Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I saw my husband’s Facebook, now I want to die

Facebook wasting peoples life since 2004 300x111 %photo

Dangers of social networks.

I'm still 21 and am married 7 months ago. We started a happy life by the blessing of ALLAH and our families were very happy about us. i loved him so MADLY sincerely. We'v never had even a single fight. He used to take care of me like how a father or even a mother will take care of her daughter. He did his best to keep me happy. It was reeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllllllyy a wonderful life i had for 6 months.

And now what happened affected me so much that i want to die this very. i cant even afford to think such a thing will happen in my life. i had always been truthful to my husband. he used to say that i am an angel and a blessing from GOD.

But now, my hands are cold and im shivering and im struggling to type. I happened to see my husband's Facebook profile. my heart broke into pieces that can never ever be mended again. i'm already a dead soul walking  in this world.

he have had relationship with a girl or maybe two. i don't mind if it was just friendship. they have had a husband and wife relationship with worst ever talks that's disgusting to even  think. (he had not even talked with me that way and i'm sure my husband was not a married man). i have seen something that i ask Allah no man or woman should not happen to see. i saw worst edited picture of MY LOVELY HEAVEN ON EARTH and a (worst word that u cud use to describe that bitch). and they have had video calls and admired each other in the dirtiest ways. oh my lord............ greatest you are.

I've never said this to anyone, coz it might effect his reputation and i dont want anyone to have bad opinion about him. coz he is my heaven on earth. when i saw those i couldn't bear it that i scolded him in message (he was away from me for business purpose). May Allah forgive me for hurting my husband. his mobile was off. it was midnight. i tried to attempt suicide. it was not success and i am a girl with imaan. but i didn't know what i was doing. i hurt my self which will have some future effects. will it still mean a suicide if i die by that?

okay. my husband came home. He begged me to believe that it not him and he cried a lot. i couldn't see him suffer that way, i said ok i believe him (but which is very very impossible). I love him beyond what words can describe. but now i've been betrayed, cheated. i need to end up my life. I'm losing my knowledge, i'm afraid ill kill myself without knowing to myself.

i cant cry out my burden becoz im living with my family and i have to say the reason if they asked (my mom is a heart patient and dad ill) i cant show my hurts to my husband, because he will feel upset and guilt. i show myself as happy. i got together with him even though i was suffering with all my heart to the worst.

im not thinking of divorce coz i'm SURE i cant LIVE A MOMENT WITHOUT HIM. all i want is death. in  past I used to beg him to select ME as his wife in the heaven and only me. we've had such a wonderful life. no words to describe (i think its only for me). now i strongly don't want any companion in heaven. i was only born for him. if im not his... i don't anyone to be my owner and ALLAH alone is enough for me.

i tried to concentrate in my studies.. but now i find i cant.... DO... ANYTHING. I need to QUIT MYSELF. I cant accept him in my life and without him i have no life. i'm going mad each day. i dont want anyone to worry about me. i know... if i keep on like this i'll end up in mentally effected mad girl.

i think of my family. if i die no1 will worry more than a few days. and no trouble for anyone. I love ALLAH. i cant suicide. pls give me the dua for quick death and what i should do before facing my Lord. and at what times i have to ask for direct and quick acceptance. and please  say ameen to my cry. may ALLAH the one who is most forgiving and most merciful forgive my husband and give him a good life in this world and in the hereafter. i still and always will love him. And may Allah take care of my famly and my responsibility towards my family. may Allah forgive my sins! aameen.

- smily


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40 Responses »

  1. Well, sister May ALLAH bless you here and hereafter

  2. sister smily, didn't you mention previously in one of your comments that these relationships you discovered occurred before your husband married you?

    Of course that doesn't make it alright, but if that is indeed the case then I suggest you forgive your husband and continue with your marriage. After all, you have described how loving and wonderful your husband is. Why destroy your marriage over something that happened in the past?

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Yes this is the right way. You cant ruin something as beautiful as this over something this petty in the past. It may not mean anything. Please cut yr husband some slack. And associate more value to yr life. There is a long and beautiful life ahead of you with yr husband.

      Time to move on.

      You can do it.

