Islamic marriage advice and family advice

If I get married in an “urfi” marriage, can I marry the same man in a few years (with my parents involved) without a divorce?

I am 17 years old and my partner is 20 and we are planning on getting married without my parents knowing. I know many people would think that love is premature at this age, and that is very true in most cases. However I have been in love before and I know that this man loves me very much and we are very serious. The problem is that my parents are not ready for me to get married. I am only 17 and too young to be in any sort of relationship in their eyes. He is also of different ethnicity and they are not open to that. I was wondering if I can get married now with him without any witnesses, until I can get married in a few years time with my parents involved.

Would I be able to get re-married, to the same man without getting a divorce or anything like that? I dont want to continue being in a illegitimate relationship and therefore would like to be married. I am not using this secret marriage as a gateway for sex, for we both know it is still wrong, even after. I really need to know whether i can marry him (again) in a few years with my parents involved. Please help

-13524


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3 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I was not sure what an "urfi" marriage was, so I had to look it up. Based on my research, this is what I found, which should be more than adequate to answer your question in the technical sense:

    In the Islamic law (Shari`ah) all marriages are done with two witnesses, a guardian of the female (under normal circumstances it would be the father) and there is no need for any written or verbal contract of the type mentioned in this article for the marriage at all, except if the woman wishes then she can set conditions for her husband (none of which must be against Islam in any way) like "I want you to study the Qur'an hard and study to become a scholar of Islam". The only part of a contract in marriage that is absolutely necessary is that it is agreed to by the man and the woman to be married and whether it is verbal or written makes no difference, hence the witnesses.

    With regard to “ ‘urfi marriage” – there are two types of this: 1 – Where the woman is married in secret, without the agreement of her wali (guardian). If that is the case then it is a haraam marriage contract which is not valid, because the agreement of the wali is one of the conditions of the marriage contract being valid.

    It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: Muhammad said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. )

    It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: Muhammad said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. )

    2 – It should also be noted that some of the fuqaha’ say that publicizing the marriage is one of the conditions of it being valid, which is not far from the truth.

    Publicizing the marriage demonstrates the difference between marriage and immoral relationships. This is supported by the words of Muhammad: “The difference between what is halaal and what is haraam is beating the daff and raising the voice at weddings.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1088; al-Nasaa’i, 3369; Ibn Maajah, 1896. Ibn al-Qayyim said: The Lawgiver has stipulated four conditions for marriage in addition to the marriage contract, in order for there to be no suspicion of immoral conduct: it should be publicized, there should be a wali (woman’s guardian), the woman should not do the marriage contract herself and it is mustahabb to beat the daff and raise voices (in song) and give a waleemah (wedding feast), because that does away with the means that may lead to immoral actions under the guise of being married.

    from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikah_'urfi

    Based on the above, what you are trying to do would not be recognized as a valid marriage. If you truly want to follow shariah, then take a break from the current relationship you have with this person until you can have an appropriate wedding with your parents' blessing.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Urfi marriage is Banned "haram" in Islamic religion. it's Zina. because it has nothing of the islamic marriage constraints.
    what is based on unvalid is unvalid too.
    return to Allah and and be patient untill the true time.

  3. If he truly loves you as you say, he will wait until your parents are ready and open for the subject to be opened. Think of it, it's actually the best way to test his love.

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