Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Islam and transgender

conflict in the mind %photo I am 29 years old male and straight by orientation. I feel  that I am a female trapped in a male body.

I guess i am transgender. I am in a conflict since my feelings, and perceptions are feminine.  I am a confused a lot.

I dont know what to do.

I am feeling low and indeed depressed all the time..

Please advise me.

- was1035


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82 Responses »

  1. First of all, please talk with a therapist. That will help you clarify whether you are transgender or simply experiencing conflict because of the way men and women are expected to act and think in our societies.

    If you are transgender, you may hear that it is haram—rest assured that it is not. The Qur'an assures us that Allah created all the diversity that exists in the world out of divine and infinite wisdom. Religious scholars in every major branch of Islam have ruled that transgender people exist and should be treated as the gender with which they identify.

    You should also know that there are many transgender Muslims in the world. Many transition and "disappear" -- living their lives as men or women without paying much attention to the issues with which they have struggled before transition. For others, transgender identity remains important regardless of whether they transition and they find a sense of community in knowing one another.

    • I'm transgender and am becoming more and more aware that Islam is the path I want to take. This is scary in some ways as my family does not support either my wish to live as my true gender (female) rather than my apparent gender (male) or my interest in Islam.

      Fortunately Allah has guided me to some sisters who have been very kind and are helping me to find my true road. I know some difficult times lie ahead but hope Allah will guide me.

      Please understand that there is no similarity between homosexuality and being transgender, I have no sexual feelings for either men or women, I simply identify strongly with women and find it hard to understand why so many people see that as wrong.

      • Ananda, I'm glad to hear that you have found some supporting and kind sisters who are helping you on the path, Alhamdulillah. Keep it up.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalym Allaykum Sisters.
      I am Muslim and I am Woman whom so happens to be a Transexual.
      I know in my heart that I am Halal.
      Allah made us for a reason.
      Do I get odd or hateful reactions: yes. But I also get acceptance.
      I wear the Hijab irregardless of what those hypocrites or ignorant fools think.
      Islam means me as a woman submitting to Allah
      Not man.
      Just be yourself and keep Allah always in your thoughts...
      You will be ok. The more hate we recieve here in earth equals more love in the after.
      I love you. And pray you find your way aka your lath that Allah has for you.
      Love to all my Ummahs
      Adifah Crista Kelly Sadler

    • I wish all western beliefs where as accepting, one reason i converted to my current belief buddhism.

  2. I know how difficult it is to battle about this. I was not straight and it had been bugging me for the longest time. What worked for me, I stopped talking to people around about this. I begin to establish my prayers and always turn to Allah to provide me strength and make it easy for me. Of course things dont happen overnight, but it will gradually make its way. In your case, im in no position to judge. my advise will always be, just keep making duaa to make it easy for you. take care.

  3. Wa Salaam Aleikum!

    My name is Deborah Addington. I am an MDiv candidate at the Graduate Theological Unin and am working on a project cnocerning the feelings and place of transgendered people in Islam, especially through the Shahddah. The Shaddah creates community, the Umma. But how do transfolk feel when they Profess into Islam, knowing that some people say it is wrong? How did your Shahaddah impact (or not) your being transgenderd?

    I would love to speak with you and will happily provide you with a copy of the finished project.

    Thank you very much in advance!
    Deborah

  4. As salam walekum to everyone...

    Transgender in Islam ins haram ( prohibited )...When a women is pregnant in her 3rd month of pregnancy an angel goes into women womb and make features of baby and ask ALLAH then whether this will be a boy or a girl then ALLAH SWT decides and tell him about the gender of the baby and so he make this baby a boy or a girl...people think I am trapped in a female or a male body there is no such thing like this in Islam its all in our head...people who think like this need a therapist...ALLAH's decision are final and there is no chance of mistake in it.

    I am telling you all this because since i was born i have seen many hard times in my life and i am the youngest among all in my family. I stood up for all of them finish my study and was working at the same time...supporting my family like a man would do...i started to think I am a man not a woman.

    I studied Islam and i love ALLAH SWT from the core of my heart and I believe on my ALLAH with my eyes close. Then i knew no.... ALLAH created me a women and i am a women its all just in my head because of the hard time I am going thru in my life made me think this way.

    ALLAH SWT loves all of us equally dont matter what gender, race, religion we belong to and ALLAH test us by putting us thru hard times and sometimes putting us thru good times...some times by giving us wealth and sometimes taking wealth away from us. He wants to see if we still be thank full to HIM.

    So, if you think u are a transgender maybe its a test from GOD to see what decision will you take you will go change your gender and say ALLAH created me a man but i felt i was a women trapped into a male body and ALLAH made a mistake when he created me or you will be thank full to ALLAH in anyway.

    NOT ONLY THINK ABOUT THIS LIFE THINK ABOUT YOUR AFTER LIFE ... WHICH IS FOR ETERNITY AND I AM SURE YOU WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN AND BE HAPPY THERE INSTEAD OF MAKING WRONG DECISION BY LISTING TO SATAN AND GO TO HELL FOREVER.

    ALLAH SWT do no mistakes...ALLAH O AKBER.

    • May Allah bless you Zara Zhah.

    • @Zara Shah

      No Zara Shah, YOU are wrong. It's people like you who has made Islam a religion of extremism and violence. The person who posted the question and others who have mentioned they are transgendered and Muslim are Muslim first and better Muslims than many because of the trails they are going through.

      When a person feels trapped in another gender's body, it is a disease which can be cured. The Iranian government sponsors sex reorientation surgeries for example.

      You are wrong Zara Shah, Transgenderism is not Haram but an ailment which can be cured.

      To all the Muslims transgendered people out there, Allah is with you no matter what gender you choose.

      Salaam.

      -Muslim

      • So, you are saying that ALLAH made a mistake and man have power to correct that mistake?

        • So you are saying that Allah doesnt test people? doesnt make them be born blind, deaf, deformed? are you saying all surgery to correct all defects in humans is Haram? maybe you think surgery is Haram?

          Allah has tested these people just like he has tested those who are born with deformities that need correcting.

          And you have absolutely no knowledge over Allah an what He chooses to do to make such a judgement against people!

          • ALLAH has decided being male of female is fundamental of existence .. you are made one or the other as said so in the QURAN and that is decided by ALLAH not for you to choose.

            If there is a problem will you feel you are a male trapped inside a female or other way around. There is a medical solution for this. The problem is not that you have the wrong organs or are a mistake. The problem is that you are thinking incorrectly and that's what needs to be solved.

            You were created male or female for a reason and the correct medical therapy if you feel the " wrong way around" then your Islamic choice is to get hormone therapy and such physiological therapy so you feel like what ALLAH had made you. because it is the feeling that is a problem.

          • @ Zara Below

            Hormone therapy will not change ones thoughts.
            The Qur'an also says Allah does what He wills.

            This isn't a choice, you clearly are being ignorant because of your lack of understanding.

            You are not in this situation you wouldnt know what these feelings are like, but at least educate yourself otherwise don't judge what you clearly do not understand, there seems to be a lack of understanding medically and spiritually in what you have written.

            Do not judge a situation which you have no clue about, or you will one day answer to Allah for making someone's life a misery by bullying them!

            Allah knows best!

  5. Assalam Aleikum

    @ Jalal,

    May Allah bless you! El7amdulillah it is great to see people actually thinking about such an issue that is considered unusual, instead of shunning it out of ignorance.
    This phenomenon has indeed been recognized in science and also the Qur'an as Jalal pointed out about Allah creating diversity.

    People who are transgender firstly aren't accusing the Allah of making mistakes, if this is one's logic then someone born blind, deaf or deformed can also accuse Allah of making a mistake.

    If one who is transgender is stating that Allah made a mistake, then they guilty of the same sin as one who is born imperfect in another way who is stating that Allah made a mistake.

    Nobody is born 100% perfect, Allah tests us all in many, many different and unique ways. When it comes to unusual matters such as transgender for example, then the test is not only on the individual but it is also a test to us all, to see who chooses to shun the person and who chooses to try to understand the person.
    We are all souls with different tasks and trials in life and a certain soul's test is by no means reason for another to judge, especially if it is outside their capability of understanding.

    No one has the right to judge by comparing to their own mere experience or get angry (as clearly visible above) especially if they are not willing to put themselves in the person's shoes whom they are judging or scolding. Their own situation could be totally different, and to make such an irrational shallow judgement and scream it in anger shows signs of denial and lack of compassion, which is the one thing Allah favors. most in a soul

    No one has the right to judge such a soul or their journey but Allah (swt)... each person should be busy with their own cleansing and eman!

    After all, Islam encourages seeking knowledge and applying it with a calm and clear mind... Don't forget, one will be accounted for their ignorance if it harms, distresses others, no matter what their journey is!

    There no absolutely no excuse for causing distress to another soul, even if it's via one's ignorance!

    One cannot compare their own situation to another's and condemn the other's situation... Because Allah has made both of your situations unique, the Qur'an also states clearly "Allah judges each person accordingly".

    And also one should always say "And Allah knows best" from the heart ... it shows great humbleness and rational thinking, therefore indicating that they know not even a grain of the knowledge of Allah.

    May Allah help and be with anyone going through such distresses and hardships and guide them and also to guide and educate those who struggle to understand. Ameen.

    Assalam Aleikum

  6. hi ananda,

    it seems we are on the same journey. email me if you want to chat.

    • Hi Cassandra
      Always glad to hear from someone moving along a similer path. Not sure how we can get in touch though as it would be risky to post your email on a public page such as this. If however the editor wishes to pass on my email address to you they have my permission to do so.

      All the best,

      Ananda

      • Why don't one of you make a temporary email address with gmail or yahoo or whoever, post that here, then pass on your real email address privately through that?

        • We do not allow private contact. It's not allowed to post email addresses or other contact info. People who post here are often very vulnerable and we must be careful to protect their anonymity. You never know who anyone really is on the internet, or what they are really seeking.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  7. omg, what is the world coming to if we can't meet people in the flesh or deepen our contact in the real world? I feel that Ananda and I are on the same journey, so its natural for girls like me to want to connect with people like that. I am not overly concerned about my privacy, trust and connecting with fellow human beings is more important! So, my email address is If people want to send me abusive messages because they have a problem with me being transgender, that is THEIR PROBLEM, not mine. I am comfortable and happy in who I am and that's the most important thing, :)

  8. Hi Cassandra
    I sympathise with your wish to meet other people in your position, however publicising your email can be risky. Firstly there are people out there who would wish you harm. Secondly there is the danger of being sent spam. Thirdly email is not a secure mediam of exchange. As a rule it is best not to put anything in an email that you would not put in a postcard. Sorry if that sounds over cautious but there are very good reasons (no matter what your gender identity) why you should be careful with email.

    I'll be praying for you and hope that God gives you guidence.

    All the best, Ananda

  9. @ Ananda and Cassandra.

    This has been so interesting to read, I appear to be on the same path as you both are.

    How are you both finding the community? Im finding it a very mixed bag and have either of you spoke to a Imam, I had some sad things happen to me, I think it would help if I was able to speak someone about it

  10. @ananda by the community, do you mean the transgender community or the wider community? Are you in the USA? I live in sydney, so my life is ok, I don't have too many complaints, :)

  11. I mmeant by the muslim community personally, the transcommunity here is very fractured and bad to say the least

  12. Hi Ruka

    Re my dealings with the Islamic community, I’m not sure that I would regard myself as a Muslim (I have never taken the shahada and, theologically am closer to being a Unitarian / Arian Christian than a Muslim). However at least half of my friends are Muslims, I fasted during Ramadan and have prayed with my Muslim friends. The majority of Muslims I meet are sympathetic; I encounter far more curiosity than hostility.

    I have had some long discussions (via email) with an imam. While he knows I’m transgender our discussions have been entirely about theological topics.

    Hope you find your path. Make sure you pray regularly, for without God nothing is strong.

    All the best,

    Ananda

  13. Hi ananda

    Thank you for your reply, thats good to read, whats happened to me is that theres been ruling and im trying to find out more about how transpeople are generally treated in Islam as when i wanted to say something about it I was told to find out more about others before I did anything

    I hope that made sense

    And that is very true :D

  14. Hello to all,
    Salam u alaikum
    My name is Miro and I'm more than happy to have found this community. I wanted to get your input/opinion on female to male transition.. Which seems to be my case. I am transgendered and I am currently in a relationship with a Muslim woman. I would very much like to understand Islam. I have been gifted a Koran and I have been studying Arabic. I hope to hear god one day and possibly convert. I've been asking myself if Allah would want me? If I would be accepted?
    Any feedback is welcomed,
    Thank you,
    Miro

  15. Hi Miro
    I understand that there have been cases of people transitioning from female to male in the Gulf States and Iran. It is good that you are studying the Quran as it is an amazing book which changes people's lives. If by 'will I be accepted' you mean 'accepted by God,' then remember that God has forgiven people far worse than you or I. If you mean 'accepted by the Muslim community' that probably depends on which Muslims you are mixing with. My own experiences have always all been posative.

    All the best, I'll pray for you.

    Ananda

  16. Hello.

    I am female to male and muslim for 3 years now. However the love of my life who I intended to marry when the transition was finished has left me due to thinking transgender is haram :( as much as we have discussed and studied if so...This lady is the love of my life and I would do anything to keep her safe and take care of her in every perfect sense. Her muslim friends are talking weird things to her, not directly as they don't know but she asks indirect questions in which case they answer not knowing what the real situation is. Sadly for me my breathe of life and gift is gone :( She was my gift from God. They have removed me from her heart.

    I did not choose to be this way and am trying to correct my medical problem in order to lead a beautiful and very wanted life. My test is to find my happiness after all my years of various tragedy. I lost my parents so young and now my love of my life. I am not haram, I am injured.

    • Mattew...

      did you change ur gender before you converted to ISLAM? and ur gf knew that you were born female?

    • Hello Matthew,

      You are not Haram what so ever, no one is, you are being tested in a very unique way which is difficult for most people, not just Muslims, to understand and but the Almighty has created you therefore understands you better than anyone on earth ever can, He understands you more than yourself.

      Try your best to be patient with prayers and try to explain to this lady that there are many uneducated Muslims out there and to try only open her ears to those who are able to put themselves in others shoes,

      Islam is about knowledge and contemplation, and exercising one's own judgement as each life is unique.....Islam is not about listening to uneducated "chinese whispers" which have been passed down the generations and distorted....

      Only take notice of those who are not so self righteous and egotistical that they feel they know and understand every single action of Allah...

      Allah is the greatest of all and will ease your calamities. Have faith and do the best you can.

      Allah be with you always!
      Esra

      • So you are saying listen to to those people who agree with you but not with those who try and guide you down a different path (even if that might be the correct one).

        How about you stop listening to people at all and listen to Allah. Read the Quran, read its Tafsir, read its meaning and read the Hadith.

        I have had enough back and forth with what seems to be a person, bent on sympathizing and not guiding.

        • Guidance comes with great responsibilities... you cannot just throw around Haram-Halal rules just when they suit your belief... one needs to educate themselves. Have some compassion and restrain in situation which you have no understanding what so ever!