  3. May Allah give you courage and mental peace...May u again have a happiest married life.....

  4. That was cruel! But y did u feel the need to check his facebook account? was it some kind of suspicionthat made u do it? Sister if this girl was in his life b4 the 2 of u married then its quite possible he got carried away in desperation. I know its a fitnabook, this sick girl must have lured him and he made a mistake by giving in.
    Now obviously since u have seen these disgusting pics u must b devastated. plz allow urself to settle down.Dont think of suicide. U r still his angel and u need not worry. just try to forgive him but not without a warning that if u ever found anything like this again then he will have nothing to do with u. Dont worry sis. ur love for eachother is being tested so b strong.. May Allah mend ur heart and give u peace. just dont think about those pics over and over in ur head. i hope he doesnt do anything like again. Ameen.

  5. Salam sister

    Don't spoil ur present. May b before ur marriage ur husband maintain this kind of relationship.
    Yah he done a grave sin. Please give him another chance. Think if you have a brother who has done same kind of work and latr on seek forgiveness won't you gorgive him? Here you told your husband deny the relationship , may be he was afriad of losing you.

    Sister my hearties request give your husband another chance. Try to convince your mind.

  6. Asalamualikum wa rehmathullahi wa berakathuhu

    my dear sister fine just imagine now your committing suicide will the problem get solved?? your saying that you love Allah if you really love Allah then why are you hurting him by hurting yourself .Allah has given us this blessed life to live, fight of course evrytime you wont be happy life is like that so happy times you feel to live and sad life you think of suicide why?? just compare your problems with other people . People who doesn't have food to eat water to drink they don't even hav a shelter to live are you like that? never so Allah Subhanatallah gav you a beautiful life in which you were really happy and now you are sad so wot you should do is that pray pray just do duaa from your sincere heart just cry and pray to Allah surely Allah is oft forgiving and merciful . and this is a golden opportunity as Rajab is the month of Allah and Alhumdullilah this is rajab so just pray harder pray all the time surely Allah will help you and only he can help you . but if you commit suicide then you are no where a person who commits suicide gets out of islam and stays 4 evr is hell fire so pls don't think in Shaitans way just have patience and faith in Allah
    May Allah Subhanatallah guide all Ummati Muhammad in the right path Ameen ya Allah

  7. Dear Lord. Okay, so first off I find it absolutely INSANE that any person can be as brainwashed and obsessed with their spouse as you are with your's. I mean, I understand that a spouse is one of the most important people in your life, but there should still be some kind of individual sensation within you that will stop you from thinking that if you don't have your husband - whether is the worst husband in the world or not - you might as well not live. That's a really, really dangerous and weak attitude to have, sister. Please attach yourself a bit from your husband and regard yourself as a separate, capable and fully functional person. Of course you can live lots of moments without your husband, you're just convincing yourself that you can't.

    As far the actual matter at hand goes...I'm a bit confused. As Wael says, if all of this happened before marrying you then he hasn't actually cheated on you per se - however, why he's holding on to these disgusting and X-rated conversations he's been having with cheap girls is highly inunderstandable. If he had really repented his serious sins, he would have deleted those conversations ages ago - but he has in fact kept them and treassured them as some kind of souvenir. If my husband had done that, he'd still be kicked to the curb - but that's just me, I just don't have any tolerance whatsoeever for nonsense like that. I don't want some pathetic loser who still lives in his sinful past - that's not a sign of repention to me.

    But if these things have been happening after marriage...which I what I have understood they have...then it sounds to me like he's just taking advantage of the fact that you're so obsessed with him. He uses his fake tears and the fact that you want to believe in the best in him to do his haram things while not losing his groupie/wife. I can't believe you're worried about HIS feelings when it's HIM who's done something wrong! How can you put every ounce of logical sense away and fall in to the traps of his acting? The physical evidence are against him. How can he seriously convince you he hasn't been with these girls when you have seen pictures with your own eyes? And if he hasn't been the one writing to these girls, then who has? Why is he allowing other people access from his account to write to girls from?

    If I have understood you correctly, he's indeed cheating on you. There's not much you can do about it other than what you're doing now - which is to be in complete denial and think this creep is your "heaven on earth" (for most other people he would be considered hell on earth, but whatever) - or to let him cheat on his own.

