks. I didn't like her outlook. As I was not satisfied with her beauty and we were engaged with illicit talking (certainly I loved her then) that's why I called off my relationship with her just after one and half month of relationship.
You say " After another one week we started phone sex; though both of us were against it"? If you both were against phone sex, who forced you to do it?
With how many girls you had phone sex so far?
Your love/liking for the girl was based on your good phone conversation that lead to phone sex. When a man and a woman talk on phone or computer they assume the person at the other end to be physically attractive too. Many times people fall in love after chat on the Internet. Love disappears after first meeting alone some where.
Dear brother , piety comes with actions not how she dress up. If you want a pious lady first you be more pious real pious man then seek for a pious wife. A man with strong iman will leave his matter on Allah and if he knows something is forbidden he wouldn't indulge himself in it.
In which world do we live that phone sex is considered as piety??!!! Brother stop all the communication with her and repent to Allah for your sins. I don't think you are ready for marriage yet! Stop communicating with non maharam on the internet!! Don't worry about her, she will eventually forget about you, you can't marry someone just because you feel sorry for them! She will find someone else for marriage insh'Allah.
fear Allah is not beauty that matters but the character.May Allah choose what is best for you.
We started chatting; I found herself the most suitable character for me. She was very gentle, pious, good human being. She recites Quran regularly, observes hizab. I liked her piety.
Just after one week's facebook we started talking over phone. After another one week we started phone sex;
What on earth is wrong with these educated, so called pious girls? FB, net & mobiles have become snares of Shaitan.to lure Muslim youth in haram relations & major sins.
It's terrible behavior !!