I’m confused on what to do…
Is he the right man for me?
Salam alaikum, am confused on this issue.. I met this Muslim brother about two months ago, and we've been friends ever since, he is a bit very much older than me, which is not an issue exactly but the reason I think we relate better coz he is matured in his speech. We really enjoy each others company.. as there is always a lot to talk about, we have a lot in common and we could go on for hours gisting without getting bored. Now the issue is he asked me out and I turned him down, he has since been pleading for me to give him a chance, he seems really sincere and serious about me.. and I find it difficult to see him as more than a friend.. I don't know if am doing the right thing coz I feel he is very sincere and he has refused to back down..I can see and feel that am hurting him and he says he is still praying to Allah for me to have a change of mind. I don't want to get into a relationship without knowing if he is truly the one meant for me..how do I know he is right for me...????
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Please don't stress out!! Because 'dating' isn't allowed in Islam, you can tell him to go to your parents and ask for your hand. It seems a bit dramatic, but to be honest, I think it's the best thing to do. I've seen many people I know fall for 'religious' or 'the best' guys because they let their feelings dominate over the rules of Allah. Maybe the guy doesn't know how to go about a relationship, but from what I've seen in my short life most guys don't want to go to the parents first because they're not really serious.
So tell him what is allowed and don't fret! Because if you choose Allah, and you cut contact because he refused or sidetracked, Allah will most certainly replace him with better, and you'll get your reward from Allah the Most High.
After he goes to your parents, then, in the company of a wali, you guys can talk and see each other in person, within the boundaries of Islam, and insha Allah, get hitched.
Make tons of dua. You may have gotten attached but Allah is better. Remember that always. There's no 'one' soulmate in the world, as many people in our times have come to believe. A good partner will simply bring you closer to Allah and respect you, and isn't perfect. The only true love in this world is the love a servant can have for Allah, the Lord who gave them numerous blessings.
If he says 'No, let's meet one time' or 'I'll do it but..' or 'I can't' or any other excuse, by all means cut all contact. Because anything that goes beyond that will end up disastrous because the rules of Allah can be broken.
I know it may feel humiliating or painful, but after that, just cut any other contact off. For Allah's sake.
He will reward you in ways you can never imagine!!! And take care of yourself, eat your favorite food, read good books, play games and sports, go out, watch a good movie, do whatever you have to do to feel wholesome and happy.
May Allah reward you, and I love you for Allah's sake because you're my sister in Islam.
From your Muslim sister,
Noor767
I received your request to delete your comment because you fear it is too harsh. But I don't think it's harsh and I think it is written out of kindness.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wa alaikum salaam sister,
First of all im glad and happy you have found someone compatible with you, or atleast someone who is possibly compatible with you, however keep in mind that the third person between 2 mahrams is shaytaan, therefore the longer you kind of leave this the more shaytaan will work away trying to get you guys to sin, and obviously making you fall into haraam, such as speaking to a non mahram privately.
Do not go down the relationship route as there is no guarantee he will marry you, no matter how sincere he is, im happy you turned him down and you shouldnt be giving him room for asking for a second chance.
The only way forward from today or when you read this, is for him to ask, or for you to ask your parents about marrying him, other then that youll be in haraam, and please understand that a relationship doesnt equal or guarantee marriage.
I can pray to Allah that i want to drink alcohol and for Allah to let me drink alcohol, but actually itll always still be haraam. So no matter how serious this guy is, he can always pray to Allah to make you have a relationship with him, but that dua most likely wont be answered, as he is asking Allah to allow him to do haraam, which is to date you, this is purely a shaytaani idea to ask Allah to do haraam.
You are doing the right thing, tell him to keep his distance, and refuse to get into a relationship, if he persists then know he is trying to get you to sin with him, if he is serious, tell him to ask your parents for your hand in marriage.
Many people muslims and non muslims get into multiple relationships and have multiple heartbreaks but that doesnt mean they are the right one, the right one is the person you marry, so you can date 10-15 people before that, but until you sit down and get marriage started you wont have found the right one.
Sister do istikhara, and then tell the guy to back off and cut off ALL CONTACT no matter how much it hurts you are doing it for the best.
You shouldnt be pressurised into a relationship which is haram and will lay the foundations for problems later on, and a man can very easily take advantage of a lady by saying lets meet up one time etc. or lets have a relationship.
iv said it multiple times, if you two are meant to marry guaranteed you will marry, but YOU have to cut off contact because you are doing haraam unfortunately by staying in contact and thus allowing shaytaan to play with your desires and emotions.
BEST THING - tell him to marry you, give your parents number, if not, you go tell your mum or dad, if he is the right one you will get your answer in the space of 5 seconds by asking your parents.
The longer you leave it, without breaking contact with the guy, the more likely you will fall into zina and sin.
Imagine the situation like this - You are leaving the door open and he is trying to walk in, you need to shut the door, get him to knock and get your dad to open it.
Please DO NOT MEET OR DATE its HARAAM in Islam. I have a terrible feeling he only wants to meet you for one thing. Hes being nice because that's what men like this do pool wool over naive girls open your eyes dont give him even a chance. Please do not get fooled he seems to be very desperate and I do think he wants to use you. Go to your parents and tell them and tell him if he is serious ABOUT YOU to ask for your hand in marriage.