    • Adina pointed out something I should have mentioned. If these relationships happened before marriage, then I still think you should forgive him, but as Adina said your husband should delete all these photos and sever his contacts with those women completely.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Assalam-o-Alaikum,

    Dear Sis Smily,

    I really feel the pain that you've been through, but please don't feel suicidal or depressed. Infact, you must bow in front of Allah The Greatest, that your husband has turned out to be such a loving and caring person for you. As sis Apple said, he might have been distracted in desperation that took him over before you two got married.

    A brotherly advice from my side: Please forgive him. To forgive, my dear sister, is one of Allah Taalah's attributes so why can't we, the humans, adopt it too? :) But once you forgive him with all your heart, please don't let any doubt remain within yourself for you husband.

  9. asslam o alikum sis!!!
    u know what sis most of males have same nature . they never live happy with a single girl s. they want more and more. but i think you should forgive him .becoz this life is temporary . you just try to sacrifice this life end up one day and you just trust on ALLAH and do some wazeefa.s and make prayers for your husband by true heart and believe me ALLAH makes everything ok..... plz sis dont leave your love one husband in this sin pray to ALLAH that ALLAH make him gOOd .my pRay is that ALLAHmake your husband honest with you........ALLAh blees you. plz dont lose hope....

    • Please don't generalize what the nature of men is like and use it as an excuse to convince this sister that she should tolerate her husband's adultery, because "this life is temporary". Just because life is temporary doesn't mean we as Muslims aren't supposed to make the best of our lives, demand respect, a decent and loyal marriage and happiness. You don't have to be miserable in order to be a good Muslim.

      Back to your generalization: There are PLENTY of men in the world who are very, very monogamous - even more so than women are - and they are completely satisfied with having just one spouse. It's just a matter of being smart and go for the right kind of man - ask a lot of questions! Ask other unbiased and truthful people about a person you want to marry - look at a man's past. Look at his current situation. Estimate whether his approach to you has been respectful or not. All of these things indeed do draw a picture of what kind of person you're about to agree marrying.

      Rule of thumb: block random men who write to you or add you to Facebook (I have a feeling this is how this sister has met her husband) - yes, even if they pay you compliments. They're insincere, they are a tool to pressure you in to donating them free sex.

    • Forgiveness is one thing, however she may not be making intelligent choices if all her emotions drive her decisions. If her husband is still cheating and even meeting these girls, he could be harvesting some sexually transmitted infections. Sure, she can forgive him, but can she live with him?

      I agree with sister Adina and the OP needs to dig deeper and not be such a pushover with her husband. Even if he wanted to marry another woman, the fact is, he is indulging (or indulged) in multiple haram relationships. No one should set their standards so low and say men are just like this--that is very insulting to men--the men going to Jannah are certainly not like this.

      I am just not clear if this is the past or present--either way, the op's husband needs to delete these accounts, contact information, do sincere tawbah, and be a devoted husband. to the OP, please do not accept this behaviour--talk to your husband and tell him to stop crying, ask him to get tested for STI's and go to marriage counselling.

      May Allah give you peace, Ameen.

  10. Salam sister smily,

    If your husband promises not to do such things in future THEN HONESTLY I FEEL YOU SHOULD FORGIVE HIM...
    Give him another chance. Tell him that there no need to lie. Ask him to tell you everything TRUTHFULLY IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU...
    No need for suicide or divorce.

    And like you said you CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM..but does he love the way you love him???
    If yes then forgive, forget and move on...Anything else you do will HURT YOU much more then him...

    But tell him to tell you everything truthfully and not to do those things again.

    I pray to Allah that you both live a happy married life.

    Hope this helps.

    Salam.

  11. i dont understand why men do this! i wonder but please dont take me Wrong anyone. I truly love Allah despite i am so disobedient of him and i have ruined my life . Allah says that ur heart can only be satisfied by my remberance and that he is enough for us. the why he made men for women and women for men i wish there was no such thing so we dont have to get marry to men becuase they betray so much there nature is tooo cruel and we wont get hurt i wish there was no marriage so there is no iwsh to get married :_(

  12. Dearest sis Smily,
    I pray that you are still around to read my post. Suicide is not the way out of pain my dear. Suicide is the beginning of more pain and suffering. Because suicide is a heinous crime. A crime that is unforgiveable by Allah. You will suffer when you die, you will suffer in the grave and you will suffer in hell fire forever. Do you really want that? You die and face all the tortures of death and this guy, who is the cause of all your sufferings will just remarry and live a happy life again without you? Does he deserve that? So why?

