Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is my nikah real and my child halal?

worried woman with baby

I am in a relationship with a married man, and have a child to him. We had our nikah done when I was around 6 or 7 months pregnant although we did not sign any documents because legally he is married islamically and an English marriage too.

He said this is because he would be caught and get done for bigamy. I am worried that this wasn't a real nikah as there are no paper documents to prove it and I am worried that because I had a child out of wedlock  that my child might not be considered halal or a Muslim.

Please help.

- ranisattar


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30 Responses »

  1. Am guessing u are in the US, for u can only have one marriage here. And if u look at tat, until the man gets divorce the country does not recognizes any other marriages. I would go back to a Muslim country and do a nikah there. Congratulation on ur kid. Inshallah everything will wrk out for u.

  2. What treatment did you expect? Why get involved with a married man, have haraam relations which then lead to a child? Why do people claim to be so naive in this day and age?

    You are not married by any accounts. The lowlife spun you a lie to keep you quiet. When a nikah takes place, witnesses are required and the married couple and the witnesses sign the nikah certificate.

    In any case, there are plenty of Muslim men who have more than one wife. They have carried out nikah with all the wives to make it legal Islamically. It would only be illegal if a man was to marry more than one woman under the laws of that country, then they could be charged as a bigamist.

    Your child is a Muslim. All born are Muslim as we are all from Allah, regardless of how the child is raised. That's why people who become Muslim are called REverts, rather than converts. But your child has been born out of wedlock.

    You deserve no sympathy. What about his wife and legitimate children he must have with her? I only have sympathy for them and your innocent baby, who didn't deserve any of this either.

    • i dont think that was a very nice reply why couldnt you keep your foul opinion to your self why do you think you can answer in this way i hope you get put in an awkward predicument and ask for help and get a thousand nasty comments like yours that will teach you may allah have mercy on you

      • Sammah,

        Please, do not hope for anyone to be put through trials. Really...Astagfirullah!

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Dear sister,

    i dont have much information about whether this nikhah has legal standing or not,but its good that you are looking into making things lawful.

    hopeful, i understand your point of view and agree that first having an affair with a married man and then having a child out of wedlock is not right but being so harsh to people is also not right. imagine if Allah was to say to us that you have been so disobediant (which we all are) and i have no sympathy for you, how would we feel then?

    we are all sinners and the best of sinners are those who repent and completely turn themselves away from what they have been doing.

    i hope this sister realises that what she did in the first place was wrong and repents for it.

    may Ahhal forgive our sins.

    ameen

  4. I think it's pretty obvious that the sister regrets what she did and wishes she had done things differently. Hopeful, I agree with Friend, your comment is way too harsh and cold. We all make mistakes in life. Besides, how do we know her nikah wasn't halal ? An islamic nikah doesn't need to be on paper to be legal islamically, just like divorce. It all depends on how the nikah was performed. Were there witnesses ? Was the wali of the sister there ? Oh and most importantly we need to know the answer to this question : Can a pregnant woman get married at all in Islam ?

    Sister, Ranisattar, I really think you should discuss this with a scholar (faqeeh) or an imaam. Tell him exactly how everything happened and that you were pregnant when you did your nikah.

    I hope everything goes well for you inshaAllah. May Allah guide and help you.

    Wafa.

    • Wafa, I'm only commenting to answer your question about a pregnant women getting married. I recently researched this issue and the answer is yes, in Islam a pregnant woman can marry the man who impregnated her, according to the majority of the scholars.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Jazakallahu Khair for the information, Wael. Allahumma zidna ilman. I had always wondered about this. Have a blessed day inshaAllah !

