Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m scared of losing my life I have built

guilt sins forgive

Aslm I need your advice urgently. I became involved with a muslim guy @age 15 years old. My mom was against it and things became pretty tough for me. We were to get married so he promised at 18 just after high school but was advised by a teacher @ school to wait till we completed school.

This was when everything started. I started having interest in Islam and @first my mom would not accept it as she thought it was for him. He then started cheating on me and I would hear from family members with whom they saw him etc. I really loved him and was so young and naïve and believe every word he said to me.

We broke up but came together well so I thought, only to hear he impregnated a girl and she gave birth... my heart was ripped out of my chest and I felt like dying and he was all cool about it for month. I felt worthless and like nothing. I was really depressed and sad and would cry for days. I had so many pain in my heart. Month by month I became better and better, progressed @work and have forgotten about him, not even felt anything for him, when I would see him was like a stranger to me.

This happened almost ten years ago. Right now I'm married and do feel guilty as this guys brother in law contacted me. Not knowing he would give my details about me and my life to this guy, @first I tried to be friendly even with everything bad he done to me. @times I would just ignore him. He would send me pictures of his family etc. I don't wanna be with him and love my husband but don't understand why I'm feeling sad, depressed. I even told him to leave me alone and blocked all communication with him.

I felt fine and happy about that but suddenly recently started thinking of all the things he promised and did bad to me. Small things remind me of that painful time and it's on my mind all the time or something trigger it. I tried to divert and pray each time.

I have my own family now and have moved on but it's seems my past is following me. Sometimes I cry cause feeling so sad and can't tell my husband cause it'll cause problems in my marriage. I just wanna forget and move on. I have but don't know why this is coming back now.

Please help me, I don't know what to do, pls help me with advice. I do really need it. I don't wanna loose everything I have worked towards so far in my life, or maybe is it see us being happy and wanna destroy my happiness as he had so many info about my life? I just want to feel peace within my heart. I don't wanna care what is happening in his life. Help me do this, please reply quickly to my post. I would really appreciate that. Jazakhallah kher.

Fazie


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7 Responses »

  1. His obviously not happy in his life. He is PLAYING YOU and your feelings. DON'T EVER GIVE IN AT ANY COST. You did the right thing to block him. You have everything you need dont let shaitaan whisper.

    There's an old saying you cannot live in negativity if you have a negative mind. You dont need to worry about anything. Put your trust in Allah and maybe the reason you feeling depressed is your focusing on the the past let go and find your happiness within what you have and YOU.

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    When we're happy and comfortable in our life, it's the perfect time for shaitan's whispers to start creating doubt in our minds. When you find yourself thinking about this guy from the past, remind yourself of all the wonderful things in your life - your husband, your family, your faith... and think about how happy your life is now. This guy had his chance to be part of this, and he blew it - don't give him any more of your time and energy.

    Block all contact with his family members, switch your own social media profiles to private, and delete any pictures or texts about him or his relatives. When you think of him and the past, try to make dua for him to see the error of his ways and change before it's too late. It can be hard to make dua for a person who has wronged you, but I've found it really helps with moving on and getting rid of the anger and hurt about whatever happened. With time, inshaAllah, you'll find yourself thinking of him less and less, and if you do find yourself thinking of him, inshaAllah it won't hurt the same anymore.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. I agree and if anything you should pray and repent for the time that you wasted with that guy and
    Make lots of dua that Allah keeps this past relationship hidden Inshallah. From your post I don't think that you consider your past relationship with him as too much of a big deal but you need to feel remorse and pray for forgiveness inshallah allah accepts your prayers - ameen

    • Firstly I would like to thank all for advise given.also I do have regret for having allowed this person into my life at such a young age then the treatment home was really bad my mom my siblings sometimes I hated to live as all their remarks and ill things they would say and do to me.made me wish I could be adopted even with this I still did well in school.I guess this made me an eazy target to be loved and attention I never got at home.All my sibling especially my sister was my mom's favourite she would even be spiteful to me and do say the things my mum would to me.I gave myself to this person felt used and betrayed and so stupid for believing he's every word may Allaah forgive me I do have so much regret and everytime a thought from my past comes to mind I make astagfirullah.There was a time where I felt like not practicing Islam and just leave it then I had to make a concious decision hold on what this guy did was he's own actions he'll have to answer for them one day.Allaah made my heart to accept Islam and to only worship him only why would I wanna give that up I would turn to remember Allaah,keep fasting do prayer on time got a teacher to teach Arabic Quran etc.I feel like if I was not muslimah I would've ended somewhere bad I just don't understand what triggered these thoughts of past I have everything I need and also job hunting but I am hopeful that they wil go away.And I will keep repenting to Allaah and be thankful for everything please remember me in your duas.Thank you

      • I really ADMIRE you masAllah your really strong. I will say family will always hurt the ones they have close to them and will be harsh that's family I wouldn't take it personally let it go.

        The better you can do for yourself is raise above it all and continue to be a good muslim which you are you dont need to prove it. May Allah always be there and your dua's are granted inshAllah. if i met you in real life i would hug you and tell you your not alone in this BUT ulhumdiAllah you came through it.

        • Aslm Samina jazakallah for your advice and encouragement really appreciate it a lot may Allaah reward you.Thank you

  4. How do I submit my posts? Thanks.

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