    You are not alone my dear. There are many, I mean, many other women who are suffering like you, being betrayed, over and over again. Men like him are just not worth it to die for. I am one of those women. I have suffered a lot for so many years. I endured all kinds of betrayal and false promises from this man called husband.

    My husband was an adulterer - big adulterer. I know, I know - people always say I should seek divorce if he keeps on doing it. But you see, I didn't. Because of the simple fact that he loves me and he wants to retain the marriage. He didn't want divorce. He said that I am better than him in religion and one day he wants to be like me, good in religion. Because of the simple fact that he promised he would change for the better once we get out of my country (which is very westernized) back to his country (an Islamic country). I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Divorce is never easy. The children will be 'torn apart'. Even if I divorce him, I will still not able to be away from him - why, because he has the right over the children. He loves his children. And he claims he loves me above all other things. Believe me, my love for him was gone long time ago. I was madly in love with him before we got married. But after what happened, my love for him wanes away. Whatever left is just a sincere affection between a muslim woman with a muslim man. I stay with him for the sake of Allah - hoping one day he will change and repent. Hoping that with my presence, he will be ashamed of himself and repent. If i were no longer around in his life, all the more he might go deeper into the hole of sins. So I stayed. For religon and for the kids. I do not want the kids to grow up without a father. I dont' want to be another statistic - one more divorced woman. No.

    So can you imagine the suffering I have gone through. He goes out once or twice every week - fornicating with women of all sorts. He is a sex addict. He watched porns. He went to sex chat rooms. He sourced for women online. All kinds of things. I saw disgusting pictures of women on his computer. I saw sick remarks on his emails (yeah, I hacked into his email). But I hang on. I was too afraid to commit suicide for I fear the torment from Allah. i don't want to go to hell. i want to go to heaven. Sometimes I do pray to god to take me away. But I was thinking if I go away, what will happen to my kids? No, I will not let them fall into the wrong hands so I stayed on.

    And soon, he impregnanted another woman. A woman who claimed that she doesn't know he was married but always had the suspicions but prefer to put it aside. A woman, who, after knowing that he is married, didn't want to stop the relationship and continued to pester and call him. He told me he tried to escape from her but something just made him go back to her. Of course, she offered sex all the time - how can he resist.

    So, another nightmare for me. She claimed she wants to become muslim. she's willing to be a second wife. but she will only become muslim if he marries her. so, he wants to become the good samaritan and according to him (i'm giving him the benefit of the doubt) he is marrying her so that she can become a muslim and both he and me can get rewards from Allah. he wants me to teach her about religion so i can get reward from allah. my god - can you imagine that? me now having to face his ex-mistress daily since she's going to be his second wife and i have to put a smiling front to her after all that she has done?

    So now, Smily, after reading my story - do you think your life is still terrible? Just remember, there are worse true stories than yours. I always tell myself that and that's why i'm still grateful to god that i'm still sane and still holding on to his faith. Believe me, there are worse stories than yours or mine. I'm sure you have heard stories of women who are battered by their husbands - daily, weekly.

    So, don't be so stupid to die for such a person. he is not worth it. your life is worth more than that. forgive him if he is really sincere and would like to repent. give him the ultimatum that he must not do it anymore.

    Believe me, you CAN live without him. He is nothing but another human being. Allah will replace him with a better one if you sincerely ask Him. Pray, pray and pray. Ask Allah and He will grant your wishes.

    If you want to know the status of me now - We (me, my kids and his other wife) have migrated to his country. He has started praying. He has not been seeing any women (as far as i know). He has not been watching porns anymore. He has not been chatting online anymore. So alhamdulillah for all these blessings from God. May Allah retain it this way. I'm still hurting with the presence of his other wife (who is, btw, has some ugly bad behaviour) but I'm still asking god to take away my pain and to prevent all kinds of troubles anymore. Indeed, Allah has heard my prayers and has made good his promise.

    So you see Smily - there are happy endings. Continue praying to Allah. Dont' betray Allah like your husband betrays you. Allah put you in this world to be of service to him, to serve his religion. Don't betray Him by committing suicide. Serve Him by being the catalyst for change for your husband. Give him the benefit of the doubt but remain careful all the time. if your husband does change with your guidance, you will get bountiful rewards from Allah. don't you want that? That is better than the hell fire.