          I have physicians in the family and that's how i know that your "Diagnosis" is simply ridiculous, you need to educate yourself fully before being so judgmental!

          I have had enough back and forth with someone who seems very one dimensional, uneducated, very arrogant and highly irresponsible in their method of "guidance".

  17. I have read the responses to this question and am mostly pleased with the responses that most people are supporting the poster in connecting with their religion and to finding some inner peace. I think it is important for us to remember that as much as we think we know about God, we really do not know exactly what God is thinking or what His plan is for each person and what his intentions are. It is not right for us to tell someone that the way they are feeling is wrong and that they are sinners because of it, these are a persons feelings and they are entitled to them, whether someone agrees with them or not. We must also remember that to not be so quick with judgement on things such as transgender which we may not completely understand, there is still much research to be done considering it and we are all in no place to judge other people, the is God's job. My advice to the original poster would be to talk to a qualified professional about your feelings of being transgender and try to figure it out with them, at the same time reconnect with your faith. No human can say honestly if they know if God is testing you, if you are wrong for your feelings or anything else, only God knows the answer to that. I wish you the best of luck in finding the answers to your questions and that you find peace within yourself and find strength in your relationship with God.

  18. hello everyone I feel relieved coz I finally found some muslims here who understand our situation and some who have the same situation .
    actually for someone who doesnt have the same situation is very common for some of them to refuse it and I respect their point of view bcoz their common sense is soemehow controling them and all of us still have things that unconsciently we are attached too out of our knowledge anyway , transgender is not sickness and its not something we knew about but we discover it in our life it begins first when we were kids and after it comeback when we finally grow up or in adolescent and then we star asking ourselves questions bcoz we dont feel like others and we have something abnormal and then we finally know that we are really transgender and this is not a thought or something like this but it tooks your hole life to come to this conclusion God test us and in Quran there are lot of things that we still didnt recognise maybe in the coming years we will find something that proove this and maybe we wont becoz there is something else is our relationship with God ! God is the one who knew us better than we knew ourselves we ask for his guidness with honest and pure intention first, and when we find that this is how things are ! we believe as he tested us as he will find us a way !
    the way is different from one to one and we just have to be awake and believe in him becoz when God gives you the solution trust me its the best solution that suits you and your life , for sure this solution calm our heart and mind then we find the real happiness !

    my case is different and even harder as one of the borthers said is no about sexuallity yeah I believe the same I dont have any sexual intention or interests but Im girl that live as boy inside but in the same time I feel like if I had to choose between beauty or gender I will say I prefer boys I love how they are I love everything bout them I used to be like them since I was child and at home everyone understand this but I dont want to have surgery becoz of 3 things :
    God gave me this body and its the shelter of my soul and I dont want to change it becoz of this important reason
    if I changed to be a boy I will be an asexual gay
    I believe that God didnt gave me my real body becoz I will suffer more and I will feel like I m cursed person

    so I live my life with all happiness becoz the important is that you feel safe in your relationship with God bcoz of this you can lead your life as you want and you wont get depressed !
    I dont want to get married becoz I dont need to I have around me all the people I love as I have dream that I m trying to make it true for the sake of My God .
    some peoplesay its sad and painful life but for me it represents the best life ever ^^

    I m studying psychologie ( first year) the first thing we study is the history of soul and I guess its mysterious thing that only God knew about ^^

    sorry for my bad english !!

    for everyone try to find the light in your life and be honest and pure with God ^^

  19. Assalaam aleikum,

    When I was 14 years old Islam entered my heart and I practiced for about three years very intently- learning tafsir, attending many halaqas.

    (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Sath, please log in and write your question as a separate post and it will go in the queue, Insha'Allah. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  20. Watch this now - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM9_Bm4s5Ts&feature=related

    Surah an-Naziat

    34. Therefore when there comes the great, overwhelming (Event)
    35. The Day when Man shall remember (all) that he strove for
    36. And Half-Fire shall be placed in full view for (all) to see―
    37. Then, for such as had transgressed all bounds,
    38. And had preferred the life of this world,
    39. The Abode will be Hell-Fire;
    40. And for such as had entertained the fear of standing before their Lord's (tribunal) and had restrained (their) soul from lower Desires,
    41. Their Abode will be the Garden.

    This is merely a test from Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, such as with all men and women who desire to go beyond their fitra. Allah in His infinate Wisdom and Knowledge of all things has ordained you as Men and Women, your sustinance and your death through the Angels that blew in the spirit into your mothers womb when you were an unborn child. Your parents raised you as the child they knew, are you that ungrateful to smash their memories of your being, are you that ungrateful to your Lord? Obey Him and Obey His Messenger and you will be successful. This life is but play and lesiure, a passing moment of joy and then Poof, within 30 or so years, 70 tops you will be dead. Yes you're going to die. Did you forget that? Let me repeat that.

    You're going to die. You're going to be a corpse in the ground shrouded with two or three clothes and within a short passing of time you will be but bits of flesh hair and bone and then you will be but particles of dust and your being will cease to exist physically. Your soul will be tested and the trials of the grave awaits. Don't throw your life away on a fleating moment of emotional stress.

    Allah rewards all pain we go through and PATIENCE, 'Sabr', is one of the greatest attributes of a Muslim. Such as the Muslim who is blinded and is patient is garunteed paradise wa'Allahu alim, yourself if you are truthful should except nothing but unimaginable EXCELLENCY from your Lord if you use this in a wise way and bare it out with patience. Don't fall for the trick of shaytan and the shayteen and the Jin that accompany you and whisper into the hearts of mankind. Keep in a state of wudhu and recite ayatul Kursi frequently after every salah, increase in your ibadah and you will never look back bi'idhnillah. Find a copy of Fortress of the Muslim (Hisnul Muslim) and find the adhkar for what is said after the salah, fulfil all of these. Fast mondays and thursdays. And for those non Muslims, ENTER INTO ISLAM! Take the sahada and wallahi your life will change. Keep your salah and you will never falter in yourself except by the will of Allah, you will realise this misguidance of shaytan. If you wish for true guidance and PEACE then pray your salah to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala correctly. Enter into Islam and Obey His every command to the best of your ability and He is All Knowing, All Wise, the Most Gracious the Most Merciful. He is the Most Merciful of the Merciful, He is Azawajal, the Glorious the Exalted.

    To be cured simply recite salawat upon Rasool Allah an exceedingly large number of times then recite the last three surahs for protection with Allah from the evil male an female jins and devils, this will remind you of your place in this world and your purpose and your true role model, the Messenger of Allah, and your true Lord who decreed who you are. Not to immitate the kuffar through perverse operations and mangling surgeries. And don't forget that you will be ressurected as your original being not the fictional persona you chose for yourself.

    [وَلاّمُرَنَّهُمْ فَلَيُغَيِّرُنَّ خَلْقَ اللَّهِ]
    (Shaytan: And indeed I will order them to change the nature created by Allah.)

    "May Allah curse whoever does this." It is also recorded in the Sahih that Ibn Mas`ud said, "May Allah curse those who have tattoos and those who do it, who pluck their (facial) hairs and the one who does it for them, and those who make spaces between their teeth for the purpose of beauty, changing what Allah has created". He then said, "Why should not I curse whom the Messenger of Allah has cursed, when the Book of Allah commands it"

  21. Yes some of us know that we will die, in fact a lot of us have wanted nothing but death to come sooner most of our lives because of this test we are going through.

    You are incredibly naive about what we go through and how we have been fighting all our lives.

    You can sit there on your self righteous egotistical stool and keep judging other people and for what is beyond your understanding.

    I am true to my soul as know what it feels like to feel your body is not your own because it doesnt match our true nature..... we have little ego as it has been chipped away because of this situation we are in.....

    You clearly still have your ego intact! that is the part that Shaytaan controls, this lower self which you talk about.

    Do not judge what is beyond you, you do not have Allah's wisdom nor do you know how Allah created a being and what He wrote for their life. You judge like you are a prophet!

    , its way too easy for you to self rightously go around screaming " Haram Haram" when you have no idea what it feels like.

    For someone who is not in the situation it's easy for them to make themselves look pious and religious in front of others and feel good about themselves by screaming "Haram" .....we are sick of these insensitive, incompassionate people.

    Concentrate on what concerns you within your realm of understanding in YOUR life brother. Do not talk about what you assume to be reality.

    Because of this disposition, because of our desire for death, we are closer to Allah, he gave us a unique test!

    And for YOUR Information:

    My mother always wanted a daughter, and prayed to Allah so hard for a daughter when i was in her womb....she told me recently that she now realises that Allah gave her a beautiful daughter already, that she just had to wait for her to blossom....she feels sad that i had to go through so much but she wouldnt want me any other way or go back to how suffocated and trapped I was!

    And no dont you DARE tell me that she is evil and influenced by shaytan!.. You don't know her, she is one of the most beautiful people, all heart and extremely close to Allah and so am I Alhamdulillah.

    So don't tell me what faith is! I've been through it and came out with a stronger iman!
    Where as you have just read about it, became insecure and started screaming at people.

    Please keep your immature judgement to yourself and do not insult Allah's words by tying them to your limited understanding of life! as you have no hand nor idea in the plan of Allah! as it's only HE who knows best!

    subhanAllah wa Alhamdulillah.

  22. I did not write that post out of total ignorance on this issue. I have a lengthy reply on this topic but before I post it I would just like to enquire as to what school of thought or methadology you ascribe to purely out of the heart of discussion.

    I just wanted to know whether you're shi'a and acted on the fatwa of Ayatollah Khomeini or if you're from the scools of Ahlus sunnah (sunni) and if you at any point consulted a Sheikh.

    I will post the longer reply afterwards, I hope you are hasty in replying to me out of the kindness in your heart and out of charity. Thank you.

  23. There are a lot of assumptions and generalisations you made which I really did not like, you accused everyone in this situation of defying their parents, being materialistic and only caring for the world. defying Allah and practically accused me of being fully in the spell of shaytan!.... I did not like this because it's impossible for you to know everyone who is going through this situation, the details in their lives which is unique to each person and how they handle it. You basically are assuming we are doing this for vanity's sake which is not the case!! it much more deeper than that!

    the truth is I tried my best to stay the way i was because I didn't know Islam's stance on it, constantly feeling suicidal from the earliest i can remember to the point of my transition, try feeling 25 years of wanting death constantly, everytime you walk out of the door you want a lorry to run you over... you have never experienced this!......., the only thing stopping me from suicide was that it's forbidden in Islam.. but my life was going absolutely no where because of the sheer strain on me! You have absolutely no idea what it is like, you can only view it from the outside and no counselling or magic pills will "cure" me , which has been suggested endlessly by ignorant people!

    I'm Sunni and am following the advice of a Sheykh who is well educated, has a doctorate and has also studied the Qur'an in great depth.

    He stated that i clearly have an issue with transgender but Islamically i am only allowed to undergo treatment i.e reassignment surgery if I am diagnosed by a qualified health professional. and by that it doesn't mean just a mere GP. but psychiatrists and occupational therapists who will also assess if there are any other psychological reason to me feeling like this. And i've been through all that, was assessed VERY carefully which, the process took a few years.

    The Sheykh stated that if it's a situation causing this amount of distress then in Islam normally what is prohibited, becomes permissible. for example, Plastic surgery for vanity's sake is prohibited, however if you have a deformity that is causing you health problems and distress, then it is permissible to correct it.

    Now you sound like you're already wanting to throw a long reply at me regardless of taking into account what I have to say. i'm already not liking it because i've had many 'long replies' and talks thrown at me.

    Even the Sheykh said this, when Imams and most people are faced with this question about transgender, they refuse to even try to put themselves in the questioner's shoes.... in other words it's easy for you to say "Oh it's Haram" waltz away and go and have lunch with your friend laughing about what happened yesterday at the market. Where as the person you left behind is having to bear the brunt of life! This is also responsibility for a Muslim, advice comes with responsibility too!

    My apologies for sounding so cynical but i am seriously fed up of selfish people like this!!!
    I'm sick of fighting!... I have my whole family's support and no matter what you or anyone says or throws at me will never make me "turn male again" or whatever you people wish me to do for your comfort. Because other than Allah, only I know what my pain and difficulties are, not you or anyone!

    The bottom line is. I am a Muslim woman with strong faith, and I answer to no one but Allah, and no one has the right to judge me but Allah Almighty who has been the one who has been there for me the most... NOT the shaytan, NOT some supposed jinni that has possessed me! But ALLAH and i am a proud Muslim woman! Alhamdulillah!!

  24. As'salamu aleykam,
    Subhan'Allah. I'm deeply sorry for offending you, I've written a few long replies but each time I keep losing the copy.

    What I wanted to say to in short is that I wrote that harsh reply out of fear for my brothers / sisters in Islam and myslef. Because I too have suffered from this horrible condition for as long as I can remember. I didn't realise there were genuine Muslims out there that also do too. My problem was that every Sheikh's fatawa I read that dared to discuss the topic always ruled that it was categorically haraam. I thought if I could convince everyone that it's haram then I could prove that it's just a matter of will power. Even with the depressing vicious cycles I go through week from week I took it on as a personal struggle with a rebelious nafs, not going near that it might be a genuine medical problem. The only problem with that was that I've suffered with this well before I even had any knowledge of sexual perversions or 'fetishes' from the days of innocent childhood. This is what continiously attacks me and I simply can't find a solution as I go week from week with this immense stress.

    I didn't even think there could be Sheikhs to come to the aid of individuals like us. Where abouts did you find such a Sheikh? Is he well known or local / what country does he reside in?

    In fact only very recently I came across a well known Psychologist and Islamic thinker, Dr. Tariq al Habeeb, who is highly respected in Hijaz that has spoken from true knowledge on the subject giving his full approval with the same restrictions that the sheikh you mentioned put (full diagnosis etc.). My only question is, doesn't this throw up an enormous number of fiqh issues?? That's what has always driven me from seeking treatment. Matters like sexuality (what does the sheikh say about this?), the jumah salah (is it fardh?), praying in congregation, being with other women, even things like ghusl - the neo-sexual organs are inverted folds of tissue so technically wouldn't you have to wash that too? at what point do the rulings of a man no longer apply? and who decides this? I don't know... all I know is that all this really upsets me and I've become a very hurt and socially inept person because of it.

    I'm not saying I'm convinced but I would certainly absolutely like to follow this up as a matter of fiqh and searching for 'ilm.

    I hope you can reply, may Allah ease our situations.

  25. Wa'aleikum assalam

    Not a problem about offending me at all, I'm very much on the defensive because i've had to fight all my life, but Alhamdulillah it has made me a much stronger woman.

    This issue is completely different from sexual orientation which is homosexuality, this is to do with gender and starts at ages before puberty, at the tender age of 6 I first let out that i want to be a girl, why am I a boy?.... in fact, I remember back in reception school i must have been 3 or 4 years old, they used to make us stand in separate lines, a girls line and a boys line. instinctively i went into the girls line. In that same year i even remember going into the girls toilets and was pushed out there many times wondering why.

