Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is my first marriage still valid after converting?

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Assalamu Alaikum brother and sisters,

I am a converted muslim since 2011 and I married before I convert and now I am already married through Islamic rites since 2012

My question is does my first marriage when I am in christian still valid though I am now Muslim and already married?

mohammad2904

- mohammad2904

 


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11 Responses »

  1. Wa 'alaikum salaam Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh dear Brother Muhammad,

    Your question is not clear. Did you marry a new Muslim woman, or you are still with the same wife?

  2. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    I am going to assume by your name you are a male. To me the relevant missing information is this: what religion is your wife?

    As a male who was christian, married, then became muslim, there is no problem in remaining married if your wife is muslim, jewish or christian. Muslim men are permitted by Allah to marry women who are among 'people of the book' (jews and christians).

    However, it is forbidden for any muslim to be married to an unbeliever or idolater. Hindus, atheists, Buddists, and pretty much every other religious belief (or lack there of) would make someone an unbeliever. So if your wife is anything else, your marriage with her becomes invalid immediately upon your conversion, as I understand (and Allah knows best).

    If you want to share more details so that others can give more feedback, please feel free to do so. Clearly there is some ambiguity if you are talking about one marriage that has continued, or two separate marriages. I addressed your question as the former.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. @ Amy : "So if your wife is anything else, your marriage with her becomes invalid immediately upon your conversion, as I understand (and Allah knows best). "

    Please excuse my ignorance. If a man converts to a muslim and he is civilized married his wife, a decent and humanize way is to ask if the wife is willing to convert as well. If she DOSEN'T do it immediately, should he be patient to wait? In either case, the man is still bound to the law of the society - a married man. Are you telling me that the man can walk away the marriage once he converts? That is not compliance with the law in the society. And what kind of message are we sending to the wider community? Muslim has their own law and neglect the secular law. This is illegal, right?

    And for this case, the man "converted" and "married" and now he tried to backdate if he is doing it right? What is the justice for the poor Christian wife? (If he is still legally bind with the Christian wife, he is committed a crime, it is a double marriage, right?) God knows the best of his intention. Sadly, some men use this excuse to marry another woman and avoiding going through all the divorces process.

    That being said, I am talking if the case happens in US or any western country.

    I think there should be a better way to handle it in nowadays society. If the man insists that his wife needs to convert to be with him, he should allow sometimes for her to choose, then if it is not working out, he may choose to divorce. But it should not be treated like it is a magic touch that once the conversion is done, the marriage is void. How about all those years that the couple have been together, take care of each other, etc etc. Is there a lenient way to deal with those cases? What is Islam about?

    • Assalaamu Alaykum,

      I know that for women who convert, they have 3 months for their non-muslim husbands to convert as well before the marriage becomes invalid. It may very well be that this man would have that same window, but if she doesn't convert- that's it. There is no more time allowed after that. And I would like to reiterate that I said this would apply if his wife was NOT jewish or Christian. You said "What is the justice for the poor Christian wife?" Well, if she was Christian, he wouldn't have to divorce her, the marriage would remain valid, and she would not be obligated to convert. There would be no problem.

      In some of your response, it sounds like you're talking about polygamy. I'm not sure that there is anything of polygamy in this man's situation, Allahu alim.

      But I do want to address what you are saying about what you feel is reasonable. Again, even if his wife is in the category of needing to convert to save the validity of the marriage, and she has 3 months to do so but still needs more time, that's not an issue that we as Muslims can change. Allah decided what the time limits are, and it's not up to us to change or extend them regardless of the laws of the land or what popular society would do. There's always a chance they can marry again years or months later if she converts at a later time, and they still want to be in a relationship. It's not as though they would be forbidden from one another no matter what!

      As far as your question about Muslims neglecting secular law in favor of shariah law espoused by Islam, I'm sure you know that secular law varies from country to country and even region to region within one country. Sincere muslims will do their best to follow the laws wherever they live, but sometimes if a choice must be made between one and the other, the person has to search their own heart and convictions and make a decision what they think is the best way to go forward for their particular situation. Sometimes breaking the law of the land will be the better thing, sometime it won't. There is no one answer for something as nuanced as that.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Salam Sister Amy,

    1. You said, "Allah decided what the time limits are, and it's not up to us to change or extend them regardless of the laws of the land or what popular society would do. "

    Would you please show me where in the Quran mentioned about ths 3 months waiting period.

