Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I got khula from court against my husband but my family is forcing me to live with him. Is my khula valid?

forced marriage %photo

Asslam o Alaikum:

I got married in march 2007 to my maternal cousin. This was a forced marriage as I didn't want to get married. But my parents emotionally blackmailed me,  my husband, his mother and my mother promised me that he won’t demand any physical relation until I complete my education. I agreed on this base. I was 19 years old when I got married. At the very first night my husband wanted to have intercourse. But I did not let him as I was not mentally prepared for all that. I lived with my husband for 11 months but we did not have any physical relations; he used to force me and beat me for sexual relation but I was unable to accept  this marriage wholeheartedly and secondly I agreed to marry him on the basis of his promise. During this time I remained mentally disturbed, I tried to accept him and my marriage but I could not. I was abused sexually, physically and psychologically by my husband and my parents. I asked my husband to divorce me but he refused. I asked my parents to get me divorce but they were not even ready to listen about it.

After 11 months (i.e. February 2008) my husband went to UK. Later (January 2009) I also went to UK but again, I wasn’t able to accept him mentally and physically. I lived with him for two months and we didn't have any physical relation. We got separated and I came back to Pakistan; I filed khula case on February 2011 but my husband didnt reply to the court. Before seeking khula I spoke to my husband and told him that I cannot fulfill his sexual needs as hatred fills within me whenever I see him and all the issues between us and requested him to divorce me. He again refused and I spoke to my parents and tried to convince them to get me divorce. When I got disappointed from both sides I filed khula case in Islamabad family court. When court letters were sent to my husband, my parents and my whole family threatened me that if I don't withdraw khula case they will kill me. I lied to my parents that I have withdrawn my case.

On 28 April 2011 court took one sided decision and granted me khula. After khula's case was finalized, my lawyer told me that I have to register for another case in arbitrary council of Islamabad and this case is for getting certificate for second marriage. I filed this case. three letters were to be sent to my husband's address informing him about khula. My family came to know about it and they again forced me to take this second case back otherwise they will harm me and kill me. I asked my lawyer that if I take this case back whether my khula remains same or not. My lawyer told me that my khula has already been done and it cannot be changed even if I take this second case back or not. I took that case back, now my parents and my family doesn't accept my khula; my marital status in NADRA's (Identity card issuing authority) record has been changed from married to divorce.

NADRA doesn't change any record without any proof, I have shown my court documents with judge decision that khula has been finalized to NADRA. My family is illegally trying to revoke my khula case by giving money to my lawyer and they are trying hard to again change my records in NADRA through contacts. My mother cries all day and night and all my family members have started hating me. I love my parents but they force me to go back to him all the time. My parents make Bad DUA for me and I am afraid of their this attitude. They abuse my friends who helped to get khula they abuse me all day and night. I respect them and I was considered to be the most well mannered and obedient girl of my family before this issue. I am unable to live with him; my parents scare me by saying ALLAH will not forgive me and my grave will be miserable if I do not live with him.

My questions are:

1- Is my khula considered valid or not under above mentioned situation?

2- If not, what should I do to get it because my family is continuously forcing me to live with him when I am not ready to       live with him and since 2007 I am in a big torment.

3-  If I don't obey my parents in this matter shall I be punished by ALLAH? I was not ready to marry my cousin and I gave in just because of the pressure from my parents and my niyat (intention) was to live with him and even after making my intentions pure I was not able to accept him.

Amina2926.


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20 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I cannot tell you whether your khula is valid or not. This is considered a legal issue and based on what your attorney already told you, the khula is finalized and you are divorced. Any questions about what has already happened or what your family is trying to do should be directed to a local attorney. I would surely ask the attorney what recourse you have if you have been in an abusive relationship and you are trying to escape from others who seem like they are out to harm you. Surely he can direct you to some local resources that help in similar sitauations.