    I'm in the UK and there aren't many Muslims who understand here either, but there aren't many people who understand whether Muslim or not!... in fact not every GP doctor understands this fully either. i've experienced those who know about the condition but they don't know what to suggest. You have to really be aware and look around for who can help you... This is a very unusual situation and it takes a person with a certain level of understanding to be able to comprehend.

    There are Sheykhs who do but again I dont trust every single imam out there either, some are all right for advising certain things but something so specialised you need a scholar who is a professional as well as spiritual. However I have heard that Sufi are more accepting because they see the soul can be of one temperament put into a body of the opposite gender, Again as a unique test in life. The body and mind (ego) is merely a vessel, where as the soul is for eternity, why try to change the eternal soul and distort your awareness just to match a temporary vessel?

    Again not all Sufi's will understand or know because it's quite a unique situation we are in. But Allah is the greatest subhanAllah!

    Your questions: (I can only give you answers according to how i've followed my heart and anything said by the sheykh)

    >My only question is, doesn't this throw up an enormous number of fiqh issues?? That's what has always >driven me from seeking treatment. Matters like sexuality (what does the sheikh say about this?)

    I consider myself a heterosexual woman, i'm not attracted to gay men nor the thought of it!... The only difference between me and the next woman is that i cannot bear children.

    > the jumah salah (is it fardh?), praying in congregation,

    I always used to pray dhuhr at home alongside my mother, i always felt intimidated at the Masjid, i felt like 1 woman surrounded by 100s of men. Again i'm not advising you here, but all i can say is how i did things.

    > being with other women,

    The women in my family let me join them in women only matters, women outdoors cannot tell the difference, I appear as a natural born woman without any cosmetic surgery alhamdulillah... pre transition i never, ever dreamed i would look like i do now, but Allah will help you if you are true to Him with your whole heart subhanAllah.

    > even things like ghusl - the neo-sexual organs are inverted folds of tissue so technically wouldn't you have to wash that too?

    Indeed, you have to wash it anyway (even non Muslims) but with ghusal something like this is a no-brainer, you just wash everywhere to make sure.

    >at what point do the rulings of a man no longer apply? and who decides this?...

    For me I played it around my family, they were not always accepting, in fact in my teenage years my life was just full of family fights about this issue, but even the most stubborn family members are finally coming around, but you must be very, very patient with them. The best way is gradually. I told them years before i even transitioned..... But as i was in mid transition I didn't one day just stop doing the male things and start dong the female things. the things that are in private, i've always done the female way. but publicly, the moment I stepped out of the door as a female was the moment I switched to female role... And you decided because you know what's best for you, Just keep the Nour of Allah in your heart and He will guide you!

    > I don't know... all I know is that all this really upsets me and I've become a very hurt and socially inept person because of it.

    This brings back painful memories for me, I have suffered the same but i must say to be able to fight this i have to say you are quite brave, I wasn't even able to begin fighting it, I struggled referring to myself ever as "brother" or "son" or "guy" whenever i had to... and i never ever got used to it....It made me cringe inside..... I just knew i was a girl from the beginning.

    But at the end of the day, the choice is yours, instead of suffering, try your best to find as much information as you can (Where are you from by the way, which country?) .... Build yourself up spiritually (you WILL need Allah's help for sure! because you will find at a lot of the times it is ONLY he who is with you) ..... I firmly believe if I wasn't Muslim i would have killed myself a long time ago, wallahi! ... But once you have done this i would seriously decide and consider looking into professional help asap, because the earlier one starts hormone treatment, the better effect they have.

    Please ask me any other questions and I will try my best to answer them either with how i managed with my own experience or if I was advised by a sheykh or scholar in any way.

    May Allah guide you and help you immensely, I will say a prayer especially for you.

  26. ....To add to this, something I forgot to mention.

    Up until my late teens, i never even heard of the term transgender or the concept, the first transgendered individual i ever met was when i was 27.... So I had no influence, nor help, I just felt i had these feelings and i felt so trapped and isolated.

    And another important point, Faith in Islam isn't about being accepted by the community or other Muslims... True Faith in Islam is about being accepted by Allah Almighty.... On youm el-qayamah (The day of judgement) you will not stand before the neighbour who kept judging you, or the shop keeper down the road who gave you nasty looks, and cursed you behind your back. You will be standing before Allah only.

    One valuable lesson i've learnt is do not let ANYONE cause you to lose your faith by the result of judging you or intimidating you or excluding you. Your faith is with Allah and should be dependant on Allah only. He loves you and knows you more than you know you. No matter what anyone says, just keep looking up into the light.

  27. Hmm, this is quite a strange problem. It's not even about the issue being controversial, for me its the conflicting feelings I have. I believe there must be varying degrees of GID because for me I can honestly say I didn't ever have any serious suicidal thoughts, maybe a few fleeting thoughts but nothing major. However I do have a developed and built up feeling of stress and / or depression which comes and goes.

    When I manage to block the whole GID thing out of my mind for a few days or even weeks I actually feel perfectly fine for most of the time, but it returns eventually, sometimes I am able to dismiss it easily, other times (such as the last week or so) it returns with full force and can last for an extended period of time. I can become very depressed at times becoming strangely jealous as to say of other people who seem very happy and comfortable as who they are. But Alhamdu`lilah I get periods of comfort and ease as a male as I've said. However the resurging feelings of my GID keep coming back almost continiously, I'd say from as young as I can remember I was very puzzled and upset with being a male child and I was always jealous of the female children as I felt I was in fact not meant to be a boy but a girl at the time. However out of embarrasment I hid any of those feelings and tried my utmost to be very, what I thought was, masculine, taking up boyish hobbies, bullying kids who were openly effeminate etc. That was up until the age of about 14. That's when I discovered the medical condition GID over the internet and I started researching seriously and I was quite convinced that I suffered from it. Then from about 16 or 17 I started to become more serious as a Muslim and from what I read on the internet all forms of treatment were actually regarded as Haraam. So now I'm almost 20 and I've been consistantly repressing these feelings which leaves me deeply conflicted, I however seem to at times manage as a male whereby I am just about able to function though I'm continually troubled by these problems.

    For instance I aspire to be a student of knowledge, I want to be successful in business and trade, I want to keep piety and Iman as my focus in life. However when i come down with these surging feelings I literally feel physically ill, as I feel while I'm writing this, it distracts me heavily from my work and I can not focus at all on anything I am doing until the feelings pass after an extended period of time (before they return within days or weeks), in honestly its like a continious feeling but it builds up and overwhelms me from time to time. I thought this could be just an army of shayteen always on the attack because when I'm in a halaqa or watching a lecture I feel relieved for a short period of time. I still feel like this is the case but if there are genuine Sheyukh that don't treat this as a big problem then this would resolve a lot of the stress and unhappyness in my life. However if they are con-men or misguided individuals that are spreading Fassad amongst the community then I will take no part, insha`Allah this is not the case.

    I guess I really should seek some sort of psychiatric counselling to simply investigate what the root cause of my feelings are - is there really no other solution to this than people fully transitioning? I thought there might be something less drastic that would deal with my anxious depressive feelings.

    But like I said this might be simply me making an enormous challange out of something that isn't as questionable as it may seem. That's why i wanted to know if you could give me every bit of Islamic information on the topic that you were told, because surely this must have been a massive step to take and you would need all the Islamic reassurance as you could get? I am a UK resident also.

    The last thing I wanted to mention was that there are so many benefits to being a man that maybe this is just a blessing and a test from Allah? What I mean is even though I've identified as female psychologically, regardless of how much I oppress the feelings, at least I don't have to worry about having to cover up a full body awrah all the time, worry about childbirth or period pains or vaginal hygeine, or have to suffer the hardships most women go through. As a man I can be quite carefree and simply focused on searching for knowledge and striving for Allah and any of my business interests, it's kind of like Allah aza wa`jal has granted me a simple functioning body to take care of my needs and since I have this problem with psychologically identifying myself with my body, I have less of a focus on Dunya so I can just sacrifice my body and strive in the way of Allah through keeping up my mental mind in searching for `ilm?

    I mean this life is only 70 or odd years Allah knows best, we could die at any moment so maybe it's not a big problem for me to deal with in the long term Inshaa`Allah, I'm just speaking my mind here. The thing I'm glad to know is at least there's some ikhti`laaf I guess and there are always a diversity of opinions, it's just finding what you believe to be the truth.

    But anyway if you could list whatever Islamic advice you were given, thank you.

    • You sound like you are still trying to figure out what's going on with yourself. Talk to your doctor and get them to refer you to a psychiatrist, and don't just stop at one, always go for a second opinion. At the end of the day, it is all your choice, no one will make you do anything you don't want to, whether you transition or not, how much you transition or not. it's all your choice.

      if you just want hormone treatment, you can do that without surgery. but you will have to live with the male organ concealed but passing as female on the outside. initially I was opting for this because I wasn't sure on the ruling in Islam. I personally found it harder and harder, after intense praying one of the medical staff gave me the contact details for that scholar who talked me through all this. So I decided to go with the surgery, firstly because i won't need the testosterone blockers any longer (taking those long term really isn't good depending on which you take) and i want to feel completely like the girl i have always been.

      All what the Islamic Sheykh told me i mentioned in the previous post, about the surgery, hormones and other treatment. The rest really is common sense.

      As for it being easier for men, yes of course in the Muslim world it is much easier for men, but you see this is more cultural, in actual Islam Men and Women are Equal in the eyes of Allah and should always be like this, each have their roles but one is not inferior to the other. I tend to keep myself to myself and live in accordance with Allah's rules instead of living in accordance with cultural rules where i can. Society sees the woman to be less than a man, but in Islam the woman is very important. I feel it an honour and a blessing to be one.

      As for period pains and childbirth etc.. i'd rather go through all that than go through the sheer hell i've been through all my life with this situation! fighting, medical assessments, dealing with the feelings, and just trying to constantly make ends meet in the duniya while doing all this. Most of my life i've wanted to die, feeling like this most of ones life has a great impact, right now i keep having to fight off the thoughts of wanting death because my mind is so used to wanting that.... I have Allah though and I think He made me feel this way so that i be as close to Him as i am now... Alhamdulillah,

      You yourself are in a constant state of wonder, instead of suppressing it, which ANY Psychiatrist and Psychologist will tell you suppressing anything a very bad idea. Find it out and get closure, and do it as soon as possible so you have more options open to you as you are younger. Whether your option is to live as you are or transition. Only you know your limits and to what extent your gender dysphoria is,

      i wouldnt say there's different degrees of it, but it's more depends on what personality type you are and how you handle it. I've met people who were able to suppress it and live their lives as everyone else expected until the age of 40 sometimes 50 or 60 and couldn't handle it or some just go through to death. it depends.
      There is the type of transgender person who is able to mask their feelings which tends to catch up to them later in life, but another type of transgender person who cannot mask their feelings at all and will go through ultimate distress until they transitions. I forget the names given to each type.

      As for me, i'm not trans, i'm a woman, that's all i see myself as, that's all i ever was and ever will be :-)
      Alhamdulillahi rabb el-Alamin.

  28. Reading all these replies is quite refreshing despite the debate, because Gender Identity is such a complex and sensitive issue that is often ignored in Islamic circles. I don't know if anyone has ever read the story behind the fatwa Ayatollah Khomeini issued, but I think it would provide a lot of insight to people here.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2005/jul/27/gayrights.iran

    Has anyone seen the documentary about this in Iran? It's called Transsexuals in Iran. You can find it on daliymotion.com. They handle the subject matter very honestly and candidly.

    • I have Indeed watched that, thank you for recommending, Even though i'm sunni, it's still interesting to watch and see how it is dealt with over in Iran.

      • I think the two aspects that haven't been talked about much are the actual legal changes they make in Iran to the birth certificates, which makes this a fiqh compliance in all aspects. It's very interesting how one fatwa continues to shape Islamic thinking in this respect. I think it really shows the power of Islamic scholars when it comes to such a very delicate issue. And the fact that they are working on thesis discussions is truly intriguing.

        The other aspect is the men who marry with women who have their sexual identity surgeries. Back in 2005 or there about, there was a documentary on this subject which included these men. In one case, a man ended up divorcing is wife and leaving only financial support behind to marry a post-op woman in Thailand. I remember watching that and it just absolutely sent my mind reeling. I don't mean to say that offensively, but it made me understand the issue from another perspective. Since that time, I have been quite interested in the research from a human behavioral point of view, because it challenges the status quo of what mainstream society sees as a homosexual tendency when it is not.

        All of the men who marry these women that have been interviewed in studies or documentaries, clearly identify themselves as heterosexuals and reject any homosexual desire. They truly feel and believe that a post-op female is a natural woman. I mention that because it extends beyond the patient's view and how their partners view them. The comments made by the doctor in the Iranian documentary to the female radio interviewer were consistent to what I have heard these men profess, as well: that they feel that these post-op women are more feminine than other women they encounter.

        A lot of this is based on behavioral science which is never concrete, but there's another intricate detail that Western men often talk about: the socially accepted masculinity of females that turns them away from Western women. I find that to be one of the absolute core issues when discussing gender roles, modesty and even hijab that gets overlooked in the West. It's a fascinating discussion to have that many people refuse to contemplate. My stance of course that Western men having grown tired of the Western macho female seek foreign feminine women. And I believe that this has also a role in the men who marry post-op women, as well in their own respects.

        It's really a fascinating subject in the study of gender role identity.

      • BTW, your story is very enlightening, though I wish it hadn't been so difficult for you. Allah (swt) does indeed grant patience to those who love Him.

        I'll definitely bookmark this page to show others. Your faith is inspiring.

        • Thank you Professor X, It's refreshing to talk to someone and not have to fight and defend, I am not old at all but i am just so, so tired of doing this.

          Right now i'm totally unrecognisable from what i used to look like, Alhamdulillah! ....i've changed my entire name and identity and started from scratch, reborn again, the new people I meet have no idea about my transition and I intend to keep it that way because I don't want to be known as "that man who changed into a woman"... I just want to be known as 'That lady'. And Allah has given me the chance to be able to do this.

          Earlier this year I became ill and had to go into emergency and the doctor asked everyone to leave the room because she had to ask me something personal, so I thought "oh here we go, she's noticed and is going to ask about my transition medication etc" to my surprise she asked. "Is there a chance you could be pregnant love?"
          I smiled and said no, I'm very faithful and don't do anything like that as i'm unmarried. :-)

          I think the documentary you speak of or at least the story you talk about when the man left his wife to marry someone in Thailand appears in a Channel 4 documentary called "Middlesex" it's quite a good documentary and goes through the psychology of different places socially. It makes a refreshing change from many many documentaries that focus only on the individual's journey.

          I do find the issue of marriage concerning just in case someone accidentally out's it and how he would react if he found out. And i find it so hard to tell people i'm trans when i have to (medical doctors) when they already think i'm a natural born woman. I've build my real identity and the last thing I wish to do is tarnish that. Not to mention I know how hard it is for unmarried Muslim women who are barren, It seems to be taboo and i've heard and read horror stories about women who are shunned because of their infertility.

          This world we live in, how ruthless people can be with each other is quite scary and daunting!