    So, be strong ok. The pain WILL GO AWAY. Hang on tight to Allah.

    • Salam,

      WOW. I am shocked reading your story. Unbelievable!

      I pray you the best in this world and the hereafter sister. May Allah bless you. Your patience is truly exemplary masha Allah. Whether your husband realizes what a great woman you are not does not matter. What matters is that Allah, the All-Knowing, does. Jazakallahu khayr. All the best sister.

    • I salute you for being such a strong woman...yes sister smily you will have to be strong..you dont live your spouses for yourself..rather you love them for Allahs sake...talk it out with him..try giving him another chance...in the end hes a human being...you can guide him to a better path and make him repent his path..always remember..life is not a bed of roses...people have worse problems then this...like maam yasmin has..I always love her advices..may Allah pak reward you for your patience

    • Slam,
      Wow, your story is an inspiration to us all. May Allah bless you with a perfect spouse in janaath. Ameen.

    • your (real life) story moist my eyes. I wondered, how could a woman (be Muslim) bear all such things and remained calm. Hats off to you my dear Sister, since your husband has improved, things surely have got better. i pray to almighty for you to never give any pain to you now and keep you protected from your husband' second wife's ugly behaviour. May Allah bless you with best of best in this world and hereafter. ameen.

    • Wow your story really touched me. You are such a brave muslimah. I don't know how you dealt with all that. May Allah make your life easy and bless you with happiness. Ameen

  13. Prophet Muhammed(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be in the Fire of Hell, throwing himself down therein for ever and ever. Whoever takes poison and kills himself, his poison will be in his hand and he will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron, that piece of iron will be in his hand and he will be stabbing himself in the stomach with it in the Fire of Hell, for ever and ever.”

    Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5442; Muslim, 109.

    _________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  14. Smily,

    I don't understand why you are being overly dramatic, seriously I think women should never get married until you have had your heart seriously broken at least once, I fear this talk of death and he is my heaven on earth would not be taking place. why give a mere human being so much value? and want to kill yourself for him ? Subhanallah ! you seriously need to work on your emaan and self esteem, granted you may be still intoxicated from this so called romantic love BS but please use your head first, men can betray you, you own blood family can betray you, your parents and siblings can betray you, they are human beings with weaknesses, you need to have a serious discussion with him, see if you are able to forgive and set some ground rules about what is acceptable behaviour within a marriage, I would suggest you go a religious teacher, make that a condition of your forgiveness that he attends some classes on what behaviour is expected of him in an Islamic marriage. and if he repeats this behaviour you will go directly to his and your parents and seek a divorce. if all this fails , you are only 21 yrs old, divorce is not the end of the world and all this that you see as a major catastrophe at this moment you will laugh at yourself in the years to come inshallah.

    Believe me I know was crazy in love like you some years ago, I felt like I was living in a fairy tale, my ex was the handsome, smart, hard working, polite and extremely romantic..but he had a major problem with islam, when I decided to wear the hijab, he was angry, he did not like to be associated with islam, and when I started practising he became cold. but I started to have anxiety attacks because I felt if I had children with him they may end up like him, I started feeling depressed because I did not want to leave him, all my friends used to be so jealous saying how wonderful he was and he was, he truly loved me, he was an amazing gentleman but I still had no peace of mind, so one day I got tired I asked for a trial separation, I was surprised at how easily he accepted it, I thought I would not be able to live without him and felt somehow life will not be the same without him ..but subhanallah! I was sad for three weeks...then I tried to keep my self busy long story short..the sky did not fall..i went through the mourning process rather quickly I feel..Allah azawajjal had a lot to do with how things went maybe because I gave him up for the sake of my imaan and deen Allah subhannah wa taala made it easy for me, my anxiety and panic attacks went away I started sleeping well again and I started seeing my life without him. after three months he begged to come back he even promised to changed..i gave him a chance but within a month he had gone back to his old ways. I told him it was over ..I felt no fear for my future, I am happy and content, I am single now but that is ok too, I believe in qadar, and I have learnt that our experiences make us stronger and also remember to look at those of our ummah who are suffering far worse problems like wars, famine and sleeping in the cold..those who are really ill or have lost limbs and put your problems in perspective.