    2. I didn't mean that he is engaging "Polygamy". I may not put it right in my post. If he is not official divorce his first wife, he is committing a crime - bigamy in the US. But he may just married the 2nd wife in an Islamic way so as to get away the lawsuit. It is practically cannot happen in US to marry 2 women by law.

    3. I totally understand that muslim should marry muslim but when conversion happens after marriage AND with children, how Islam can show us the tolerance and acceptance?

    4. I am sorry to sound ignorance. How can I encourage my friend to be a muslim and at the same time to tell her/him that s/he should leave the partner behind if s/he does not follow. This sounds wrong, it does not pass my logic and my heart. They both are beautiful people inside out, one shows more interests to Islam and the other not. I don't think Allah will split the family in the name of Islam. It sounds awful.

    • AsSalaamu 'alaikum dear Sr K,

      What sister Amy is explaining is correct, and that is the opinion of the majority of the Scholars. Many Scholars see this opinion as the most correct and flexible opinion. The evidence for this is according to the following hadith:

      Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

      The pagans were of two kinds as regards their relationship to the Prophet and the Believers. Some of them were those with whom the Prophet was at war and used to fight against, and they used to fight him; the others were those with whom the Prophet (ﷺ) made a treaty, and neither did the Prophet (ﷺ) fight them, nor did they fight him. If a lady from the first group of pagans emigrated towards the Muslims, her hand would not be asked in marriage unless she got the menses and then became clean. When she became clean, it would be lawful for her to get married, and if her husband emigrated too before she got married, then she would be returned to him. If any slave or female slave emigrated from them to the Muslims, then they would be considered free persons (not slaves) and they would have the same rights as given to other emigrants. The narrator then mentioned about the pagans involved with the Muslims in a treaty, the same as occurs in Mujahid's narration. If a male slave or a female slave emigrated from such pagans as had made a treaty with the Muslims, they would not be returned, but their prices would be paid (to the pagans).

      According to the majority of the Islamic Scholars is that, the menses mentioned in the hadith above is understood as three periods. That is because there is no Islamic Caliphate or Islamic real world today. And therefore it is accepted by Qiyaas (Islamic analogy) with the waiting periods of divorced women in Islam. As Almighty Allah says:

      ''Divorced women shall wait by themselves for three periods...''
      (Quran 2: 228)

      However, if the marriage was not consummated, then the separation between the two occurs right away from the time the wife accepts Islam, or from the time the husband accepts Islam (if his wife is an unbeliever or idolatress). This is based on two evidences:

      1. By Qiyaas (Islamic analogy) with the case of divorced women whose marriage were not consummated--they do not have any waiting periods. This is based on the noble verse of the Holy Quran:

      '' O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release.''
      (Quran 33: 49)

      2. Due to the saying Almighty Allah:

      ''... And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent...''
      (Quran 60: 10)

      All the opinions above (by the majority of the Scholars) seem more correct and more flexible in this regard. However, if we look for strict opinions in the same regard, then some of the Scholars do not allow any waiting period at all. Because to them, there should be a separation right away from the time the wife accepts Islam, or from the time the husband accepts Islam (if his wife is an unbeliever or idolatress). And their evidence is based on the noble verse of the Holy Quran:

      '' O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them. But give the disbelievers what they have spent. And there is no blame upon you if you marry them when you have given them their due compensation. And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah ; He judges between you. And Allah is Knowing and Wise.''
      (Quran 60: 10)

      As for your other issues (Sr K), I'd suggest that you reread what sister Amy wrote already, carefully and sincerely. Put emotions or the thought of whatever others may say or think aside. Because it seems clear that you are misunderstanding something from what she wrote--you are standing at a valley, while she at a different valley. And Allah Ta'ala knows best.