          I want to get married because i'm a very loving and caring woman with a lot of love to give, quite a romantic and I know Allah has that special man kept out there for me somewhere, if not here, Inshallah in Jannah. i do hope I meet him here too though.

          >...that they feel that these post-op women are more feminine than other women they encounter.

          From my personal experience, this is probably because we have been put into a situation which doesnt allow us take our femininity for granted. We've been concealed in the body of the opposite gender for so long that we've ached to be who we really are. And when we get the first chance of this, we do it whole-heartedly.

          For me it's become as deep as from an early age I refused to acknowledge my body as my own, i became close to that part of me which feels like the true me, which is my soul. Even after all these transitions and all these struggles and effort, if Allah decided to take me in five minutes time i would purify myself and hold me hands up high and say "Take me".... It's hard to describe how this situation has shaped me, I guess i don't know any different. I don't know what it feels like to be born in the body of correct gender, so I can never take it for granted.

          • Alhamdulillah, I know what you mean about the "taken for granted" part, as whether it's a femininity issue or born Muslims who take Islam for granted, that's a whole part of recognizing ourselves and submitting to the will of Allah (swt). It's fantastic to hear your point of view as you are a Muslim and I have been studying this subject off hand for the past 6 years, but never encountered a discussion on the topic in Islam.

            Regarding femininity however, is the additional aspect of Islam, in your case. Islam puts a significant emphasis on woman's role, so that's what intrigues me the most. If anything, Islam promotes femininity with the shield of hijab and thus, from my perspective, it must make you feel like even more of a woman. I remember reading about a Christian woman who tried wearing a hijab, and she stated something similar of it making her feel empowered. Is that a part of what you feel?

            Your experiences are very interesting, especially the one about being asked if you were pregnant. That must have felt so wonderful to be asked that question. It must have felt validating and an affirmation of your new life, I suppose. That's a nice story to have shared. I don't mean to pry, but what was it like wearing a hijab and praying with your new birth?

            The most interesting thing regarding Khomeini's fatwa is that Islamically it sets the bar to acknowledge what you feel inside of you and how you must be treated and addressed as, a female human being. And then it takes that step further by allowing you the right under Islam concerning being a woman. To me, that's the most significant part, because it permits for you never having to feel otherwise. I'm always encouraged to read about Islam and sexual/gender issues, because it's farther ahead than anyone recognizes in the West. Now only if we could get the ummah on board.

            Though I do not mean to treat you as a lab experiment, I hope that one day you take the time to write of your life during this transition as a Muslim. Either published anonymously or perhaps as a part of your Last Will, I think it could really add another dimension to what Islam affirms a human life to be and what it affirms a woman to be.

            I wonder about the issue of marriage for you, too. You are a woman and since there is no obligation to talk about your past life, then I guess that leaves some discretion to you and any potential husband you will find, Insha'allah. Have you considered being a second, third or fourth wife? Though admittedly the last two options are rare in most of the world. Do you want children?

            Subhan'allah, I have to say that your story is something significant because you are also living in a Western society and holding on to your faith was even more difficult in this entire experience of your life.

            I have found that many prejudices concerning this issue comes from the fact that transgender issues gets lumped into homosexual politics when the two are often very separate socially, sexually and psychologically. I have heard that the homosexual community can often be harsh to the TG community, as well. I find it unfortunate that people who misunderstand the differences often cannot see that this is not a lesbian or gay issue, but as totally different aspect of human existence.

            I should say that I got the 2005 documentary a bit confused with a website I was reading. The man in the doc was married to a pre-op, but the website I was reading a few years ago was from a man married to a TG woman. I can't remember where that was exactly, but many of the things you said were exactly the same things they were talking about regarding marriage. The Hindu part of the documentary horrified me, though. And I thought that Thailand, as is usually the case, exploits the sexuality to an unnecessary degree.

            Insha'allah, I'll keep you in my prayers for finding a husband. Someone who accepts for as a Muslim lady and who has the privilege of being your husband.

            Also, if there is anything that I have written that offends you, please correct me. I hope you don't mind all the questions. Please forgive me for doing so.

  29. Now that I think back to the Iran documentary I watched some time ago…I know what you mean now and it not going into the legal birth certificate changing, they just showed the part where they got the permit for if they're confronted by the religious police publicly….. And I think the latter documentary you seemed to have watched was actually the Middlesex one i'm talking about, because I remember being horrified at the Hindu part of the documentary too.

    >I hope that one day you take the time to write of your life during this transition as a Muslim.

    I was approached by the occupational therapist asking if I was interested in appearing in a documentary which is being made but i had to turn it down for the sake of my new identity and my safety. Or i would have loved to have shed light on the Islam perspective. However the thought has crossed my mind to write something on the perspective of Islam about transgender but with an alternative alias.

    To be honest even I myself am yet to meet another religious Muslim transgender person whether man or woman, because just like myself, we end up disappearing after transition because after all that struggle, I have probably already met a few without even realising! We just want to live normal lives.

    I have to say that that is what i was also impressed with regarding Khomeini's fatwa, the very thing what you feel inside of you because it seems a lot of societies care so much about how one looks, it's sad but not just Muslims but as human beings we seem to be programmed to value appearance first, and later on it is the choice we make whether to continue valuing appearance or bother to look beyond or not. This makes a situation like mine extremely difficult.

    >I have found that many prejudices concerning this issue comes from the fact that transgender issues gets lumped into homosexual politics

    I agree, it really does!! … Which reminds me…There is also a book I came across on amazon, it is called 'Islam and homosexuality' by 'Scott Siraj al-Haqq Kugle'…I came across this book in desperation of finding something about transgender in Islam…I purchased this because it has a chapter about transgender which seems to be well written and an interesting read. I think someone needs to write about Transgender without grouping it with homosexuality. it just causes so much more confusion, i'm not happy with the term "LGBT" the T needs to be out because it's a totally different concept!

    >I don't mean to pry, but what was it like wearing a hijab and praying with your new birth?

    I don't wear Hejab publicly as I just blend into the crowd, but only when i pray, and whenever I pray with it on, It does feel amazing. experiencing Ramadan and Eid as a woman feels like bliss to me. I do believe that one should not be judged by what she wears on the outside as long as she is dressed modestly, because one important lesson i've learned is that faith is what is in the heart.

    >Though I do not mean to treat you as a lab experiment,

    Professor X, I am more than happy to talk about and enlighten with whatever i know that's in my power, we need more Muslims like you in the world who make the effort to understand! :-) … I met a Muslim recently who is transgender but she lost her faith before transitioning because she was rejected by her community and judged harshly. In her mind this is what she felt Islam was all about. and I did try to say "No, this is not Islam, this is just the culture which is causing them to reject and judge you." ….I gave her all the resources I knew and left her with it. I pray she realises it. But this is why i was telling the other person in the post further up. Make sure your faith is dependant on Allah, and not on people. What i've observed with Muslim communities and it bothers me a lot is that, a lot of Muslims seem to seek approval of other people rather than Allah's approval which is paramount.

    I would have loved to be a mother and given birth, but I know adoption is an option, there are many children out there who long to have parents. But i'm not entirely comfortable of the idea of being a second, third or fourth wife. i'm a romantic and I would want it just to be he and I… I wouldn't be able to bear the thought of the man I love going off to sleep with another woman even if it is his other wife. I wouldn't feel special or comfortable, it would hurt being a second best wife while watching him share a child with the first wife. it would kill me and make me feel incredibly inferior and i've struggled and had enough pain in life already than to put up with heartbreak of that.

    Because of this i haven't got the highest hopes of finding my man because I know i'm refusing this option while I cannot bear children at the same time. And i'm the type of woman who wants to connect with her husband, spiritually, romantically and intellectually…. So all I do is pray, as I said, if not in the duniya then in Jannah, Insh'allah.

    As for living in a western society, well even here it's a half and half society. it's quite mixed but in a lot of parts segregated. It has been hard because the in between stages of my transition, I had double the prejudice. From the Muslim community I got abuse hurled at me for being transgendered… But from the white community I got racist abuse hurled at me for being Muslim. Hence why i get very defensive quick, but i'm trying to get myself to relax, but it shatters your trust in humanity. i think as a result i've been isolated most of my life so islam has been my only crutch. Alhamdulillah I have had that.

    Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, I need all I can get! and you haven't offended me, it's been quite refreshing, please feel free to ask me any questions and I do apologise, i'm sorry because I keep writing replies that are extremely long without even realising!

    • PS.. in person i am actually a very quiet girl who thinks so much, honest! :-)

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        Whatever you do, never apologize to me about writing long replies! When I was younger I had an affinity for classical literature and my schooling was such, so I'm used to reading for long periods of time. Besides, when someone articulates themselves thoroughly, it shows their desire to communicate effectively. I hate the modern 15second quip, anyhow.

        You find yourself in a very unique position of shedding light on this issue. I do hope that when you examine your reactions and the reactions you get from any society, community or individuals, that it's another page in your life to write about. We are all like that, but in your case, you have such an extraordinary experience that will benefit humankind and Islamic thinking for years to come. By Allah (swt) granting you such exhaustive patience and resilience, Insha'allah you will take the opportunity to write when you feel it is appropriate.

        I want to ask a few private questions, but I don't want to always concentrate on your pre-life, because you also have a great sense of Islamic thinking which I find incredibly interesting. However, can you explain what it was like from a spiritual aspect the day of surgical transition? How was it emotionally? Were there certain ayats that you read to prepare yourself?

        As these surgeries can be very complex, was the surgery done with the same procedure that is described in the Iranian film? How was recovery in all the respects of physically, emotionally and spiritually?

        I like the part where you said you just want to live a normal life, because what is normal these days? Lol! I get what you mean as far as being accepted for who you are now, a woman specifically, but how do you see your life unfolding? We all think in future terms, and many of our dreams go by the wayside. Yet, you have realized your transition which brought you so much closer to Allah (swt). In this I find a comparison to Prophet Ayyub/Job (as). It was as if you had that personal relationship with Allah (swt) where you could literally say, "Verily, distress has touched me and You are the Most Merciful of the merciful ones. Do you see yourself in the light of that Qur'anic verse?

        What you said about the term "LGBT" is exactly what I have heard repeated in social research. I don't want to get to far into it, but there's a sector of that community that really is antagonistic to the transgender community. So TG people get pushed into a group that does not serve their status properly, because TG is a more significant human issue that goes towards a very careful study of gender identification, which unlike the others is not based on sexual preferences in relating to a partner, in as much wherein the TG person's relationships are a natural byproduct for who they are. It's a very important aspect of understanding this, at least from my standpoint. I know that many people would not agree with that, but I think there is a scientific basis for it. So as you see politics plays a horrible part in this matter.

        Insha'allah, I think that's why your perspective is so desperately needed. It may not happen in your lifetime, seeing a more open understanding, but your story could help so many people, especially in Islam. You see, the problem with Iranians is that they translate so little of their experience in English, so though it's a part of their society, it gets almost zero exposure in Western thinking. Westerners may vilify this aspect out of so much hate for TG people and Islam, and that's why I find it so important to stress. Subhan'allah, you really have a gift in your hands to share with the world. A flower to blossom, much like yourself, so to speak.

        About the hijab part, I understand a bit of what you are saying, but I encourage you to wear it regularly. I think it would be, though a physical gesture, finding a spiritual aura that comes with it. Hijab is the ultimate form of womanhood and I think it would be such an amazing part and art of your life, though I do know how much of a burden society can inflict for hijabis. Perhaps it's not another battle you need, but I wonder if that struggle would make you feel like more of a woman, too? Here's that article about concerning a non-Muslim wearing hijab.

        http://www.tripcrazed.com/704230687/experiences-of-a-christian-woman-wearing-hijab/

        Again, I don't mean to pressure you, but it's very interesting to think about. I may want to make you more of a Muslim woman! :) No offense, just joking.

        The reliance on community you speak of is such a vital part of our own lives that again, people just take for granted and refuse to see themselves outside of it. I've been in places without masjids or Muslims and I truly do understand what you are describing in this sense. I remember once hearing that Prophet Muhammad (saw) was once asked how many people needed to be converted/reverted to Islam. He said something to the effect of, "If it had only been one person, that would have been enough."

        This is a great realization for us as you have mentioned the Qur'anic ayat concerning the Day of Judgment where man would ransom his own family on that day. Thus, the Prophet is reminding us of that, but also about how we need to understand our own journey to Allah (swt). No one walks our path, but we must remain on the Straight Path. Your life reveals that sense of consciousness. The spirituality achieved during this time has a magnificent dimension to explore, Alhamdulillah. It's such a startling perspective. Again forgive me for being overexcited about it, but it's a testimony to the special call of Islam in my estimation.

        I remember someone once saying, "I hope you never say, thank God for showing me Islam before showing me Muslims." I think you know exactly what this phrase means. It is unfortunate that many Muslims do not comprehend the importance of that realization.

        Concerning the second wife element: I think your comments reveal the incredible degree of your natural femininity, because that's exactly what a lot of women say. Though I would encourage you to not dispel it outright and here is why. Many times, a second wife, whether we admit it or not, is sought for that lack of intimacy and romance that you so desire. In effect, I think a lot of second wives discover that and enter into a very deeply intimate role with their husbands. We see this by men, whose first wives may have become incapacitated physically, and may no longer find pleasure in sexual copulation due to nerve damage such as paralysis. This often has the effect on emotional attachment. Studies have shown that what pleases man and affirms his manhood is the ability to copulate, and to feel and see his wife's pleasure. This dynamic leads to a great foundation of his affinity for his wife.

        Try not to see it as heartbreak, but the reverse. Especially in Southeastern Asia societies where multiple marriages are common and those immigrants are now residing in the UK. I am sometimes very idealistically hopeful, but I believe there's a real chance for you by addressing the adoption issue upfront with a future potential husband. Reflect on it. Allah (swt) will guide you to the best way.

        Furthermore, with the adoption aspect, you could have your child, too. In places like Iraq, Palestine and Lebanon, there are many orphans who need a proper chance at childhood. Insha'allah, whatever choice you make, I pray that you find it available to you here in this world.

        Thank you so much. I really enjoy reading your replies and learning about this life from a person that has been through all of it. Alhamdulillah.

  30. I know what you mean about the 15 second quip, I can't stand that myself. It seems to be becoming the new English these days.

    I think the more i'm speaking to you the more i feel I may attempt to write about it, sometimes you don't realise how much something like this would benefit others until someone points it out. I guess it's because i've never been encouraged, but then i think back to when I was researching, back then there was hardly anything at all on the internet or any books about this.

    When it comes to surgical transition, I didn't let it out here initially because I wanted to keep it private, but i'm weeks away from the consultation appointment, so Insh'allah it will be within the first half of this year. And to be honest I really cannot wait, i am very eager to get it done and getting tired of waiting the technical delays, the last surgeon i was on last years waiting list for end up retiring abruptly resulting in me being thrown back, when that happened and felt i was stuck in limbo and lost the will to live…. I would have had the surgery around Nov/Dec, but I have been referred again to another surgeon, and later found out that a few people who had treatment from the previous surgeon had to go back for corrections done…. Alhamdulillah a blessing in disguise i think for me!

    This will be the final step in my transition….. I've been on hormone treatment for 4 years, which has thrown me into a second puberty, and transform me, it's given me space to breathe and grow emotionally and spiritually. I've lived fully as a woman for 3 and a half years now.

    The type in the Iran documentary was a Colovaginoplasty, i'm not sure yet as to which procedure this surgeon will perform, whether it will be this or the inversion vaginoplasty, i will find that out in consultation, Insh'allah.

    I know what you mean about the normal part lol…To be honest i have no idea how i see my life unfolding, i've never had any dreams for the future or even hopes, i've just drifted through hoping it would end someday. i'm sort of slowly coming out of this dark black hole of morbidity and suffocation and it's quite a bit to deal with and to get used to.

    "Verily, distress has touched me and You are the Most Merciful of the merciful ones."

    That actually fits me perfectly :-) …It's how i've seen it, the way Allah has helped me from what i was like before up till now, the transformation, the guidance! I cut ties with everyone and starting life from scratch again after changing everything legally. Not long ago I was introduced to someone who i knew well in my "former life" …He was being introduced to a new person and didn't recognise me, an I had to pretend to not know him from before, it was surreal, as if Allah had taken my soul and put it into another body, the correct body. I know how social life feels to the point of view of both a man an a woman and the differences between, but can rarely voice this or people would start asking questions lol
    It's all quite an experience bundle with many little experiences and it has made me grow so much spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.

    The Hejab has always been a question mark to me, i'm not at all against it….I had met a friend (who was a friend) a couple of years back who almost tried to force it on me, he kept arguing with me and belittling me about why i don't wear it. and many ridiculous things I don't want to mention. This made me step back a bit, I noticed that yes Hejab is good but the moment you wear it, you almost become owned by the community, you aren't allowed to make a single mistake, I cannot stand the interfering attitude of Muslims i'm sorry to say as a Muslim myself! Secondly on the other side there is more racial attacks. Thirdly not to mention the personal reasons, the drawing of attention to me (due to the above reasons)which i'm actually phobic about, even though i look fully like a woman, i'm still paranoid about people staring at me and i get panic attacks in public sometimes and have to dash and hide……in paranoia of someone noticing something about me, which is why i've kept it on hold for now.

    Hejab, as much as i love wearing it when i pray, around the house sometimes and especially during Ramadan. in public its a complicated issue. i'm not ready to deal with this attention right now as i have a lot on my plate. The last thing i want in any individual souring me from humanity any more than i am already.

    "thank God for showing me Islam before showing me Muslims."

    I've heard this before and i am sorry to say I know this all too well unfortunately.

    Everywhere i've been i've always been detached from any community, i've never known to fit in with Muslims, besides the advice from the scholar, i've always been guided by Allah. Without a zest for life i basically sat on a boat on my own, contemplated the direction of the waves and gently swayed the ores of my boat to wherever His wave wish to take me…Maktoub :-)

    I can understand the reasons for the second wife, i really can. It's for when it's needed. But it makes me shudder, I know i want to be loved but because of my history, i am already prone to feeling inferior to other women. A man is still only human, I don't think it's possible for him to be in love with two people at once, he can love two women but can only be In love with one, as we are meant to be in pairs, the second wife i believe is only when the situations are critical as it comes with great responsibility as the example displayed by our beloved Prophet (peace be upon him).

    If my husband loved me but was in love with her, it would kill me and if he was in love with me but just loved her it would chip away at my insides knowing she would be aching every night he spends with me…………Darn it… i do have problems don't I?! lol!

    The adoption aspect you practically read my mind, my roots are Arab and I support countries like Iraq, Palestine and Lebanon and was fantasising about adopting an orphan from there in future if the boat steers that way :-)

    You're welcome and thank you, I keep all this stuff hidden inside me so deeply and no one hears it because no one knows, but it's nice to be able to share it! Alhamdulillah........My apologies if I do sound a little harsh at some points, i'm trying not to be so defensive and protective, but it's all i'm used to so please excuse this :-)

    • Eek! Waleikum as-salam by the way! :-)

      • Walaikum salaam in turn,

        To be honest, reading the part about not having dreams or hopes made me a bit emotional, bringing tears to my eyes. Allah (swt) has given you something incredible, my sister. He has indeed given you the new life you've always wanted and it's as if this life is your shadatain. You are living what so many Muslims never get to grasp or comprehend fully.

        When I was a teenager, one of my friends had a brother who committed suicide and a few years ago, the same happened to a neighbor in my community. They were non-Muslim, but the loss that their siblings and friends felt was so dramatic and helplessly final. Alhamdulillah, keep your strength in your faith and Insha'allah, this year will be something that I think could be described as your purification. Ponder about it in that way, as a physical and metaphysical cleansing for yourself. Not just a release from a body, but as a step of preparing you for a spiritual ascension, so to speak.

        If I may request this of you, could you keep us informed of your consultation and impending surgery when it happens this year, Insha'allah? I know that eventually, this topic will die down as does everything on the internet, but if there's a way I could support you with timely duas, then I would consider it a generous opportunity from Allah (swt) to do so.

        Yet, before that happens, it there a preference you have in the medical procedures? Is one seen as more surgically more developed and trustworthy? I haven't researched this part myself much, instead I've focused more on the psychological and social aspects. The Iranian doctor said he used a part of the intestines, correct? The recovery seems quite painful, but what is the common estimate for physical recovery times? What are the risks in a surgery such as this one? You mentioned people have to go back for corrections or was it complications from surgery, itself?

        Recalling the Thailand clip, thinking more about it, I'm not sure if Gender Identity in that case is similar to the degree of yours'. Is that an improper assumption on my part? Could you elaborate on your perspective regarding those who do not undergo surgery?

        In the Iranian film, the woman who regrets her change says so because of the rejection of her family. What did you make of that? I found it horribly sad and that if her family would have supported her by adhering to the Islamic rights, her life would have been so different and maybe filled with joy, in that respect.

        I understand your reasons about the hijab completely. The refreshing things is that all of your concerns are issues that every Muslim woman faces, which makes your experience completely sincere and genuine. Your range of thoughts, experiences and feelings are absolutely fantastic. I think that your viewpoint is completely that of a female and now it's only a physical matter. Though, and I apologize for being inappropriate, when you are finally able to literally see your new body, I imagine that will be such an emotional day for you. The new experiences that will you will encounter during that part will be earth moving, I think. I implore you to please keep a journal during this time. I know you have the capacity to really have a huge impact for people everywhere and it will require Muslims to realize a reality that has existed for a long time.

        I wonder though, how you would fare in an Islamic country? I think that question would be exhilarating to answer after your transition by visiting one in the future, where you would be expected to wear a hijab and not undergo any abuse because of wearing it. It's a very inspired thought.

        I know that someone had quoted the "change" ayat earlier, but what they fail to realize is that they are taking that verse literally. That's a mistake that Muslims make with the Qur'an. I remember one scholar lecturing that the Qur'an at times has seven different meanings in each verse. It can be social, personal, physical, metaphysical, a command from Allah (swt), something concerning the Prophet and then there's a hidden meaning which only Allah (swt) knows. In your case, in the debate here, what is lost is that the verse make be talking about the metaphysical sense. Indeed, the essence of your being cannot be changed. As you said, your body is just a vessel. And Allah (swt) constantly reminds us of that.

        With Gender Identity, I believe it is appropriate to see the verse in this light. No one, including society could change who you are deep down inside, since you are a woman. To note, I don't like using the 'disorder' bit in your case, because it's clear that through your responses that you are a woman merely waiting to bloom.

        What many of his critics do not know, is that Ayatollah Khomeini was very respected in the field of irfan. His Islamic education always bore this out in his writings and in his ruling of the Islamic Republic. As such, I think that is why he issued the fatwa in the way that he did. Being in tune with the gnostic side of Islam, he was able to see clearly what needed to be done. Add to the fact his leadership role and it's clear to see that his position was the catalyst needed to address this issue and bring it to bear Islamic fruit, so to speak. That's why I was disappointed that the documentary didn't delve into the practical side of transition.

        The boat analogy is so proper. There is a hadith mentioned that Allah's (swt) knowledge is like the ocean. No matter what container (question) we take to it, we will never manage to drain it of answers. There is no problem that cannot be solved by constantly having the courage to approach Allah (swt) and be willing to swim in His wisdom. Subhan'allah!

        About the second wife: Again, your ideas are completely feminine. It reaffirms who you are.

        As a man though, I do say this and it's advice from my mother: she always said to us, her children, "understand that I love you all equally, but because of your differences, my love is unique for each one of you." She had four children, by the way. :)

        Yet, I do remember one scholar admonishing men saying, "Stop asking about a second wife, when you don't have a first one yet, or are not doing justice to the first."

        To read your words, your fears and your honest feelings about it however, is really encouraging. I think when you are opening up about these things, it truly shows who you are and yet, we have never seen you. You are truly in Allah's (swt) grace.

        You know, the great thing about discussing the love a husband is that it is separate from your transition in a way. It puts you as how you see yourself and how you form your thoughts which are that of a real woman. You are experiencing a form of jealousy and possessiveness. I have to reiterate, that it's amazing to read! And just as importantly, it makes you human. Tragically, that's what so many people forget about in your struggle: your right to human dignity which as the created in your entitlement from Allah (swt).

        About Lebanon: Insha'allah, I will have a chance to visit. I saw a few refugee camps there that I would like to volunteer in concerning the displaced Palestinians that are there. With the war in Syria, this also plays another dynamic with the refugees, too. Insha'allah, insha'allah, insha'allah.

        Do not worry about being harsh or defensive, as I completely understand. Thank you for being so patient with me and answering all these questions, in kind.

        • Salam!

          Well the initial preference would be the inversion simply because it's the less invasive, however the problem with that procedure is because Muslims are circumcised, the vaginal depth will be reduced, and also it will need external lubrication each time for copulation.

          Where as the Colovaginoplasty (using part of the intestine) the depth will be adequate, the type of skin it has is self lubricating, but it's more invasive. And the recovery did seem quite painful as we both witnessed in that documentary, i'm so surprised they didn't give that poor woman (Negar i think her name was) a morphine drip which they would normally do over here! I don't know about the Colon vaginoplasty but for the inversion procedure the previous surgeon told me it was around 3-6 months but the longer one waits before intercourse the better. It takes time to regain sensitivity in that area after surgery too as the nerves are healing.

          The risks with such a surgery aren't light, any rupture of the intestines can be fatal, infection, prolapse where part of the skin or vaginal tract dies, or insensitivity, where your nerves don't recover so you could lose all feeling.

          The way most people judge, they think its like you walk into the operating theatre as a male, red light switches on above the door, after a few hours, red light switches off and you waltz out the door wearing a dress with a brand new vagina… ooh no, it's not pretty, it's extremely painful and it's not for the light hearted what so ever. I wouldn't be willing to go through such a terrifying and gruesome ordeal if I didn't feel i had to… The surgeon in the documentary said "we make it sound as gruesome as possible"… no need to make it sound, it actually will be like you are been carved open. However the success rate for surgery is high and the chance of these risks i wrote above are apparently slim.

          As for the patients going back for corrections, i think it might have been the way the surgeon was performing a part of the procedure. There was one person who complained about his aftercare and he abruptly decided to retire from reassignment surgery to everyone's shock and his waiting list was terminated completely.

          I did have similar thoughts about the Thailand clip, because I know the "ladyboy" industry is a big industry there. I'm not sure if it was the same issue as me in some cases, or if some cases are purely for the sake of fame and money. I must admit that clip did confuse me a bit, and each of the girls they interviewed had very different points of view on this situation. I remember one of them saying she reckons hers was the result of environment because as a child she was around girls and the men were always off somewhere. Which strikes me as a little odd, she sounded confused as to why she is the way she is…. Allah only knows however.

          I also felt sad for the Iranian woman Negar regretting her change because of her family, apparently her father tried to poison her. But what makes it even worse is that even though in Iran it's legalised, it is still far from accepted by the public, i think it varies from places, maybe in a place such as Tehran they wouldn't be as intolerant as the smaller towns or cities but as a result of this they struggle finding jobs there to support themselves, I remember Negar mentioning she does "business", i.e "Technically legal" prostitution because there was no other ways for her to earn a living. I found that sad also. I think in a place like that, even if the law changes it takes a long time for the public to catch up, especially to such a concept.

          About the "change" ayah…I agree, the Qur'an is such a vast and deep book where you have to read in between the lines, the beauty of the Qur'an is that it is catered for the uniqueness of each individual, for example, I have a totally different life to what you have, if you read and ponder a certain surah you will interpret it a certain way which caters for your life and your issues. If I read the same surah, it will give me a different interpretation which caters for my life and my issues. This is why i believe that sure Imams, scholars and sheikhs are great for guidance for common knowledge, but there is no hierarchy in Islam equivalent to a Priest or a Rabbi. Even the Prophet, peace be upon him, was humble in asking to follow his example. If you have an open frame of mind and an open heart, the Qur'an will be an ocean of wonders for you.

          >>With Gender Identity, I believe it is appropriate to see the verse in this light. No one, including society could change who you are deep down inside, since you are a woman. To note, I don't like using the 'disorder' bit in your case, because it's clear that through your responses that you are a woman merely waiting to bloom.<>Yet, I do remember one scholar admonishing men saying, "Stop asking about a second wife, when you don't have a first one yet, or are not doing justice to the first."<> I think when you are opening up about these things, it truly shows who you are and yet, we have never seen you.<<

          I think that's how i'm actual able to open up, had you met me in person you wouldn't hear a single peep about all this, but more so the other aspects to me. It's feeling a little surreal discussing it because I haven't done for so long, there's so many new things and it reminds me of how far i've come.

          I will pray that you get a chance to visit Lebanon and get a chance to volunteer in the refugee camps insh'allah. i've never been to the Middle East but i feel i wish to explore it and reconnect, it's where my deep roots are and i have a certain affection for it. Insh'allah i hope i do get to do that at least someday.

          It's quite frustrating that this site completely disallows contact between users outside the forum or any way to share even an email address. But of course I will keep you up to date on how the consultation goes, but i just hope that it is you who replies to me instead of some angry uneducated 14 year old trying to pose as a bearded Imam!

          • I forgot to answer one of your questions:

            >>Could you elaborate on your perspective regarding those who do not undergo surgery?

            Well initially I wasn't planning to undergo surgery but that's purely because I didnt know what Islam had to say about it until I asked the scholar. And not only that my own feelings of being trapped...As for now i'm itching to have it done. Insh'allah Insh'allah!

            But let's say in hypothetically if faith wasn't a part of it. I personally i'm not sure how they'd be feeling, unless they feel they want to live in celibacy or if they have a fear of the surgery itself. I've not actually spoken to anyone.

            Even if I wanted to live in celibacy, I would still have it done simply because it completes me as a woman regardless of if I ever chose to marry or not.

            Saying that there is the cosmetic only option, where the surgeon builds a cosmetic vagina but it has no depth or opening. But i heard it might be only for those who are very old and are wanting the surgery but are too weak to handle the full invasive surgery.

