In love and confused. How can I understand that muslim man?
I fell in love with a muslim man. He came into my life when i even couldn't suppose it. I was in difficult situation that time because studing in foreign country- far away from my family and friends, so i was forced to trust only myself and people who didnt know at all.
I realized that after that time of my education will finish soon- 3 months after met him, everything will be normal again,I will come back to my country. So I believed that time was not good for emotionally engaging.
He lived in his country with his muslim family and working there. I met him during holidays, we was talking , i met some people from his family, he said that want to visit me, I said that I agree, but wanted he came to my homeland better where i have family and friends, because country where i stayed that time for studies was foreign for me and there I was concentrated only for my education.
It was very important for me to not disappointed my mother, who care about me and my future too. So when I told her about this man she sent me e-mail which depressed me deeply, she became despotic, wanted to manipulate of my feelings, she simply said that dont want to hear nothing about a Muslim man in my life, that she was carring about me all my life and dont want now i ruined all of this and all my life. Actually i am sure that she wasnt right, but that time it was the worst thing she could said and it broke my heart deeply. I was in doubt and in trouble, I felt myself too weak to resolve it.
I felt that I really like that man, we was talking by phone after our meeting then he tried get visa and after he get, came to visit me in country where I studied. We was talking about Islam, He wanted I convert to, but I explained him that I am Christian, my family is from this, i grow up in this culture and is not possible for me to change it from day to day. I had hope that he understand my decision and also I promised to read Koran, I was sure it let me to be more close to Himself and let us to understand each other. We was talking too about marriage, but he was sure that as muslim can't marry christian girl and I also didnt know that in Islam it is permitted. Our relation became closer (but no sex,he wanted it but I refused because I didnt want it before marriage).
He wanted to came to my family house. I felt I really love him and want to give him myself as a wife but I didnt feel safety, maybe didnt trust him at all. He hasnt told his family about going abroad for me, he just tried to convinced me to go with him to his country and left my studies. He is older 4 years that I am but his behavior sometimes seems to be not mature.
Anyway I felt that I found happiness, he was support and believeness for better life and hope. I think that for woman it is nothing more beautifull like can devote herself for family, have a good husband and children that can care about.I was able to take that big challenge which is create multiculture family, I could agree our children would be muslim too.
The time he must came back to his country was coming closer and I felt really depressed, I felt like he would leave me forever, whatever he was right and kind for me and talking about our future relationship.
Then he came back to his country, I came back to my country at last and I tried to move on with my life and forget him, because I believed it would be better for us and for our families, but I have never forget him. I was doing everything was right for my mother , i had finished next year of studies with the best marks so she was proud of myself. But I start to feel that I am not honest to myself because I feel realy lonely and still love this man and still want to be with him. So I have packed my bags, said my mother that I go for holidays. It wasn't spontaneous decision, I was planning it as I was missing him everyday.
I call him, and he asked if I want he came to meet me,but he wanted came during night so I told that is better next day. He came with his best friend that is very close with his family. But during this meeting he had ignored myself as I felt he played because this men who I didnt know before. I felt very sad and disapointed. All my hope has expired when he told that has engaged with muslim girl. It has happen two months after our previous meeting. He said that dont want this marriage but his family want.I respect his decision but I dont understant, for me marriage is not business, it should result from the need of heart.
I feel like with him I lost everything.I cant do more for us so I suffer. After that meeting he said that he dont want me to be sad and he is very happy that saw me.I feel really confused and disappointed.
I try to move on in my life again but it is not simple after that experience. The time I spent with this man it was the most beautifull time in my life. It is more difficult as I cant change what I feel. I believe that God will show us good way.
I want to know your point of view for that situation.
This page is very helpfull for me to know better islam culture.
Thank You for Your attention.
9 Responses »
Leave a Response