    Suffice it to say, if you are divorced, then your ex-husband is again non- mahram, and you shouldn't be around him unnecessarily- let alone living with him. Your parents requests are unreasonable and unIslamic, and the types of threats they are making against you to meet their wishes is haraam. It's sad that they care more about what the marriage meant for them than your own wellbeing. I can assure you, they cannot speak on Allah's behalf to say He won't forgive you or will punish you in some way. Allah does as He likes in perfect disposition of a situation, and He is not bound by any creation's wishes or demands.

    Allah doesn't wish for anyone to be married in an unbearable situation. It is for this precise reason He allows divorce. You did the best you could by trying to work through it, but in the end it wasn't good for you and now you are divorced. Honestly, since you no longer seem to have family support or any other positive options, it might be a good time for you to think about going somewhere else where there would be more resources and opportunities for you, as well as a caring Muslim community. Perhaps you should make dua/istikhara about this, but in any case please consult a lawyer for your legal questions.

    -Amy
    IslaimcAnswers.com Editor

  2. You are divorced according to the laws of Pakistan which is an Islamic state. I am fairly confident in saying, whilst not everything is according to Sharia, that you're probably legally divorced.

    As for being Islamically divorced, most of us don't have that kind of knowledge, only learned scholars do.

    You were forced into marriage, wrong, very very wrong and your family will be held accountable for this. Under no circumstances whatsoever is a person allowed to force someone into marriage. Shame on parents who do this and then curse the child.

    As for what you do now, it's very difficult as it seems you have very shallow parents and your love for them is blinding the facts.

    The facts are they were selfish enough to put their own interests before their daughters. They persist in trying to force you against your will. They are denying you most of your basic human rights.

    If you have any way of leaving I would, I would go away and never return to a family so shallow like this.

    • Salam

      I always wonder what goes into the minds of parents like this. They amaze me walahi, what goes on in their minds is beyond me. Leave , you seem mature enough to make better decisions on your own.
      Peace

      • What has always irked me is that this is a VERY specific problem with the Pakistani community IN Britain. Seriously, what is the need for importing wives and husbands? Also, 20% of Pakistanis in Britain are married to their first cousin, why isn't this the case with American Muslims or American Pakistanis? I'm curious as to why this is the case.

  3. Dear sister,

    I am certainly not surprised by what is happening to you. I have been married for over 18 years, in that time I have been through what can only be described as personal hell and back. This has occurred in front of my family yet they have NEVER backed me up - not even once to say this is enough. My husband has cheated on me, left me and my children, put us all into so much debt we were close to losing everything. Yet,as I said, I was not allowed to take divorce. I recently applied for khula and all I have had since then is abuse from my family. My husband is clever he knows that if he sits tight I will eventually back down as it has happened time and time again. Even the imaam I went to fell for his lies about how he would become a practising muslim etc. It lasted all of five days. My family are now on speaking terms with me again as they think I will no longer pursue the khula.
    I wish the imaams, in their friday khutbas would address this issue and try to make the parents/family understand that divorce/khula is not the end of the world. Instead forcing people together creates greater fitna.
    I wish they would understand. Just as I hope eventually understanding will come to your family inshallah.
    stay strong and may allah swt keep you and your deen safe.
    Ameen

  4. Dear Sir

    Assalamu Aly Kum

    Hope you are fine. i am 34 years old indian national working in saudi arabia in Al Gassim region from past 14 years. I married in 2001 and presently having 3 kids from my wife . But due to some circumtenses we got seprated ( KHULA ) on 29-01-1433 Hijri date .I want to bring her back again. Please sir what i have to do ? What our religion rules in this matter. Thanks and kindly reply me soon in this matter.

    Second Question : If we husband and wife agree to re-marry mow and her family not agreed then what to do in that case.

    Thanks

    • Brother Showkat,
      Sorry to hear about your separation from your wife; I am sure it must have been difficult for all the family involved especially children. If you haven't divorced your wife three times then their is hope iA but more importantly consult an imam as we don't deal with fiqh issues here. If you still want to ask here then please write your question with full background info as a separate post and someone with knowledge may be able to help you iA.
      Brother I don't know what were your circumstances and who was at fault but try to be patient with your wife and overlook little mistakes she makes even if you know that you are right in that particular matter. You are married and share children, who are a bond between you both; try this for their sake. I pray to Allah (swt) to make this easier for all of you and unite the family once again and may their never be such circumstances which lead to such event in the future.