            (The thought of the cosmetic only feels so claustrophobic to me)

          • Asalaam alaikum,

            A scholar once said that the Qur'an has the unique ability to change as you do and yet, remain the same. What did he mean? He said, when you read a verse as a young person and then come back to the same verse 10 years later, it impacts you more profoundly. The verse was the same, but your perspective of Islam and experiences through life is what changed how you read it and value it. It makes perfect sense. After your full transition, this will surely reveal another side in your life and how the Qur'an affects you.

            I have been studying a bit of tasfeer as well, and that really sheds a new light on the historical aspect of the verses and the circumstance around their revelation.

            One of the reasons that I value Islam so much in my life and in this Gender Identity issue is because it's a practical religion with scholars finding practical medical solutions to human problems. I find that many Muslims are lacking in their history appreciation in this regard and that's why they cling to verses without proper contemplation and research. It's too easy to take things out of context and fall into those traps.

            I have found the same thing to be with hadiths, as I have read books that purposely edited out whole sections of hadith only to include a small part of it. This upsets me greatly, because with my limited knowledge I was able to see this and think, "who do they think they are fooling?" What bothers me is that it often involved sexual subjects, which is the last thing this ummah needs with divorce rates and marriage problems on the rise, never mind this issue here.

            Furthermore, I see people throwing these hadiths around without regards to their classification, chain of narrators, its' history, the circumstances and how to apply it. It's easy to quote, but to actually attain the education to comprehend what is being said is another matter. Online keyboard alims make the matter worse, especially with ridiculous fatwas that make the rounds from questionable sources. I mention this because this is the core reason why people in society are unable to reconcile themselves with many issues, especially Gender Identity. As you pointed out, the Prophet was humble in his knowledge, but these days most are not.

            One of the reasons that I haven't researched the surgical procedure is because I can already envision how graphic it will be. I guess the decision is a hard one as you have less intrusive versus a more natural feeling result regarding copulation secretions. Yet, since some women suffer from dryness disorders, it won't be unheard of. There are so many vital considerations that it's apparent to see how difficult your procedure will be for you. Then again, I'm sure the battle with the emotional trauma was the hell as you described, and that will provide you with the strength to overcome this part, as well as all faith in Allah (swt).

            So do you have a choice in the kind of procedure or is it a case of doctor's preference and expertise? How much does something like that cost? Does UK healthcare cover the cost of the transition change? Would you consider another country like Thailand or Iran, if that was financially feasible? How does the UK fair in this practice?

            On a similar note, does hormone therapy help with your voice change at all or was it ever a problem? Did you undergo the Adam apple shaving or was yours' unnoticeable before?

            The story of your mother was beautiful in her acceptance of you. I'm not hear to be psychoanalytical about your relationship, but it would be interesting to know about your family, especially when (not if) you seek a husband. Positive thinking always! You don't have to share that publicly however, if you need to retain your privacy on that one.

            I know that in the West, handshakes are a battle to explain, so is it just the same for you, essentially? I've lived in some countries where women are used to embracing men and vice versa with hugs and kisses, so practicing Islam there is socially more difficult. I am just wondering if it's the same case with you?

            In all honesty, I lend you my kindness because after researching it and understanding it with Islamic references, I feel it's my duty from one human being to another, as one Muslim to another, and as believing man to a believing woman to give you what we all desire from ourselves and this world around us. It's clear to see that you have your place in this world, and that Islam guarantees you that right.

            In thinking about it, this is how religion is supposed to be. There's a dua that says, "Oh Allah, You are just as I want. Make me as how You want."

            I think that suits you perfectly. And being online does have the advantage of you opening up, Alhamdulillah. That is the Divine Mercy from Him.

            You know, it seems that you are so weary, but soon, like a person discovering an oasis in the desert, Allah (swt) will soon quench your thirst. That drink from His Bounty will invigorate you when it happens to finally close this last chapter of your former physical being and embrace that new dawn of your existence. There is a vast serenity in that granted from Allah (swt). I cannot imagine what your anticipation must be like, but we all have our thirst to cope with.

            Don't worry about the 14 yr. olds, because my signature here is tied to my email, so it's unique. I wish there was a way for you to start an anonymous blog, though. The problem with some blogs is that they can be traced, so be careful about online communication. I was reminded of that yesterday.

            Thank you so much for being so generous with your feelings and time. May this message find you and your family blessed by Allah (swt).

  31. Wa aleikum assalam,

    My last reply seems to have messed this part up:

    >Yet, I do remember one scholar admonishing men saying, "Stop asking about a second wife, when you don't have a first one yet, or are not doing justice to the first."

    I remember someone talking about this recently saying that the Qur'an allows men to have up to four wives but does not recommend because it is not easy for him to treat them equally and that is a must certain rule in this. as it's a huge responsibility. I know what goes on in certain cultures that's not right at all. But i don't know much about the official rule itself. But as a woman's point of view, it does cause distress and we are very emotional beings. Also when a man spends the days working and earning, dividing time between the wives and for him to have the energy for this….This way the man is never lonely but the women will be eagerly waiting very long for that little bit of time spent with them, I don't know how men manage two wives let alone three or four and in the case of the latter lol it baffles the mind :-)

    I have to say though, neglect is the worst punishment for a woman in love. Please bear this in mind! :-)

    >To note, I don't like using the 'disorder' bit in your case, because it's clear that through your responses that you are a woman merely waiting to bloom.
    >but if there's a way I could support you with timely duas, then I would consider it a generous opportunity from Allah (swt) to do so.

    Now you have made me teary… Jazakellahu kheiren!… I need all the dua I can get. Allah bless you for each you make and for using your intellect and heart in trying to understand my pain and situation. Allah bless you immensely!

    (Yes Ive always hated the term "gender identity disorder" too)

    Indeed that is the beauty of the Qur'an.. it's almost like a beautiful piece of dough, when you're baking fresh bread, if you hit the dough clumsily and violently, it will show you it's resistance right back at you… but if you knead it gently with love, it will knead warmly into your hands and you will know it's depths.
    The historical context is extremely important with regards to the Qur'an, I have read up on lots of early Islamic history and i love it. by the way a documentary i must recommend, it's on youtube as separate parts, it's a 3 part documentary called "Islam - The Empire of faith" .. it's a must watch!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX3UHNhQ1Zk&noredirect=1
    Like yourself I get upset when Muslims throw tiny segments of Qur'an and Hadith around. I get irritated by the ignorance. But what you and I detect and think "who do they think they are fooling?" the majority will unknowingly take it on board. This has made me wary of Islamic books and sources, especially as you say the online keyboard Alims, don't get me started, I remember reading one of them stating "there is no such thing is rape within marriage"… I remember reading this at the time actually made me hold my legs together tightly!
    I think the surgeon would tell me which option would be better but the choice would ultimately be mine and he would do the best he can. and in the UK it is funded by the local care trusts. As for other countries, I would have to really research on the surgeons and their reputation before i'd know that.
    Hormone therapy didn't help much at all with the voice, I had to work on my voice myself,
    the best advice i can give to any trans-person is get to know your body, as much as you can, what you are able to change and how. for example…. my voice, I had to research on how my larynx (voice box) works, experiment on how I am able to change my voice, think about the relationship between my voice and my brain. What I did:
    The voice you think to yourself with in your mind will start as male because your brain is used to hearing your voice as that all your life…That voice in your brain seems to influence how your larynx sounds. So you need to get your brain to get used to the new female voice you're practicing and talking in, once your brain gets used to that and starts to mimic, it will start to work with you to exercise and adjust your muscles. You have to work hard to break this vicious circle but once you do, you're done. Now i cannot even remember what I sounded like before and my current true voice is all i know.
    The key to this is repetition and practice, which takes dedication. I exercised the muscles around my larynx, daily vocal exercises which i set for myself and I sing in the chosen female voice which is not too steep for me. The advantage for me is that I sing to Arabic songs which means plenty of exercise as the singers use that nice vocal warble in Arabic music.
    The Adam's apple has never appeared to be prominent so I haven't done anything like this.
    My family struggled immensely in the beginning when i first told them, my mother struggled only because she knew i was suffering, but she noticed signs from an early age, she noticed me preferring to play games with the little girls, with the doll houses and stuff rather than rough and tumble with the boys. She used to try to divert my attention to the boys always, I couldn't stand their way of playing.
    I also have only brothers so i'm the only girl, and they are quite masculine so just like they all were with each other when they were young, they were the same with me, tried to make me be macho like them. But as we grew up, they were all baffled as to why i wasn't responding to them the same way they responded to each other.
    The teenage years were when it was first mentioned, and it was to my mother, she felt saddened but said she had a suspicion that something wasn't right. she told my dad and they were both puzzled as what to do, it came as a shock to him and he was just silent on the situation for a while. That uneasy dad silence i'm sure you know very well :)
    my parents were okay but it was more my brothers and extended family who rejected and my teenage years were just riddled with fights, arguments, dented walls, broken vases etc… there were periods where one of my brothers and were living in the same house day in day out but just didn't talk or say one word to each other for a period of 2 years straight. all this went on for around 14 or so years, but my mother was always by my side even though she kept talking me into trying to change my mind because she's worried for my life, Allah swt bless her. She kept saying back then "I always wanted a daughter but not like this! you are suffering all the time! i'd rather you be a boy and not suffer"
    the brothers started to relax a little, the extended family took time to adjust but i had to take initiative and do what was in my heart, so I started to seek medical help, they assessed me thoroughly before they let me on hormones. once I went on Hormones, i noticed almost instant changes, the medics were actually surprised and said that my body has taken to the hormones phenomenally and so naturally, they have rarely come across someone who has responded so well to them. At this moment, I smiled, looked up to the sky out the window and whispered "Alhamdolillah" I knew Who was behind it :-)
    I became unrecognisable as the person before within the first 7-9 months, the extended family who came to visit who kept saying "you will NEVER look like a woman" looked at me in total shock like I was some girl visiting the home, they kept looking at me all through their visit and kept saying they cannot believe it. that i'm starting to look as pure as I did when i was a child (the very time when people used to sometimes wonder if I was a girl or a boy) some kids at school used to wonder if i'm a girl dressed as a boy back then until puberty hit.
    Now my mum recently finally said, "I asked for a daughter and Allah gave me one" and everyone seems to love having me around as another lady of the house :-) … Though most don't have hopes for marriage because they haven't even considered it as a possibility, but my mother is always by my side, she says "I don't know about your future but I hope a nice man comes along for you and looks after you"
    I have no idea how long a reply this board accepts and I have absolutely no idea how much I have written...so i will post this now lol

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time today. I don't meant to impose so much on you, but hopefully, this is rewarding for you to share so much about yourself, safely and anonymously. I think this discussion should have an impact for any current posters and future posters to stop in their tracks and see, that your humanity cannot be denied or the depth of your faith, Insha'allah. This discussion will continue to be a resource for so many people who will find it and begin to shape a deeper understanding in Islamic circles about this issue. Subhan'allah.

      Talking about online alims, there's an actual hadith that tells followers not to do something that brings Islam into ill refute. It came up a while back about a controversial fatwa early last year. The alim who issued that fatwa had to withdraw it after getting so much Islamic condemnation publicly. Yet it makes you wonder, what else is out there that escapes the radar?

      The "no rape in marriage" is definitely from the Age of Ignorance. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) clearly said that a man can not expect to act like a beast to his wife during the day (beat her) and expect to sleep with his wife at night (make love). That's the whole point of it, though. These so-called alims have no concept of what love, let alone what Islamic love, is supposed to be. They've lost all semblance of what Islam prescribes. It makes you even wonder if they have ever been around a woman.

      Which is why when you mentioned "neglect," I couldn't agree more. We all hear the phrase "irreconcilable differences" when someone gets divorced, but it always a case of neglect. And while I was searching for a synonym for it, words like disdain, disrespect and thoughtlessness appear. So when you think of the adage that says, "judge a community by how they treat the less fortunate among them," you can see how disgraceful this state of the ummah is when it neglects women's rights and those of Gender Identity rights. This has always been a point of contention for me, because if we cannot respect the flowers among the fields, how do we ever expect to harvest the best from it, i.e. the best of Islam?

      From the verses of multiple wives, this is what I understand: One verse that allows marriage says to treat them with justice meaning in financial, social status and living means. The other ayat that says that a man cannot treat them equally," refers to love. That while a man can love more than one wife, being able to do it equally is not practical. What you said about the husband visiting one wife and leaving one alone, holds some truth, because he cannot be in two places at once, so there is an absence she feels and thus, she would miss him out of need and desire.

      Have you thought about marrying a divorcee or a widower with children?

      I think it takes a ton of thought and some sacrifice in multiple marriages. I know men who travel a lot for work, so their wives do not see them 4 nights out of the week. If you were to think about it in this way, if the man had another wife, this would be a comparable case of absence. Then there's the idea that sometimes people argue and instead of the husband sleeping on the couch, he could be with the other wife. Some would say that by him having a second wife, it would cut down on the "I'm sick of looking at you" factor, too. After a few decades together, I think this comes into play. Lol. :)

      But I digress, it's a decision that is yours' alone and you seem to have the courage to make them quite well. Always have faith in finding a husband, though. You've gotten so far with Allah (swt) as your first Love, so rest assured that He can turn destiny on its' ear. Having said that, let me share with you a piece of advice from the annals of Islamic hadiths:

      A man once asked a respected Islamic personality, "Which is life: pre-destiny or free will?" He was told to stand. When he did, he was told, "lift up your leg." That man did and he was told, "this is free will." Then he was told, "Lift up your other leg." The man said, "I cannot do this without falling." The reply was, "That is pre-destiny."

      It's a small example, but it hits home. I heard this from a lecture last year and it shows us that yes, Allah (swt) has ordained things that we cannot change, but He also has given us a way to shape our own lives and choices.

      Just like your life has been up to this point, there is that possibility of finding a husband for you. It can happen with Allah (swt). Ask your mom to make continual dua for it, because Allah (swt) always listen to the dua of a mother for her child without exception. So remind your mother that she got her daughter from Allah (swt) albeit a bit differently, and praying for a husband for you is the next dua to come true, Insha'allah.

      Keep reciting those duas and always remember that Allah (swt) can make it happen. There's no sense in stopping now, Alhamdulillah!

      The stories of your siblings is quite common actually, aside from the gender identity issue. There's plenty of cases of children who hold grudges and stop talking to each other over various reasons for yers. And still after their parents' death, they cannot get along over old hurts and insults. It's a different circumstance, but take a little solace from it. Your brothers should be happy that you won't steal a proposal from them, though!

      Which bring me to your dad. I wonder if he ever thinks that maybe someone will come asking him for his daughter's hand in marriage? That would be something, Insha'allah!

      May I ask out of curiosity: are your parents an interracial couple? You had mentioned Arab roots and getting flack from the white community, is why I ask.

      This part that you wrote:

      At this moment, I smiled, looked up to the sky out the window and whispered "Alhamdolillah" I knew Who was behind it.

