Is it possible for us to have a halal relationship?
Assalam o alaikum
I have been with this guy for 2 years now. I don't want to have a haram relationship. I get sick every time I think of how big a sin we're committing by talking to each other. I told him that he should send a marriage proposal with his dad as soon as possible.
So my question is, is it even possible that we can have a halal relationship? And what if my parents won't allow us to marry, what should I then? Should I just give up or fight for him? I really love. I want to stay with him in this world and Insha Allah in Jannah
Hadiya996
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Assalamu Alaykum Sister, I hope that you're in the best state of health and imaan Insha'Allah. To answer your question regarding this haram relationship you have shared with a brother for two years: I want you to ask yourself how serious this brother is about you. You have been carrying out a haram relationship for some time now, did it ever occur to him to ask you about marriage? Is that a conversation that you two had? How is he in terms of religion? See, the point I'm trying to make is marriage is not just a walk in the park, and you really need to know what you're getting yourself into. Before you start to worry about whether your parents will accept him or not, you need to ask yourself whether you are willing to accept him or not. Throughout your chats together, was your and his ultimate goal nikah? The matter of you sharing a halal relationship after marriage comes down to both of your intentions. Were you two dating, or simply chatting? Both are haram of course, however both have different severity's.
If you want my perspective, it has always been, a haram relationship that is not blessed by Allah will never succeed. You can chose to do whatever you want ultimately, but unless you know this man very well and his intentions with you I would say forget about him. If he is to ask your father for your hand and your parents do not allow it know that there is some barakah in that which you do not understand right now but will someday. As stated in the Holy Qur'an, in Surah Baqarah, "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not." (Verse 216) Pray istikahara, it will really help you in making the right decision. If you truly feel this brother is serious about you, and you really love him for the sake of Allah, then you will know. And, if your parents do decline his proposal, then have faith in Allah that your parents saw something in him that you could not see. They will only do whats best for you. If he's truly meant to be in your life, Allah will bring him back to you.
I will keep you in my duas. I know I might have sounded harsh, but believe me as your sister in Islam I am only looking out for you. I truly hope that Allah blesses you with the best of this life and the next, and that no matter who the man you marry is, you're able to find someone who will love you unconditionally and bring you closer to Allah. Remember that marriage is part of your key to Jannah, and "the best of you are those who are best to their spouses." Barak'Allahu Feek.
waallakum assalam Romesa . thanks a lots for your answer.it really helpfull
If you've been primarily chatting with this guy then I'd say his relationship with you in person is going to be considerably different than online. It's the online love effect, the person looks way better online than they do in real life. You only see their personality and nothing seems wrong. Once you get married, oh wow, so many problems you couldn't see before. They chew with their mouth open, they have the worst breath at times, you're sleeping and they just start snoring like a train coming through your bedroom. Online though, oh my God they look so awesome that you wonder why you didn't get married yesterday.
As for your parents approval it comes down to this. If he has good character and is willing to treat having you as his wife as a responsibility then that's a good decision and you should fight them. Of course, him being attracted to you and having a personality you can work with are good too but character and Islam should be really good too. If his character is awful and they think he's got a great MBA and they can see their grand kids in his eyes, doesn't matter, you fight them not to marry him.
They may also agree at everything and you may agree in which case I hope things work out well for you. Lastly, honeymoon effect only lasts like months to a couple years. After that he's going to be like the barbie doll that you used to think was fun to play with, except he's still going to be there and you can't trade him in for a new toy. Or that movie that you really wanted to see and couldn't wait for it to come out and now have been watching every day for the last two years. The songs are catchy but you know the plot like the back of your hand. Good luck!