      Muhammad1982:)
      Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  5. Your Khula is a divorce taken unilaterally... You can not live with your husband anymore legally. It is better if you obtain talaq certificate from arbitration council as that can help you in getting remarried later.. For more do consult me at (email address deleted).

    • Thank you for you offer to help the Sister here. Instead of posting your email address, can you post your company website address and name so we can verify it. The sister can contact you through the company if she so wishes insha'Allah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Is it possible to take back the khula case because of reconciliation and then if later things dont get normal even after reconciling, can you again file for khula for a second time?

  6. it is not clear as to whether you wanted to tie your knot somewhere else ?

  7. i m muslim girl my parents marring me at the age of 14 that time i was not able to think anything about marry i was so young . my husband is my maternal relative . he is pathan and we r shia . we had married on 28 july 2005 . he had so many girls friends he was alcoholic and charatacter less and many times he beats me . after marring he was not coming on right way . we have 3 kidz now 2 sons and one daughter . my eider son is 7 yrs old . my husband leave me before 1 yr . and now we r not living together . my kids are live with me . now i am fed up all of things . i decide to give the kids back to my husband .
    but still he is not giving me divorce . i dont understand what should i doo
    i am so confused . my parents and brother sisters fully supporting mee. i decided to take back my kids to my husband and take khula . any one tell me the procedure of khula..

  8. Assalam o alaikum.
    Js need to ask a question..if my nikkah has done in saudia arab court.can I take khulah from pakistan? M a paki national.kindly help

  9. Is it possible to take back the khula case because of reconciliation and then if later things dont get normal even after reconciling, can you again file for khula for a second time?

  10. Salam. Dear Sister! Don't worry your marriage is rightly dissolved on the basis of Khula'. Now you are free from your ex-husband (maternal cousin). Moreover, You are guven the right of Khula' by the holy Qur'an and Sunnah, you exercised it, you are not disobedient of you parents. May almighty Allah bless you with happy and successful life. Amin

  11. Aslamu alaikum i want to know i recieved khulla certificates 3month ago. Every letters i and ex husband been getting. When i recieved my khulla certifcate my ex said i didnt recieved the certificate i dont agree were divorced. He has told my family that he doesnt know anything about the khulla certificate and the divorce. In past he has been recieving every single letters from sharia but denied he hasnt recieved the khulla certificate, he knew i applied for it. Now he has said shes still my wife i dont agree with this divorce as i didnt recieve the khulla from sharia. I dont want to be with him and he is forcing me to live with him. Pls can you let me know if my divorce is valid as he refuse the accept the truth. Pls advise

    • Obviously if you received your khula certificate from the court, then you are divorced. You must move out of his house immediately. Send him a copy of the certificate. If he still refuses to accept it, that's his problem, not yours.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. I have a question.. My nikah was done because the guy wanted my nationality. I was in college at the moment, before nikkah they were totally different but after the nikkah things started changing alot. He forces me to trust him but every time I try he makes a huge scene infront of both families his and mine. He use to take me out and gossip and backbite about others and talk very badly about my parents and make me swear not to tell anyone, then he would turn things around infront of his parents to make me look bad and they would argue with us and make me look bad.. this would happen every week after my nikkah.. and I had started taking anti depressant pills and I started having seizures. But nobody would believe me over his dramas.. I filed a khula in March 2014 and the lawyer said if he does not respond in three months time then the court will rule in my favor, my father has not updated me since then and is now forcing me to go back to him because he is doing more drama..
    can someone please help me with what I should do.. I am only human I too wish to be happily married to someone.. my parents do not even want me around.. should I file a divorce here in the United States or should I find out about the khula report in Pakistan? Please someone help me please I am going insane day by day with this stress!!

    • You should definitely find out about the khul'ah in Pakistan. And do not go back to him in the meantime. If you are legally married in the USA then you should file a legal divorce there as well.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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