      Again, it's easy to see how free will and pre-destiny turned your way as it was a part of Allah's (swt) plan. Your words are so sincerely genuine. Moments such as these are very sacred in Islam as it's a complete love of Allah (swt) with total submission in your heart coupled with God-consciousness. When you feel this way, ask for forgiveness for whatever sins, make dua for everyone and everything that you want need and want, and ask for Heaven. Allah (swt) will answer these duas because in that moment are you most sincere and pure.

      Masha'allah! Allah (swt) has gifted you such a wonderful opportunity and faith. For all your heartache and worries, you have received the best rewards from Him in return. One day in the distant future, I believe that Heaven awaits you if you keep on this Path.

      You had mentioned that sometimes that you worry if you will be remembered from your past or "outed." I suppose that this is a reality that you must learn to live with and one day overcome, Insha'allah. You said that you broke away from your past, so how do you reconcile with the people in your family's life who knew you before? Do you attend the same masjid as a youth or do you attend one at all?

      I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story and answering my questions. You may not know it, but it reaffirms my belief in this issue that Islam has the way to address it and that there are scholars who can see the importance of this matter. To an extent, it not only makes be happier to be a Muslim man, but to also see that Allah (swt) is Greater than we ever comprehend. Essentially, your story strengthens my faith in Him. Subhan'allah, you are one of His reminders, in a way.

      I want you to keep that thought with you when you pray.

      I support you whole heartily. It's like you were that woman who needed that fatwa back all those years ago. You were her in your struggles and she was you.

      You know, a part that gets me about Maryam Molkara is the part when Ayatollah Khomeini's son begins to cry when hearing her story. That moment must have been so poignant. And when Khomeini said, "This person is God's servant." That sums it all up really. That's who you are, too. In fact, that's who you have always been. Allah (swt) knows that, of course. Unfortunately, it's mankind that takes a forever to realize it.

      There's so much more I would like to say, but my vocabulary escapes me. "Inspiring" comes to mind again, but it's such a small word to describe your journey. I suppose the best testimony about your life will come each day as you live it as a Muslim woman, a human being and a servant of Allah (swt).

  32. Waleikum assalam,

    Do not apologise for talking my time, It's doing be as much good as it's doing you, for me I feel like I can talk to a Muslim and feel that one finally understands, I remember i said a few key things which my mind started churning, one was mentioning I don't wear Hejab. I got defensive and my mind started flooding with thoughts like "He's not going to reply now, he's lost all respect, he's offended, you're going to be judged, why did you mention that…etc etc etc"

    And another part was when i mentioned that i'm still yet to have the surgery. again thoughts started swarming me "he's not going to see you as female anymore, he's going to judge you .. etc etc etc etc…"

    Itt comes from the fighting and mistrust in Muslims but mostly humanity. And to be honest it is absolutely EXHAUSTING! being constantly paranoid… so talking to someone so accepting i hope will unwind my paranoia and phobia (you actually have no idea how rare you are and Allah bless you immensely for that!)

    Nah they're not an interracial couple, the flack from some of the white community is simply because of the location within the UK we live in and because we're Muslim. Racism varies in different parts of a country, some parts there's more harmony than others. over here even the Muslim community can be racist towards one another, i mean what i find ridiculous is that there seems to be many Masjids, one Masjid only a certain race and sect follow, the next another race and sect. TOO much politics within Muslims making the Islamic atmosphere so impure… I don't go to any Masjid, It's just me, my room and Allah. Always has been, I detached myself from everyone a long time ago.

    >I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story and answering my questions. You may not know it, but it reaffirms my belief in this issue that Islam has the way to address it and …... Essentially, your story strengthens my faith in Him. Subhan'allah, you are one of His reminders, in a way.

    Subhanallah, it's strange, after a certain loss recently which i wish to keep private, I got fed up, felt isolated and prayed to Allah saying "Just take me will you, I hate it here, there's no point in me being here, i'm of no use." ……..The next thing i know, i find this site and notice some posts above which made my blood boil so i had to reply back…little did I know i'd be writing out all this and someone finding any of it valuable!……Subhanallah indeed, if Allah has used me merely as a small way to make you feel closer to him then i feel very honoured, Alhamdolillah!

    Hmmmm I'm a bit wary of the multiple wife thing because it's mostly in favour of the man. . i'm very sure a lot of women also feel the "i'm sick of looking at you" factor but have no choice but to live with it lol. But that's where both the couple need to make the effort in constantly reigniting their flame. it wont work if the man just decides he's bored of his wife and wants another without making the effort just because he has that choice.

    One of the things that makes me feel uneasy about it all is how i've seen it put into practice, we both know all too well that a ruling in Islam is one thing and how much one choses to follow it is another…. we are all human and shaytan influences some more than others…..One of my friends in the US, her uncle roughly about 28 years back got married in his homeland but not that long after, he married another wife and 3 kids with each wife… not long after he moved to the US with the latter wife and her 3 kids he financially supports both wives… but hasn't seen the first wife in around 24 or so years, she's still back home attached to him but unable to divorce due to family pressures, nor able to marry anyone else and has just been left to bring up the kids all her life. it disturbs me to think about her loneliness, her needs both physical and emotional. We are created in pairs and i feel we cannot be in love with more than one person at once, which is why I personally believe it's a rule only done if things are critical or else it is going to be abused like this.

    it sort of ends up giving me shivers at the thought of being like an old used straw mat which my husband decides he's 'bored' of how i look and wants another woman. lol…As much as i long for a loving husband i've been sort of getting a little uneasy with this possibility.

    >Have you thought about marrying a divorcee or a widower with children?

    As long as the man and I are able to connect spiritually, romantically and intellectually, then these things wouldn't bother me. I cannot marry just anyone, i've learned after knowing men from both perspectives, as an undercover woman in my former life and as an apparent woman now I know i need to be very careful with who i chose.

    You know…To be honest ProfX, i'm just exhausted, I want to meet a man who when we look into each others eyes , we need not say a word, I don't care about gifts, jewellery or money or whatever, I want a man I can laugh with until we have tears streaming out of our eyes, to tease, tickle and poke fun of, for him to do the same to me. A man i can snuggle up to and talk deeply with all night long about life and beyond. Someone who loves me leaning my head on his shoulder, someone who i can go for walks with while holding hands. Ultimately someone who i can walk into Jannah with hand in hand, just he and I.

    I know… I know…After looking at the world around me i'm asking for is as ridiculous as a mountain reeled to me on a wheelbarrow which is why i have no expectations what so ever of ever meeting this Emir, this Prince i seem to always long for. All I do is pray knowing that Allah swt can make the impossible dream i have become possible. And it's if the waves pull my boat towards the shore where this man awaits,... if not here then in Jannah.

    I see couples around me fighting over stupid insignificant misunderstandings which eventually spiral out of control like a huge tornado until they sour each other of each other and think to myself:
    "You stupid, idiotic fools, if only you knew the gift each of you has, the gift of having each other and what love you can make together and what you can bring into the world together."….It kills me..

    >I support you whole heartily. It's like you were that woman who needed that fatwa back all those years ago. You were her in your struggles and she was you.
    >Keep reciting those duas and always remember that Allah (swt) can make it happen. There's no sense in stopping now, Alhamdulillah!

    Alhamdolillah, Insh'allah wa Jazakellahu kheiren.

    • Sorry noticing unanswered questions again :-)

      >You said that you broke away from your past, so how do you reconcile with the people in your family's life who knew you before?

      Here you talk about family friends i'm assuming, well i have to hide myself, there's been countless times where there have been visitors and i've had to lock myself in the spare bathroom until they leave. If there are friends staying for a few days then i have to stay with extended family until they leave. All these things i knew were to be expected and cannot be helped. I do it because I don't want to humiliate my family and put them through the strain of having to answer questions. We have relatives in another country who don't know about the transition, who never will know and i will never get to see them again, even though they always ask after me. We know if they find out then it would be like a stormy hurricane let lose!

      >You've gotten so far with Allah (swt) as your first Love, so rest assured that He can turn destiny on its' ear.

      This made me feel warm inside :-)

      >A man once asked a respected Islamic personality, "Which is life: pre-destiny or free will?" He was told to stand. When he did, he was told, "lift up your leg." That man did and he was told, "this is free will." Then he was told, "Lift up your other leg." The man said, "I cannot do this without falling." The reply was, "That is pre-destiny."

      That's a very, very good way of putting it actually! I like that!

      >…..The alim who issued that fatwa had to withdraw it after getting so much Islamic condemnation publicly. Yet it makes you wonder, what else is out there that escapes the radar?

      It really does, i've read and heard some seriously ridiculous things, the problem is that when one advises with the knowledge using their heart, it is genuine, but mostly people seem to advise with knowledge using their ego instead, it causes so much trouble. People get on their high horses so quickly and everyone feels the need to have to show others how Islamic they are and merely to earn the 'reward points' instead of trying to compassionately help a soul in need.

      >…There's so much more I would like to say, but my vocabulary escapes me. "Inspiring" comes to mind again, but it's such a small word to describe your journey. I suppose the best testimony about your life will come each day as you live it as a Muslim woman, a human being and a servant of Allah (swt).

      i'm very, very touched by this!
      Bless you! :-)

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        There's a point that when praised for an open mind or heart, a person wants to rejoice in that realization of themselves, but in my case, I feel deeply saddened by it. It makes me understand the harm that you have had to endure throughout your life. Then when you talked about tragedy of hiding yourself. It makes me sad for you, and it gives me time to pause and consider your mother and the people who love you enough to continue to love you. Surely with Him, their love and faith resides.

        Allah (swt) says, "I was a hidden treasure waiting to be found." This talks of our struggle through this life to find the Ultimate Goal and the bounties that await us once we achieve that God-conscious state. Just because we realize it, doesn't mean that we don't have to make the effort to stay there and keep to the journey towards Him. Each day, each moment is a choice to please Him or dwindle within our own selves and our own mistakes. It is Him that makes me see you for who you are and how He created you. If we love Him, then responding to you in sincerity and kindness should become a part of us. Anything I offer is not my doing, but only though Allah's (swt) Mercy. Any veil lifted in this world to see something hidden is from Him.

        It gives credence to the verse, "To Allah we belong and to Him to our return," in each living moment for our lives. Truly our conversation is His gift that will outlast us, Insha'allah.

        When you talked about worrying over a response or a lack of one, I felt somewhat the same. It's why I mentioned that I don't want you to think that you are some fascinating oddity that I must poke and question. I keep in mind that you are a person who can be hurt and marginalized by a misstep and that you are more than just black letters on a white screen. I hope for those reading this, they can realize and appreciate this aspect. For them, I pray that they find those answers, so as to treat you with all the respect and understanding that you deserve.

        The private loss that you endured that brought you here is what I think brings most, if not all people here. Something happened to make them lose a bit of hope, sadness ensued and they reached out when they felt so alone. This story strikes a chord with me, as it's what brought me here, too. However, I don't think we lost much of anything we really needed anyways. I think we've gained something more, because of Him.

        Here's a old story, which I don't know if it's true or not, but it goes like this:

        One day, a sculptor was going over some rocks and found a huge, beautiful stone. He immediately sensed its' potential, loaded it up on his cart and dragged it home. Over the course of time, maybe years, he worked on it day by day. Till finally, he was finished with the statue of stone and brought it out for people to see. Marveled by the statue's beauty people congratulated him on his work of what he had made. He shook his head and said the following,
        "I didn't create anything. The statue was always there. I just chipped away a few of the pieces."

        Subhan'allah, if only we reflect. Who we are is nothing compared to what we can become. We are that stone and the sculptor at the same time. And we cannot create it, but only hope to reveal with God's help what is there beneath our flesh and bone. This is so true for you, as well. Your surgery is just a medical procedure that is a mere chip to be cast away. The woman you are exists today and the greater woman awaits in the promise of every tomorrow. Your soul was always destined to be female. That's the way you were created by Him.

        I don't know if I wrote those things for just me, for just you or for the other people reading this. Maybe it's for us all. Insha'allah.

        Regarding the "sick at looking at you" comment I made. I've heard some women say, "I'm tired of looking at this oaf." Lol. I hope it's said in jest, because you know, a lot of partners feel that way if they get too reliant on each other by not having a healthy relationship. In cases where one cannot literally function with out the other or something akin to that.

        Yet, this conversation about multiple wives is so very healthy, because it's rare to see a woman write so candidly about her exact emotions and viewpoints. Most people just say, "nope, not for me," and never explain it beyond that. Your thoughts and fears are what every couple feels when having to discuss this issue during their assessment of who they want and what they want from their partner. It's very healthy to see.

        The story of the neglected wife and marriage you tell regarding the realities of how Muslims abuse Islam is sure enough the biggest fear among women. None of them want to feel or be left alone and that's where the man has to truly play the leadership role in his life and in his marriage. Men take their roles for granted. It's more about wearing the pants in the house, as you know, and it's about reclaiming Islamic masculinity not with a death grip around the throat, but with a kind open hand that gives more than it receives.

        I think that's one of the more unexplored aspects of your story, because it not only affirms what womanhood is, but what manhood is not. A man must move beyond the egotistical self to manifest a life based upon the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw). I think that's what scares most people about your life in that you went past the physical self and acknowledged a deeper sense of self being. They have seen what they have failed to have done for themselves, in a way and lash out as their own frustration by taking it out on you. It's easier for them to point and condemn rather than to purify themselves. They seek a shortcut to feeling good about themselves by putting down another wrapped in oppression and laziness.

        You often hear of Muslims who may reach a deeper understanding of Islam, and then get attacked for not being within a pre-determined mold by someone else's determination which is shortsighted and based more on indoctrination than revelation. It's the age old battle on getting misguided on the haram instead of focusing on the halal, so to speak. I'm not sure if I'm putting this the right way, but I hope you understand what I mean.

        Everything you stated about what you want in a spouse is so much in line with what everyone wants. In this manner, you are just like the vast majority of people, and Insha'allah, you attain him. One of my friends is fond of saying though, "everyone wants that person on a horse without realizing that they may show up on a mule." At first I laughed at that, but then I thought, "how many Prophets were shepherds?" Alhamdulillah.

        It seems we could write for ages, Insha'allah.

        • Waleikum assalam

          >Anything I offer is not my doing, but only though Allah's (swt) Mercy. Any veil lifted in this world to see something hidden is from Him.

          That is exactly how I see my connection with Allah swt, I am merely a drop of the vast ocean of light, as are you and the ocean works through us. I think it is why we are able to talk endlessly because of this.
          Subhanallah.

          I got the impression that you didn't just see me as an oddity that you're fascinated by, it's the way you talk, with respect and that's what I respect you for, I can how someone is asking and how they're viewing me while asking.

          >This story strikes a chord with me, as it's what brought me here, too. However, I don't think we lost much of anything we really needed anyways. I think we've gained something more, because of Him.

          There is a saying:

          "Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form." by Rumi

          I think it's very apt for this situation, even though the loss is aching.

          > Subhan'allah, if only we reflect. Who we are is nothing compared to what we can become. We are that stone and the sculptor at the same time. And we cannot create it, but only hope to reveal with God's help what is there beneath our flesh and bone. This is so true for you, as well. Your surgery is just a medical procedure that is a mere chip to be cast away. The woman you are exists today and the greater woman awaits in the promise of every tomorrow. Your soul was always destined to be female. That's the way you were created by Him.