      • Also, I should add that if the ex spouse accepted Islam after the three waiting periods, while the woman is not married to someone else (and if she was NOT married to a different person and got divorced), then their first marriage will still be valid if the both of them agreed to be together again, without any compulsion from either of them. This is based on the act of the Holy Prophet when he returned his daughter Hazrat Zainab (Radhiyallahu 'anha) to her ex husband (Abu al-Aas ibn al-Rabee--Radhiyallahu 'anhu) when he reverted to Islam after two years of separation.

    • Assalaamu Alaykum,

      You said, " I didn't mean that he is engaging "Polygamy". I may not put it right in my post. If he is not official divorce his first wife, he is committing a crime - bigamy in the US. But he may just married the 2nd wife in an Islamic way so as to get away the lawsuit. It is practically cannot happen in US to marry 2 women by law". Bigamy IS a form of polygamy. Being married to two or more women at once is polygamy.

      I want to address this, because there is a lot of confusion about what is legal or not in the US when it comes to this. Bigamy is indeed illegal, but bigamy is defined as having two registered/legal marriages at once. If a man has one legal marriage, and one religious marriage that is 'off the books', that's not bigamy. That second marriage that was never undertaken in a civil court is not recognized by authorities as a valid marriage. In fact, it's usually seen as no weightier than an ongoing affair (in the legal sense). Even though many states have laws stating infidelity is illegal, its frequency has made it almost acceptable and I've never heard of anyone being legally penalized for cheating.

      In response to the other thing you said, "I don't think Allah will split the family in the name of Islam", this is something that does and can happen. The uncle of Prophet Muhammad SAWS did a lot of things to help and aid him, and protect him from his enemies, but would not confess that his nephew was a Prophet of God even when he was begged to! To this day, there is a strong belief among many muslims that strictly because of that, this uncle may not have attained paradise because of it. Also, Prophet Muhammad SAWS said that Allah was willing to grant him many things, but not the security of Paradise for his own mother, who was reportedly an unbeliever. If Allah was wiling to split the family of the last, greatest, and His own beloved Prophet, what makes us think that he would do more for us? In your case, it sounds like you are referring to friends who aren't even family yet because they aren't even married!

      I am not sure if you are a muslim or not, or what your level of faith is. Everything we know and believe is by Allah's leave. But I want to caution you that when it comes to matters we don't understand, or that seem contradictory to what logic we may be working with, we should try to recognize that Allah's wisdom supercedes ours in ways we cannot understand. It's better to approach such matters with humility and reverence and admit our own limitations, than to cast blame on what Allah has ordained.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. AsSalaamu 'alaikum dear Sr K,

    What sister Amy is explaining is correct, and that is the opinion of the majority of the Scholars. Many Scholars see this opinion as the most correct and flexible opinion. The evidence for this is according to the following hadith:

    Narrated Ibn 'Abbas (Radhiyallahu 'anhumaa):

    The pagans were of two kinds as regards their relationship to the Prophet and the Believers. Some of them were those with whom the Prophet was at war and used to fight against, and they used to fight him; the others were those with whom the Prophet (ﷺ) made a treaty, and neither did the Prophet (ﷺ) fight them, nor did they fight him. If a lady from the first group of pagans emigrated towards the Muslims, her hand would not be asked in marriage unless she got the menses and then became clean. When she became clean, it would be lawful for her to get married, and if her husband emigrated too before she got married, then she would be returned to him. If any slave or female slave emigrated from them to the Muslims, then they would be considered free persons (not slaves) and they would have the same rights as given to other emigrants. The narrator then mentioned about the pagans involved with the Muslims in a treaty, the same as occurs in Mujahid's narration. If a male slave or a female slave emigrated from such pagans as had made a treaty with the Muslims, they would not be returned, but their prices would be paid (to the pagans). (Bukhari)

    According to the majority opinions by the Islamic Scholars, the menses mentioned in the hadith above is understood as three periods. That accepted by Qiyaas (Islamic analogy) with the waiting periods of divorced women in Islam. As Almighty Allah says:

    ''Divorced women shall wait by themselves for three periods...''
    (Quran 2: 228)

    In this case (according to Hanafi school of thought), if both of them are not in the Islamic world, none of them will be asked to revert to Islam, and therefore the separation will occur by the three waiting periods. This is the case today, because there is no Islamic Caliphate or Islamic real world today.

