If sister Sabeen let her fiancé knows about her problem, and her fiancé because loves Sabeen, starts researchs and finally knows everything about her feeling and also how to cope with this problem, what you recommend to Sabeena, ignore her fiancé’s love and still stay individual or believe him and say yes to his proposal?

Your brother, Omid
from the other side of this problem

Thank you all for your support and comments,

I love my brothers and sisters and my father, therefore loving is not a issue, I desire alot in life and accomplishments in my sprituality and well being, therefore desire is not a issue there.

I just do not have a desire to be physically attached to anyone, I like humans I like talking and interacting with them and helping and caring and supporting them if I can, but i have noticed thats as far as it has gone and will go. I just dont like getting too close to anyone, and I have been like that for childhood. Unsure if its treatable, but personally I have retaught myself and reprogramed myself just in case it was something from childhood that caused it, but even after doing that for years, I havnt had a urge or desire, and do not see humans in that way. Hard to explain so sorry but if I did go for treatment that would be very expensive for me.

As for your suggestion, my sister and myself discussed that one but my mother refuses, and says that would be one out a thousands and how am i to find him, what caste would he be, and what would i achieve by marrying someone in that situation, what would be the point etc. Therefore I didnt discuss it with my mother again, but personally I do not mind as I require a partner, but then again if its not for me, I can peserver and work hard as i enjoy working and continue to look after other areas in my religious and family life.

As I am hanafi madhab I am unsure if such a marriage with such a person was to happen, would it firstly be valid? and secondly if he did desire me then i refused then would i not be a sinner? Therefore though it is a option and thank you for the suggestion, it is one that will be difficult to find = as parents searching is non existant as there very old, and I work and no one else will and can take the responsibility of finding one that fits that criteria for me. Not even my brothers im afriad.

I thank you all once again, all suggestions and advice welcome, I would like to say Milad Mubarak, in the meantime take care and I will keep responding to any replys or questions.

wassalam sabeen

I just want to add that we are not robots or clones. Robots (for example assembly line machines) are built to do a job the same way every time.

We, on the other hand, are human beings, and we are all different. What's right for one may not be right for another. In fact what's right for the first 99 may not be right for number 100.

So although Islam recommends marriage, please don't feel like you must force yourself into a preconceived mold. If you feel that you will not do justice to your husband, then don't get married. Otherwise you'll end up either with another divorce on your hands, or forcing yourself to do something that is not natural to you and being very unhappy.

With that said, I agree with Noorah that you need to look very carefully into the question of the underlying cause of your lack of desire. The first thing I thought when I read your question was trauma from childhood abuse. Or maybe it's something medical and treatable.

Also, I want to put one crazy idea out there. It's just a thought. There are some men who no longer have sexual ability, whether because of an accident, or an illness. For example, nerve damage from prostate surgery, spinal cord injury, diabetes, and epilepsy are all potential causes of permanent impotence in men.

These men may face a lifetime of loneliness as most women will not take them as partners. Marrying such a man might allow you to have companionship and make your family happy, while not forcing you into a situation you cannot tolerate.

But I thank you sister, for your dua in particular, and for you have been most helpful and most quick to respond and for taking the time out to read my replys, May Allah truly make this world and your hereafter easy upon you and bless you with happiness and blessings and satifying rewards in both worlds. And give you knowledge in great abundances and make your imaan sweet.Suma Ameen.

Jazakallah Khair

Sabeen

Thank you sister, the words just didnt comfort or reassure me, but are helping me further realise that I may be here for another purpose ,what that purpose is I will not know only Allah knows. Though things are difficult at home as my mother is not understanding of my situation and no matter how much I explain or simplify it to her she will not understand that I just do not have any desire, we have never been close in general buts that due to the marriage of convenience that occured before.

My family in general would like me to marry and are asking why I am refusing a very good religions man,and brothers asking why im not listening to my parents wishes, I can understand there situation but I do not feel i should have to express myself to my father or brothers or sisters, as its very diffecult and personal, and would result in questions that at this point i dont even have answers for.
But its true, when Almighty Allah S.W.T wishes for you to realise, do you realise, if that makes sense, And I only realised after this good proposal came along at the start of the year. As I knew I didnt have desire since i was little and knew a few things didnt make sense, and did wonder years before, why out of the blue on many occasions, i would be prevented from doing things, that one could consider unislamic, but I managed to get back on track thanx to the mercy of my creator.

Like you said theres goodness in everything and though I cannot do the sunnah of the holy Prophet peace be upon him, I can look to increase and better myself in other areas, Allah is most merciful and compassionate and I pray he guides us to whats causes his pleasure and closeness. Ameen.

I will keep patient as I hold no answers or explanations for anyone even my family, esp my father. but I

I'm so glad that my words were able to provide some comfort for you, and perhaps some direction. Allah created you as an idividual, and for you, marrying might prevent you from fulfilling OTHER tasks that are equally important and beneficial in the sight of Allah. It IS sunnah, not fard, so don't feel you are cutting yourself short or not pleasing Allah. You will have a particular kind of freedom without the responsibilities of a household, and it may be that your Qadr, your function in life, is to dedicate yourself to Allah in a different way. InshAllah you can find your level of comfort and live a good, fulfilling life. We are here to worship Allah, and within the bounds of the Qur'an and Sunnah there is certainly room for us to do that in different ways. May Allah bless you and increase you in knowledge and imaan, Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah