Comments on: I have a small deformity, do I have to tell a potential spouse? http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-have-a-deformity-do-i-have-to-tell-a-potential-spouse/ Islamic marriage advice and family advice Sat, 11 Feb 2012 23:34:27 +0000 hourly 1 By: Nadheerah http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-have-a-deformity-do-i-have-to-tell-a-potential-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-14995 Nadheerah Fri, 16 Apr 2010 09:43:32 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2515#comment-14995 yes u have to remember what u do to others will be done to u. yes u have to remember what u do to others will be done to u.

]]> By: Abd- Allah http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-have-a-deformity-do-i-have-to-tell-a-potential-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-13955 Abd- Allah Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:16:33 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2515#comment-13955 If you think that your future husband would notice this deformity on his own later on when you two are married, then yes you should tell him about it before you get married and indicate that it is only a minor deformity. However, if you think that it is so minor that your future husband will most likely not even notice it or see that there is a deformity, then perhaps it might be better not to tell him if he won't even notice it later on. Either way, consult with your parents, and Allah knows best. If you think that your future husband would notice this deformity on his own later on when you two are married, then yes you should tell him about it before you get married and indicate that it is only a minor deformity. However, if you think that it is so minor that your future husband will most likely not even notice it or see that there is a deformity, then perhaps it might be better not to tell him if he won't even notice it later on. Either way, consult with your parents, and Allah knows best.

]]> By: Sister Noorah http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-have-a-deformity-do-i-have-to-tell-a-potential-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-13565 Sister Noorah Sat, 06 Feb 2010 16:34:31 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2515#comment-13565 Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah I have read a bit on this deformity. In your case, as it is mild and does not affect your ability to breastfeed, it is something that needs to be considered but I don't think you have anything to worry about. If you are seeking a spouse, you should be having your guardian, your wali, interview young men before you even get involved. This protects you from developing an attraction for a man who may turn out to not be an appropriate match for you due to some deficiency in his religious commitment or other area. So your issue should not even come up until the initial vetting has been done and you have considered a particular man as a serious prospect. I have seen some medical photos of what this deformity looks like, and since you describe the case as mild, I think what a husband would see would fall well within what is considered "normal" for breast appearance. Women's breasts comes in all shapes and sizes, and even without a deformity being present, breasts are sometimes uneven, unlevel, and less than uniform. Obviously, as a modest woman you have not checked into the look of other women's breasts, but I think that if you look at yourself in the mirror and see only a mild issue, then it is not necessary to mention it to a prospective spouse. Allah has created us all different, and all sorts of people, men and women, have issues with their bodies. Breast size, stubby toes, double-jointed fingers, long earlobes... we all have unique attributes, and not all are immediately visible. I think that in the context of you as a whole person, this is a very small thing, and should not be an impediment to marriage. And Allah knows best. Fi Aman Allah, Noorah, Editor, IslamicAnswers.com Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

I have read a bit on this deformity. In your case, as it is mild and does not affect your ability to breastfeed, it is something that needs to be considered but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

If you are seeking a spouse, you should be having your guardian, your wali, interview young men before you even get involved. This protects you from developing an attraction for a man who may turn out to not be an appropriate match for you due to some deficiency in his religious commitment or other area. So your issue should not even come up until the initial vetting has been done and you have considered a particular man as a serious prospect.

I have seen some medical photos of what this deformity looks like, and since you describe the case as mild, I think what a husband would see would fall well within what is considered "normal" for breast appearance. Women's breasts comes in all shapes and sizes, and even without a deformity being present, breasts are sometimes uneven, unlevel, and less than uniform. Obviously, as a modest woman you have not checked into the look of other women's breasts, but I think that if you look at yourself in the mirror and see only a mild issue, then it is not necessary to mention it to a prospective spouse.

Allah has created us all different, and all sorts of people, men and women, have issues with their bodies. Breast size, stubby toes, double-jointed fingers, long earlobes... we all have unique attributes, and not all are immediately visible. I think that in the context of you as a whole person, this is a very small thing, and should not be an impediment to marriage. And Allah knows best.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

]]> By: ahmed http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-have-a-deformity-do-i-have-to-tell-a-potential-spouse/comment-page-1/#comment-13555 ahmed Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:45:17 +0000 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=2515#comment-13555 asalamu alaikum, oh i see, sis i think you should tell him, you rather be honest then lie im sure he will find out eventually. sis jus tell him how you told us, i know its embarassing but you gotta be mature about this situation. whats the worst that can happen? if he cant accept the fact of your problem then theres not much you can do, but atleast you wont be branded as a liar. but i think he will understand, hope things workout. ma salama asalamu alaikum,

oh i see, sis i think you should tell him, you rather be honest then lie im sure he will find out eventually.
sis jus tell him how you told us, i know its embarassing but you gotta be mature about this situation.

whats the worst that can happen? if he cant accept the fact of your problem then theres not much you can do, but atleast you wont be branded as a liar.

but i think he will understand, hope things workout.

ma salama

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