Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am a new convert to Islam, but have to divorce as Christian husband will not convert

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I am a new convert to Islam. My husband is a Christian and now I am told we may not stay together. How do I do this? I do not want to hurt him, our children or be alone. We love one another. He hates Islam and will not convert. Please tell me what I can do.

-iamnew


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14 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu Walaikum,

    Firstly congratulations on your conversion sister. May Allah bless you in all of your efforts and Insh'Allah (God Willing) give you strength and guidance through this situation.

    I know this must be very difficult but Allah does not give us trials beyond our capabilities, so you will get throught this dear sister, with the help of Allah. Put all your affairs in His Hands and leave all your worries with Him. Make du'a (supplication/prayer) to Him; ask Him for guidance.

    As a revert myself, I wouldn't want to give you a ruling on this situation, so I would advise you to talk to a local scholar or your local imam and or muslim charity. Try and go to your local masjid(mosque) and seek out knowledgeable sisters who may be able to relate or point you in the right direction.

    Allah brought you to this beautiful deen and He will not abandon you. Neither will your sisters in islam.
    May Allah bring you what is best for you in your worldly affairs and your hereafter. I will remember you in my du'a.
    Allah knows best.

    Khalilah

  2. Dear Sister iamnew,

    I first want to say Alhamdulilah in your conversion to Islam (although a better term for you would be a revert since everyone was born Muslim) may Allah give you and your children a long & healthy life, a righteous good husband, good Iman & a place in Jannah inshAllah. May Allah give your husband guidance to the right path. Ameen.

    I am so sorry that you are going through this, it is a very difficult time in your life. I am very sorry but as a Muslim woman you are not allowed to marry or stay married to a non Muslim man. I wish I can tell you something different but I can't because this is something that can not be changed & is for all Muslim women, converts/reverts & born Muslims. This should not prevent you from loving Islam & you should not give up Islam just to stay with your husband.

    If you wish to stay with him, explain to him about the beauty of Islam and answer any questions he has for you and why he dislikes Islam. Give him some time to take it in and allow him to do his own research. In the end it is up to Allah, so pray to Him to give your husband guidance. If this does not work then you have to let him go.

    It will be extremely painful but put your trust in Allah, he will protect you and make life easier for you if you sacrifice your love for your husband for Allah's sake, the reward will be very great. Nothing is greater than sacrificing your love for Allah, letting Him know that He means more to you. It will not be easy but you will get through it. If you do it for His sake, He will take care of your children.

    Since your husband does not like Muslims he will eventually make it difficult for you to practice Islam. This will put much stress in your marriage & there will always be a chance that your marriage will fail in the future. I know from experience how hard this is because my sister was in love with a Christian man who had no intentions of becoming a Muslim. They were so in love that they had planned their marriage but at the end she realized that she could not go against Allah for the rest of her married life to a non Muslim. It was a very hard year for her but Alhamdulila Allah has shown her the light and she got over him. Sister please understand that many people go through this and you are not alone, but many of these people put their trust in Allah and He gets them through even the darkest moments of their lives & they come out stronger, happier than they were before. You just need to have faith because this is a test for you.

    Read the Quran, pray, fast and allow yourself see the big picture by detaching yourself from your situation & looking at the consequences and the benefits of the choice you will make. This life is nothing compared to Akhira (afterlife). This life is only a few years, Akhira is forever. Do you want to continue being with your husband and be happy for a few years and be miserable forever after death, or do you want to suffer for a bit losing your husband now (suffering is also a form of purification from some sins) but be able to stay in Jannah forever with the man who is your real true soulmate? Only you can make this decision. But know that you are not alone, we have all dealt with this in one way or another, it either happened to us or to those we know. Many people have reverted to Islam from all walks of life, from every age, every situation including those who are married to non Muslims. But being a true Muslim is giving up your desires for Allah's sake, especially if you desire what Allah has forbid. I pray Allah will help you make the right decision. Ameen.

    We are all here for you if you need any support. You are never alone.

    -strawberryfields

    • Masha Allah excellent piece of advice sister "Strawberryfields" (funny name though).

