Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Istikhara for marriage based on birth dates and names

computer spits out answer %photo

Istikhara is not like a computer where you feed it names and dates and it spits out an answer. Such ideas are based on Hindu astrology and numerology and do not represent the Islamic way.

Question

assalam o alikum

my name is sohail ur rehman my mother name is shahnaz begum. i want to marry with tanzila nisar daughter of hashema nisar (mother name). family are allowed to marry me? plz istikhara me. thank you. plz reply me soon.

- Sohail

Wael's Answer:

Brother Sohail, Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullah,

That is not how Istikhara prayer works. It's not a mathematical formula where you plug in some names and dates and star signs, and the machine hums and out pops your answer.

I was shocked recently when I came across the website of a so-called health care group in Pakistan that has an "Istikhara for marriage form" on their website where you enter the names of the prospective bride and groom, the names of their mothers, the birthdates including exact time and place of birth, and voila, they give you an answer! They don't even want to know anything about the situation, or the character of the parties, or anything at all except for names and dates.

Astaghfirullah! They have removed Allah from the matter altogether! They have replaced Allah with a formula based on names and dates. This is utter garbage and shirk, calling upon other than Allah for guidance. It is a big sin.

That is not istikhara, brothers and sisters! Istikhara does not depend on names and birth dates!

This practice is a holdover or carryover from Hinduism. Among Muslims, it is seen primarily in Muslims of the subcontinent (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh). These Muslims historically were converts from Hinduism, and they have continued to live with Hindus as their neighbors for hundreds of years. Many Hindus rely heavily on Vedic Astrology and numerology to make decisions, and among the main tools they use in their astrological calculations are names and birth dates. For example here is a description of the Hindu book "Numerology with Tantra, Ayurveda and Astrology" by Harish Johari:

"Indian Numerology" gives descriptions of the character and destiny of people. based on their birth date. It explains how to determine. the psychic number, name number, and destiny number;. how these numbers relate to each of the nine planets,. and how they apply to every aspect of life... "Indian. Numerology" gives recommendations regarding strong. and weak periods of day or year, favorable colors and. precious stones to be worn, and meditations and mantras. to be practiced for health and prosperity. "Indian. Numerology" also illustrates the Vedic Square and. the visual patterns that can be derived from it, (and)... on the interpretations of numbers and their relationship to one another.

It's not my intention to insult Hindus or Hinduism. They have their beliefs, and we have ours. We are not Hindus and we do not make decisions using numerology.

Islam considers all such things to be shirk and association of partners with Allah. This has absolutely nothing to do with Istikhara. In fact it is the polar opposite and it represents one of the primary differences between Muslims and mushrikeen (those who associate partners with Allah).

Correct Salat-ul-Istikhara Information

Istikhara is a sincere prayer that you make to Allah alone, in which you name the matter on which you need guidance, and ask Allah to guide you. It is a matter of turning to Allah with sincerity in your heart and then trusting Him to guide you to the best choice.

It has nothing to do with names, dates, numbers, planets, or precious stones. Nor is it necessarily a matter of getting a sign or a dream.

Please educate yourself about Istikhara by reading some of the articles on our website:

Istikhara Questions and Answers

Power of Salat-ul-Istikhara

Istikhara for second marriage

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below.

(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.

Best regards,

- Wael Abdelgawad
IslamicAnswers.com Marriage Advice
Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service


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66 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    what kind of question is that? you make it seem as tho we can tell the future, i suggest you research on istikhara.

    ma salama

  2. please do not compare with hinduism. if you want to talk about the grace of islam, pls maintain with it. do not compare with hindu doings. really appreciate some respect for other religions. thank you.

  3. It was not my intention to insult Hinduism and I made a small modification to the answer to indicate that. However, there is nothing wrong with comparing one religion with another. Also, we Muslims disagree with Hindu beliefs, but this does not mean that we cannot respect Hindu people and treat them kindly.

  4. Aslaamualaikum all...

    Yes Brother Wael is quite right, we should all respect one another's religions and furthermore agree to disagree amicably where necessary. Islam very strongly teaches us this :O).