    Go volunteer with an orphanage or a hospital it will make your problems look like peanuts..when you pray ask Allah to increase your imaan and sabr (patience)

  15. Sister,

    I agrre with everyone else. No one is worth dying for, especially the husband!!! In this 6 months you were going through the honeymoon period. you know your love for your husband has made me feel de ja vu. Same thing I felt in the first year of my marriage. I was so in love with my husband. This is all an illusion of fairytales.

    The true husband emerges after a couple of years of marriage when all the problems start. Thats married life! I have come to the conclusion that true love between a husband and wife does not exist. It is all a game of needs and power.

    But sister you are young and naive like I was once, your husband showered you with love and attention and you felt like it was heaven. I understand you totally. But no man is perfect. He is not an angel.

    But if he loves you and is asking for forgiveness you need to be harsh and tell him exactly how upset you are about it. You need to set strict ground rules that he has to abide by and then only you will consider forgiving him. You need to show him you are a strong women and will not tolearte cheating abuse etc!

    Maybe now set up a facebook account together. I have seen many couples have one facebook account together. You can tell him that from now on he has to delete his old account and join with you. He should not be talking to non mehrem girls on phone or social networking sites!! Lay down the islamic principles.

    Cut down all the roots for any fitna or temptation. Stop playing the NICE, ANYTHING GOES WIFE! this will only bring you more misery! The harse reality is sister men will not appreciate your love they will take advantage of it and abuse you so be clever, love Allah then you will never lose out. Men see women as an object to play with so you should see your husband as a worldly object too for this temporary life. Do not get attached to him too much it will only bring pain as men cannot love unconditionally like women.

    One minute your everything to them the next minute they couldn't care less and are running after the next preety girl.Insh Allah your husband will not do this but you need to be firm and set the limits with your husband and ensure he does not cross the line again.

    I pray your husband loves you as much as you do and never sins again.

    Take care xxxxx

  16. salam

    the thing to realise is he is married already, so you are second wife - if you did not consent to this at your nikah then the marriage is actually invalid because he is not allowed to keep this hidden from you so you can decide if you want to have khula divorce.

    yes he treats you good - as he treats his other wife good - that is his duty on you - but you have no duty to accept him if he is married - if you want exclusive access to him maritally.

    You do sound young and naive. Life goes on and after being sad for a few years you can meet someone new and inshallah be happy again. decide if you can accept your husband will probably never be loyal to you - i cant think of a reason why anybody would want to stay married to an unfaithful spouse.

    I have a daughter of marrying age and I would never allow her to marry someone who was already married - how on earth did he hide it from you and your parents? this shows what a person he is, not his words. ignore them and look at his deeds.

    salam

  17. Smiley..
    Do u think "sucide" is the way out? Shaitan tempting you and its seems like u falling for it.
    I pray that you do not do anything to hurt yourself before these messages reach you.

  18. Salam sister,
    Confront him about it and ask him to delete those old messeges and pics, and ask him to delete those same womens names from him cell phone (if he had them there). Communication is key in any relationship so tell him what is going on and how much it hurts you. Lastly, love and love and love him unconditionally and forgive. Its great blessing to love your husband :)

  19. Hey dear smiley..

    what a lovely name you have mashallah. May ALLAH keep you smiling always ameen.

    Dear when you asked your husband you said he cried alot and begged you to believe him. my sister, he has told you the truth, if he was lying he wouldn't cry he would be rude and say to you on your face to leave him alone and mind your own business. but he LOVES you and wants to be close with you, wants to live with you, wants his angel to be his in this world and in the hereafter.

    my husband always says things that happen in the past shouldn't be discussed after marriage. and even if they are discussed after mariage, the husband and wife should always trust each other and know that no one can come between them because they are married and there love is sincere.

    i suggest that you give your husband love and show him you trust him, make him come close to you a lot that he doesn't have room to think of anyone, not even his past. tell him to delete those pictures and those contacts who where his ex... and tell him to refresh his life with you. forgive him and give him an other change. and please keep your self aware that that was his past not his current or future. just love him and trust him, make him feel that there is no one more beautiful or loving then you.

    just forgive him and make him close to you, so he will not do anything stupid that he did before marriage after marriage okay.