          I'm speechless at this as i'm flooding myself right now, …. Jazakellahu kheiren…

          I think you wrote these things for whoever's heart is able to be touched by them, those to whom the secrets are unveiled are those who are seeking the light of the Almighty in it's purest form. Through all us souls the great light resonates, but only those can see who are aware of the glow within themselves while constantly polishing away the mist on the glass.

          Again my apologies for my defensive nature which I am battling with, with regards to the "sick at looking at you" comment, I see now it was said in jest, I think it just scares me and it shouldn't because I recall now that i've heard people say it and that I have the best One looking after me, again it's the constant thing in life where we keep polishing away the smears of the ego. the part of us that gets insecure.

          >Yet, this conversation about multiple wives is so very healthy, because it's rare to see a woman write so candidly about her exact emotions and viewpoints. Most people just say, "nope, not for me,"

          I've always been like this, I like to delve deep into things, i've always tried to understand everything about life, why something happens and how, human psychology, i've always been introverted but an observer, the girl sitting in the corner watching and listening to the rest.

          >The story of the neglected wife and marriage you tell regarding the realities of how Muslims abuse Islam is sure enough the biggest fear among women.

          Islam is absolutely beautiful, but one thing i have to say ProfX, the way people practice it, can be absolutely terrifying for us as women, and i don't need to tell you exactly why.

          >Men take their roles for granted. It's more about wearing the pants in the house, as you know, and it's about reclaiming Islamic masculinity not with a death grip around the throat, but with a kind open hand that gives more than it receives….

          It takes a Real man to realise and practice something like this :) I have respect!

          I have to say people do find it threatening when someone thinks outside the box and doesn't fit in the same mold, it's one of the reasons why i don't get on with most Muslims who don't know about the transition, that part out of the question, you hit the nail on the head when you talk about getting misguided on the haram instead of focusing on the halal. You're putting it quite well because i'm understanding exactly what you mean.
          Insh'allah i do hope i attain him, even within this i've had spiritual growth in exactly what you just mentioned, about the person on the horse and the person on the mule. We indeed have the heart in us to make the mule into a horse and the vice versa can sometimes do it to itself.

          We could indeed write for ages, it's refreshing being able to discuss things at this depth, it helps realign and straighten things, almost like a spring clean of the soul.
          "The Body is visible, the spirit concealed. The body is like the sleeve, the spirit the arm within it. The intellect is also hidden but one can perceive both the intellect and the spirit in a person's behaviour. " By Rumi.

          • Assalam Aleikum Professor X,

            Actually i would like to ask you a personal question if I may? :-)

            Suppose you met a girl, became fond of her and married the love of your life and you both got on amazingly well... Then one day some person she knows decided to maliciously blurt out that she's transgendered to you....How would you feel and what would you do?

  33. Assalamu`aleykum,

    I've been reading the discussion between you two and some of it is admirable, however I have to say there is pretty much absolutely no point in glorifying khomeini's fatwa or transsexuals in Iran because it's simply become a horrible, horrible loophole for homosexual prostitution through temporary marriages that has probably severley damanged the cause for acceptance of medically diagnosed sexually dysphoric individuals. It also bears no scholarly weight for the vast majority of Muslims who ascribe to the path of the Ahil al sunnah wa `al jamaa as he was a well known raafedi shi`i leader of the twelver shi`i sect, I hope you can understand my points are simply written as friendly advice and out of wanting to continue this debate in a productive fashion. I hope you don't mind me asking are you yourself shi`i?

    Also 'your sister in islam' please don't make the mistake of misunderstanding the ruling of a man taking up to four wives, do you really think Allah az-wa`jal or the prophet as-salaatu wa`salaam would rule in favour of men against women unfairly? It is not as you think, there is a much deeper wisdom than just the whims and desires of a man feeling like he wants a new wife whenever he's bored, it served an essential purpose in times of war for the Muslim empire as men would go out on campaigns leaving behind their families, when they died there were only a few men left in comparison to many women, thus would would take up for four wives to give support, care and love. It also serves many other functional social purposes as Islam is the divine deen sent down from Allah az-wa`jal.

    What you spoke of about family pressures, unable to divorce, etc. this is all jaha`liya and not from Islam, there are many rights for women to divorce the man especially in the case of evil neglect wal`Allaho aalim.

    May Allah forgive me if I have made an error or have made an incorrect assumption and of course Allah knows best.

    Anyway that's enough of my critical analysis, what I want to ask is when you first started to take action what did you do? You said you saw some specialist that directed you to a shaykh? Did you see the GP first?

    Also who is this shaykh, is he well known at all? Can you give any explanation as to what path or methadology he is upon / where did he take his knowledge from? is he an individual that is an advocate for 'homosexual rights' or anything of the like?

    Sorry for the number of questions but for it to have any weight for those concerned he would have to be a reputable person of sound `ilm and hik`mah.

    I hope it doesn't seem rude of me to ask but I'm guinely following this up with the aim of clarifying doubts on the topic, I hope you understand.

    Thanks! :)

    • I'm sorry but when you call Khomeini a rafedi, you lose all relevance with me regarding any fiqh discussion. That a derogatory term only used to incite fitna. Khomeini was the pre-eminent Islamic leader of his time, Sunni or Shia, and his views still impact the world today. His fatwa regarding Quds Day bridged a much needed hole that was being ignored, and he on numerous occasions often stated that while Shia and Sunni argue about how to pray, the enemies of Islam conspire on our murders.

      Have respect for a man that comprehended Islamic unity more than you have. It does not matter if he was Shia, because quite frankly when other countries were bargaining with Israel and the U.S., he wasn't. The Islamic Republic of Iran, while still needing to progress is miles ahead of another state called Saudi Arabia, where "rafedi" propaganda stems from, in recognizing the rights of women and gender rights in this case of Gender Identity. Remind me, when is SA going to allow women to vote without permission from a man? Oh right, 2015. Does that bear a mark on Sunni Islam? No. So learn to broaden your horizons, please.

      How the society implements the fatwa is apart from the fatwa and wisdom behind it. If you read the story and how he consulted with professional doctors you would see that.

      Regarding mu'tah is again a matter of Shia jurispurdence and you cannot seem to fathom the difference between Islam and Muslim practices regarding what you see as a loophole for homosexuality and your inability to remove it from GID. You need to read more of the science if you think homosexuals are swarming to do this, because they are not. A homosexual wants their body to remain as it was created. Before you go throwing stones make sure you don't have a glass house in that game.

      • Actually I've got to correct you there, I didn't mean anything malicious by what I wrote, at all.

        I use the term rafidi to refer to those shi`i who descend from the safavid empire, as the term literally is in reference to the rejection of the caliphate of Abu Bakr and Umar, may Allah be pleased with them, that is what rafid means, to reject, in what was is it insulting? It's a literal term that's very appropriate, I don't see how it's any different to shi`i which literally means to break off, is that any different to rejection of the calipahte in linguistic terms?

        Secondly my reason for pointing that out isn't to scorn them but it is because my point was clearly this

        1. He is a shi`i spiritual guide
        2. shi`i abide by their own fi`qh, typically jafari madh`hab
        3. this is not recognised as in the fold of Ahlil Sunnah (sunni Muslims) as valid for deriving shariah
        4. hence it is impermissible to follow a fatwa derived from usul alien to that of the four main 5. madha`hib of ahlil sunnah (Sha`fi, Hanbali, Maliki, Hanafi).

        I don't understand what the points about Saudi Arabia are lol, I'm not Saudi and I don't think that the arabic phrase Rafid (to reject) was created by them lol.

        Now me pointing out that his fatwa is not valid for the vast majority of Muslims upon Alil Sunnah, wasn't to discredit him, as I have much respect for his actions in overthrowing the corrupt government of the shah, however my point was purely to make it clear that his fatwa simply isn't valid for most muslims bar the tiny 3 to 6% possibly who might follow his particular school of twelver shi`i thought.

        Alright? So that's why it's not really relevent to the topic as it may mislead laymen into thinking they can go fatwa shopping for any old whim or desire (something which has been forbidden by all ulema of the madha`hib) instead of abiding to their school of thought.

        You're all open and insightful but you suddenly become inconsiderate when something doesn't agree with you :/

  34. Also sorry I forgot to ask, did you get the diagnosis through a private specualist or was all of it on the NHS or partly private, was it any of the large specialist gender clinics or simply a hospital doctor?

    thank you :)

  35. Waleikum assalam.

    Replying to the 4 wives rule, i think you need to read what i wrote in my other replies to ProfX not just my final reply. did you not read when i mentioned"only when things are critical"? and "the Prophet did it because it was a necessity"? Please take time to read first!

    and as for the family pressures, yes i'm more than aware it's cultural and not Islamic. But that's the problem with the Muslim world, culture has more weight to run one's life unfortunately. the danger is people are convincing themselves that their cultural traditions are Islamic rules where as in actual fact a lot of cultural traditions grossly contradict the true beauty of Islam.

    A Sheykh or scholar doesnt have to me famous for him to be acceptable! I know he is well educated, has studied great depths of the Qur'an and has displayed sound knowledge to me. And i'm sorry but i dont want to divulge in information which makes me less anonymous.

    As for Khomeini's fatwa, what is the problem with the fatwa itself? what happens in a society is not under his control, even if someone Sunni were to give a fatwa, the fatwa itself is about the feelings of a transgender and what should be done in order to correct.........To implement that into a society which is not accepting of such a concept is not going to be straight forward, please don't be naive, you need to think a bit about this. it's absolutely impossible for any society to run flawlessly from the word go and it will take people time to come around to it no matter who has given what fatwa. What is creating these problems of prostitution is people's intolerance to these people due to the lack of their understanding therefore these individuals are put in desperate situations causing them to end up going down these unfortunate roads!

    Remember, you can change the law overnight, but you cannot change people's minds overnight. If you were to create a similar fatwa, then how would you prevent prostitution and all these issues in your society?

    My first action was going to the GP.... who referred me to a clinical psychiatrist for an analysis report, then referred me to an occupational therapist who specialises in transgendered patients, she later gave me the contact number for the scholar who did a talk about transgender rights in Islam at a medical conference. and also referred me to a gender clinic who put me on a special pathway of care for transgendered patients via the NHS, but you have to attend attend gender clinics.

    All the steps above took a tedious amount of time, waiting lists, analysis etc

    I can understand why you're asking the questions but with Islamic rules such as the 4 wifes thing please read all i wrote about it fully and what exactly it was a response to. you basically just read and took a tiny section of an entire in depth conversation and bit back at me.

    The best of luck with everything else and feel free to ask anything else, however if you still aren't convinced then that is your choice, you go your way and I go mine. and Allah swt be with you at each step either way.

  36. Ah I'm sorry if it seemed rude of me I knew that was going to be the case lol things over the internet never come across as you want, yeah I realise that now sorry I in no way meant to 'bite back at you' sorry :@ I just really don't want someone to read that and think 'there you go backwards izlam again, oppressing women'.

    Oh and my point about khomieni's fatwa is that firstly the problem is prostitution is a key aspect of their shi`i doctrine which sanctions it, secondly the fatwa is almost wholely being used to transform homosexual men into 'women' (even though psychologically they are not gender dysphoric so are in fact men) so they can practice homosexuality legally. Thirdly khomeini was a raafeedi twelver shi`i and his fatawa bare no legal validity for sunni Muslims, only for twelver shi`i sect followers, may Allah protect us from such misguidance.

    Sorry about the Shaykh questions, it's not in my interests to invade your privicy at all, I simply wanted to know about this shaykh & his background because I'm sure you know how effectively impossible it is to find a qualified scholar that can actually give a verdict on GID. :)

  37. Oh and it's not about being convinced, I'm not frantic or unstable, I think it's in my best interest to calmly investigate the issue without taboo and genuine scholarly interest without misconceptions, just trying to acquire pure genuine Islamic ijtihad on this topic because I've seen a number of Islamic thinkers come forward, the most impressive Ive seen is a talk by Dr Tariq al Habib, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GACLe7GXuNQ

    • I understand through text the other person interprets your tone of voice which is why it can be misread.

      Whoever wants to do the "there you go, backwards Izlam again, oppressing woman" will do it regardless of what is said, these people are geared to twist one's words so satisfy their sad little existences. There are too many places on the net for them to get ammunition from anyway.

      I know you're not unstable, my apologies if I came across as meaning it that way, but you mentioned above in earlier posts that you're not sure if you're convinced or not. Indeed it is tough to find a scholar, but revealing such can possibly reveal my location. I definitely think you should visit health professionals such as occupational therapists in transgender clinics, and ask them if they know any Muslim scholars who support or have done any conferences….Even if you keep asking around scholars saying you want to research in such a subject and any who say it is permissible, make sure to jot down why they think so. You seem to have the determination to do this which is quite a positive thing.

      By the way thanks for the Tariq al-Habib link, I found it quite interesting!

      PS. I hate the term Gender Identity Disorder (GID) because I'm not loopy, well….not yet anyway :-)

      • Heh :p personally I prefer 'gender dysphoria', ah alright I understand your concerns, I just wanted some idea of what kind of shaykh he is, a very modern one? a traditionalist? sufi? orthodox?

        The thing I've found where you mentioned sufis would be more accepting, I understand they may be more passionate but I would have thought they would more likely diagnose it as some form of sickness in the heart, whereas Dr Habib for example who I believe is an orthodox sunni and has great acceptance of rational and scientific evidence also being a psychologist, Allaho `alim just my thoughts.

        • It's hard to choose one of your extreme categories to class him in :-p lol

          I would compare him very much to Dr Habib actually, he's a Dr himself with pretty much the same views as Dr Habib.

          You grossly misunderstand sufism :-)
          The fundamental belief is the Qur'an and sunnah, and seeking 'rational' knowledge but with quite a focus on divine love and exercising spiritual awareness on top of this.

          • Okay I see, thanks :)

            About sufism, there's waaay too many definitions and far too much diversity to put a tag on it. The basic thing is, is that in Islam we have the science of tazkiyah also known as tasawwaf which translates into sufism in english, like you have the science of fa`qih that is an expert in fi`qh, the expert of tazkiyah (sufism) is the sufi shaykh.

            However this is far removed from the extreme deviant groups that have taken on the title of 'sufi' which carry out extremist acts and tarnish the name of Islam and genuine sufism.

            Historically these have been people like al Ghazali, Abdul `Qadir al Jilaaney, Ibnul `Qayyum, and today I think that people like Suhaib Webb or Yasmin Mogahed are good examples of those who preach the true science of sufism wa`al Allaho `aalim, not deviant heretical cults but genuine love for Allah and knowing and understanding the states of the heart and their cures.

          • Let's try to keep the comments relevant to the original post, please. I address this to everyone.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  38. Sorry from "historically" onwards I am listing the people whom praise is due who are far removed from those deviant individuals that claim the title of Sufi.

  39. This post is now closed. Thank you to those who commented.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor