I’m 15 and I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don’t know how
asalam 3lakum brothers and sisters, my name is rowaida. I'm 15 turning 16. I have a dificult life and I signed up just to get advice. I really need this help.
I'm doing something wrong now and I really wanna get over it and everytime I do I feel sorry and bring it back. well it's about me havin a boyfriend, ok I know what ur thinkin... not a true Muslim, but wrong I have suffered so much in life that I began to go to the wrong path.
Anyways this boyfriend I got really loves me and is willing to do anything for me, he is gonna come ask for my hand in about 3 months from now, but I dont want him. I like him but I just know deep down he is not the one I'm waiting for. I broke up with him 3 times and everytime I do I begin to cry and cry and than I go back to him. Even though I know I dont love him that much, when I break up with him I feel that I just left a big part of my life and I start to regret it.
the reasons why I break up with him is because I know what I doing is a big mistake and it's so wrong for me and also because I love someone else, someone that loves me too but he doesn't wanna date cuz he knows it's wrong. I love him so much I have loved him for 2 and half years straight. plz hlp me how do I break up with this guy with out regret and how do I keep my prayers to Allah till I get the guy I love. I'm willing to do everything plz just advise me. what should I do till God gives me what I want? thx for reading I hope u got answers for me I'm really depressed =(
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asalamu alaikum,
pray, read alot of quran and dont go back to your ex, only time will heal.
ma salama
Walaikumsalaam Rowaida
Its good that you recognise that he's not really good for you and that you probably do have feelings of love for him but more out of attachment and companionship than anything else. When you move away from him, you end up feeling upset, because you are so used to having him around and because you have affection for him. Thats natural. You will have to be strong and tell him you want to break up - tell him the reasons why. The reasons are that you want to come closer to your deen and that although you care for him, you do not think that marrying him will be beneficial for your deen and hereafter.
The only way you can stay away from him is if you tell him clearly and if you then make an 'conscious effort' to remain steadfast....I would suggest you try to become closer to Allah through Salaah, Quran recitation and lots of Istigfhfaar. Join some halaaqa classes, being around pious people helps one to move away from that which is disliked by Allah. Also, if you were to read up about how extreme a sin it is to date a non mahram - it may set you in the right direction.
Rowaida, I don't think you realise, but because of your 'whims' and they are whims (where you want to get away from this guy but end up going back because you miss him and can't deal with the emptiness), unintentionally you are misleading your boyfriend. Its painfully difficult, but its part of the deal. Theres no way you can get to the other side without going through difficult phase. But it'll be that much easier if you do it sooner. Be upfront - otherwise it'll drag on and you'll end up hurting him more.
Its not easy to do so, but try to seek comfort in the fact that maybe Allah will expiate your sins through this difficult time. I think you need to re-focus your life. You are 15 coming on 16 years of age...and intelligent enough otherwise you wouldnt be questioning your life like this - but you need to fill this 'emptiness' in your life with things that will help you flourish. Your deen, your studies and good halaal company will help you inshaAllah - but with perserverance. Don't make the mistake of filling this gap by getting involved with the other person - even through just a verbal relationship. Its not healthy and you need to clear your mind.
I can only advise you sis, ask Allah to make it easy for you... and remember, a little effort at this young age of your life will go along way for your future.
Rowaida, I just re-read the last part of your message, so thought I should add something...
This feeling of 'regret' that you have is not 'true love', its you missing this guy because he's been in your life for such a long time. You really do need to turn to Allah to seek comfort at this time...and some having good friends who help take your mind off him would be good too. You will also need to put some effort in here too though...
Yes, you may feel guilty for breaking up, but remind yourself again and again of the bigger picture - you are moving away from something haraam and this will please Allah. (This is what you should seek comfort in).
You've asked 'how can you keep your prayers to Allah till you get the guy you love'? Rowaida...you need to modify your way of thinking quick time if you want to become closer to Allah. If going through this difficult time is bringing you back to Allah - Alhumdulillah, but you can't pray only because you want Allah to give you this guy. How do you know if Allah thinks this person is good for you or not? If Allah doesnt give you the guy you think you love, will you stop praying? The praying should not stop because we don't get what we want. Sis...this is the test of our eemaan, I feel that you are going through a weak patch at the moment - it happens to us all. Work on strengthening your faith...may Allah make this easy for you : ).
What is your family life like, do you have siblings, what is your relationship like with them? It seems to me that you are not happy at home and are seeking comfort through these boys.
You're only 15 years old...and your whole life is dominated by being in love, and guys etc. Don't waste anymore of your life little sis. You are in your youth...re-focus and spend this time in obedience to Allah and you'll be shaded by Allah on the day of Judgement.
May Allah help you little one...let me know if you need some hands on help...