    However, if the marriage was not consummated (except the opinion of Hanafis which does not see any difference between whether the marriage was consummated or not), then the separation between the two occurs right away from the time the wife accepts Islam, or from the time the husband accepts Islam (if his wife is an unbeliever or idolatress). This is based on two evidences:

    1. By Qiyaas (Islamic analogy) with the case of divorced women whose marriage were not consummated--they do not have any waiting periods. This is based on the noble verse of the Holy Quran:

    '' O You who have believed, when you marry believing women and then divorce them before you have touched them, then there is not for you any waiting period to count concerning them. So provide for them and give them a gracious release.''
    (Quran 33: 49)

    2. Due to the saying Almighty Allah:

    ''... And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent...''
    (Quran 60: 10)

    The opinions above (by the majority of the Scholars) seem to be more correct and more flexible in this regard. However, if we look for strict opinions in the same regard, then some of the Scholars do not allow any waiting period at all. Because to them, there should be a separation right away from the time the wife accepts Islam, or from the time the husband accepts Islam (if his wife is an unbeliever or idolatress). And their evidence is based on the noble verse of the Holy Quran:

    '' O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them. But give the disbelievers what they have spent. And there is no blame upon you if you marry them when you have given them their due compensation. And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent. That is the judgment of Allah ; He judges between you. And Allah is Knowing and Wise.''
    (Quran 60: 10)

    Also, I should add that if the ex spouse reverted to Islam after the three waiting periods, while the woman is not married to someone else (and if she was NOT married to a different person and got divorced), then their first marriage will still be valid if the both of them agreed to be together again, without any compulsion from either of them. This is based on the previous mentiond hadith by Ibn 'Abbas (Radhiyallahu 'anhumaa), and the act of the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu 'alaihi wasallam) when he returned his daughter Hazrat Zainab (Radhiyallahu 'anha) to her ex husband (Abu al-Aas ibn al-Rabee--Radhiyallahu 'anhu) when he reverted to Islam after two years of separation.

    As for your other issues (Sr K), I'd suggest that you reread what sister Amy wrote already, carefully and sincerely. Put emotions or the thought of whatever others may say or think aside. Because it seems clear that you are misunderstanding something from what she wrote--you are standing at a valley, while she at a different valley. And Allah Ta'ala knows best.

  6. AsSalaamu 'alaikum dear respected Moderators,

    Please remove two of my earlier responses above. One posted at May 7, 2015 • 9:53 am, and the other at May 7, 2015 • 10:32 am.

    I had to correct some information. Jazakum Allahu khair!!!

  7. Thank you Issah and Amy for taking time to clarify things for me. I am grateful and I am learning everyday to be a better muslim. Being a convert for a certain period of time, I've seen so many things happening in the community (or even in this website) that I could not understand or imagine and it is a taboo to ask and discuss. When you ask, you will be questioned as "no faith, or low level /low commitment to your faith or even to an extent that muslim will suspect you may be a "K" or heading to this direction (the k word in the muslim community) . Amy's last paragraph is a classic response and that's why not many of "us" dare to open our mouth to ask in the mosque. I am happy that in here I can write and ask freely. I am eager to know, I want to seek the truth and at the same time I have so much frustration to see so many so called "this is how it is in Islam" as an answer. Everyday, I make dua to Allah to let me see and seek the truth. I don't want to adhere any cultural Islam or Hadith ONLY driven Islam. I am sorry, I am not arrogant, I am just struggling. (P.S. 1. That's exactly what I said, using a Islamic marriage to get away being penalized. I would rather this brother to divorce first before heading to a Islamic marriage. This is to show the integrity as being a muslim. 2. My friends are married Christian couples, they used the word "partner" to address each other and it may be misleading in a sense. ) Thanks again.

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