      • Wael Bhai Am So Sorry, I No Your Probably Gonna End Up Killing Me For This, (Writing Inbetween Something)
        Buh Am A Sister In Need Of Desperate Advice,
        It's Really Affecting Me, Can You Please Please Review My Question Which I Submitted, Nearly 2 Days Ago, Which I No Would Be Against The Rules Ect, Buh Please, I Sincerely Need Your Help,
        Am New Here, I Think You And Sister Z Own This Site Na, So If Any Of You Would Please Answer My Question, I Would Be Really Grateful,
        May Allah Guide Us All The Right Way (Ameen)

        x

        • Sister A, I will look at your question and consider. I do sometimes move questions to the front of the queue if the situation is desperate. But you have to understand that many people write with desperation, and they cannot all be first.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Please brother-can you show me some proof? Mainly that is it the view of the majority? Thank you, may Allah swt reward you.

        • Assalam O Alaikum sister Rafqah,
          I would have requested you to sign in and write your question as a separate post but I will give you a short answer as I don't know your situation; it could be an urgent one. I hope you don't mind me answering this. The only source I could find was from the book called

          Fiqh of Love by Sheikh Yasir Birjas.
          Their is a particular event in the times of Hazrat Umar (R.A).
          "It was reported that Sibaa' Ibn Thaabit (who had a son from previous marriage) married a woman (who too had a daughter from a previous marriage). The young son and young daughter fornicated and admitted it. The woman became pregnant and they presented their case to Umar ibn Al-Khattab (R.A). He (R.A) applied the prescribed punishment, and then offered them to marry each other while she was pregnant."

          I hope it helped you and iA but if you want a detailed answer, please log in a write as a question and we will iA try to help you iA.

          Muhammad1982,
          Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

        • Rafqah, see here for example. You will see there are two opinions, the second one being that it is permissible.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Salams All,

    I said she didn't deserve sympathy not that she would be condemned for ever or something. I do not think I was too harsh at all. After all we cannot pussy foot around wrongdoing on this scale otherwise it would not deter others. This is how the severity of things get 'watered down'. Think how many people have been affected by this after all.

    I will explain the 'tone' of my comment. At the end of the day, the sister did not consider the feelings of this disgraceful man's wife and children upon embarking on this affair. She never thought that if he could do this against Allah and betray his wife and family, what he could also do to her.

    So she chose to conduct an affair, but why didn't she ensure that she at least didn't become pregnant? However once she did, why didn't she check things out as soon as possible and notify this man that he ought to marry her for THEIR childs sake and make sure she had a proper nikah done and a certificate at that time? I don't know about this business of not requiring one. But a certificate is proof of marriage. Also as in divorce, a woman would require a certificate to prove she is permitted to remarry. So a certificate is required all round.

    Thus, due to the sisters continuous thoughtless actions for not only the wife and family of this awful man but also for herself once this predicament came about, that is why she deserves no sympathy.

    Without a nikah, there is no proof that any marriage took place. I don't see what she can now do since the man deceived her already with the bogus nikah.

    So her question was is her baby halal and Muslim. As said, the baby is Muslim, but without a nikah certificate, there is no proof that the baby wasn't born out of wedlock.

    The only thing she can do, is repent of course and maintain good care of her child. Try and either get this man to make it official between them and he sustain her as a wife. Or else just look after herself and child.

    Allah is the Most Merciful and the Knower of all things. So only Allah is equipped with making the most just decision at the end of the day. Only Allah can know the inner most feelings of this sister and why and how she did what she did.

    Nevertheless, she has brought such hardship on herself and child. She should have ensured a nikah certificate as soon as she realised she was pregnant.