    And please trust him, give him his space also. don't question him much don't annoy him.. that can harm you . so just trust llove and love love love as much as you can so your the only one in his mind and heart.

    you a young girl and don't understand, but inshallah you will just don't nag on him give him space and trust him love him gosh i have said this many times already. but i hope you understand me.

    take care and smile all day long infront of him and be happy...

    Anna

  20. Thank you for your kindest words towards my wife. I really wonder to know such wonderful pure heart people are there in this world. And trust me, i didn't lie. she is my sweet girl and my Angle always. Hope she forgive me and accept me in her life. . And still i need your prayers for her health . I repent for my past. May ALLAH forgive me and not punish me with my future... coz all my future is with her. keep her in your prayers, She'l be back to you soon Inshaallah!!!

    • omg! do we have smilie's husband here? if u r...then u must have figured how much she loves u and and how hurt she is. i hope u acknowledge her feelings for u brother. u r truly lucky to have some1 love to to the extent of insanity. plz dont blow that away. Hold it tight,cherish it and try to love back as per ur capacity.

      May Allah bless ur marriage with peace, compassion and mutual trust and with it gives u the wisdom to preserve it.

    • Salam,

      Good to see you hear brother,
      This shows how you love and are concerned about your wife, smiley.

      Smiley,
      Your hubby really cares and loves you, So forget the past and move on in life.

      Hope you both have a happy married life, Insha Allah.

      Salam

    • OMG

      I am happy that you actually read this post, and now you know how broken your wife is. Please do a favor ask her to come here and read all the post that she has received from us, and ask her to reply back to us. I would like to know from her how she is doing. Also please please brother with all respect and fear of ALLAH don't ever hurt such a beautiful person you have in your life. She is young and needs love us girls want fairy tales lives, please don't take it away from her. love her and delete your past from your facebook make a new account and delete the old one hide yourself from search and give smily the password never change the password. and be sincere to her. she is really sincere to you. i am so happy to see you here.

      ALLAH Hafiz.
      Anna

  21. i hope its a great turning point in my life... I think i have no word's to say what i really feel. Inshallah she will be back to you soon after she recover. i'm a man but still i just feel tears..
    all i can say is thank you.
    may Allah bless you. i have no more words.

    • @wronged -

      make sincere repentance to Allah.

      Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):

      “And those who, when they have committed Faahishah (illegal sexual intercourse) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; — and none can forgive sins but Allah — and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.

      For such, the reward is forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allah’s Orders)” [3:135-136]

      Ibn Katheer said:
      The words “and do not persist in what (wrong) they have done” mean: they repent from their sins and quickly turn to Allah, and they do not persist in their sin, rather they give it up, and if they do that again they repent to Him. Tafseer Ibn Katheer.
      __________________________________________________________________________

      Sincere repentance is not merely the matter of words spoken on the tongue.

      Rather, the acceptance of repentance is subject to the condition
      -> that the person gives up the sin straight away,
      -> that he regrets what has happened in the past,
      ->that he resolves not to go back to the thing he has repented from,
      -> that he restores people’s rights or property if his sin involved wrongdoing towards others,
      ->and that he repents before the agony of death is upon him.

      make sincere repentance to Allah.

      _________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Ask for forgiveness from ALLAH, and try your best day and night to please your wife and give her joy and happiness. Make her feel the past is the past, and show it to her by deleted the old messages on facebook or deleting that old account make a new one that both of you can share and don't add the old gf that you had. forget her, your married to a lovely girl, please her and find happiness in her.

      Since she is depressed, take her out to relaxing placing like beaches, or places where there are waterfalls, some place romantic where she only sees the love your have for her. Take her to a romantic dinner, do this like every weekend, untill she finds herself in you.

      I can tell from your words that you love her completely but you just need to through the past away, and show her that your future is in her and you both are just for each other. Make her feel your only hers.

      Take her shopping, buy her flowers, chocolates. Make her dinner one day, clean the house one day. Give her breakfast in bed. Make her feel loved and cherished. Talk to her with kindness...