    Just to add: Muslims and Hindus do share some very fundamental beliefs. The most important one being the belief in 'One God only'. This is not the place to discuss this topic in detail, but I just thought a small comment here would be poignant... :O)

    Salaams

    • Assalamualaikum,

      sisterz i jst want to know in details abt namaz-e-istikhara,after performing this namaz how will come to know the result,whether will get some signal if yes in what way,if any1 can tell me in detail,i will b thankful..

      Assalam.

  5. salamo Alejkom :) I agree on this article, but I still wonder one thing. Yesterday I prayed istikhara for a marrige with a muslim brother or not. I did mention his name in the do3a. Is that ok?

  6. Dear brothers and sisters, i have recently come across a girl who i met on a muslim matrimonial website. Recently we decided we wanted to get married. We decided we would first proceed by telling our parents and doing salat-ul-istikhara. The girls mother performed the istikhara (she has no father) by going to an apparent religious person who uses names and birth dates to determine his answer, he said it came out NO and claimed that it would end up in divorce after a few years. upon hearing this news, i decided to perform istikhara myself, i performed it 3 times on my own with a postive result. to confirm my results i went to a sheikh and had him perform the istikhara for me as well which also resulted in a postive response. The girl was able to convice her mother reperform the istikhara but i fear that she will end up going back to the same person who used the astrology. i explained to the girl it is shirk, but her mother strongly in this person citing this person was used previously for her elder sisters marriage. I feel it is up to ALLAH if it is to be positive but at the same time i fear this person is using a mathmatical formula which will just result in the same response. what are your opinons on this situation?? i believe it is all up to ALLAH but will do my best to convice the girl to get her mother to perfom the istikhara from another scholarly person.

  7. Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatu ALLAHi wa barakatuh wa maghfiratuh sisters and brothers in Islam.
    Allah knows best...making salat Istikhara is a request at any new plan or project in life,and it is A MUST for the matter of marriage...one should do it by his or her self,muslims dont use wassila between them and ALLH Subhanahu wa ta'ala ,ALKHALIQ THE GIVER AND AL MOJEEB...even if that person is your mama or baba or a shaiykhul Islam......
    wa assalamu alaikom wa rahmatu ALLAH.

  8. mae istekhara krwana chahta hu ---mjy kya detail batani ho ge --plz mry emain address pae send kr dy----Sobaan

    • Sobaan,

      We cannot do istikhara for you. Please read the articles on this website about Istikhara.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. ma itikahra kran chti hon........plz help me

  10. as salam wailaikum,
    please help me to know when my brother aleem kazi will ....

    (Remainder of comment/question deleted by Editor)

    • Nishad, Walaykumsalaam,

      I wonder if you have actually read anything on this thread. Please thoroughly read the articles on Istikhara, if you go to the top of this page you will find links to those articles. If after that you wish to ask further questions, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. SALAM,
    SIRI HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM I LOVE A GIRL SHE LOVES ME ALOT AND SOME CIRRCUM STANCES MY FATHER IS NOT AGREED ON THIS MARRIAGE PLEASE HELP ME AND TELL ME WHAT CAN I DO.
    THANKS,

    YOURS OBIDIENTLY

    ZULQARNAIN AWAN

  12. how to perform namaz-e-istekhara ? plz give me details ..

  13. Assalamu Alaikum
    i am fully impressed by your responses. Well, can't we discuss other issues here on this plateform, pertaining to day to day life and means and ways for spritual elevation.
    Thank you.

  14. mera rishta loqman binat naees akhtar se howa hai,,,,
    jab k uski pehli mangni abi tak nahi toti,,,,,

    kya mera is se shadi karna munasib hai
    mera name saman binat irshad hai

    • Saman,

      You must do istikhara yourself, this is the Sunnah. Please scroll to the top of this page and see our articles about istikhara.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  15. My sister received a proposal from someone she wants to marry. They've known each other for a very long time..unfortunately. My parents did istikhara on the matter feel it came out negative, my mom saw a really bad dream also. They also had istikharas done from some muftis many times and those came out really bad. So now my parents do not want to do this marriage, but my sister is being really stubborn, and the guy is also emotional. His mother keeps calling and telling my mom, "our istikhara came out good... we really don't need to do istikharas because the kids already have an understanding, istikharas are only done if the people don't know each other" (typical paki mentality sorry to say).