      Muhammad1982'
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor.

  3. Islam is very clear on this. A Muslim woman cannot remain married to a non-Muslim. This question was posed to Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid, a well known scholar of Islam:

    Question: What is the ruling about remaining in a marriage when the wife has become a Muslim but her husband is still a kaafir? She has children with him and is afraid that they may go astray and be lost, and she hopes that her husband may be guided to Islam if she stays with him.

    Sheikh Munajjid answered as follows:

    Answer:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    As soon as a woman embraces Islam and her husband refuses to do likewise, the marriage is annulled and it is not permissible for her to live with him. But she should wait out the length of the ‘iddah period (the waiting period).

    If he embraces Islam, she may go back to him and the previous marriage contract is still counted as valid, but if he does not embrace Islam before the ‘iddah is over, then they are no longer married.

    If he subsequently embraces Islam and they want to get back together, a new marriage contract must be drawn up. It is not permissible to continue the marriage on the basis of being kind to him.

    Majma’ al-Fiqh al-Islami (Islamic Fiqh Council), p. 43.

    The children should follow the Muslim parent, so try your best to get custody of them. May Allaah help us and help you by His kindness and mercy.

    Islam Q&A
    Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

    ***
    Also please note that there should be no physical contact between the husband and wife during the 'iddah period.

    The fact that your husband hates Islam makes it especially crucial that you separate yourself from him, as you will never be able to live your life properly as a Muslim woman while married to him.

    Keep on praying to Allah to guide him. Only Allah can change his heart. But in the meantime you cannot remain married to him. I know this is not easy, but this is the way of it in Islam.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Assalamu alaikum sister.

    If and when you do decide to leave, be VERY careful how you go about doing it. I have heard of many heartbreaking cases of mothers whose children were taken away from them by the courts because of their accepting Islam. If I were you, I would not tell my husband that the reason for divorce is specifically Islam; I would just say something like, "It's not working out/we've grown apart/we're too different." Try not to drastically change your lifestyle (i.e. don't go from looking like a regular Western woman to suddenly wearing hijab, niqab or burqa) because this could be used against you in court as unfortunately I have seen. Your husband could tell the courts that you have become 'unstable' and they will have an excuse to take your children away.

    May Allah swt make it easy for you sister.

  5. Am a new convert having financia needs. Pls need ur help, my parent took all i have saying i wil come back. But i love islam. I need zakat.

    • Abidah, Asalaamualaykum,

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post so we can advise you properly.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Salam alyekoum,

    How to contact the person who needs zakat?

    Salam

  7. To the original questioner, there are really different opinions on this. Some schoolers go with the notion that when a woman converts to islam, her marriage with her nonmuslim husband becomes invalid/cancelled, and this schoolers gave there reasons. While other schoolers said the woman can choose to still remain with her nonmuslim husband, provided that the children would become muslims, and provided that there is a strong hope that the nonmuslim husband would revert to islam., and this schoolers also gave there reasons. maybe this would comfort you.. But as far as am concerned, i think i would go with the 1st notion

  8. asalam walekum rahamatulla hi barkathu sister one day our propathe asked hasrath umar ur din is not complete then hazrath asked how then our propeth (swasm) said love towards me must be dearar than ur lives so sister if u want to be close to allha & our propeth peace be upon him u should sacrify every thing

  9. if the newly muslim woman embrace the islam and that means the marriage to the christian man already canselled or annuled, why she still needs the devorce paper if she wants to marry a muslim man?

  10. Always ask Allah to convert him.We are weak.But Allah is strong.

  11. i am a Christian wife my X who have been working to K.S.A. want to turn into Muslim faith as what he likes.and he also want a divorce to me but we are in a catholic country.no divorce allowed.if he convert into Muslim faith will he grant his divorce to me?

    • Jorette, if he converts to Islam then from a religious perspective he can divorce you, yes. As far as the law of your land, I have no idea. Is religion the only issue dividing you? Have you considered converting to Islam as well? Perhaps you could register and write your question as a separate post, giving us more details, and we can answer you in turn.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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