I don’t like this marriage…
Forced marriage is prohibited in Islam
I was forced into a marriage a month ago, and want out. No matter how 'good' my 'husband' is - I find myself disliking him, and I feel anxiety while talking to him. For the record, I DID try to give this marriage a chance and to know him, but it backfired.
I feel trapped and depressed. My parents does not want this marriage to end because they will lose face in the community. I feel unhappy. I am suppose to go him over my break and consummate the marriage which scares me because I do not like him and dont feel any sexual attraction toward him either. Sad thing is, I haven't felt any attraction to my own race because I was assaulted when I was younger. My mother knows this, still went ahead and made me marry him and even threaten me to that if I don't consummate the marriage there's no place for me at home, at one time (this is a whole other story). I feel betrayed by her.
He also emotionally blackmailed me here and there in order to consummate the marriage , even though HE AND MY MOTHER knew I had my monthly cycle and in the quran it forbid to touch/force a woman to have intercourse in her monthly cycle.
I am only in this marriage is to make my parents not lose face, but I am suffering. They use religion as an excuse to hold onto this marriage and make me feel guilty with emotional blackmail such as 'allah married you guys for a reason, so accept it and be good' but when I tried to explain force marriage isn't islamic - they dont listen. in islam, a woman have rights. I have a right to deny a marriage, but when I do - my parents didn't like it. My parents said to keep this marriage for their sake and sacrifice myself for them than allah will be happy with me...how would they know what will make allah happy? Why should I make a sacrifice for them, when im only suppose to do it for allah?
I can't take it anymore. Isn't force marriages in islam already void? Why do people think its okay?
onemoon
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Assalam alaikum,
You have two choices:
1. Try to make the marriage work with your husband even though you have tried. If not, give specifics of why you can't, so people can advise you on those matters specifically. If he is attempting to have relations with you during your menstrual cycle, this is haram--it appears from this that his Deen may be lacking greatly. You have not mentioned much else about him.
2. If you can't stay in this marriage and you are sure of it, that is your choice. What your parents did was wrong. If you told this man before you married him and he did anyways, that wasn't great. I don't know what the motivation is for this specific marriage was, but so much of what could be changed is now the past. It is easy for any of us to advise you to not stay in a marriage that brings you no peace and tranquility, but not knowing what support system is available to you in the country you live in, makes it difficult to advise.
No one can tell you to stay in a miserable marriage, and everyone can easily tell you to end the marriage, so it is YOU who has to decide if your husband's character reflects the Deen that it should in a man. You have to figure out what kind of support you have if you leave and how you can manage on your own. Leaving now would be the easiest thing to do, as prolonging the marriage and bringing children into the picture will only make it worse.
I suggest that you pray Isthikhara. I also suggest that you get couselling as I did in your previous post. You have a lot to sort out for yourself. I am sorry that you are going through this and unfortunately, I do not see an easy solution to your problem. Perhaps others may be able to offer you better advice inn shaa Allah.
May Allah swt ease your difficulties and help you towards the best solution, Ameen.
Salam,
May Allah ease your hardship and grant you reward for trying to please your parents. I think it would be useful to speak to an imam or someone in the community your parents and family respect to try and explain and give your account with out the emotional attachment.
It is best for you as a sister to try to sort things as soon as you can before you consumate the marriage if you are not completely in this marriage it is unfair on the brother as well. once consummated as a woman you'll feel worse off and may stay for the wrong reasons and may not be able to fulfil your husbands rights and vice versa. this situation is very unfortunate for you sister and must be hurtful when our parents dont understand our feelings and desires even. i believe every mother has it in them to understand their kids so please speak to your mum in a calm manner when shes in a good mood. Losing face or respect is not as important as your childs happiness!
Dont worry, find peace that Allah is there and do not lose trust in that.
wasalam
Sister,
Do you have any family that you can reach out to near you? Maybe go to your local masjid and speak with an Imam about what is going on? Forced marriage is forbidden in Islam and your parents have no right to push you into a marriage that you do not want.
Salam
Your parents have nor right to force you to marry this man. Get out early while you can and if you can. You do not deserve a life of unhappiness. Marriage should be about two people coming together to care for each other and make a life together not about force. It all depends on what culture your in as well as Saba has said. If your in a western culture there may be more womens rights groups to help you. But there must be some group in your country to help you as well as forced marriage is not allowed in Islam. Get out early while you can and if you wait until later then it may be too hard to get out. I am sad for your suffering and having to go through this. Pray alot to Allah and also take action to protect yourself as only you can do this.
I was forced to get married by my parents and uncle, they emotionally tortured me to get married, I got married 3 months ago, I was into relationship with a guy then it leads to break up, I was mentally not stable to get married but everyone tortured me, after marriage I was unable to have physical relationship with my husband but he respected my words, I tried very much to continue this relationship but it's not happening, instead of that am going through mental disorder as everyone forces me for sexual relationship, I want to get rid of this marriage, am helpless, my parents r not understanding me, they r emotionally torturing me, our respect is in ur hand now, u vil not live a happy life if u leave ur husband, all are giving badua, am scared but am helpless, am not mentally stable to continue this marriage, all r forcing me to live with him, I don't like him but still i tried to compromise.. I want khula, is dis acceptable and valid reason to give khula, all r scaring me, what am doing is not good but am helpless, all r hating me, everyone said after khula, you should not live in our house..