I don’t want to marry him… Now he won’t leave me alone.
He just won't stop contacting me!
Salam,
I am sorry my English is not good. I always wanted to marry a guy with strong faith(imaan) because I know that if I will live with a person with low faith, then I will surely lose my faith. I am a very low confidence , people-pleasing, coward-type girl. I never had a boyfriend.
Some months ago, a boy proposed to me. I talked him through texts. I got to know that he neither prayed nor fasted and didn't know about haraam and halal things, so I told him I can't marry him. He said he will change, but he never tried. Then one day he told me he will never change because he feels he is right. he said praying and fasting and hajj are useless things.He wants to be a rich person and wants to spend a luxurious life with modern lifestyle.
Many times I told him to leave me, don't call me, don't text me, but he keeps sweet talking and tell me his sad life stories.
He often sends me very very dirty texts. every time I stop him and then he calls me boring. I feel myself dirty and bad girl. many times I told him I don't love him and can't marry him, but I never talk to him rudely. He said that he knows that I don't love him.
Sometimes I feel he is very innocent, so I don't want to hurt him. Sometimes I don't want to hurt him because of another reason - he doesn't delete my messages and my some pics.
I tried to change my phone number. but my father asked me whats the problem? why you want to change your number? Please advise me what should I do except changing my phone number? or how to convince my father to change my number? I hope someone will understand me and advise me 🙁
sara25
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Assalam o alaykum sara!!
inform your parents at first place.. Do that
How about block his number?
If you can't block him or change your number, I would just not answer his calls, or texts, sooner or later he'll stop .
ASSSALAMALAIKUM
DEAR SARA YR INTENTION WAS TO CHECK IF HE IS RELIGIOUS AND THAT IS THE TRUTH YR FATHER WILL LIKE AND YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM THAT SO THAT YOU WILL BE HELPED BY THEM GET A NEW NUMBER DISCONNECT THE PROBLEM FROM THE ROOT-AND LOOK FOR ANOTHER PROPOSAL-
TODAY THAT BOY IS DOING SO MANY SIMPLE TRICK LIKE CHANGING HIS STAND BUT TOMORROW IF HE STARTS THREATENING YOU WITH SOME WRONG INTENTION AND SAY HE WILL EXPOSE THIS ABOUT YOU THAT ABOUT YOU -AT THAT TIME YOU WILL BECOME ALONE AND VERY DISTURBED-
SO ALWAYS TRUTH PAYS HELPS AND CLEARS MANY HURDELS AND PROBLEMS SO HOLD ON TO THE TRUTH YOU WILL YOU WILL HVE PEACE OF MIND AND ALSO OVER COME THESE TYPE OF VAGABONDS
WHO HAVE NO VALUE FOR GIRLS LIKE YOU-
AND FOR YR KIND INFORMATION WHEN A PROPOSAL COMES ELDERS- CHECK THE BOYS CHARACTER RELIGIOUSNESS AND MANY THINHS BEHIND THE BACK BY DIFFERENT SOURCES NOT LIKE YR CHECKING DIRECTLY WHICH IS HARAM IN ISLAM AND IF WE DEFY ISLAMIC SYSTEM THIS IS THE RESULT-
SO TAKE THIS ADVICE FOR THE NEXT PROPOSAL WHEN IT COMES-
Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because that provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils.
As for the love that stems from repeated looking, haraam mixing or correspondence, the one who does that is sinning to the extent that he does haraam things in his relationship and love.
Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc.
All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.
Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?
He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytaan will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.
Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
Hi,
I would suggest that if you feel threatened and harassed by him that you report him to the police. I have been through the same thing...I let him continue on for 3 years until I plucked up the courage to report him to the police...Since I have,..he has left me alone.
Trust me...I went through the worst time of my life...It was completely out of control and I still suffering due to his actions...what he had over me.
Go to the police. You don't have to tell your family about this if you don't want to. He needs to know you wont take this kind of crap from him lying down.
Take control of your life!
Don't let that scumbag control it!
Good luck to you
Wish you all the best and I hope things work out for you
X
Assalaamualaikam
This boy sounds like a very unsuitable person to consider for marriage, and Alhamdulillah you have found this out before making a commitment.
We are advised to avoid private communication with people of the opposite sex, because it can lead to situations such as this, where you feel this boy might use your correspondence against you. From what you have written, you sound like a sensible girl, so inshaAllah your correspondence should not be explicit or overly embarrassing. I would advise that you politely but firmly request that he delete this, out of respect for your privacy, and then tell him you will not be corresponding with him from now on, as you wish to follow Islamic guidance. After that, don't read or reply to his messages, don't answer his calls - if he truly wishes to pursue a relationship with you, he has the right to offer a proposal to your wali, and you, of course, have the right to then say no.
You should also delete his texts and ask your mobile network provider to block his number - this can be done quite easily by either phoning them up or visiting one of their stores, and you don't need to give a reason beyond "I don't want this person to be able to contact me anymore".
Your father's advice and support will be very helpful in this. A wali's role isn't just to be a "gatekeeper" for marriage proposals, but to act as a guardian and protector for women in all aspects of life, as needed. If you tell your father that a boy has found out your number, and won't stop texting you, I'm sure he would be more than happy to help you change your number. He might be a bit angry that you had private correspondence with this boy, but inshaAllah he will be more concerned with protecting you from further distress.
It will also be important for you to offer repentance for having had private correspondence with this boy, and for other transgressions if any have occurred.
If you are at a time when you are wanting to look for a spouse, it would be helpful to speak with your parents about the qualities you would like in a husband - that way they can start to look for potentially suitable men, so you don't end up in this situation again.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
I really understand this .. :-\
I know relationship by texting go far, its not just you , well what i can advise you is just to try to do something else anything study tv read sports just try to stay away from mobile. Otherwise you will start to remember him again because I know it was not only his fault you accpted it too.. soo stay away from mobile
You look like as if you r in 2 minds..
Just turn 2wards the right 1 in which no haram is involved.. everything will b fine InshaAllah
Dear sis,seems to me that your a very sensible good hearted god fearing person and hes not,sister i respect u so much for wanting to marry a man with strong faith and be pious because those who fear god will never cheat on u or do other haram acts,sis phone him explain to him to do tauba and be a bit more carefull in doing bad haram things so u can trust him,if he agrees then thats good if he dosent then sis he only wants u for sex,will u be able to trust him,u will always be worrying if he doing haram sex etc else where.advise him tell him at least read friday prayer and to stop bad things he does then slowly slowly maybe he will become a good muslim and then of course marry him,i hope it works out good sis.x
Sara25: "he doesn't delete my messages and my pics....He often sends me very very dirty texts. every time"
You can stop responding to his messages. You both seem to be needy and lonely. You need to work on your low confidence.
salam.. sara ....
I think you should tell your parents.....if cant tell your father..at least u can share with your mother....approching father is a little bid hard then mother......my advice would be to tell them because sometime we are afraid or because of some other reason we dont tell them and that turns out to be our greatest mistake in the end......