WHATEVER you do please to not compromise anything that is haraam before marriage its not worth it you will regret it. I am saying this so you can protect yourself and be aware what guys want and do are two different things especially if parents have no idea behind closed doors.
I strongly recommend you to CUT ALL CONTACT WITH HIM ITS HARAAM IN ISLAM. Do not feel guilty you have and you already know the limits within Islamic ruling listen to it do not ignore it.
he want to marry men
but due to caste problem both of our parents dont accept our relation
what should we do ?
we love a lot eachother and want to marry
Assalaamualaikum iam a girl and i met a guy and we wer from same class we both were in relationship with different person but after it went wrong we both have faced breakup with the one we both loved.now we both came into a realtionship and we both are so happy and we were having serious reltion ship which will happen after marraoge we had it earlier i mean physical relationship now he is going abtoad for career and now when he spoked with his mother for us she denied she told dat if he do something like this then the love she do with him more than dat she will hate her.he too want us he too love me he z also getting hurt he is just cant do anything because shez scared of his mother he would end but he cant go against his mother i want help.As we had intercourse and dont want this to be sin further we both have same intension for getting married i want that to be strong just because of his mother he want to end can u help me in this dat we could b together and his moyher gets agree for me.We both have time he want to make career first for which he want time for 2-3 yrs i too have time till dat i want him to b strong and after 2 years his mother should agreee for our marraige help me please my parents wont b having problemto accept him but his mother will b having issue related to our relation i met her she is really nice she talks to me very well she likes me too but why she dont want to accept me as his sons wife dunno.i want someone to help me in dis situation iam planning to talk to him n say him do as she mother says and after making his career then talk to her for us so is there is something dat i can make my love more stronger between us and his mother should agree for us please i need help i cant even think abt anyone else dan him neither i can marry someone else please help me please
wow!! asalam alaykum brothers and sisters in Islam and happy eid mubarak to us all..May Allah accept our fast as an act of Ibaadah and make us witness/observe many more of the month in good health..Ameen. So its been over 5months my confused state got published..Am just reading the responses now.. and i feel i should aknowledge them all..Tanx soo much..i appreciate. Now a lot has happened.. I checked this site almost every minute of the day, hour of the day for dayS, weekS hoping someone wld av responded but to know avail, apparently my question never got approved/published... until over a month after i had sort for ur views/advice.. Sadly, so i moved on and never checked back.. buh then aftr abt 7months am here again.. Not because i need ur advice..buh because i wanted to know if my experience was worth sharing with anyone , anyone who cared to respond.. i ad to do a lot of dedicated search on google jst to get typing in this box tonyt as i cldnt remember wat the site was . Am glad am here and Am glad i read ur responses.. Advices are never too late. SO, BACK TO THE STORY LINE.
I turned him down several times but he dint back out and ofcourse i alrdy mentioned i liked him.. sooo eventually i gave in..n it strtd out well, until............. i ended it all in just a few weeks in. so what happened? he wanted going to meet my parents? well yes and no.. Ur responses were like " tell him to ask your hand in marriage" he always wanted to..he pleaded to meet my parents..he wanted talking to them at least..coz i wasnt ready to go that lane n thankGod my parents live far away.. i hope am not getting u all confused? ill just summarise....... at first he was very understanding and never demanding, he was always my last priority..school,family, myself n friends always came before him..between me and him he was still that 'FRIEND' the only diff was we saw more often so our chats were automatically shorter..i alwayds had to leave first.. 'busy me'. i think i shld brk this into two parts ill b back
soon enough he started asking for more time and attention.. it was more like i created this space between us coz i soo dint want any intimacy.. we dint get physical nor hug wen we meet. (he did all the visits but one, which i timed for 30 minutes buh extended 45mins-1hr..buh he was a real gentle man, just sat talked n i was out).it was just hello, teslim, etc .we talk n depart..after all we are MUSLIMS..so boundaries shld be maintained.. he knew i was that way coz dating dosnt translate to marriage.. n i wasnt going to b that all covered girl who was going to loose her modesty all in the name of he is my 'BOYFRIEND' that wasnt any justification for me. so days passed and he wanted some sort of assurance i was his despite the huge space..that i cld never give him coz i wasnt sure ..so he wanted our parents to get involved that which i refused..someow his own side got to knw , buh i ensured all they knew abt me was wat he told them and my pix..he was somewat scared to take it further coz i clearly stated NOT YET. he asked for two things..marriage that which i wasnt ready for and later a bit intimacy whcih i still cldntt av ever given..soo i called it quit coz i was abt loosing my morals. Its abt 5months now since we r done..trust me it wasnt easy for me nor him .. he still is very much around n still wants a wife in me.. buh my mind is clear on what to do..not ready for marriage..no dating..no guy. just me n Allah for now.. its hard to keep shaytan outa dating..he will always ask for lil until lil becomes ultimate sin
The bottom line, there is something abt him that makes me unsure he wants ME or he wants a WIFE.. (unlike me its nt his first rtnshp, nor second nor 3rd) and there is something in me that makes me not want him for a future.. I pray Allah guides us all to the right part ameen..