      When you are going to try to repent, Please don't ever mention the past. If she wants to mention it, tell her not to mention your past, tell her you have nothing to do with the past. tell her you want her to be your new past present and future. Tell her and make her feel you have forgotten your past. If she talks about her show her that your not interested in talking in the past. Past is nothing everyone has one but you have to show her that your past was garbage worthless, and future is worth every penny. tell her how lucky you feel to have her.

      inshallah her pain will be gone,and you will be happy again like you where 6 months ago. Please brother try help her, because this might take her some time to recover. it will not take her a day or two it can take months even, but i will pray you will her trust and heart really soon. I will also pray that this past of your will not distance both of you, may allah keep you both together forever ameen. ANNA

  22. sometimes men commits some mistakes but they really dont mean it, try to make him not doing this if he has done it, and if you leave him this is worse to you both, try to amend it and make you husband find his way not to leave him in the middle of the road.

  23. assalamu alaikum my dear friends.....

    thanks to all of you. i really couldn't stop my tears when reading all the comment. Alhamdhulillilah i am happy to say that Allah had kept me safe to live happily with my husband again. I just still love him just as before and i hope and i trust that he loves me.. And thanx agn for how kind and how friendly have you explained mE and convinced me...
    i am trying to live happily with him again.. i hope inshaallah i'l forget everything for the sake of Allah and give all my love to my husband again... And i need his help.. these kind of things can hurt too much you know.. but i love him. and i love you all my sisters and brothers for building again the BROKEN ME.
    I LOVE this page a lot.. and ill be always in touch Inshaallah

    • Salam smily it is so good to hear from you!! I hope for the best for you, and remember you also have to keep in mind it is the past and your his future. so work on yourself and his relationship not the past and yourself. okay. i hope you all the best in life. keep smiling always... ANNA

  24. Dear sister
    One who loves forgives though whatever the thing.
    might be he has changed and back to the right path with the marriage with u. Dear sister
    ONE WHO LOVES FORGIVES.
    If u seek death, Allah will be displeased with u. Though Am just 20 years, let me say u a story which is true as i have heard:
    ""A muslim-momin woman whose husband used to make zina though he was married and she knew that. Though she used to feel hurt n break-down, she prayed to Allah to guide him. meanwhile she remained patient and used to treat her husband to the best and used to serve him in all means. moreover she used to send food to his husband when he used to do the worst things. She prayed for Allah to change his husband. one fine day, under Allah's guidance, her husband fell ashamed of what he was doing. She forgave him then and started leading a happy life with him""
    Dear sister, now ur husband has requested u to forgive, and with the grace of Allah, he might have changed. Accept him. Allah will be pleased with u. As per my knowledge, Allah makes a couple which better suits. Then don't ruin ur happy life sister. May Allah guide u. Love him for pleasing Allah, for the sake of Allah. may Allah bless with u peace of mind.

  25. Dear sister,

    Firstly, please calm down. As others have pointed out already, you are hysterical and the way you are idolizing him is scary and unnerving.

    I think the biggest problem here is lack of communication. You have found out about what he is doing/has done, but you have not talked about it in order to solve it. Your husband may have turned to those relationships due to certain reasons- find out what they are. Considering the nature of the messages, he may have pent up lust that he cant express with you. Try talking to him about the things he feels are missing and incorporate that into your relationships. To be perfectly honest, the problem might be in the bedroom. Perhaps be more creative and get him to express that more lustful side that he showed on facebook to you instead. Talk to him about what he would like to do there and become a bit more open in that department- it may be very awkward at first, but make sure he is comfortable so as to open up and really confide in you.

    Im sorry if most of this has been assumption, but being someone whose greatest calamity is lust etc, i can see where he is feeling neglected. A person can be happy in every aspect of their lives, but such a need as unfulfilled sexual desire drags you down and makes a hole inside you that you feel can never be filled. Try to fill this hole with him.

    Try to make it work sister, i feel you have something great here that can become greater. He seems very sincere and the fact he cried and begged for your forgiveness shows that he wants and loves you very much. DONT LET THIS BREAK YOU UP. Unless, of course, this situation reoccurs or worse than this, then contemplate leaving the relationship but not before you feel you have done everything you could to save it.

    Good luck, and insha Allah khayr.

    Ps: sorry if this advice has not been useful and perhaps your bedroom relationship is perfectly fine, but i wanted to put in my 2 cents. The rest of the advice here seems great and i hope you take it on board.

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