    So now my parents don't know what to do, I mean my dad already said NO because the istikhara came out really really bad, but my sister isn't listening, and shes adamant on marrying this guy. What should my parents do? My mom is just scared that my sister might do something stupid if she doesn't marry him. I also told her many times and advised her that she should trust in Allah over anything, but she just doesn't understand...

    • Maheen,

      Your parents may also be at fault here as it is 'indian subcontinent mentality' to believe that istikhara is determined by a dream. But this is not necessarily the case. Our dreams are heavily influenced by what we feel, our fears and desires.

      There is some detailed information regarding Istikhara at the top of this page, please read it and ask your parents to read it too or you can explain it to them insha'Allah.

      If you have any further questions, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  16. i had a baby she is 9 month old.

    (Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. I also suggest that you discuss this with your pediatrician. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  17. I don't know how to make an account using my device, but please answer this. I've fallen in love with this girl and she's in love with me.However, I've hurt her emotionally so many times not realizing it that her love for me is fading away. I've been given one last chance from her, because she doesn't want to get hurt again. Also, I have a strong doubt that another guy is making her happy over the internet and she is attracted to that attention. Our intention is to get married Insh'Allah. what should I do?

    • This doesn't sound like a relationship that's going to work out. Sounds like this girl is extremely sensitive and also not very loyal. If I were you I would count my blessings and move on.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  18. Brother,

    There was and is no need to publicise your family names in order to do istikhara. You need to do istikhara yourself. Please see the links regarding this above.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  19. salaam my name is hina im interested in one guy his name is imran. i did istekhara n i saw that there is some green field although some way is difficult but i pass from there very easly .n then i saw i have my own two child n they wear white dress.and my husband is imran he also wear white dress.kindly tell me about it's meaning.

  20. Slm how is the answer revealed whilst making this salaat. I'm onto my 3rd night of this salaat an still unsurity an will continue in-sha-allah.. .
    1* What are the type of feelings that a answer will say to or no to... ??
    2* am I allowed to see him in this time? I choose not to see him so that I can in a clear mind an focused on my ibdaat an connected to Allah..
    *3 He is currently ill an I would like to go an see him for a few minutes is this advised?
    *4 Will it come between my salaat for him???

    (Plz brother's & sister's make dua that I get my answer purely in-sha-allah for my partner is a great guy in every way that Allah blesses us in marriage, live an ibdaat life striving for doenya & agierah together & grant us rizk thuma ameen

  21. aslam o alikum...

  22. Assalamu allykum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh
    sorry for posting hear,i cant get my password.don't delet it pls.
    i did istikhara for marriage last night and i feel empty. is it negative result or?
    pls kindly help me.
    wasalam.
    your sister aisha

  23. Assalamu allykum
    sorry for posting hear,don't delet it pls.
    i did istikhara for marriage last night and i feel empty. is it negative result or?
    pls kindly help me.
    wasalam.
    your sister aisha

    • Assalam'alaykum,

      Continue praying isthikhara for 3 consecutive days, if no result, keep on continuing for 7days etc. You may/may not get dreams. It is possible to recognize by your heart's inclination. Have patience. One day is not enough for isthikhara. Make lots of du'as. Pray salat al tahajjud too.

  24. Thank you brother ali... i will continue with it insha.Allah.
    about salatul istikhara when it comes to "the matter" can you ask more than one? and‏ ‏also there is specific dua after the salat can you add more dua?

    • I've learned that it is permissible to think of multiple matters in one salat al istikhara.

      Regarding adding more dua than the specific dua-istikhara, I was told that it is better to recite the durood/salawaat after it. But adding extra dua like ' Allahhumma inni audhubika min adhabil qabri .... ' etc, I'm not sure if its ok or not.
      I think, its best to perform salat al istikhara the way the prophet taught us and not make any modification. If we want extra duas, we can pray the nawafil salat.

  25. Thanks brother...i understand now. Jazakallahu khayr

  26. salaam
    if your rishta has been fixed with someone when you wre small and you want to get married to that person but you are unaware of that persons feelings . Can you still do istikhaara and does your istikhara tell you wther you are going to get married to that person??

