Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I don’t want to lose her

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Asalam alaikum.. my question is this!

I fell in love with a girl. We dated for about a year and after God made me realize that our relationship is haram as in boyfriend and girl friend stuff, so I told her that all we've been doing is haram that we should both repent and ask Allah for forgiveness..

It was hard for her to take for our love is so strong by then, so I cut off all communications with her. I moved on, so after a month or two.. I started getting the feeling of making our relationship halal by getting married with her. But I am not yet financially, mentally ready because I am still living with my parents and am still a guy of only 20 years..

So during our haram relationship this girl has already spoken with my mom on the phone.. so when I told my mom about what I did to her to save us both from our haram relationship, she said I shouldn't have done such a thing. So please I need advice so am thinking can I also tell this girl to talk to her mother about me with a view of getting married when we are both capable of getting married and I should tell my Mom also or how can I make our relationship halal?

Please because I don't want to lose her and I really want us to get married in the future. Please I need your advice.

hafeez123


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3 Responses »

  1. As-salamu `alaykum

    All Praise is due to Allah; we begin with His name and
    turn to Him in all of the tests He puts forward to
    strengthen us. May He shower peace and blessings
    upon Muhammad, the Seal of the Prophets, his family,
    companions, and those who follow his way until the Day
    of Judgment.

    May Allah, the most Kind, most Merciful
    bestow upon you His peace and tranquility and replace
    your sadness and frustration with tawakkul (putting
    one’s trust in Allah), yaqeen (certainty) and sakina
    (divine tranquility).

    (simple.. make dua.. Allah will surely hears you)

    First, my dear brother, let me assure you that Allah Most
    High is All-Hearing. He hears the calls of all His
    servants. Allah assures us of this and tells us that He
    hears the du`aa' (supplication) of the supplicant. Allah
    also tells us that if we come to Him walking, He will
    come to us running.

    Never ever despair in your du`aa' to Him, even if you do
    not see your du`aa's being answered. Always remember
    that Allah is as we expect of Him. By this we mean that if
    we make du`aa' and expect that Allah will answer it, then
    Allah will answer our du`aa' . But if we make du`aa' and we expect that Allah will not answer it, or we are uncertain, thinking He may or not answer it, then our du`aa's may not be answered. This is why when we make du`aa', we do not say, “Oh Allah, grant me so and so in sha’ Allah. ” We must always be definite in our
    du`aa's .

    We do not ask Allah for something and then say
    “if you will” because Allah will only answer it if He wills
    anyway. The other thing that we need to keep in mind is
    the nature of du`aa' that they may be answered in three
    ways:
    1. It may be answered right away or at a time decreed by
    Allah
    2. Allah may not answer that specific du`aa' but in its
    place avert some kind of calamity or disaster befalling
    us
    3.Allah may reserve that du`aa' for us and give it to us
    in the Hereafter
    So ,although a person may not see their du`aa's being
    answered immediately, know that Allah may have
    answered it in other ways by protecting us or reserving
    it to be answered in the Hereafter, when we will be even
    more grateful for it being answered.

    (i just copy and paste the answer;-) )

  2. If you really want to marry this girl you should talk to your parents about making a formal proposal. Perhaps you can get engaged or do a nikkah for a few years until you are ready to get married. This is really the only Islamic way to make your relationship halal. If you cannot do this for whatever reason, then I have to disagree with your mother: you should not have a relationship with this girl outside those boundaries. In the future, do not involve yourself with someone until you are ready and capable of getting married. This is what mature, God-fearing men do, and Alhamdulillah you have recognized your mistakes and are making efforts to rectify them Inshallah. May Allah make this easy for you.

  3. Can I just say MasAllah for someone who is 20 years old and knows what he wants in life doesn't always come by and what you doing is really good MasAllah not even the typical person out there may Allah reward you.

    I seriously would say to you is that if you really like this girl and dont want to let her GO than approach your parents and go to the girls family to ask for marriage.

    Money is not everything you could get engaged or even get a simple nikkah done and then maybe 1 years time or when you feel your secure financially marry her. BUT dont make her wait or give the wrong signals until you BOTH are 100% sure.

    Whatever you do dont let this opportunity GO. You are interested in marriage and want this woman go FOR IT because opportunities wont come as you get older you may regret it. Trust me its harder when people get older to get married.

    I wish you all the happiness inshAllah.

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