I saw my husband’s Facebook, now I want to die
I'm still 21 and am married 7 months ago. We started a happy life by the blessing of ALLAH and our families were very happy about us. i loved him so MADLY sincerely. We'v never had even a single fight. He used to take care of me like how a father or even a mother will take care of her daughter. He did his best to keep me happy. It was reeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllllyy a wonderful life i had for 6 months.
And now what happened affected me so much that i want to die this very. i cant even afford to think such a thing will happen in my life. i had always been truthful to my husband. he used to say that i am an angel and a blessing from GOD.
But now, my hands are cold and im shivering and im struggling to type. I happened to see my husband's Facebook profile. my heart broke into pieces that can never ever be mended again. i'm already a dead soul walking in this world.
he have had relationship with a girl or maybe two. i don't mind if it was just friendship. they have had a husband and wife relationship with worst ever talks that's disgusting to even think. (he had not even talked with me that way and i'm sure my husband was not a married man). i have seen something that i ask Allah no man or woman should not happen to see. i saw worst edited picture of MY LOVELY HEAVEN ON EARTH and a (worst word that u cud use to describe that bitch). and they have had video calls and admired each other in the dirtiest ways. oh my lord............ greatest you are.
I've never said this to anyone, coz it might effect his reputation and i dont want anyone to have bad opinion about him. coz he is my heaven on earth. when i saw those i couldn't bear it that i scolded him in message (he was away from me for business purpose). May Allah forgive me for hurting my husband. his mobile was off. it was midnight. i tried to attempt suicide. it was not success and i am a girl with imaan. but i didn't know what i was doing. i hurt my self which will have some future effects. will it still mean a suicide if i die by that?
okay. my husband came home. He begged me to believe that it not him and he cried a lot. i couldn't see him suffer that way, i said ok i believe him (but which is very very impossible). I love him beyond what words can describe. but now i've been betrayed, cheated. i need to end up my life. I'm losing my knowledge, i'm afraid ill kill myself without knowing to myself.
i cant cry out my burden becoz im living with my family and i have to say the reason if they asked (my mom is a heart patient and dad ill) i cant show my hurts to my husband, because he will feel upset and guilt. i show myself as happy. i got together with him even though i was suffering with all my heart to the worst.
im not thinking of divorce coz i'm SURE i cant LIVE A MOMENT WITHOUT HIM. all i want is death. in past I used to beg him to select ME as his wife in the heaven and only me. we've had such a wonderful life. no words to describe (i think its only for me). now i strongly don't want any companion in heaven. i was only born for him. if im not his... i don't anyone to be my owner and ALLAH alone is enough for me.
i tried to concentrate in my studies.. but now i find i cant.... DO... ANYTHING. I need to QUIT MYSELF. I cant accept him in my life and without him i have no life. i'm going mad each day. i dont want anyone to worry about me. i know... if i keep on like this i'll end up in mentally effected mad girl.
i think of my family. if i die no1 will worry more than a few days. and no trouble for anyone. I love ALLAH. i cant suicide. pls give me the dua for quick death and what i should do before facing my Lord. and at what times i have to ask for direct and quick acceptance. and please say ameen to my cry. may ALLAH the one who is most forgiving and most merciful forgive my husband and give him a good life in this world and in the hereafter. i still and always will love him. And may Allah take care of my famly and my responsibility towards my family. may Allah forgive my sins! aameen.
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