    • armani, you can pray Istikhara at any time, over any issue. However Salat-al-Istikhara does not "tell you" what's going to happen. It is simply a dua' to Allah, asking Him to bring about for you what is best. After that you make your own choice, and trust that Allah is helping you and guiding you. As far as your own personal situation, if you want to know how that person feels and if he wants to marry you, ask him.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  27. A.o.A,

    i like a person , whom i met on internet randomly first we were just friends and i had no intentions towards him but he liked me....and he told me after a while the first thing he told me was that he wanted to marry me and he was not passing his time so our families met , but we have not met yet , my family told me to do a isthkara , i got a positive reply in a dream by Allah , and my heart tells me that he is the one and nice life partner for me , when my family was almost agree , my sister told my mother to do istkhara again? but my mother did not get a really good dream it was , i have to say not good not bad , then my sister went to a person, a Aalim as we say and told him the names , and he made some kind of naksh , or i dont know what and told us that this marriage only contains problems now she says she wont let me marry to the man bcos of this naksh , then what about the signs i get from my Allah and the dream i got from my Allah?

    please help me , i am confused

    • Mazayyen, so-called "Istikhara" that is based on names (and sometimes dates) is not Ikstikhara at all. It is astrology and numerology and it is shirk. It is bid'ah, forbidden in Islam and totally meaningless. Anyone who practices such things is little more than a fortune teller - certainly not an 'aalim. You prayed Istikhara yourself, and your heart tells you to proceed. That is what matters and that's what you should follow. Don't complicate it.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  28. AOA, SAIMA SHEHZADI : DOB: 28-02-1980 MOTHER NAME-RAZIA SULTANA -( BOY NAME: UMAIR ALI /DOB :24-07-1980 -MOTHER NAME:IQBAL BEGUM) 9 SAAL SAY SHADI KI KOSHISH KAR RHAY HEIN, KYA HAMARI SHADI HO JAIY GI, BAAT NIKKAH TAK AA JATI HY LAKIN KUCH AISA HO JATA HAY K DELAY KRNA PARTA HY PLEASE KUCH BTAIN K KYA WAJA HY, HAMARI FAMILY MEI 1 AURAT KALA ILM KARTI HY US KA NAME (SHABANA : MOTHER NAME: NUSRAT ) HY WO NHI CHAHTI K MERI SHADI HO. HUM LOG BOHAT PRASHAN HEIN .KINDLY MAHARBANI KREIN WE ARE SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS MATTER
    THANKS

  29. Asslamo Alaykum,

    waris, i like a girl whose name seemi , i want to marriage her, i want to perpose her, she accept my perposel

  30. AOA, I am so worried about my business please tell me about this matter Thanks

  31. AOA, I am ***

  32. mother Name ; Riswana.
    Me buisniss start karne ka irada hain yeh baatain mere haq me boutique bahter ya bueaty poural theek rahe ga..or karachi me theek rahe ga ya dubai me .

    • seema, please read the post.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalam alaikum,

      Seema,

      No one knows any more than you what you should do. You, based on your skills, should make decisions on your own and make Du'a to Allah swt.

      Whether you open your business in Karachi or Dubai has nothing to do with your mother's name. It is a shame that these practices from the Hindu Culture still affect Muslims when they have absolutely no basis in Islam whatsoever.

  33. Seema ham aapke sawal k jawab nahi de skhte. Allah swt se dua karo aur Hope He guides you jo bhi aapke liye bahtar hai. Help insan se nahi Allah se mangna chahiye sirf ham sirf apke liye dua kr sakte aapke decision nahi bna skte aur apke liye kya bahtar ye ham nahi bta skte.
    We dont possess devine knoweldge.

    Sorry my urdu is not good.
    We cannot tell you whether you business will be good in Karachi or Dubai but you can pray and ask Allah swt to guide you and you can do istikhara prayer and inshaAllah Allah swt helps you in whatver is better for you.how to do istikhara im sure the proper way is posted somewhere in this website i suggest you follow that.

  34. Asalamoalikum please do istkhara umama syed dor of perveen with nabeel Tahir son of sameena! They want to marry each other

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