    • hopeful i did not ask for any sympathy, i am lucky enough to have been blessed with a beautiful child and the means to raise him properly.
      as for being naive i am only 20 yrs old, i got pregnant at 18 and had not much advice from any1 on this matter,islamic or otherwise.
      and as for not regarding this mans other wife and children shouldnt my husbad have thoght about their welfare instead of me? he left his wife when we got together, but he is not divorced.
      dont for 1 second make the judjement that i didnt care what happend to the other wife or children.
      the wife has personally done wrong by me so i am sorry but i do not have hardly any sympathy apart from the fact that we both did not deserve to b treated like this. as for the children i am deeply sorry that mine and their fathers actions might cause them pain.they are not 2 blame after all.
      i practically begged my husband to marry me me when i 1st realised i was pregnant and only when i threatened to leave him and take the baby with me did he agree. if it was up 2 me obviously we would have had a nikah done sooner.
      your replys to my question tries to lay all the blame at my feet, i am not denying that i am to blame but shudnt my husband be blamed too? he chose to start a relationship with me knowing he had a wife and children.i also tried on numerous occasions to leave him or to make our relationship legitamate.he is still with me and we are trying to make a life and raise our child together with or without papers.

      i appreciate your comment, after all the reason i posted my question on here is for answers. and i understand your being harsh as i know i have done wrong.but inshallah i will be forgiven for my actions.

      • ranisattar,

        You started your question by saying you are in a relationship with a married man. Why did you allow yourself to get involved with this man. I never implied that your husband is devoid of wrongdoing, since I called him disgraceful etc. In fact he is more to blame. It is too late now, but it would have been better for you to clarify if his relationship was over prior to getting involved with him. Since he told you he could get done for bigamy, his marriage wasn't over. A marriage is only over when a divorce is done.

        You said that the first wife has personally done you wrong. I'm sorry but did you think she would receive you with kindness?

        All the best to you with your motherhood and to your child. It's just that I know firsthand the devastation that can last a lifetime from this kind of thing. Especially on children. Both sets of children from each wife will resent their father for this. Due to the underhand nature of it all and betrayal and deceit done to both wives. That's probably why I came across as harsh.

      • Sister ranisata. I just want to let you know that i perfectly understand what you are going through. I myself was just 16years old when my daughters father raped me nd he being a married man 5 years my senior then hunted me down after i ran away nd forced me into marriage when my daughter was 9months old. I was ridiculed, blamed, nd ill treated by my inlaws nd his first wife for as they saw it having an affair. I was just a child, a virgin who was uneducated in the subject of sex who due to terrible circumstances fell pregnant. My First husband died nd i am remarried now with 4sons nd Allah has blessed me with a good husband and my life has come full circle alhamdulilah. My daughter is 19 now nd bears no knowledge about her conception and as fate may have it informed me now that she is pregnant. Subahanallah she is pregnant from a lowlife drug addict although he is muslim too. Am i now supposed to force her into a marriage with this man to make the baby halaal. How can i give my daughter to a man of his standing. So sister we are not here to judge but do the best that you can an put your trust in Allah.

  6. In Islam a man can only get an additional wife if he's able to support her (and any children born) and love her as much as the first wife. It's easy to split up your salary, but much more difficult to split up your heart. You should think that over more, but hopefully you have and the 1st wife is happy.

    I understand you worry about the English courts getting your husband in trouble if you write things down on paper. In America contracts (may there be for loans, marriage, or otherwise) are binding even if they were not ratified by the courts, and since many American laws come from common law I assume (!) it applies in the UK as well. If you think back historically many people could not read/white, so contracts were down verbally and had the same.. strength as the written ones. This means even if you have no paperwork the courts can find other evidence of a bigamy-if you live with your co-wife and husband in the same house or a nosy neighbor notices your husband with a child that doesn't look like his 1st wife for example. Rarely do people prosecute, unless there are other laws being broken and the courts uncover the bigamous marriage while digging around. Because of this I would recommend getting a paper-nikah done. There is a chance of you and your husband being caught regardless of there being a paper-nikah or not, so to sooth your nerves you might as well have one.

  7. I have to agree a bit with Hopeful although she sounded harsh. Ranisattar doesn't seem to be concerned that she has been committing zina with a married man. She is rather looking for something to cover her deeds with now that the baby is born and people have probably started talking and asking the very question Ranisattar wants and answer to, is the baby born in or out of wedlock.

    If you has witnesses, and a wali present then your nikkah is valid islamically. But I guess you cannot prove that to anyone without a paper nikkah.

    I would suggest you get a paper nikkah done as quickly as possible. And as for your child being a muslim or not, I guess you just have to raise him to be a muslim. As muslim known by his deeds not his name.

  8. There are two questions here, both of which should be asked of a qualified and reliable Muslim scholar.
    1 - Is the nikah valid during pregnancy, and were all the conditions of a valid nikah met? (witnesses, etc)
    2 - Is the child 'legitimate'? I believe this depends on how soon after pregnancy the nikah was conducted.

    Even if you were 17 or 18, that is an adult and a very mature age, it does not excuse you for having sex outside of marriage. First step is to sincerely repent.

  9. I believe that your nikah is halal. You don't need papers to prove your marriage, it is between you and Allah. I'm a Muslim woman who had such a nikah and I know that it is halal. If you need a friend and someone to help you through this, please contact me at: *****************

  10. sister may allah help you and your baby inshaallaah he will i pray for u but marriage wise islamically you are legally married to your husband and do your best to repent to allah(s.w)..
    may allah help us all ameen...

  11. WOW..................there's this lady trying to tell us that we shouldn't judge people, ok she fell a victim to rape, but she never taught her daughter about anything about life or did she fell a victim to rape as well, as for the asker i was 18 once and then i was 20, i came to canada at 22, and i usually get a very good response from men because of the way i look, despite my headscarf and makeup free face, but honestly i can't even imagine how could a woman that old be this naive and honestly what kind of family they come from that don't protect or try to protect them by teaching them the ways of the world..............................Iam totally dumbfounded at the sympathetic or 'it's ok' kind of responses from people, have people stopped seeing ill as ill or what, the brother who's being called harsh is absolutely right and needs to offer no explanation for what he wrote, infact iam happy to see atleast one person who says what's right, no matter what people may think of him, so kudos to this brother....................as for this asker, if she regrets what happened in the past, then Allah(S.W.T) is most forgiving and merciful, try to get hold of this man and marry him, if you actually regret what you did, just ask for repentence, and InshaAllah Allah(S.W.T) will forgive you.

    • Hiba,

      I take it your comment was addressed to 'Sister in Islam's comment of 19th September 2010

      How do you know she never taught her daughter any Islamic etiquettes? Sometimes parents do try their but they cannot be responsible for every action their child takes. Some circumstances are beyond one's control and we all learn through our mistakes.

      Please humble yourself and be grateful that if you have not fallen to major sin, it is due to Allah's Infinite Mercy and not due to your own strength, which in fact is minute. Without Allah - you and I are nothing.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  12. zina has been listed along with murder and kufr as the worst of crimes.

  13. Hi sister

    Islamicly your Nikkah is valid.
    1 Because time of the Prophets (pbuh) there was no paper marriages only words and witnesses.
    2 Because reciting the Kalimas and duas after the Imaam, Accepting Nikkah in front of Allah is counted.
    3 Paper nikkah is just to prove paper evidence to others (him, her, son of, daughter of.)

    Facts
    1 Having permission off 1st wife, for his requirement or a valid reason.
    2 Away from wife for a long time and Not having sexual contact with 1st wife for 2 years
    Nikkah is void if above applies

    Born of the child.
    1 Everyone is born as a muslim
    2 Raise of the child to follow islam is very important
    3 If the Azan is said in the childs ear soon as the child is born. Childs a muslim.

    Now best option is you have to ask a scholar for the above answer. i may wrong my Allah forgive me is so.
    And repent to the past you have had.
    Follow the right path and see it for yourself everything will go easy.

    insha allah

    ameen

  14. May Allah reward Hopeful for her comments. At least a person is saying the truth even though the hypocrites hate it.

  15. Dearest brother and sister,

    • As-salamu alaykum Izza. Please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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